The Official Anti-Ohio State Thread

Post by **Sylvus** » November 13, 2006, 1:20 pm

In the spirit of this week, here's where I'll post things making fun of the Buckeyes and the state of Ohio. If you're a Buckeye, feel free to respond here or make an anti-Michigan thread.

For those of you who don't care about the Michigan/Ohio State rivalry, how about you prove you don't care about it by not vomiting all over the thread with talk about how your rivalry is better even though your rival just got shut out by Wake Forest, at home, and how it took you 3 blocked kicks to avoid picking up your second loss (to an unranked South Carolina, no less). And finally, to everyone else who hates all of the florida football teams as much as I do, FSU and Miami have a combined 10 losses this season, something about that makes me happy...

Onward to Football Armageddon!

Post by **Sylvus** » November 13, 2006, 1:22 pm

MichiganZone wrote:A northeastern Ohio jail is having -- wait for it -- an inmate pizza party during the Michigan-Ohio State game. The jail warden sent a notice to the inmates informing them they each will get 3 slices of pizza this Saturday for the game as a way to show support for the Buckeyes.

In return for their little pizza shindig, the inmates must keep the noise down during the big game and keep their cells neat.

How ironic that this prison will be safer and cleaner than the streets of Columbus after the game.

No word yet if former Buckeye players servng time at the prison will get an extra slice.

Fazzar · Post by **Fazzar** » November 13, 2006, 1:40 pm

The famed "Script Ohio" (the routine the marching band does with the tuba player dotting the I) that all the Suckeyes are so proud of was actually done first by.....the Michigan Marching Band in the 1920's as a tribute to Ohio State in Columbus. Apparantly, the Ohio State band didn't know how to spell Ohio, and needed the Michigan band to teach them. Thank God their state only has four letters...otherwise they may have forgotten how to spell it by now, and would have to be retaught!! I shudder to think how they would handle it if their state was named Michigan. At least they could have two tuba players dot the two I's....if they could spell it correctly.

Post by **Xouqoa** » November 13, 2006, 2:53 pm

Can I be an honorary Michigan fan since Texas is effectively done for the season?

Post by **Sylvus** » November 13, 2006, 2:59 pm

Absolutely, we welcome you.

You're already a Wings fan, it shouldn't be too hard to transition. Plus, Michigan usually has a pretty good hockey team, so you've got that going for you...

Neost · Post by **Neost** » November 13, 2006, 3:13 pm

I'm a Michigan fan this weekend, for sure.

I hope ya'll run Troy Smith into the dirt.

noel · Post by **noel** » November 13, 2006, 3:29 pm

Why do you have to constantly make fun of the pathetic Luckeyes?

I look forward to Michigan getting their asses kicked by SC in the National Champi-- err Michigan beating the Suckeyes this weekend!

(I don't seriously think SC could beat Michigan, but I wanted to talk some shit in the spirit of this thread)

Post by **Sylvus** » November 13, 2006, 4:25 pm

Apparently Kroger found themselves a little overstocked on "Buckeye Heroes" cereal.

My money says that the person who made that sign matriculated at tOSU.

Winnow · Post by **Winnow** » November 13, 2006, 4:27 pm

I'm going with Michigan due to the previously mentioned Rose Bowl ties to Arizona State for both teams.

I can say that the only reason OSU won the 1997 Rose Bowl is because all Arizona Sports are cursed.

I'll be looking in the stands for Sylvus dressed in Michigan colors! Bonus points if he stands up and gives the double birds to the entire crowd after a Michigan score!

Post by **Sylvus** » November 13, 2006, 4:44 pm

If my uncle's seats are in the same spot as the last 2 times I was down there, I believe I should be in about the 10th row on about the 10 yard line, across from the press box and on the end of the field that the band sits in. That's if memory serves. It's the faculty section, I should be one of 2 people wearing Maize and Blue in a sea of Scarlett and Gray.

And you better believe you'll be able to see me going nuts after each of our scores.

You heard it hear first, Michigan 24 OSU 17.

Sirensa · Post by **Sirensa** » November 13, 2006, 4:49 pm

I will consider myself a temporary and pseudo Michigan fan, because I hate Ohio State more than any other team!

Sylvus you need to dress like an uber-geeky superfan so I can spot you on TV (and then refer to you as one of Sylvos' sisters' boyfriends - which is a super fun game I play to annoy John)

:D:D:D:D:D:D

Homercles · Post by **Homercles** » November 13, 2006, 5:30 pm

Did I miss something? Has Lloyd Carr been fired?

1-5 vs Tressel. Make it 1-6 in a few days. Then all the Meeechigan whiners will be calling for the head of a coach that led them to an 11-1 season.

Post by **Sylvus** » November 13, 2006, 5:44 pm

He's 1-4 vs. Tressel, get it straight! He'll be 2-4 after this game. Michigan hasn't dropped 3 straight to OSU since 1963.

I'm certainly not one of the people that would ever call for Lloyd's head. He's won a national championship, won the Big 10 at least half of the time he's been here, he's 4-1 vs. #2 ranked teams... OSU is favored, and the game is away. While I'll be sad if we lose, it would take a spectacularly poor job of coaching (see: Marty Morningweg kicking the ball after winning the overtime coin toss) for me to call this anything other than a great season, regardless of the outcome of Saturday's game.

Ashur · Post by **Ashur** » November 13, 2006, 6:23 pm

Sirensa wrote:I will consider myself a temporary and pseudo Michigan fan, because I hate Ohio State more than any other team!

It's true. I call Sylvos and in the background I hear "Ewww, Ohio State!!!!"

P.S. Screw Blue

Zamtuk · Post by **Zamtuk** » November 13, 2006, 10:20 pm

noel wrote:Why do you have to constantly make fun of the pathetic Luckeyes?

I look forward to Michigan getting their asses kicked by SC in the National Champi-- err Michigan beating the Suckeyes this weekend!

(I don't seriously think SC could beat Michigan, but I wanted to talk some shit in the spirit of this thread)

har, if the pac 10 even knew how to spell defense that entire post might have merit!

Boogahz · Post by **Boogahz** » November 13, 2006, 10:26 pm

Zamtuk wrote:
noel wrote:Why do you have to constantly make fun of the pathetic Luckeyes?

I look forward to Michigan getting their asses kicked by SC in the National Champi-- err Michigan beating the Suckeyes this weekend!

(I don't seriously think SC could beat Michigan, but I wanted to talk some shit in the spirit of this thread)
har, if the pac 10 even knew how to spell defense that entire post might have merit!

At least they can count to 10

Sajko · Post by **Sajko** » November 13, 2006, 11:04 pm

Yea I hate them motherfuckerz!!111

masteen · Post by **masteen** » November 14, 2006, 3:14 am

The optimal outcome of this game is for lost terrorists to set off a giant AIDS bomb. Sylvus, if you're near the band, use one of them for protection; their virginity should shield you!

Post by **Sylvus** » November 14, 2006, 12:21 pm

Fortunately I won't be right next to the band. There's only so many times you can hear "Hang on Sloopy (O-H-I-O)" without wanting to wrap a tuba around one of said pimply-faced virgin's bearded necks.

Post by **Sylvus** » November 14, 2006, 12:53 pm

Ahh, Columbus, you guys are the best! Here is an email that was sent out by U of M Administration to the students.

The University of Michigan wrote:We know that it can be uncomfortable being in an opposing team's environment, especially when the stakes are so high. We would like to offer a few suggestions in order to help you stay safe and have a positive experience this weekend:

--Try carpooling to the game; if possible, drive a car with non- Michigan license plates.
--Keep your Michigan gear to a minimum, or wait until you are inside the stadium to display it.
--Stay with a group.
--Know and obey the laws regarding alcohol use.
--If you are of legal age to drink, use alcohol in moderation. Stay in the blue.
--Stay low-key; don't draw unnecessary attention to yourself.
--If verbally harrassed by opposing fans, don't take the bait.
--Avoid High Street in Columbus.

If at any time you feel unsafe, you should call 9-1-1 for assistance. U-M campus police also will be available in Columbus to support our fans. You may call them with non-emergency concerns at (734) XXX-XXXX.

We look forward to a tremendous game on Saturday. Let's help the Wolverines win with spirit and class.

We have to bring our own cops down there. Stay classy, Franklin County!

And for those of you who haven't seen what Columbus is like on Michigan Game Day, I present to you the following link, shot by a camera crew hired by OSU.

Post by **Sylvus** » November 14, 2006, 1:05 pm

MZone wrote:Way back in September, MZone reader Unger Kelt sent us the parody below in response to our little post about Jim Tressel's "honest mistake" regarding his claim that he voted Texas #1 on his Coaches' Poll ballot the week of the UT/OSU game, when in fact "the assistant who took it upon himself to change the head coach's ballot" actually voted the Bucks #1.

Unger's work was so good, we've been saving it until the M/OSU week. In the set up at the top, Unger references Michigan's team bus being searched by dogs before their last game in Columbus in 2004, something Tressel claimed he knew nothing about when he spoke to Lloyd before the game. Enjoy.

Tressel is just like Colonel Jessup from "A Few Good Men", the top guy in charge who conveniently doesn't have control if something goes wrong.

It took some digging, but I finally obtained a transcript of the Carr-Tressel conversation before the kickoff of their game on 11/20/2004:

Carr: Jim, a moment ago you said that you ordered the AD not to send drug-sniffing dogs to the Michigan bus.
Tressel: That's right.
Carr: And the AD was clear on what you wanted?
Tressel: Crystal.
Carr: Any chance the AD ignored the order?
Tressel: Ignored the order?
Carr: Any chance he forgot about it?
Tressel: No.
Carr: Any chance the AD left your office and said, 'The old coach is wrong'?
Tressel: No.
Carr: When the AD spoke to security, and ordered them not to send drug-sniffing dogs on the bus, any chance they ignored him?
Tressel: You ever coached at Tosu, son?
Carr: No, sir.
Tressel: Ever sang the “O-H-I-O” fight song?
Carr: No, sir.
Tressel: Ever put your buckeyes in another man's hand; asked him to put his buckeyes in yours?
Carr: No, sir.
Tressel: We follow orders, son. We follow orders, or the team loses; it's that simple. Are we clear?
Carr: Yes, sir.
Tressel: [nearly shouting] Are we clear?!
Carr: The AD ordered the dogs on the bus, didn't he? Because that's what you told the AD to do.
Tressel: You want answers?
Carr: I think I'm entitled to them.
Tressel: You want answers?!
Carr: I want the truth!
Tressel: You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has rivalries. And those rivalries have to be provoked by pulling ridiculous, low class stunts. Who's gonna do it? You? Barry Alvarez? Joe Paterno? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: That putting dogs on a college football bus, while tragic, probably saved the win. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves games.

You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on the sidelines. You need me there.

We use words like grade fixing, illegal booster contributions, disorderly conduct...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline.

I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very coaching brilliance I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it. I'd prefer you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a playbook from the 21st century and start winning. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to.

Carr: Did you order the dogs on the bus?
Tessel: I did the job you sent me to do.
Carr: Did you order the dogs on the bus?
Tressel: You're goddamn right I did!

"Ever put your buckeyes in another man's hand; asked him to put his buckeyes in yours?"

Zamtuk · Post by **Zamtuk** » November 14, 2006, 1:32 pm

hahaha, avoid high street. that is priceless.

Also, the last I heard, they have the National Gaurd and all the state's riot control that they can muster to attend Columbus.

Post by **Sylvus** » November 15, 2006, 12:42 pm

What do Ohio State grads and Michigan grads have in common?

[Show]: They both applied to Michigan!

It's funny because it's true, right Zamtuk?

Zamtuk · Post by **Zamtuk** » November 15, 2006, 12:53 pm

Post by **Sylvus** » November 16, 2006, 1:52 pm

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a Buckeye joke?"
The guy replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I am 6' tall, 200 lbs. and I am an Ohio State Graduate. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", 225 lbs. and he is an Ohio State Graduate. The guy right next to him is 6'5", 250 lbs. and he is also an Ohio State Graduate. Now, you still wanna tell me that joke?" The first guy says, "No, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times"

It was reported that the Ohio Football Coach Jim Tressel will only be dressing 20 players for the Michigan game ....the rest of the players will have to dress themselves!

Did you hear that the Ohio State University library burned to the ground? All five books in the library were completely destroyed.... the football team is really upset by the fire; they hadn't colored in two of the books yet!

What's the only sign of intelligent life in Columbus?
Ann Arbor: 187 Miles

What does the average Ohio State University student get on his SAT? Drool

How do you get an Ohio Graduate off your front porch?

Pay him for the pizza

Four college Alumni were climbing a mountain one day: An OSU grad, a Michigan grad, a Penn State grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal fan of their alma mater. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way to the top when the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountainside shouting, "This is for the fighting Irish!" Not wanting to be outdone, the Penn State grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Nittany Lions!" Seeing this, the Michigan grad walked over and shouted, "This is for the Wolverines!" and pushed the Ohio State grad off the mountain.

What did the OSU grad say to the Michigan grad?

"Welcome to McDonalds. May I take your order please?"

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep the store." "But, I'm a OSU graduate," the young man replied indignantly, "I even played football there!" "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom, I better show you how."

Two Ohio State football players were hootin' and hollerin' while partying on campus when a bartender asked them why they were celebrating. The smart one said proudly that they had just finished a jigsaw puzzle and it only took them two months. "Two months?!" exclaimed the bartender. The Buckeye proudly replied, "Yeah, the box said 4 - 6 years!"

A Buckeye football player was almost killed today in a tragic horseback riding accident. He fell from the horse and was
nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out an unplugged the horse just in time.

A little boy and his mother were walking through an Ohio cemetery when they came upon a headstone that read: "Here lies an OSU graduate and a good man."
The little boy asked his mother, "Mommy, why did they bury two people in there?"

Coaches Jim Tressel and Lloyd Carr are walking down the beach talking about the rivalry between Ohio State and Michigan. As they are walking, Lloyd trips over something in the sand. Upon closer inspection it turns out to be a genie's lamp. "Who disturbs me?" asked the genie. Jim and Lloyd both say they did. "You will each get one wish," said the genie. Jim offers to go first. "I want an impenetrable wall built around the entire state of Ohio so that none of those stupid Michiganians can ever get in. I want it as far down into the ground as it is high and I want it to be completely sealed in so that we can finally have our peace!" The genie grants the wish to Jim and his is instantly whisked away to his new paradise. The genie now tells Lloyd he'll grant him one wish. Lloyd says, "Fill it up with water."

Why is ice no longer available at Ohio State football games? Because the senior who knew the recipe finally graduated.

What are the three longest years of a Ohio State football player's life? His freshman year.

Ashur · Post by **Ashur** » November 16, 2006, 2:10 pm

Haha, I heard those same jokes at OSU back in 85, except it was Michigan as the butt of them and replace the coaches with who was then current.

Boogahz · Post by **Boogahz** » November 16, 2006, 2:20 pm

yeah, most of them are told around here, but Aggies are the butt of the joke.

Winnow · Post by **Winnow** » November 16, 2006, 2:25 pm

Is OSU the university that places little stars on their helmets for good plays like a high school team?

This can't be still going on can it??

Here's some real football helmets!

Sabek · Post by **Sabek** » November 16, 2006, 2:42 pm

Those aren't stars they are Buckeye leaves biatch.

Zamtuk · Post by **Zamtuk** » November 16, 2006, 3:24 pm

rofl pac 10 football

Post by **Sylvus** » November 16, 2006, 3:38 pm

Apparently there is a rivalry between the Michigan and Ohio State library systems, and in the week leading up to The Game, they engage in some good-natured ribbing when transferring books back and forth.

Here is Michigan's contribution this year:
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/571 ... aunt.0.jpg

And here is Ohio State's:
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/571 ... nter.0.jpg

They spelled "wreck" correctly, so I guess I should probably give them a little more credit...

/edit: bah, no offsite linking, switching to hyperlinks

Zamtuk · Post by **Zamtuk** » November 16, 2006, 3:42 pm

If UM wins its because the Thompson Library (OSU's main one out of 19 libraries (take that UM)) is under renovations until fall of 2007.

Post by **Sylvus** » November 16, 2006, 3:56 pm

"Take that?" The grad library here has like original doodles that Jesus did on papyrus when he was in meetings. Something like that, I remember there being some pretty impressive stuff in there. We also have a number of libraries here, though I don't know how many.

Here's some trash talk from throughout the series. Thank god Perry doesn't play here anymore, or he'd totally have jinxed us. You can't talk smack during the game if you're a player, as David Boston learned.

"Because I couldn't go for three."
-- Former Ohio State coach Woody Hayes on why he went for a 2-point conversation late in a 50-14 win over Michigan in 1968

"I guarantee we will beat Ohio State and go to Pasadena."
-- Former Michigan quarterback Jim Harbaugh before the 1986 game which Michigan won, 26-24

"We want to get (Ohio State coach) John Cooper fired. That's what I want to do. I want to keep on beating that team until he's no longer there."
-- Former Michigan defensive back Walter Smith before the 1992 Ohio State-Michigan game which Ohio State won, 22-6

"Michigan is nothing."
-- Former Ohio State receiver Terry Glenn to the Detroit Free Press before the 1995 game which Michigan won, 31-23

"If we play our game, we should win by two or three touchdowns.

"I play against better defensive backs than (Michigan's Charles Woodson) in practice every day."
-- Former Ohio State receiver David Boston before the 1997 game...

"I was like a father out there, chastising his son for talking to the wrong people."
-- Former Michigan cornerback Charles Woodson on David Boston after Michigan's 20-14 victory in 1997

"It's a blowout. Ain't no ifs, ands or buts about it. (Defensive tackle Alan) Branch is going to knock the stuffing out of -- what's his name -- Troy Smith. You all set that (Heisman Trophy talk) up anyway. That's some BS to begin with.

He shouldn't even win the Heisman. He's not going to win his league or the national championship. We all know what's going to happen. We're going to win it. It's been long overdue. Tressel's been cheating. So, hey, we're going to keep it real. There ain't nothing else to say."
-- Former Michigan and current Cincinnati Bengals running back Chris Perry on this year's game to the Dayton Daily News

"(Michigan receiver Steve Breaston is) worthless in my mind, outside of returning a few punts. I'll say that, and he'll end up winning the game for them on Nov. 18. But he hasn't done anything since his freshman year."
-- Former Ohio State quarterback and current ESPN analyst Kirk Herbstreit on his Columbus radio show on Oct. 30

Zamtuk · Post by **Zamtuk** » November 16, 2006, 4:03 pm

lol, Woody Hayes quotes are always priceless. The best story is when he ran out of gas in Michigan then pushed his car something like 14 miles to Ohio just so he wouldnt get gas in Michigan.

Now, thats hatred.

Boston was a jackass and I was glad to see him getting knocked upside down on the front page of Sports Illustrated and The Columbus Dispatch the next day.

And, I'm pretty sure 80 percent of OSU fans were in full agreement with Walter Smith.

Finally, as much as I hate the Bengals, I want OSU to win that much more. The Game has now just transcended the league and into my untapped hatred of an NFL team.

Post by **Sylvus** » February 6, 2007, 2:15 pm

I just found this picture of Zamtuk and one of his buddies.

Zamtuk · Post by **Zamtuk** » February 6, 2007, 3:16 pm

hah

were going to rape you tonight fyi.

Post by **Sylvus** » February 6, 2007, 3:35 pm

Oh, is tonight the basketball game? That's total coincidence that I posted that picture today, I didn't realize (seriously).

Yeah, you guys should totally rape us. It should be humorous to watch Courtney Sims trying to play against Greg Oden. I'm happy that Michigan Basketball means practically nothing to me compared to football, or it would be very disheartening.

Kilmoll the Sexy · Post by **Kilmoll the Sexy** » February 6, 2007, 3:56 pm

Sylvus wrote:"Take that?" The grad library here has like original doodles that Jesus did on papyrus when he was in meetings. Something like that, I remember there being some pretty impressive stuff in there. We also have a number of libraries here, though I don't know how many.

That would be the safest spot to store them since no one up there has ever visited a library.

Zamtuk · Post by **Zamtuk** » February 6, 2007, 5:42 pm

Sylvus wrote:Yeah, you guys should totally rape us. It should be humorous to watch Courtney Sims trying to play against Greg Oden. I'm happy that Michigan Basketball means practically nothing to me compared to football, or it would be very disheartening.

same here. we just happen to have a good basketball team too.

Post by **Sylvus** » October 26, 2007, 3:58 pm

So I'm sure that you Buckeye fans know what a debacle the 2002 Michigan/Ohio State game was in Columbus. Easily the most hostile environment I've ever been in. I just saw a link to these posters that Ohio State put up in 2004 as part of a campaign to not repeat that.

http://www.osu.edu/dosomethinggreat/arc ... osters.pdf

3 weeks from tomorrow!

noel · Post by **noel** » October 27, 2007, 9:32 pm

Looks like we have ourselves a ball game!

Or not!

Zamtuk · Post by **Zamtuk** » October 28, 2007, 1:16 am

See ya then, Sylvus. Isn't it ironic how the stakes are almost just as high as last year, and you already lost your first two?!

masteen · Post by **masteen** » October 28, 2007, 4:43 pm

I don't give a fuck about your alleged rivalry, but I will wish Michigan luck this year. Beating the Bucknuts after dumping one to a AA school would serve Capt. Sweatervest a huge shit sammich, and I can't think of anyone who deserves one more.

Zamtuk · Post by **Zamtuk** » October 28, 2007, 10:04 pm

That snake in the grass Urban Meyer. But I guess conference play has been his shit sandwich.

Winnow · Post by **Winnow** » January 7, 2008, 1:21 pm

Go LSU!

Ashur · Post by **Ashur** » January 7, 2008, 1:42 pm

masteen wrote:I don't give a fuck about your alleged rivalry, but I will wish Michigan luck this year.

Sure it's out of context, but lol

Morgrym · Post by **Morgrym** » January 7, 2008, 2:56 pm

For one game only, I will be a LSU fan!

I just wish they had playoffs so WVU could claim the title that tricky dick screwed them out of.

VeeshanVault

The Official Anti-Ohio State Thread

The Official Anti-Ohio State Thread

Go Blue!!

Re: The Official Anti-Ohio State Thread

Re: The Official Anti-Ohio State Thread

Re: The Official Anti-Ohio State Thread

Re: The Official Anti-Ohio State Thread

Re: The Official Anti-Ohio State Thread

Re: The Official Anti-Ohio State Thread

Re: The Official Anti-Ohio State Thread

Re: The Official Anti-Ohio State Thread