Duct Tape

Vetiria · Post by **Vetiria** » March 30, 2003, 8:00 pm

No clue whether this is true or not, but I got it in my e-mail from my mom.

MAN IN CALIF. SUES TOM RIDGE OVER DUCT TAPE ADVICE Corona, CA(Corona Times)

Tom Ridge's advice to Americans to stock up on duct tape and plastic has sparked a lawsuit which has been filed against him, the Department of Homeland Security and President George W. Bush.

Steven J. Bosell, the owner of B & B Construction in Corona, California, has filed a lawsuit claiming emotional distress, personal injury and sexual dysfunction after he wrapped his "privates" in duct tape to protect them from a biological attack.

"After watching Mr. Ridge on television advising us to stock up on duct tape and plastic, I went to the local Costco and bought $100 worth of duct tape to protect myself", Bosell said. "When I got home, I taped up my windows and doors. After I did that I realized survivors like myself are going to reproduce and populate the Earth after a biological attack, we have to protect our privates as well."

Bosell claimed in his lawsuit he wrapped his "privates" in duct tape as test of "Homeland Security". When he tried to remove the tape, Bosell injured himself when the tape began peeling off skin and body hair. After calling an ambulance, Bosell was taken to the hospital where the doctors and nurses laughed at him.

"I told the doctors and nurses at the hospital if they laughed, I would file a lawsuit against them and the hospital. They laughed anyways and I now have another lawsuit pending" Bosell said with tears streaming down his face. "They went out their way to make me look like a fool. Once I saw the doctors scalpel go toward my privates, I totally lost it and blacked out".

Also named in the lawsuit is the President of the United States, George W. Bush. "President Bush is just as liable for injury to my reproductive future because he hired Mr. Ridge to run the Department of Homeland Security and Mr. Ridge gave the nation bad advice. They also made me look like a fool." Bosell sobbed.

The Department of Homeland Security and the Bush Administration have no comment on Mr. Bosell's lawsuit.

Millie · Post by **Millie** » March 30, 2003, 9:07 pm

On the bright side, we can now rejoice in the knowledge that Spangaloid will not be able to reproduce.

Trek · Post by **Trek** » March 30, 2003, 9:38 pm

Fizzlewhip · Post by **Fizzlewhip** » April 1, 2003, 7:41 pm

[quote]

"After watching Mr. Ridge on television advising us to stock up on duct tape and plastic, I went to the local Costco and bought $100 worth of duct tape to protect myself", Bosell said. "When I got home, I taped up my windows and doors. After I did that I realized survivors like myself are going to reproduce and populate the Earth after a biological attack, we have to protect our privates as well."
[quote]

Oh god. If this is what we would have to rebuild the earth, please poke holes in his plastic.......

Acies · Post by **Acies** » April 1, 2003, 8:03 pm

Priceless.

Fallanthas · Post by **Fallanthas** » April 1, 2003, 9:06 pm

Hrmm, a fucknut damaging his privates in an attempt to insure he can reproduce.....

I would call that Darwinism in action.

Braxter · Post by **Braxter** » April 2, 2003, 6:36 am

I prefer to protect my genitalia with many coats of liberally applied hand lotion.

Animalor · Post by **Animalor** » April 2, 2003, 9:00 am

I should've tried to protect his lungs by duct-taping his mouth and nose shut.

Fizzlewhip · Post by **Fizzlewhip** » April 2, 2003, 8:21 pm

too bad it isn't real

http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/bosell.php

Adelrune Argenti · Post by **Adelrune Argenti** » April 3, 2003, 7:11 pm

Phil Hendrie is the best. It cracks me up every night that people still call in not realizing he is making up all his guests as well.

VeeshanVault

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