Weird question

Rivera Bladestrike · Post by **Rivera Bladestrike** » August 23, 2003, 11:29 pm

Basically the question involves whether or not you could fantasize (masturbation isn't necessary to fantasize) about the people you've truly loved? Naturally I'm not talking about family, thats a completely different love. But anyway, on to the reason of the question. Basically I've never been able to fantasize about anyone I've loved. Its like a involuntary mental block, like my mind just doesn't want to taint them by thinking like that with them in mind. My friends on the other hand, they can get fantasize about anything from who they love to the random slut on TV to mailboxes. Just wondering if I'm the only one.

Akaran_D · Post by **Akaran_D** » August 23, 2003, 11:30 pm

Yeah, all the time.

Zygar_ Cthulhukin · Post by **Zygar_ Cthulhukin** » August 23, 2003, 11:37 pm

You suck, you misspelled weird!

Bubba Grizz · Post by **Bubba Grizz** » August 23, 2003, 11:57 pm

Actually my wife ends up in all my fantasies. She plays my conscience and never lets me get anywhere with the chick I am truly dreaming about. That's about it. Even in my sleep I get nagged and a guilty conscience.

Rivera Bladestrike · Post by **Rivera Bladestrike** » August 24, 2003, 12:00 am

Zygar_ Cthulhukin wrote:You suck, you misspelled weird!

I did not!

But bubba, that sucks, not only having a living breathing body of guilt next to you in bed. But you got a manifestation of her in your head as well.

Pilsburry · Post by **Pilsburry** » August 24, 2003, 12:12 am

I don't think I qualify to vote since I've never been "truly in love" or else I would be married with kids right? Anyway...

I would hope that when I do fall in love with someone that they would be in my fantasies. Well I don't know if you would call it a fantasy if you already love them and I guess are married or in a serious relationship (otherwise it's called a crush). I guess I would tend to re-phrase it and instead of saying "in my fantasy" to "think about them a lot".

Rivera Bladestrike · Post by **Rivera Bladestrike** » August 24, 2003, 12:46 am

People have fantasies despite being in marriages or heavy relationships. For instance their partner might not be very open to anything at all besides the typical missionary position. A person might have a fantasy to change that, I'm throwing out stuff.

Bubba Grizz · Post by **Bubba Grizz** » August 24, 2003, 1:24 am

Pilsburry wrote:I don't think I qualify to vote since I've never been "truly in love" or else I would be married with kids right? Anyway...

I would hope that when I do fall in love with someone that they would be in my fantasies. Well I don't know if you would call it a fantasy if you already love them and I guess are married or in a serious relationship (otherwise it's called a crush). I guess I would tend to re-phrase it and instead of saying "in my fantasy" to "think about them a lot".

Well, to your defense they only allow those kind of marriages in a few states.

Truant · Post by **Truant** » August 24, 2003, 3:19 am

Pilsburry wrote:I don't think I qualify to vote since I've never been "truly in love" or else I would be married with kids right?

Don't go thinking this is a flame and disregarding. But you can completely be in love with someone that you are not compatible with. Thereby being in love does not = marriage plus kids.

Izna Marcos · Post by **Izna Marcos** » August 24, 2003, 3:27 am

I have a slightly different view on love, but i have done that. At least a few times, although i think i prefer the fantasy, and then when i make it reality, it annoys me cuz it's not nearly as good as i was expecting.

Laliana · Post by **Laliana** » August 24, 2003, 3:39 am

All the time.

Etasi · Post by **Etasi** » August 24, 2003, 3:43 am

For me, it depends. When I was younger, I couldn't really, but now I do- all the time!

Clatis · Post by **Clatis** » August 24, 2003, 4:02 am

Yea, i fantasize about my ex gf, and we broke up 4month ago, dated for 9, but yea, i fantasize about her all the time. not like omfg we're banging like feild mice, but just like kissin her and stuff ~ i miss her kiss soo much

Drolgin Steingrinder · August 24, 2003, 1:17 pm

Constantly.
All the time.
At work.
Commuting.
Shopping.
Sleeping.
Waking.

ALL THE DAMN TIME!!!

Proctus · Post by **Proctus** » August 24, 2003, 1:24 pm

Rivera Bladestrike wrote:
Zygar_ Cthulhukin wrote:You suck, you misspelled weird!
I did not!

But bubba, that sucks, not only having a living breathing body of guilt next to you in bed. But you got a manifestation of her in your head as well.

You get after us for spelling Shiezer wrong? I'd figure you most of all would understand the importance of the "C" rule

/tease off ;D

Tegellan · Post by **Tegellan** » August 24, 2003, 4:02 pm

Always

Topper · Post by **Topper** » August 24, 2003, 4:13 pm

Laliana wrote:All the time.

Same

Xatrei · Post by **Xatrei** » August 24, 2003, 4:30 pm

Drolgin Steingrinder wrote:...
Sleeping.
Waking.
^^^^^

Did anyone else misread that line?

Mplor · Post by **Mplor** » August 24, 2003, 4:32 pm

Yes and no. If I'm still in love with them, then it's uncommon because you don't want to mix the euphoria of love with the good, Christian shame of sexual fantasy. Ah, shame. Where would I be without it!

Mippy

Rivera Bladestrike · Post by **Rivera Bladestrike** » August 24, 2003, 9:06 pm

I consider love, basically when you do whatever you can just to see them happy and enjoy every minute of their company. I don't peticularly like the whole "gotta hit that shit" routine. I'd rather have a girl I can be with all the time... I used to think that the thing I was after the most was a nice ass. But I've recently changed that to just seeing a pair of sincere eyes and a great smile.

Pilsburry · Post by **Pilsburry** » August 25, 2003, 4:10 am

Truant wrote:Don't go thinking this is a flame and disregarding. But you can completely be in love with someone that you are not compatible with.

Love unreturned is a crush....not true love. You will never have the level of intimacy required to determine if it is true love or not.

Love returned but your incompatible? So what you dislike her personality but it's still true love? LOL I'm shallow....? You don't even know the difference between having sex and true love? Wow.

The only case where you might be accurate is like in divorces....in the rare case where one of them doesn't hate the other one after what they went through. Usually if one person is still begging the other one after the divorce I find it's usually the guilty party. IE the man who cheated on his wife...fuck him. If he loved her he would never have risked thier relationship over something as stupid as easy pussy. He doesn't love her, he just doesn't want to be alone.

Etasi · Post by **Etasi** » August 25, 2003, 4:29 am

No Pils, all Truant was saying is you can be "truly in love" with someone you don't wind up marrying. So even though you're not married it doesn't mean you've never been "truly in love."

You'd know better than any of us whether you have been or not, but there's no objective criteria by which to judge whether someone's been in love or not.

In other words, I think you read too much into the phrase "truly in love."

a_guide · Post by **a_guide** » August 25, 2003, 4:31 am

I don't think he said anything about "true love". True love is, for most people, a fairy tale. Not that you can't truly love some one, but it isn't like the movies with big music creshendos, hand-holding, puppies, cuddles and other mushy stuff and that seems to be what you believe true love is.

Truly loving someone to me is putting the other person's wants and needs before your own, having them make you happy, wanting to be around them, and working with them towards common ground/goals (family, lifestyle whatever).

I find that, for myself, finding something that is a big issue between us and then learning to get past it or failing to, is sort of the determining mark for compatability, but does not affect my love for them. I don't love someone because they are just like me... I love them because they are a great person, sometimes our personalities compliment and sometimes they clash. So is life

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » August 25, 2003, 4:33 am

Pilsburry wrote:
Truant wrote:Don't go thinking this is a flame and disregarding. But you can completely be in love with someone that you are not compatible with.
Love unreturned is a crush....not true love. You will never have the level of intimacy required to determine if it is true love or not.

Love returned but your incompatible? So what you dislike her personality but it's still true love? LOL I'm shallow....? You don't even know the difference between having sex and true love? Wow.

The only case where you might be accurate is like in divorces....in the rare case where one of them doesn't hate the other one after what they went through. Usually if one person is still begging the other one after the divorce I find it's usually the guilty party. IE the man who cheated on his wife...fuck him. If he loved her he would never have risked thier relationship over something as stupid as easy pussy. He doesn't love her, he just doesn't want to be alone.

pils there are like eleventy billion situations where people can be in love and not compatible. one wants to have kids, the other doesn't, political differences, religious conflicts... and those are just a couple of the big ones. people break up all the time, and it's not always because they aren't in love. i believe you assumed truant meant only situations where one person wants to have a relationship and the other doesn't. a crush is defined as "an intense and usually passing infatuation" - just because something doesn't work out between two people doesn't automatically
downgrade those feelings from love to crush.

relationships aren't easy, otherwise we'd all be happily married and unfing like bunnies.

the whole part where you accuse truant of not knowing the difference between sex and love - well i have no idea where you read that into the quote you used. but i'd have to disagree!

Truant · Post by **Truant** » August 25, 2003, 4:34 am

Pils....
seriously man...

Ok, Love unreturned is not a crush. A crush is fleeting, an infatuation. A desire to be with someone for some personal, but unemotional reason. Most commonly, this is because you find the person very attractive physically...thus you have yourself convinced that being with them somehow raises your self worth. Other reasons may include money, power, a nice car, satelite tv, i'mrunningoutofcrazyshitthatcouldcauseaninfatuation, etc.

You can definately have two people that love each other, but are completely incompatible. People that don't see the world the same way, don't experience life the same way, don't have similar goals aspirations and dreams. These two people can make it work for quite some time...maybe their whole lives, if they're lucky. But as they grow individually, they will pull apart from one another.

Compatability has to do more with the way a person lives their life than it does their personality.

As for your laughing and questioning your being shallow, i dunno where you're going there. As for attacking me on not knowing the difference between sex and love, with no grounds I might add...I dunno wtf you are talking about.

I would like to add, you say you have never been in love...then how can you come to the conclusion that I cannot tell the difference between sex and love, when you claim that you, yourself do not know what love is. You have already defeated yourself in this debate. And I am not attacking your intelligence or anything else here. This is not a flame, but I really hope you learn something in this discussion. Because the longer you continue life with this naive view of love that you express here, the more I feel sorry for you. You are missing out on life, and it's you that is holding yourself back.

To reiterate:
You can have two people who have a very loving relationship with each other....but they just can't get it together, and decide they must part ways....this is life. And it is also love.

True love does not mean you live happily ever after with a white fence, 2.5 kids, matching cars, a dog, etc. In fact, that has nothing at all to do with true love. Love has absolutely nothing to do with any of this. If you were sorting these things and love into file cabinets....Love would go in a file cabinet two states over from the rest of these things.

I would really, really suggest you take some time to re-evaluate your thoughts on love...you have a set of very naive opinions on it...and that makes me sad. I'd even be happy to converse with you in private if you'd like, and if you think you might get some ideas and understanding.

masteen · Post by **masteen** » August 25, 2003, 1:26 pm

Truant's kicking the true wisdom out today...

Drolgin Steingrinder · August 25, 2003, 3:15 pm

Listen to the Bok, man, listen to the Bok. He speaketh truth in large amounts.

emmer · Post by **emmer** » August 25, 2003, 3:48 pm

Yes, I do fantasize about those closest to me... but not in the way you might think. I fantasize all the time about the next time I'm going to be with her, the next time I'm going to see her smile, I think about all the things I'm going to tell her and how much I miss her when she's not around. When we're together though, it's a whole different story.

Clatis · Post by **Clatis** » August 25, 2003, 6:36 pm

yea, i agree with emmer

My ex gf Leah whom i dated for 9 months we broke up, and then things went to the u h8 me i h8 u shit... then things calmed down... now were being friendly to each other again, but the whole time i wished none of that had happened bc we're almost total opposites, but we flow perfectly.

And when we're together it all works out, no ones fightin its all happy and we love each other deep down, i know for sure she would do anything for me, and i would do anything for her, and we hide our emotions about the rest of the world from each other... which is where our relatoinship started to fall from bc we were both missin our friends....but anyways, I care about her and am worried about her all the time, she's literally all i ever think about.

I miss everything about her from her crystal blue eyes I always lost myself in, from her smile how carefree and how just warm inside it made me feel, from when she use to zone out and squint just a little off at something and she looked so beautiful, and her kisses were the best, i miss her kiss so much it hurts to think about not having again, we only broke up 3 months ago, from that day on ive missed her, and i would do anything to have her back.

To me she is what makes it worth living, sure that sounds drastic, but maybe thats my personal feeling of love, when i fantasize about her, its only about kissin her, and images i have scribbed into my head of when we were together, they're better than photo's and its what i need when i dont have her. So thats my thoughts on what love feels like to me and whom i fantasize in what ways.

Pilsburry · Post by **Pilsburry** » August 25, 2003, 7:30 pm

I'm idealistic I guess. But not unrealistic....

I'll admit for various reasons my thoughts are in fact probably out of whack in regards to love. But I don't think they are invalid.

I feel if you are truly in love you will compromise on an issue to save a relationship. And if you don't compromise the love has faded.

Love doesn't make things perfect, I know that. But it gives you a reason to compromise.

However, I am able to see things from your perspective and I see your point.

A good example of your point would be say a girl you have been dating for 6 months, you really feel like your in love.....and she gets a job promotion and transfer to Conneticut and you have a nice job locally (I hate Conneticut BTW). It would be tough...because at 6 months your not really sure it's time to get married, and you both need your jobs...one of you will have to sacrifice your job for the *chance* to move the relationship to the next level and if the relationship fails...ouch.

In which case to bring it back to the topic, hell yes I would fantasize about her if I let her get away. So I stand by my original statement.

Pilsburry · Post by **Pilsburry** » August 25, 2003, 7:43 pm

Clatis wrote:where our relatoinship started to fall from bc we were both missin our friends.....

OK three things:
1. Your profile says age 17. I'm glad you found someone you like so much at your age. But take it slow.

2. You broke up 3 months ago and your about to go together again maybe? For the entire summer vacation? I used to see things like that happen fairly often, people wanting to be single for the summer, but I always thought that said something about where the relationship stood.

3. You were missing your friends? Didn't they like go to school with you and stuff? But besides that.....I see this mistake far too often. I'm not sure you should take my advice because suspossedly I'm a nutcase when it comes to women or relationships. But my thoughts are noone should ever give up thier friends for a relationship. There is room for both. The fact you both missed your friends means that you guys needed a night apart from eachother once a week so you could go hang out with your own friends.....or better yet...if you guys could swing it one night a week both of you hang with your friends and one night a week both of you hang with her friends. But that's only if her friends weren't the type to like say...hang you from the flagpole by your underpants.

a_guide · Post by **a_guide** » August 25, 2003, 7:49 pm

Pilsburry wrote:But that's only if her friends weren't the type to like say...hang you from the flagpole by your underpants.

Those aren't friends, those are bullies... Someone has been lying to you!!

Clatis · Post by **Clatis** » August 25, 2003, 8:05 pm

yea, i know im young, and the friends thing, we really never thouht about our friends when we were together...and we didnt see em everyday bc it was summer and we werent in school etc... but now school has started etc etc... she had like lost her best chick friend bc she totally ignored them bc she would rather be with me each day, same with me i guess....and after a while it was like wow, i miss my friends, and so then when we tried to get our friends back they were leery and she didnt like but yea... now things are starting to settle, we startin to be cooler round each other i dunno. we didnt break up bc it was summer to be free or whatever, just yea

the love never faded, we were both just afraid that our friends didnt like each other seein each other or something like that, and so the love never faded and we just i dunno its complicated, so i dunno, i think the whole situations gettin better, tomorrows another day, another way.

Pilsburry · Post by **Pilsburry** » August 25, 2003, 8:19 pm

a_guide
I said "her friends". hehe...as in your girlfriends friends might hate you so it might not be possible to hang with her friends.

Clatis
I've seen that a lot usually whenever someone starts a new relationship they totally forget about all thier friends. Hell, I'm sure I'll evemtually do the same thing because I've seen people get pissed off at other people for forgetting about them, and then the second they are in a relationship, you don't see them either.

I mean I can't see myself forgetting about my friends, if anything I'd end up with more friends because I'd steal hers hehe. What I'd probably miss most is my alone time.

Clatis · Post by **Clatis** » August 25, 2003, 8:45 pm

no dude, her girlfriends love me, they talk to me, and i talk to them all the time ~

wee, yea, had something else to write...il edit once it pops into my head, my kitty just jumped onto my desk and made me lose train of thought

Kaelina · Post by **Kaelina** » August 25, 2003, 9:02 pm

I fail to understand how a person who claims they've not been truly in love, can throw out such a statement as this:

Pilsburry wrote:I feel if you are truly in love you will compromise on an issue to save a relationship. And if you don't compromise the love has faded.

Compromise is great, and you have to have it to make nearly any, if not all, relationships work. However, there are some things in this world that you just can't work out by compromising.

Asheran Mojomaster · Post by **Asheran Mojomaster** » August 25, 2003, 9:47 pm

Clatis wrote:my kitty just jumped onto my desk and made me lose train of thought

Lolz.

Dregor Thule · Post by **Dregor Thule** » August 25, 2003, 10:12 pm

Laliana wrote:All the time.

Pilsburry · Post by **Pilsburry** » August 25, 2003, 11:09 pm

I'd compromise on almost anything. As long as the other person compromises as well on other issues.

But if it was one sided, that would only last so long and then I would probably lose interest in futher compromisation, and her. So it would be moot.

You can compromise on anything, but not everything. Love is built and maintained, and it requires work from both parties.

Kaelina · Post by **Kaelina** » August 25, 2003, 11:59 pm

Pilsburry wrote:You can compromise on anything, but not everything.

Explain this one please... my braincells are screaming for mercy. =(

Etasi · Post by **Etasi** » August 26, 2003, 12:35 am

People change. Sometimes, no matter how much you compromise, you wind up realizing that things aren't going to work.

Mplor · Post by **Mplor** » August 26, 2003, 1:04 am

compromisation > hateration

True love waits.

Kaluian_CT · Post by **Kaluian_CT** » August 26, 2003, 1:32 am

Love has many definitions, many levels, many forms.

Love changes and evolves with time. To argue over what "true love" consists of, is like trying to argue who's fingerprint is most unique.

Love is relative to your situation. I remember being just as passionate about a boy in 7th grade as I am about my fiance now. The difference is I have grown, matured, changed,...whatever,...but it changed the love, which makes it no less valid, or true.

Love is.

I almost exclusivley fantisize about the one i love,.....almost

Kaluian_CT · Post by **Kaluian_CT** » August 26, 2003, 1:33 am

Love has many definitions, many levels, many forms.

Love changes and evolves with time. To argue over what "true love" consists of, is like trying to argue who's fingerprint is most unique.

Love is relative to your situation. I remember being just as passionate about a boy in 7th grade as I am about my fiance now. The difference is I have grown, matured, changed,...whatever,...but it changed the love, which makes it no less valid, or true.

Love is.

I almost exclusivley fantisize about the one i love,.....almost

*~*stragi*~* · Post by ***~*stragi*~*** » August 26, 2003, 3:41 am

I only love drolgin
YES!

Arborealus · Post by **Arborealus** » August 26, 2003, 7:31 am

Is it just me or does Stragi's avatar just make you wanna bury your face and make Motorboat noises?!...

vn_Tanc · Post by **vn_Tanc** » August 26, 2003, 7:56 am

It's not just you

Siji · Post by **Siji** » August 26, 2003, 3:39 pm

I answered yes, but I do know what you're referring to. It's different for someone you're really close to.

not like omfg we're banging like feild mice, but just like kissin her and stuff ~ i miss her kiss soo much

I know and am myself feeling exactly what you are Clatis. And don't let anyone tell you that you don't know what you're talking about at 17. I was 17 when I met the person that I still define as a woman I would have spent the rest of my life with to this day. Some people grow up faster than others. Some people have to.

Clatis · Post by **Clatis** » August 26, 2003, 11:13 pm

She tells me to date other people so ill move on... so since then ive dated 3 girls, each one only reminded me of what im missing that Leah gave me, and how special Leah really was, and how much we flowed compared to any of the 3 i dated, I'd rather kiss Leah, than have a 4-some with the other three.

We'll I was wrong about things gettin better tho, we're talkin, but only because she just wants us on good terms, but doesn't want me calling. I have to respect that. Her friends still talk with me all the time, I feel bad for talkn to em cuz its throwin more shit on their shoulders that they dont need so i plan to stop that, I dunno what Leah wants, and i dunno what to do, and I'm just confused off my ass, I want all this shit to end and for things to go back to how they use to be. I wake up thinkin of Leah, think of her non-stop during the day, and sleep just to dream her.

I'm not sure if this is true love, don't know if it has to be mutually shown, but I know it sure does feel like it, and in my opinion if true love with one person is knowing that if you would be completely satisfied with only that one person and no one else in the world for the rest of your life, if they're the light in your sky, and the blood in your viens, to me, thats all I need, and so that's what I think true love is.

Siji · Post by **Siji** » August 28, 2003, 2:25 pm

Just don't confuse love with infatuation. Been there, done that.

VeeshanVault

Weird question

Are you able to fantasize about those you truly love?

Weird question