South Brooklyn Tony

[Sylvus]

I've seen all of these before, but nice to have them in one handy collection.

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and
you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on South
Brooklyn Tony.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like the way you're thinking."

Then South Brooklyn Tony says, "I have a question for YOU. There
are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which South Brooklyn Tony replied, "The correct answer is "the one with the wedding ring on," but I like the way you're thinking."


South Brooklyn Tony ON MATH

South Brooklyn Tony returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father.
The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,' I said '6,'" replies TONY.

"But that's right!" says his dad.

"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.

"That's what I said!"


South Brooklyn Tony ON ENGLISH

South Brooklyn Tony goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

TONY says "Mas-tur-bate."

Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, South Brooklyn Tony, that's a mouthful."

Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blow job."


South Brooklyn Tony ON GRAMMAR

South Brooklyn Tony was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom.

He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!"

The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'. Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."

South Brooklyn Tony, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"


South Brooklyn Tony ON GRAMMAR

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
She said, "Excellent, Michael!"

Then the teacher reluctantly called on South Brooklyn Tony.

"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"


South Brooklyn Tony ON GETTING OLDER

South Brooklyn Tony was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

South Brooklyn Tony replied, "You know, my grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

South Brooklyn Tony answered, "No, but he did mind his own fucking business."

[Ennia]

LOL just priceless
thank you!