Capitalism

Hammerstalker PE · Post by **Hammerstalker PE** » August 22, 2002, 3:30 pm

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies,
And the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then
execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you
get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a
Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who
sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual
report says the company owns eight cows, more. with an option on one. The public
buys your bull.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk
of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of
An ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat
once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for
lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You
Count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for
storing them.

A HINDU CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full
employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

A WEST VIRGINIA CORPORATION
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
_________________

Bubba Grizz · Post by **Bubba Grizz** » August 22, 2002, 3:37 pm

BAHAHAHAH I thought the one on the right was cuter though.

Akaran_D · Post by **Akaran_D** » August 22, 2002, 4:04 pm

Difference between the cows in WV and Hammerstalker:

We don't try to milk the bulls.

~Akaran in WV

Bubba Grizz · Post by **Bubba Grizz** » August 22, 2002, 4:14 pm

People in Chicago do though.

Adex_Xeda · Post by **Adex_Xeda** » August 22, 2002, 4:44 pm

No no,

In the USA you have 3 cows!

2 cows to pursue your dreams and 1 cow's production paying taxes.

The guy with 1 cow feels that the guy with 3 cows should have 2 cows paying taxes.

Once the guy with 3 cows finds out that 2 of them have to pay for the taxes, he fires 10 1-cow guys and moves his cows over to Mexico where he can have only half a cow paying taxes.

Hammerstalker PE · Post by **Hammerstalker PE** » August 22, 2002, 5:08 pm

No Akaran you just hump em!

Akaran_D · Post by **Akaran_D** » August 22, 2002, 5:12 pm

Only the southern part of the state. Those of us that - thank all - live close enough to ohio can actually identify the bulls from the cows, and do neither.

We just point and laugh at the rednecks who do.

So.. where'd my gerbil go.

Hammerstalker PE · Post by **Hammerstalker PE** » August 22, 2002, 5:20 pm

ROFLMAO!

Arundel Pajo · Post by **Arundel Pajo** » August 22, 2002, 7:53 pm

Capitalism stole my virginity...

Millie · Post by **Millie** » August 22, 2002, 10:10 pm

The Algebra final in 7th grade stole my virginity. I haven't been fucked that hard since.

Animalor · Post by **Animalor** » August 22, 2002, 10:39 pm

I choose you Cowkimon!!!

Xaem · Post by **Xaem** » August 22, 2002, 11:22 pm

Avril Lavigne is hot.

Rikk Wolvenkin · Post by **Rikk Wolvenkin** » August 23, 2002, 5:06 am

I like jessica alba, she are sexy. whats a CoW? is that a spell or a website?

Kwonryu DragonFist · Post by **Kwonryu DragonFist** » August 23, 2002, 8:11 am

SUPERB JOKES!

Finally some good stuff!

Russian style was fun.

Millie! You are using some words there hon! ;P

THE F Word! P O T T Y

Fallanthas · Post by **Fallanthas** » August 23, 2002, 12:13 pm

Well said, Adex.

As for algebra and skool in general, it was those fucked up cultural diversity classes that got me. Lasted about 15 minutes into the first class, told the instructor he was full of shit, booted to office, failed the course, etc, etc.

Goddam assimilationist crap......

Katria · Post by **Katria** » August 23, 2002, 2:51 pm

Cows with Guns

Fat and docile, big and dumb
They look so stupid, they aren't much fun
Cows aren't fun

They eat to grow, grow to die
Die to be et at the hamburger fry
Cows well done

Nobody thunk it, nobody knew
No one imagined the great cow guru
Cows are one

He hid in the forest, read books with great zeal
He loved Che Guevera, a revolutionary veal
Cow Se Tongue

He spoke about justice, but nobody stirred
He felt like an outcast, alone in the herd
Cow doldrums

He mooed, "we must fight, escape or we'll die!"
Cows gathered around, cause the steaks were so high
Bad cow pun

But then he was captured, stuffed into a crate
Loaded into a truck, where he rode to his fate
Cows are bummed

He was a scrawny calf, who looked rather woozy
No one suspected he was packing an Uzi
Cows with guns

They came with a needle to stick in his thigh
He kicked for the groin, he pissed in their eye
Cows well hung

Knocked over a tractor and ran for the door
Six gallons of gas flowed out on the floor
Run cows run!

He picked up a bullhorn and jumped up on the hay
"We are free roving bovines. We run free today.
We will fight for bovine freedom
And hold our large heads high!
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die!"
Cows with guns

They crashed the gate in a great stampede
Tipped over a milk truck, torched all the feed
Cows have fun

Sixty police cars were piled in a heap
Covered in cow pies, covered up deep
Much cow dung

Black smoke rising, darkening the day
Twelve burning McDonalds, have it your way

The president said, "Enough is enough
These uppity cattle, its time to get tough!"
Cow dung flung

The newspapers gloated, folks sighed with relief
Tomorrow at noon, they would all be ground beef
Cows on buns

The cows were surrounded, they waited and prayed
They mooed their last moos, they chewed their last hay
Cows outgunned

The order was given to turn cows to Whoppers
Enforced by the might of ten thousand coppers
But on the horizon surrounding the shoppers
Came the deafening roar of chickens in choppers. . . .

Akaran_D · Post by **Akaran_D** » August 23, 2002, 3:08 pm

roflmao

Post by **Xouqoa** » August 23, 2002, 3:48 pm

haha, that was awesome Katria ... never seen that before.