Things that make you feel like a retard

Fairweather Pure · Post by **Fairweather Pure** » May 23, 2008, 1:42 pm

Saran wrap makes me feel a retard whenever I use it. I either pull of too much or too little. I can never get a perfect cut, instead tearing it at least once in the process. It always folds in on itself and I have to try prying it apart before giving up, rolling it into a ball, and throwing it away so I can try again.

Fuck you, saran wrap. My hatred for you knows no bounds.

Ashur · Post by **Ashur** » May 23, 2008, 1:47 pm

Windows Vista.

WHY THE FUCK WON'T THIS PROGRAM WORK NOW?!?! IT USED TO WORK!!!!!!

YES, YOU CAN RUN THE DAMN PROGRAM ALREADY!!! WHY CAN'T I JUST SAY YES ONCE AND YOU FUCKING REMEMBER IT!?!?!

My friend has an XP Home Disk w/ SP3 on it and I suspect it's about to find it's way to my new PC.

Aslanna · Post by **Aslanna** » May 23, 2008, 1:51 pm

Actually bothering to take the time and compose a message containing any sort of sense and logic in response to a Midnyte or Funkmasterr post. That makes me feel like a total retard.

And for the record I get along fine with saran wrap although I think Kilmoll may have some issues with duct tape.

Aardor · Post by **Aardor** » May 23, 2008, 2:00 pm

Javascript. Or at least it is making me feel that way this week. Who would have thought that 0 == "" would evaluate to true.

cadalano · Post by **cadalano** » May 23, 2008, 2:01 pm

mental math. it takes me a ridiculous amount of time to work with even relatively basic mathematic calculations in my head. this is especially retarded when you consider the career that i'm in. i'm an accomplished programmer, and not because i necessarily wanted to be, but because i'm naturally good at it. more specifically, i designed financial software for a major bank for 4 years as an analyst. just dont ever fucking ask me to split up a dinner bill.

Sirensa · Post by **Sirensa** » May 23, 2008, 2:36 pm

I'm also a mental math retard. I even sometimes count on my fingers. *sigh*

I can't work duct tape. I can never get a nice tear. And then I get those stringies. Sucks every time.

Finally (at least for purposes of this post so I don't seem like THAT much of a retard), I can't whistle, except on rare occassions with lots and lots of concentration.

*~*stragi*~* · Post by ***~*stragi*~*** » May 23, 2008, 3:03 pm

trying to keep otos alive in my aquarium which has perfect water parameters but they are never happy

cadalano · Post by **cadalano** » May 23, 2008, 3:39 pm

otos are severely allergic to gay

cadalano · Post by **cadalano** » May 23, 2008, 3:40 pm

im just kidding man, you know i think youre the bees knees

Canelek · Post by **Canelek** » May 23, 2008, 5:02 pm

Congratulations on being fucking retarded!

Sincerely,
Calamity Jane

Sargeras · Post by **Sargeras** » May 23, 2008, 5:23 pm

Programming.

It always makes my head spin.

Sirensa · Post by **Sirensa** » May 23, 2008, 5:28 pm

Sargeras wrote:Programming.

It always makes my head spin.

Oh please that can't count! There are those of us GENUINE RETARDS who can't even attempt to program, much less actually do it

Aardor · Post by **Aardor** » May 23, 2008, 5:43 pm

Sirensa wrote:
Sargeras wrote:Programming.

It always makes my head spin.
Oh please that can't count! There are those of us GENUINE RETARDS who can't even attempt to program, much less actually do it

It takes a certain type of retard to be able to program.

*~*stragi*~* · Post by ***~*stragi*~*** » May 23, 2008, 5:48 pm

cadalano wrote:otos are severely allergic to gay

what in my aquarium is gay???? one of the fish had babies maybe it's the snails

Spang · Post by **Spang** » May 23, 2008, 5:56 pm

Spelling words without spell checker.

Jarori Bloodletter · Post by **Jarori Bloodletter** » May 23, 2008, 5:58 pm

Cars and working on them.

Dregor Thule · Post by **Dregor Thule** » May 23, 2008, 6:05 pm

The Current Events forum.

Noysyrump · Post by **Noysyrump** » May 24, 2008, 1:43 am

Having some girl behind a counter flirt with me. Every single time it flies over my head or I stutter out some real stupid remark. Then spend the next 10 minutes calling myself a retard for fuking it up.

Sirensa · Post by **Sirensa** » May 25, 2008, 8:15 pm

Noysyrump wrote:Having some girl behind a counter flirt with me. Every single time it flies over my head or I stutter out some real stupid remark. Then spend the next 10 minutes calling myself a retard for fuking it up.

haha that's adorable

Ashur · Post by **Ashur** » May 27, 2008, 10:29 am

Noysyrump wrote:Having some girl behind a counter flirt with me. Every single time it flies over my head or I stutter out some real stupid remark. Then spend the next 10 minutes calling myself a retard for fuking it up.

How often do people actually flirt with you from behind a counter ffs? You know that "Thank you, have a nice day." isn't really a come-on, right?

cadalano · Post by **cadalano** » May 27, 2008, 10:48 am

stop flirting with him Ashur, you lush

Canelek · Post by **Canelek** » May 27, 2008, 1:18 pm

Oh!

Chess

Noysyrump · Post by **Noysyrump** » May 27, 2008, 1:58 pm

Ashur wrote:
Noysyrump wrote:Having some girl behind a counter flirt with me. Every single time it flies over my head or I stutter out some real stupid remark. Then spend the next 10 minutes calling myself a retard for fuking it up.
How often do people actually flirt with you from behind a counter ffs? You know that "Thank you, have a nice day." isn't really a come-on, right?

Its not? oh nevermind then... ~

Actually, it's not that common so when it does happen, I'm not expecting it! Its usually those 'harmless' feelers, such as "what are you and your girlfriend doing this weekend" kinds of questions. wich I then proceed to stumble over some silly response like "girlfriend? ewwww girls are icky." or some shit.

Clatis · Post by **Clatis** » May 27, 2008, 2:30 pm

ew i got hit on by this girl at a gas station at Smith mtn lake who asked me what I was doing later if I wanted to go out with her on her boat to which i replied "going to bed early" and then got my change and left... that's the best answer if they aren't up to par

Winnow · Post by **Winnow** » May 27, 2008, 9:21 pm

This is starting to remind me of this gem of a thread:

http://www.veeshanvault.org/forums/view ... f=1&t=6357

RIP Pils

Post by **Xouqoa** » May 28, 2008, 11:38 am

Winnow wrote:This is starting to remind me of this gem of a thread:

http://www.veeshanvault.org/forums/view ... f=1&t=6357

RIP Pils

Man, that thread was so full of ownage I almost feel bad for Pillsbury posthumously.

Post by **Sylvus** » May 28, 2008, 2:55 pm

I miss Pils.

Funkmasterr · Post by **Funkmasterr** » May 28, 2008, 3:04 pm

Pils would probably want cart unbanned in remembrance of him.

Dregor Thule · Post by **Dregor Thule** » May 28, 2008, 3:51 pm

Pils also went and got himself killed, so perhaps that opinion shouldn't be used!

Funkmasterr · Post by **Funkmasterr** » May 28, 2008, 4:05 pm

Dregor Thule wrote:Pils also went and got himself killed, so perhaps that opinion shouldn't be used!

I sir, believe the contrary.

Truant · Post by **Truant** » May 28, 2008, 8:02 pm

Funkmasterr wrote:
Dregor Thule wrote:Pils also went and got himself killed, so perhaps that opinion shouldn't be used!
I sir, believe the contrary.

So then you think only the opinions of people who have died should be used, and that all living peoples' opinions should not.

Got it.

Funkmasterr · Post by **Funkmasterr** » May 28, 2008, 8:19 pm

Truant wrote:
Funkmasterr wrote:
Dregor Thule wrote:Pils also went and got himself killed, so perhaps that opinion shouldn't be used!
I sir, believe the contrary.
So then you think only the opinions of people who have died should be used, and that all living peoples' opinions should not.

Got it.

Didn't say that!

Psyloche · Post by **Psyloche** » June 2, 2008, 2:08 pm

Thinking you know the words to a song, only to come to the realization, that you're horribly, horribly, wrong. Sometimes realizing it yourself, without having somebody point it out to you is just as bad, because you realize how many times you may have said the wrong words around people and they were just too nice to point it out to you.

Ransure · Post by **Ransure** » June 2, 2008, 3:36 pm

I used to think that "We didnt start the fire!!...." was "We are self defiant!..."....

Leonaerd · Post by **Leonaerd** » June 2, 2008, 10:57 pm

Finding a way to tell people that I don't have a dad when people ask me what he does for a living. Also finding a way to tell people that my brother doesn't have a job when people ask what he does for a living.

There is no comfortable way to bring up tragedy in conversation, and since the average douchbag hasn't had anybody mention death or brain hemorrhaging to them recently it monopolizes the conversation and makes me feel like a retard when I answer them truthfully.

Skogen · Post by **Skogen** » June 4, 2008, 12:54 pm

math in my head....Im a very visual learner, so I ALWAYS have to write it out. Being an engineer by profession, this sometimes gets me funny looks.

that and trying to fold a fitted sheet. Or coil a garden hose.

Aardor · Post by **Aardor** » June 4, 2008, 12:58 pm

Skogen wrote: that and trying to fold a fitted sheet.

That's a great one, I have never gotten close to folding a fitted sheet correctly. Now, I just wash the sheets I plan to put on my bed right before doing it, so I can avoid this step.

Xyphir · Post by **Xyphir** » June 4, 2008, 1:08 pm

This is how I fold a fitted sheet. I'm OCD about a few things, and folding is one of them. Keeping my desk organized is not.

Funkmasterr · Post by **Funkmasterr** » June 4, 2008, 1:22 pm

Xyphir wrote:This is how I fold a fitted sheet. I'm OCD about a few things, and folding is one of them. Keeping my desk organized is not.

You should probably see someone about that.

Dregor Thule · Post by **Dregor Thule** » June 4, 2008, 1:34 pm

It's just a sheet! Man, there goes 5 minutes out of your day

Xyphir · Post by **Xyphir** » June 4, 2008, 1:45 pm

Dregor Thule wrote:It's just a sheet! Man, there goes 5 minutes out of your day

I've got it down so it only takes about 1-2 minutes, max. On average, I wash them once every two weeks so that's about 40 minutes total annually, or .01% of my waking time during the year.

I feel retard for explaining that.

Fash · Post by **Fash** » June 4, 2008, 1:46 pm

Women.

I'm too damn nice, and they don't give a flying shit.

Sirensa · Post by **Sirensa** » June 4, 2008, 2:51 pm

Xyphir wrote:This is how I fold a fitted sheet. I'm OCD about a few things, and folding is one of them. Keeping my desk organized is not.

I am OCD about most things...but fuck fitted sheets. I try that nice pretty fold every time and fail miserably (yes, I am special) so I wind up just scrunching it all together in a miss and hiding it under the other nicely folded sheet. I know it's there... but I can't always see it. So it's ok. Mostly. Unless I'm in a mood. Which I sorta feel starting now. Stress compulsion is my worst enemy. It makes Sylvos' life hell...

masteen · Post by **masteen** » June 4, 2008, 4:54 pm

The fitted sheet was my nemesis for many years. Trying to fold long sleeve dress shirts used to me feel pretty stupid sometimes, especially trying to keep the collar in shape for a tie. I just hang all those fuckers now.

Leonaerd · Post by **Leonaerd** » June 4, 2008, 7:27 pm

Fash wrote:Women.

I'm too damn nice, and they don't give a flying shit.

They probably think it's too easy to have you because of how nice you are. You can still be nice, just don't act like you need them in your life. It's worked for me. And it works for assholes.

Arsecn · Post by **Arsecn** » June 4, 2008, 9:15 pm

Psyloche wrote:Thinking you know the words to a song, only to come to the realization, that you're horribly, horribly, wrong. Sometimes realizing it yourself, without having somebody point it out to you is just as bad, because you realize how many times you may have said the wrong words around people and they were just too nice to point it out to you.

Years ago caught a good friend of mine singing "Dirty Dee and her Thunder Jeep" to a popular AC/DC song at the time...

Canelek · Post by **Canelek** » June 4, 2008, 10:12 pm

Arsecn wrote:
Psyloche wrote:Thinking you know the words to a song, only to come to the realization, that you're horribly, horribly, wrong. Sometimes realizing it yourself, without having somebody point it out to you is just as bad, because you realize how many times you may have said the wrong words around people and they were just too nice to point it out to you.
Years ago caught a good friend of mine singing "Dirty Dee and her Thunder Jeep" to a popular AC/DC song at the time...

That's awesome!

Zaelath · Post by **Zaelath** » June 4, 2008, 10:52 pm

This was my favourite misheard lyric: http://www.kissthisguy.com/479misheard.htm

There's a goldmine of them on that site...

Akanae · Post by **Akanae** » June 5, 2008, 1:59 am

Xyphir wrote:This is how I fold a fitted sheet. I'm OCD about a few things, and folding is one of them. Keeping my desk organized is not.

that video is going to change my life... I always have had to hide fitted sheets under other linens so I don't have to look at their misshapen form. I tried to find a video of the way I fold towels... but I didn't see one. I don't let my husband fold the towels because I have to redo it if he does.

Winnow · Post by **Winnow** » June 5, 2008, 2:15 am

Xyphir wrote:This is how I fold a fitted sheet. I'm OCD about a few things, and folding is one of them. Keeping my desk organized is not.

That's insane. If I spend more than 2 minutes stuffing the finished contents in my dryer anywhere I can find a place, I find myself pissed that I wasted time.

I've ironed maybe twice in my life. (get whatever you want unwrinkled semi damp and throw it back into the dryer, take a shower, grab the nice unwrinkled results from your dryer when your shower is done. the cost between heating an iron and running the dryer is probably a wash but the dryer wins because you can do something else while it works its magic)