Has anyone here ever made a deliberate decision not to vote in a national election? If so, why?My fellow Americans: Craig Ferguson tells viewers, "If you don't vote you're a moron"
There is no zeal like the zeal of the convert. And having been recently sworn in as an official United States citizen, late-night funnyman Craig Ferguson is outraged that his new countrymen go to the polls in appallingly low numbers, especially the young people who make up much of his audience.
So he devoted a huge chunk of his show tonight -- the show immediately following Barack Obama's appearance on "Late Show with David Letterman" -- to lecturing Americans about their failure to take their responsibility as U.S. citizens seriously. Frankly, I don't think he has to worry about low voter turnout for this election. But it's a rousing pep talk and a nice counterpoint to his overly jokey performance at the White House Correspondents Dinner.
UPDATE: Video is below. Also below, I have a pared-down transcript of Craig's opening talk and his desk talk from tonight's "Late Late Show," courtesy of CBS. Enjoy.
[Note: This is an excerpt. I've left out some of Craig's comic digressions, which are routinely hilarious, because you can always watch those on YouTube.]
It's a great day for America. Why? It just is. Did you just watch Barack Obama on David Letterman? The Presidential election is heating up. All sorts of controversy. Obama said, "You can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig." Then Republicans said, "Did you call Sarah Palin a pig? That means you hate America." And then the Democrats said, "No, no, no. Republicans you don't love pigs. It's a pigs right to wear lipstick," blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!
What I don't understand is this: Why is Barack Obama talking about lipstick on a pig? Why are we talking about animals and cosmetics? There is another thing I don't understand: Why is John McCain hanging around while his VP candidate is campaigning to be President? What is going on?
If you watch the news you would think that Sarah Palin is running for President. Spoiler alert! You're not! What happens is the media focuses on the best looking candidates from either side. The most "TV-friendly" people. The way this election is being covered is like TMZ or something. It's like they're covering Paris and Nicole. I'm watching this. "Look at her hair and hat." If Walter Cronkite could see these brain-dead morons yapping about flag pins & hairstyles, he'd turn over in his grave. Which is weird because cause Cronkite is still alive and well and lives in Martha's Vineyard. If he were dead he would be furious!
Here is my hope for this election. My belief and my hope is that the American people are smarter than the media that are meant to be serving them. This is unbelievable to me. I think people want to see real solutions to real problems; and they don't really care if they come from the right or left.
I like all 4 of these candidates a lot. For comedy reasons they you can't be beat. Grizzled old veteran trying to win one last campaign. The brash rookie who inspires millions. The hockey mom, who is governor by day, naughty librarian by night. You've got Biden, who's all "Biden-y" there.
The point I'm trying to get is: this is a very important election this one, but you would never know it from the way it's being reported. On the Today Show this morning: "Which candidate would you rather have dinner with?" Here's an easy answer: None. They're politicians. I don't want dinner with you and I don't want your friendship. Here is what I want to know, what are you going to do for the country, pal? What are you going to do?
Do you know what bothers me is every election year you get the voter registration drives aimed at the young people. "Rock the Vote" or "The Vote is Crackalackin" or "Think the Vote," "Music the Vote" "The Vote, The Vote, The Vote!" Are we so lost we have to be sold our own democratic right? What the hell is wrong with us? What is going on? We have to sexy-up the vote for young people? Remember 4 Years ago Puff Diddly had that group called "Vote or Die." Then turned out he didn't even vote himself. Maybe he forgot which name he was registered under.
Here is what I am saying to you: If you don't vote, you're a moron. "Not voting is a vote" - no it isn't!! Not voting is just being stupid. Voting is not sexy. Voting is not hip. It is not fashionable. It is not a movie. It is not a videogame. Frankly, voting is a pain in the ass. But here is a word, look it up, it's your duty to vote!
Listen. I am an American. This country is at war right now! Americans in foreign lands wearing uniform representing this country are losing their lives. Americans here in this country are losing their homes. We have two patriotic candidates. Both love this country, but have different ideas what to do with it. Learn about them. Read about them. Question them. Listen to them. Then on Election Day, exercise your sacred right as American and listen to yourself. We'll be right back.
[And then at the desk...]
Welcome back to the grumpy political edition of the show. I am angry. Do you know I am thinking about these statistics I got off of the googely web today and I am looking at the statistics of people who actually vote and I'm thinking a lot of people don't vote because they think they are going to have to get into an argument about, you know, they have to talk about who they are voting for and get into political discussion and tempers flare and people say mean things and all that bull doo-doo, which is a European word for shit.
And I think sometimes people forget this, You don't have to tell anybody who you vote for. Privacy is protected in a democracy like this. You don't have to tell who you are voting for. It's nobody's business. And in fact I wish a lot of people, celebrities mostly, would take advantage of the rule of privacy and shut the hell up about who they are voting for. It's so odd to me. "Well you should vote the way I am voting cause I am on a sitcom." No!! You are perfectly entitled to talk about who you are voting for, It's encouraged, but you don't have to.
Here is the thing that made me think. Half of the people who didn't register to vote were asked why and said, "I'm not interested in the election," or "I'm not interested in politics." How could you be not interested in politics? You have to have an opinion about something! "I'm not interested in politics" - do you live anywhere? Do you shop anywhere? Do you drive a car? Do you put on pants? Do you leave your house at any point? Do you own your house? Do you rent the house? Do you ever hope that the police will save you from something that may or may not be illegal? Of course you are involved in politics! If you are alive you are involved in politics!!
[And then Ferguson handed postage-paid voter registration cards to everyone in the studio audience.]
Posted by Aaron Barnhart on September 10, 2008 at 10:16 PM in TV Barn
I was the only person in my household of 5 that voted in 2004. In the 2008 primaries I dragged all of them to our precinct caucus to register and vote. Once I got them in the door I told them to cut loose and have a good time, and they did. Surprisingly, even one of my recalcitrant, never-offering-an-opinion-on-anything roommates got into the spirit of things. My girlfriend, who had never voted before, volunteered to serve as a delegate to the district convention. All in all it was a rewarding experience that made me feel that I, in a small way, was making a difference.
