Question for the bicyclists of Veeshanvault.

Akaran_D · Post by **Akaran_D** » March 17, 2003, 8:07 pm

I've been biking for many years and haven't really seemed to have this problem until mid last year and the start of this season. I have begun suffering from a severe case of.. well.. ball bruise. And turtle dick.

Now, I'm not wearing tight pants, or tight boxers. The bike seat is the same one I've had for about 3 years now, give or take. I can't wear a cup..

...as much as I'd like to. (This is not a joke.. I just can't fit into the ones locally sold.. I always end up with one ball hanging out and that JUST won't work)

So.. anyone have any suggestions on how to combat this? Within 5 minutes of my last ride I felt like I was going to puke.. I went for the full time out tho (about 20, 25) and came home with the poor things all purple and sad lookin'... not to mention my dick had sorta just gotten pushed back so far up into my body that I might technically have been a woman for a few minutes.

Much thanks if you've got some advice.

My balls thank you, too.

Spangaloid_PE · Post by **Spangaloid_PE** » March 17, 2003, 8:21 pm

drive an automobile

Akaran_D · Post by **Akaran_D** » March 17, 2003, 8:23 pm

Yes, but you don't quite get the same level of exercise.

Clatis · Post by **Clatis** » March 17, 2003, 8:23 pm

why the hell do you wear a cup while ridin a bike??? its not like lax or football or something, some ones not gonna knee u in the jewels or check ya or tackle ya....they're safe and sound ridin on teh seat of your bike G
yea, and i dont bike like what your prolly talkin of but yea. my 2 cents ho's

Akaran_D · Post by **Akaran_D** » March 17, 2003, 8:26 pm

I wrecked once.. flew straight forward into the bar connecting the handlebars to the bike frame.

It was one of those time when I wish I HAD a cup to wear.. like I said, I can't fit in one.

Spangaloid_PE · Post by **Spangaloid_PE** » March 17, 2003, 8:26 pm

Akaran_D wrote:Yes, but you don't quite get the same level of exercise.

swim...it's a total body workout and great for your breathing

oh and no more blue balls or whatever it is you get after you ride a bike

noel · Post by **noel** » March 17, 2003, 9:10 pm

Why I'm even giving this the time of day... I know not...

I cycle a LOT. More than anyone on this forum I can pretty much guarantee. You haven't really said what kind of biking you do, but I will assume road cycling for the purposes of this post.

First of all, I ride with a seat that is 125 grams of carbon fiber with exactly zero padding. I always wear what are called 'bib shorts' and a jersey and I have NEVER had a problem with my penis or any kind of pain in my groin area due to cycling.

Wearing a cup while riding is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I have been riding for over 7 years and I've crashed exactly twice in hairpin turns on high speed descents. If you are crashing so often that you have to wear a cup, you should follow Spangaloid's advice and get in a fucking pool. It's highly likely that the rubbing up against the cup that will occur when riding is contributing to your problem.

Second... If you're not wearing cycling shorts or bib shorts YES SPANDEX for those of you wondering... you should. Even if you wear them underneath regular shorts. Those shorts have padding put in just where needed, and they are tight to the body allowing things to be 'held in place'. You do not wear underwear under cycling shorts. They are designed with a padded chamois patch where needed to pull moisture away from the body. Most of the newer shorts also have an antibacterial component to the chamois (if that's something you need to worry about).

If you're posting on this forum, your seriously old enough to have figured out whatever the problem is on your own. If I see further posts about your nuts on this forum, I'll be praying at night before I go to sleep that someone kicks you there just for me.

Millie · Post by **Millie** » March 17, 2003, 9:21 pm

You really shouldn't keep riding if your balls are bruised and purple afterward. What you're doing is cutting off the blood supply to your penis and testicles. If you do it for too long you'll induce necrosis, and your twig 'n berries will (literally) turn black and fall off.

Safety first!

Akaran_D · Post by **Akaran_D** » March 17, 2003, 9:45 pm

Thank you, Aran.
Truthfully, I had a couple ideas what the problems were, just not what to do to FIX them. I've never worn biking shorts, I'll take your advice an grab a pair.. same with that seat.

I tried wearing a cup while biking.. exactly once. Was seriously hoping that wasn't going to be one of the suggestions. As per wrecks.. some of us are magnets for cars. /shrug

noel · Post by **noel** » March 17, 2003, 10:08 pm

Sorry, to clarify I am not at all recommending you get the seat I have. The seat I have is designed to be lightweight, not comfortable. I don't have problems with it, but most people would. Most reputable bike shops will allow you to test ride a seat for a day or two to see if you like it.

To kind of go along with what Millie said, if either of your testicles are painful to touch, or swollen at all, IMMEDIATELY schedule an appointment with your doctor. Just get yourself checked out. Testicular cancer is extremely common, and catching it early is the key.

Kilmoll the Sexy · Post by **Kilmoll the Sexy** » March 18, 2003, 12:09 am

I would masturbate vigorously for at least 15 minutes before biking to empty out the boys. You should probably also get rid of the banana seat and switch to something a little more recent.

Baglaz · Post by **Baglaz** » March 18, 2003, 12:32 am

Since I ride 20 inch bikes, having a comfortable seat is something you need in case you bail from a jump or something and hit the seat. It sounds hillbilly, but you buy a big seat, then take the foam padding they line boxes with, the blue shit, and duct tape it on there. Make sure its real thick, then you'll never have to worry about padding again. It may look bad, but your nuts wont ever have that blue discoloring and your dick wont be hiding somewhere in your abdomen. Those seats like Aran rides on are nothing, its like riding on a piece of concrete. My jerry-rigged seat will give your sack nothing but pleasure, trust me~

Canelek · Post by **Canelek** » March 18, 2003, 1:54 am

There are those fancy seats now that are built after those bitchin computer chairs(forgot name). The ones that are a mesh type of fabric with torsion(can't spell) controls.

Other than that, if you keep banging yer balls against metal objects, I suggest trying a new form of exercise.

noel · Post by **noel** » March 18, 2003, 1:56 am

Baglaz wrote:My jerry-rigged seat will give your sack nothing but pleasure, trust me~

There are better ways to get your sack pleasured than a bike seat...

Mplor · Post by **Mplor** » March 18, 2003, 2:33 am

Yeah, this can be a problem, especially if you mountain bike. Some doctors worry that the pounding your perineum takes from a typical saddle may permanently damage the main nerves connected to your penis. If the blood vessels that supply your nether parts are getting cut off by your saddle, then god knows what's happening to your nervis.

There is no definitive answer on this yet, but there's enough concern out there that nearly every major saddle manufacturer has options that may ease your mind.

Check these out:
http://www.mtbreview.com/reviews/Saddle ... 8989.shtml
http://www.mtbreview.com/reviews/Saddle ... 2350.shtml
http://www.mtbreview.com/reviews/Saddle ... 2657.shtml

I ride a Bontrager (not the one pictured) and prefer it for technical stuff.

Mp

Edit: Corrected 'peritoneum' to 'perineum'.

Aaeamdar · Post by **Aaeamdar** » March 18, 2003, 2:42 am

This thread is great. Just this morning I was biking (second day in a row here in NY) and my huge cock got tangled in the gears. I think Aranuil solved my problem. I will start using biker shorts (I usually like going nude, as I have replaced my seat with a dildo for extra pleasure). Thanks a ton.

Canelek · Post by **Canelek** » March 18, 2003, 2:45 am

Jesus, Dar, such horrid imagry of cock mangling. You sick bastard. Try duct tape or something man!

noel · Post by **noel** » March 18, 2003, 2:45 am

Mplor wrote:Yeah, this can be a problem, especially if you mountain bike. Some doctors worry that the pounding your peritoneum takes from a typical saddle may permanently damage the main nerves connected to your penis. If the blood vessels that supply your nether parts are getting cut off by your saddle, then god knows what's happening to your nervis.

There is no definitive answer on this yet, but there's enough concern out there that nearly every major saddle manufacturer has options that may ease your mind.

Check these out:
http://www.mtbreview.com/reviews/Saddle ... 8989.shtml
http://www.mtbreview.com/reviews/Saddle ... 2350.shtml
http://www.mtbreview.com/reviews/Saddle ... 2657.shtml

I ride a Bontrager (not the one pictured) and prefer it for technical stuff.

Mp

The problem you're speaking of causes impotence, not generalized pain, especially in the testicles. It is thought to have more to do with the individual than the saddle because some people seem to be more susceptible to it than others. If he were claiming to have problems 'raising the mast', I would think that would be likely, but typically that problem doesn't have pain associated with it.

noel · Post by **noel** » March 18, 2003, 2:48 am

Aaeamdar wrote:This thread is great. Just this morning I was biking (second day in a row here in NY) and my huge cock got tangled in the gears. I think Aranuil solved my problem. I will start using biker shorts (I usually like going nude, as I have replaced my seat with a dildo for extra pleasure). Thanks a ton.

I was cleaning my bike, and I got my finger stuck in the gears... once. I recommend keeping all appendages away from the gears at all times.

There are better ways to pleasure your huge cock, Dar.

Canelek · Post by **Canelek** » March 18, 2003, 2:49 am

Arms straight, ass out. Balls should never run into the goosneck or crossbar. If you do find yourself in this situation, best to either deal with it or choose a different sport

Mplor · Post by **Mplor** » March 18, 2003, 3:10 am

Aranuil wrote:The problem you're speaking of causes impotence, not generalized pain, especially in the testicles. It is thought to have more to do with the individual than the saddle because some people seem to be more susceptible to it than others. If he were claiming to have problems 'raising the mast', I would think that would be likely, but typically that problem doesn't have pain associated with it.

Yeah, I wasn't very clear.

Mplor wrote:If the blood vessels that supply your nether parts are getting cut off by your saddle, then god knows what's happening to your nervis.

AFAIK, the turtle retreats when the vessels carrying blood into your penis are constricted. Cold weather can make your blood vessels constrict (shrinkage), and consistent pressure on the perineum (as from a saddle) can as well. Loss of blood flow can result in the symptoms he is describing: turtling and bluish/purplish skin. Because the nerves in question share the perineal area with these blood vessels, it's likely that his nerves are taking a beating as well. A kinder saddle may remove some of the problematic pressure.

The bruising is certainly caused by not wearing cycling shorts, and your recommendation should solve that problem.

Edit: Corrected 'peritoneum' to 'perineum'.

Baglaz · Post by **Baglaz** » March 18, 2003, 4:21 am

They also make seats with the centers cut out of them so your dick and sack have a place to freely hang without constant pressure on them. If I remember right, they are called the Impotence Seat, or something to close to that.

Pahreyia · Post by **Pahreyia** » March 18, 2003, 4:40 am

Who needs Lifetime TV anymore?

Kluden · Post by **Kluden** » March 18, 2003, 1:27 pm

I'll bet money the biker shorts work.

If not, grease up your boys before work...

edit: wanted to clarify that I only need the shorts...grease up at your own risk...

Somali · Post by **Somali** » March 18, 2003, 1:47 pm

OMG Some of the shit in this post is just too funny..

On a serious note however. The biking shorts may not do crap for you. I have one of the pretty little seats and I have bib shorts that are padded like a mofo and its still uncomfortable as a mofo to ride. Basically, if you ride constantly for several days straight it will likely go away.. And by the way, for any of you that say the little holes/padded areas in the seat are large enough to give any amount of comfort to your "twig and berries," I feel quite badly for your wives/GF's...

masteen · Post by **masteen** » March 18, 2003, 1:48 pm

I used to ride trails a lot back in college, and I cannot imagine going out with anything less supportive than briefs. The bouncing is rough enough on the boys, I can't imagine what the added dangle factor would do...

Voronwë · Post by **Voronwë** » March 18, 2003, 1:50 pm

brusied balls and turtle dick?

i stopped reading this thread after the first sentence.

my advice is change everything that you do in your life. i f you go right out your driveway, go left tomorrow.

Gurugurumaki · Post by **Gurugurumaki** » March 18, 2003, 1:54 pm

Voronwë wrote:brusied balls and turtle dick?

i stopped reading this thread after the first sentence.

my advice is change everything that you do in your life. i f you go right out your driveway, go left tomorrow.

Actually, just don't bother getting out of bed, thanks~

Oreck · Post by **Oreck** » March 18, 2003, 2:05 pm

Arborealus · Post by **Arborealus** » March 18, 2003, 2:12 pm

Mplor wrote: peritoneum

To quote Inigo Montoya:

"You keep using that word...I don't think i means what you think it means."

Last I checked the peritoneum was membrane in the visceral cavity...If you are bruising this while riding...Then you are doing something very wrong...

...

Mplor · Post by **Mplor** » March 19, 2003, 12:14 am

Yikes. You're absolutely right. I was thinking 'perineum'. I can see I'll have to hire a team of editors and fact-checkers before posting further. BBL!

Mp

noel · Post by **noel** » March 19, 2003, 1:00 am

Mplor wrote:Yikes. You're absolutely right. I was thinking 'perineum'. I can see I'll have to hire a team of editors and fact-checkers before posting further. BBL!

Mp

If you get a good rate, please PM me so I can get in on that.

Somali · Post by **Somali** » March 19, 2003, 6:42 pm

ya'll usin them big words again. Simple country boys caint unnerstand em.