The parrot

Shaerra · Post by **Shaerra** » April 25, 2003, 7:12 pm

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful
parrot. There was a sign on the cage that read $50.00.

"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that
this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this but decided she had to have the bird anyway.
She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and
waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new
madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication but then thought,
"That's not so bad."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them and
said, "New house, new madam, new hookers."

The girls and the woman were a
bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation.

Moments later, the woman's husband came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Bill."

Akaran_D · Post by **Akaran_D** » April 25, 2003, 7:18 pm

hahahah

Sirensa · Post by **Sirensa** » April 25, 2003, 8:22 pm

Spangaloid_PE · Post by **Spangaloid_PE** » April 25, 2003, 8:25 pm

valryte · Post by **valryte** » April 26, 2003, 6:52 pm

ROFL good one.

Drolgin Steingrinder · April 26, 2003, 10:39 pm

It has gone to meet it's maker. It is no more. This is a late parrot.

Hayley · Post by **Hayley** » April 26, 2003, 10:43 pm

Drolgin's just offended cause when he walked in the room it said, "Sup Drolly!"

Drolgin Steingrinder · April 26, 2003, 10:47 pm

meanies who dont get monty python references are just...well...mean.

Hayley · Post by **Hayley** » April 26, 2003, 10:49 pm

I don't dig British humor all that much :\

I like Couplings a great deal though!

VariaVespasa · Post by **VariaVespasa** » April 26, 2003, 11:00 pm

Mate, this parrot wouldnt voom if you put five million volts through it! Its a stiff. Bereft of life it rests in peace. If you hadnt nailed it to the perch it would be pushing up the daisies. He's kicked the bucket. He hopped the twig. He's rung down the curtain and joined the bleedin' chior invisible. This is an ex-parrot.

*Hugs*
Varia

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalbatross!

Fesuni Chopsui · Post by **Fesuni Chopsui** » April 26, 2003, 11:12 pm

Taly · Post by **Taly** » April 27, 2003, 2:05 am

hahaha busted!

Keverian FireCry · Post by **Keverian FireCry** » April 27, 2003, 2:16 am

Nnnneeeee!

Asheran Mojomaster · Post by **Asheran Mojomaster** » April 27, 2003, 2:50 am

Hayley wrote:I don't dig British humor all that much :\

I like Couplings a great deal though!

You dont have to like Britich humor to like Monty Python. Monty Python and the Holy Grail is the best movie of all time.

Sionistic · Post by **Sionistic** » April 27, 2003, 9:09 am

ive watched an episode of monty python and it just wasnt as funny as i thought it would be, i guess its a todays youth thing

Canelek · Post by **Canelek** » April 27, 2003, 9:42 pm

Haha! Good one Shaerra

Arborealus · Post by **Arborealus** » April 27, 2003, 10:01 pm

VariaVespasa wrote: Mate, this parrot wouldnt voom if you put five million volts through it! Its a stiff. Bereft of life it rests in peace. If you hadnt nailed it to the perch it would be pushing up the daisies. He's kicked the bucket. He hopped the twig. He's rung down the curtain and joined the bleedin' chior invisible. This is an ex-parrot.

It's Pining for the Fjords!

Shaerra · Post by **Shaerra** » April 28, 2003, 12:29 pm

The parrot skit is my favorite of all the Pythin skits. No matter how many times I watch it, it always cracks me up.

That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

Fairweather Pure · Post by **Fairweather Pure** » April 28, 2003, 12:45 pm

The parrot skit is my favorite of all the Pythin skits. No matter how many times I watch it, it always cracks me up.

They did this skit on SNL a couple of years ago and you could hear cricketts in the audiance. Probably the biggest bomb I have ever witnessed on that show.

Faerin · Post by **Faerin** » April 28, 2003, 2:28 pm

Fairweather Pure wrote:
The parrot skit is my favorite of all the Pythin skits. No matter how many times I watch it, it always cracks me up.
They did this skit on SNL a couple of years ago and you could hear cricketts in the audiance. Probably the biggest bomb I have ever witnessed on that show.

This is the same audience that finds Jimmy Fallon funny ... I wouldn't take it to heart.

Oh, and the Cheese Shop Sketch > Parrot Sketch ^^

Shaerra · Post by **Shaerra** » April 28, 2003, 2:32 pm

Faerin wrote:This is the same audience that finds Jimmy Fallon funny ... I wouldn't take it to heart.

Good point!

Faerin wrote:Oh, and the Cheese Shop Sketch > Parrot Sketch ^^

No way...Hell, even Spam was better than cheese!

Faerin · Post by **Faerin** » April 28, 2003, 2:38 pm

Shaerra wrote:No way...Hell, even Spam was better than cheese!

Blasphemy.

Shaerra · Post by **Shaerra** » April 28, 2003, 2:39 pm

Faerin wrote:Blasphemy.

What does Winnow have to do with this?!?!

Chidoro · Post by **Chidoro** » April 28, 2003, 3:31 pm

Asheran Mojomaster wrote:Monty Python and the Holy Grail is the best movie of all time.

No

Drolgin Steingrinder · Post by **Drolgin Steingrinder** » April 28, 2003, 3:36 pm

The Hungarian Phrasebook sketch along with the Church Police sketch are all-time greats.

Penguins on the Television deserve honorable mention.

kyoukan · Post by **kyoukan** » April 28, 2003, 4:51 pm

To be fair they really phoned in the parrot sketch on SNL.

I'll agree the cheese shop is funnier, but funniest sketch is still the bookstore.

Fairweather Pure · Post by **Fairweather Pure** » April 28, 2003, 5:08 pm

To be fair they really phoned in the parrot sketch on SNL.

Just saw the rerun the other day on Comedy Central. It was live.

1/11/97 Kevin Spacey Beck, John Cleese, Michael Palin
cold John Cleese & Michael Palin [real] explain SNL's sketch ratings system
mono while host sings, on-screen text says that he really is a psycho
show Late Show with David Letterman (NOM)- repetition dominates the program
skit easy-to-get perscriptions show potential danger of medical marijuana laws
COMM Star Wars 20th anniversary re-release contains unsuccessful screen tests
show Janet Reno's (WIF) Dance Party- she insists on hoofing to "My Sharona"
COMM more Star Wars screen tests by celebrities that didn't appear in the film
news NOM asks Courtney Love (MOS) about her role in The People vs. Larry Flynt
song musical guest performs "Where It's At"
skit Mr. Peepers refuses to behave for laboratory assistant (WIF)
MISC Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush are X-Presidents superhero team in RBS cartoon
show The Joe Pesci (JMB) Show- Al Pacino (host) & Rodney Dangerfield (DAH)
skit Mr. Praline (John Cleese) returns dead parrot to (Michael Palin)'s shop
song musical guest performs "Devil's Haircut"
skit home security technician (host) tires of Mrs. Attebury's (ANG) stories

kyoukan · Post by **kyoukan** » April 28, 2003, 5:12 pm

Fairweather Pure wrote:Just saw the rerun the other day on Comedy Central. It was live.

Phoning it in is an expression meaning they didn't put any effort into it.

Deward · Post by **Deward** » April 28, 2003, 5:13 pm

I haven't watched SNL in years because it just isn't funny anymore. Most of the time it is painful to even skim over. I think the last tiem I liked it was when Chris Farley on it.

I find MadTV much funnier although they have done some real crap lately as well.

Fairweather Pure · Post by **Fairweather Pure** » April 28, 2003, 5:18 pm

Phoning it in is an expression meaning they didn't put any effort into it.

I'll go along with that. Cleese actually said something along the lines of "This parrot's about as dead as this skit" while they were doing the bit. It was really, really bad. I cannot express that enough. Even as a MP fan I was cringing.

Oh yeah, you're all wrong. The best MP has got to be the "Argument" skit, with the best movie being "The Meaning of Life". Take that!

Animalor · Post by **Animalor** » April 28, 2003, 5:21 pm

Asheran Mojomaster wrote:You dont have to like Britich humor to like Monty Python. Monty Python and the Holy Grail is the best movie of all time.

I still think that Life of Brian was much better than Holy Grail.

Drolgin Steingrinder · Post by **Drolgin Steingrinder** » April 28, 2003, 7:38 pm

Host (Eric Idle): Last week the Royal Festival Hall saw the first performance of a new symphony by one of the world's leading modern composers, Arthur 'Two sheds' Jackson. Mr Jackson.

Jackson (Terry Jones): Hello.

Host: May I just sidetrack for one moment. This -- what shall I call it -- nickname of yours...

Jackson: Ah yes.

Host: "Two sheds". How did you come by it?

Jackson: Well, I don't use it myself, but some of my friends call me "Two Sheds".

Host: And do you in fact have two sheds?

Jackson: No, I've only got one. I've had one for some time, but a few years ago I said I was thinking of getting another, and since then some
people have called me "Two Sheds".

Host: In spite of the fact that you only have one.

Jackson: Yes.

Host: And are you still intending to purchase this second shed?

Jackson (impatient): No!

Host: ...To bring you in line with your epithet?

Jackson: No.

Host: I see, I see. Well to return to your symphony.

Jackson: Ah yes.

Host: Did you write this symphony in the shed?

Jackson (surprised): No!

Host: Have you written any of your recent works in this shed of yours?

Jackson: No, no, not at all. It's just an ordinary garden shed.

Host: I see, I see. And you're thinking of buying this second shed to write in!

Jackson: No, no. Look. This shed business -- it doesn't really matter. The
sheds aren't important. A few friends call me Two Sheds and that's all there is to it. I wish you'd ask me about the music. Everybody talks about the sheds. They've got it out of proportion -- I'm a composer. I'm going to get rid of the shed. I'm fed up with it!

Host: Then you'll be Arthur 'No Sheds' Jackson, eh?

Jackson: Look, forget about the sheds. They don't matter.

Host (sternly): Mr. Jackson, I think, with respect, we ought to return to the
subject of your symphony.

Jackson:What?

Host: Apprently your symphony was written for tympani and organ....

(Picture of a shed appears on the screen behind them)

Jackson (turning around): What's that!?!?!???

Host (innocently): What's what?

Jackson: Its a shed!!...get it off!! get it off!!

(Interviewer motions to picture, and it is replaced by a picture of Jackson himself)

Jackson: (Grudgingly) All right...Thats better..

Host: I understand that you used to be interested in train-spotting.

Jackson: What?

Host: I understand that, about thirty years ago, you were interested in train-spotting.

Jackson: Well what's that got to do with my bloody music?

John Cleese (entering): Are you having any trouble with him?

Host: Yes, a little. Good Lord! You're the man who interviewed Sir Edward Ross earlier.

Cleese: Exactly. Well we interviewers are more than a match for the likes of you, "Two Sheds".

Host: Yes, make yourself scarce, "Two Sheds". This studio isn't big enough for the three of us! [They throw him out.]

Jackson: Here, what are you doing? Stop it! [Crash.]

Cleese: Get your own Arts programme, you fairy!

Host: Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson... Never mind, Timmy.

Cleese: Oh Mike, you're such a comfort.

Arborealus · Post by **Arborealus** » April 29, 2003, 4:04 am

I will not buy this tobbacconist it is scratched!

kurzweil · Post by **kurzweil** » April 29, 2003, 4:21 am

Albatross! Get yer albatross!

Shainral · Post by **Shainral** » April 29, 2003, 9:07 am

Black Adder is another good Brit comedy .. darkish but I like it. Plus you get to see Rowan Atkinson as a non Mr. Bean type persona. An oldie but a goodie.

Sabek · Post by **Sabek** » April 29, 2003, 10:16 am

kyoukan wrote:To be fair they really phoned in the parrot sketch on SNL.

I'll agree the cheese shop is funnier, but funniest sketch is still the bookstore.

I'd like 'a sale of two titties'.
Definitely not.

But but but, I cant read!!!
Right, I'll read it for you!