A little joke for Dallas Cowboy haters

Midnyte_Ragebringer · December 6, 2002, 4:20 pm

An Eagles fan, a Dallas Cowboy's fan and a NY Giant fan were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death! However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment.

By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheik decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik suddenly said, "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The Cowboy fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said, "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Cowboy fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done.

The Giant fan was next up (he almost finished an entire fifth by himself), and after watching the scene, said "All Right! Please fix two pillows on my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again, sending the Giant fan out crying like a little girl.

The Eagles fan was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but
before he could say anything, the Sheik turned to him and said, "You
support the greatest team in the world, your supporters are some of the
best and most loyal football fans in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thanks, your most Royal Highness," the Eagles fan replies. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes." "Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the Sheik says with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheik asks.

"Tie the Cowboy fan to my back!"

Being a Redskin fan I need all the jokes to help me get through another disappointing season.

Voronwë · Post by **Voronwë** » December 6, 2002, 4:34 pm

here is another joke for the Cowboy Haters:

Quincy Carter

Cartalas · Post by **Cartalas** » December 6, 2002, 4:36 pm

<Cough> <Cough> 5 Super Bowls so unless your a Packer or niner fan shut your pie hole

Homercles · Post by **Homercles** » December 6, 2002, 4:43 pm

Dallas Cowboys joke

The Cincinnati Bengals would have a chance to beat them this year

Atokal · Post by **Atokal** » December 6, 2002, 4:44 pm

5 Superbowls, Leading all-time rusher, Gods Team.

Why do the Cowboys play in a building with a hole in the roof?

So God can watch his favorite team play.
As to the packers and niners fans I hear the US government was going to make a commemorative stamp for those two teams. Problem was people couldnt decide which side of the stamp to spit on.

Post by **Xouqoa** » December 6, 2002, 4:50 pm

There is a reason it's called the Lombardi Trophy.

Shaerra · Post by **Shaerra** » December 6, 2002, 4:56 pm

Impress us Dallas folks when Philly wins 2 Superbowls in a row.

Dazzle us Dallas folks when Philly wins 3 Superbowls in 4 years.

OR, you can wake us Dallas folks up when Philly wins ONE Superbowl, mmmmmmkay?

Philly has only played with the big boys once, and got pwned at that game. Not to worry, though they will see another Superbowl soon...from Section C, Rows 9-40. kthxbye

(If you're gonna pick on a football team, pick on one that doesn't have enough rings to fill a hand)

Dallas Cowboys = God's Team
You = Sinner

Sylvos · Post by **Sylvos** » December 6, 2002, 4:58 pm

lol good joke hehe
and
Go Skins!

Midnyte_Ragebringer · December 6, 2002, 5:19 pm

XVII Jan. 30, 1983 Washington 27, Miami 17
XXII Jan. 31, 1988 Washington 42, Denver 10
XXVI Jan. 26, 1992 Washington 37, Buffalo 24

3 Superbowl Wins

I feel they have enough to poke fun at the Dalls Jailbirds, err Cowboys.

Sylvos · Post by **Sylvos** » December 6, 2002, 5:20 pm

Midnyte speaks the truth!

Cartalas · Post by **Cartalas** » December 6, 2002, 5:22 pm

Midnyte_Ragebringer wrote:XVII Jan. 30, 1983 Washington 27, Miami 17
XXII Jan. 31, 1988 Washington 42, Denver 10
XXVI Jan. 26, 1992 Washington 37, Buffalo 24

3 Superbowl Wins

I feel they have enough to poke fun at the Dalls Jailbirds, err Cowboys.

Nope they dont

Not to mention you havent beaten them in god know how long

Mawafu · Post by **Mawafu** » December 6, 2002, 5:28 pm

Don't try to reason with the easily mislead, Xouqoa

Everyone who has an opinion that matters knows the Packers > all other NFL teams

Fallanthas · Post by **Fallanthas** » December 6, 2002, 5:38 pm

Let us not forget the complete lunacy that was the early 80's Cowboys.

I have never seen a tem get so many beneficial calls from officials, either before or since. It was like the Cowboys took out a three year contract with the refs in '81.

Fraid that scarred me too much to ever be a Cowboy 'fan'.

Deward · Post by **Deward** » December 6, 2002, 5:40 pm

Atokal wrote:5 Superbowls, Leading all-time rusher, Gods Team.

Why do the Cowboys play in a building with a hole in the roof?

So God can watch his favorite team play.
As to the packers and niners fans I hear the US government was going to make a commemorative stamp for those two teams. Problem was people couldnt decide which side of the stamp to spit on.

Emmitt, while a nice guy, was running behind arguably the best o-line in history for most of his years. I find it pathetic how they let him limp into the record books over the last few years. He may have the record but I can name at least five guys way better than him. Barry Sanders, Jim Brown, OJ Simpson, Walter Payton and Gale Sayers, not particularly in that order of course.

Far as I am concerned God can have the Cowboys.

Deward

Sylvos · Post by **Sylvos** » December 6, 2002, 5:43 pm

all i can say is
Go Skins!

Post by **Xouqoa** » December 6, 2002, 5:54 pm

Don't knock Emmitt... I'm not a Cowboy fan but he's a great guy, and a great player.

<pre>
YEAR TM G* ATT YDS YD/G YD/R LNG 1stD TD FUM FUML
... -- 3798 16187 -- 4.3 75 -- 148 -- --
1990 Dal -- 241 937 -- 3.9 48 -- 11 -- --
1991 Dal -- 365 1563 -- 4.3 75 -- 12 -- --
1992 Dal -- 373 1713 -- 4.6 68 -- 18 -- --
1993 Dal -- 283 1486 -- 5.3 62 -- 9 -- --
1994 Dal 15 368 1484 98.9 4.0 46 101 21 1 0
1995 Dal 16 377 1773 110.8 4.7 60 107 25 7 6
1996 Dal 15 327 1204 80.3 3.7 42 75 12 5 2
1997 Dal 16 261 1074 67.1 4.1 44 47 4 1 1
1998 Dal 16 319 1332 83.2 4.2 32 89 13 3 2
1999 Dal 15 329 1397 93.1 4.2 63 85 11 5 3
2000 Dal 16 294 1203 75.2 4.1 52 65 9 6 5
2001 Dal 14 261 1021 72.9 3.9 44 47 3 1 1
2002 Dal 12 198 834 69.5 4.2 30 40 3 2 1
</pre>

He's still running for over 1,000 yards a year, and right at 4.0 yards a carry which he has been his entire career. The only thing that has gone down over the years is his number of carries, and that's pretty consistent with most players (especially backs) as they get older. Emmitt is a workhorse, and a damn good one.

Limping into the record books? Hardly.

Voronwë · Post by **Voronwë** » December 6, 2002, 5:56 pm

Dallas Cowboys joke: Barry Switzer

Momopi · Post by **Momopi** » December 6, 2002, 5:59 pm

I have nothing but respect for Emmitt but I honestly think Jim Brown was way above his level of play. I'm happy the Saints didnt choke vs Tampa and now have a good chance of doing some damage in the playoffs....sure hope we dont face Atlanta in the first round!

Aaeamdar · Post by **Aaeamdar** » December 6, 2002, 6:01 pm

I believe the Skins last victory over the Cowboys came in 1997, could be farther back than that, though.

I am really not going to be too wooried about people making fun of my team when it is clearly the most successful franchise in NFL history.

Emmit is in no way "limping to his record." His pace is on par With Payton's. Yes, Sanders, Dickerson and Brown all had a significantly better pace - but whatever - they quit. It is one thing to say "If only X had played longer..." Well, he didn't. Who knows what would have happened if he did. Emmit is still one of the top rushers, this in spite of a team that has not been doing well for 3 years and an o-line that has been suffering for at least that long. And look. 1 guy is not going to make it past 11 on his own. Yes, Dallas certainly had one of the best lines in history. That is just a further testiment to the greatness of Dallas in the 90s. I don't see why that should be used to poke at Emmit. Who knows how good Emmit would have been if his line sucked. It didn't, so we'll never know.

Anyway, like others have said. When you team has shown itself to be in the running for "best NFL franchise" then come back and talk then. Until then, I'll enjoy this year watching Dallas lose some close games and make the best run they can while testing out new tallent. Hopefully, some new star of the Cowboys will come along that we can trade for 3 years of Minnisota's draft picks. If that happens again, a new Dyanasty will shortly follow.

Shaerra · Post by **Shaerra** » December 6, 2002, 6:06 pm

Dallas Cowboys joke: Barry Switzer

No need to get mean here!!!!

Momopi · Post by **Momopi** » December 6, 2002, 6:09 pm

Emmitt is certainly in the top3 of all time no doubt about it. I just wish Bo Jackson didnt get hurt cause it would be Bo on the #1 spot off all time!!

Voronwë · Post by **Voronwë** » December 6, 2002, 6:19 pm

Momopi wrote:Emmitt is certainly in the top3 of all time no doubt about it. I just wish Bo Jackson didnt get hurt cause it would be Bo on the #1 spot off all time!!

Jim Brown
Barry Sanders
Walter Payton

then maybe Emmitt.

I'd put him 4th. Bo Jackson would not have been better than Jim Brown. Jim Brown was the truth.

Momopi · Post by **Momopi** » December 6, 2002, 6:26 pm

Hmmm....I kinda think that Bo Jackson was a faster version of Jim Brown. But we will never know which is a shame.

1 Jim Brown
2 Walter Payton
3 Emmitt Smith
4 Barry Sanders
5 Bo Jackson
my top 5

Sueven · Post by **Sueven** » December 6, 2002, 10:33 pm

Does God enjoy his team being charged with sexual assault, rape, and drug dealing? Does God like that some of his teams best players had to play through numerous league-mandated suspensions for terrible behaviour? Does God appreciate the dirty play of God's line?

I respect Emmitt, and that's about it.

It is true that Emmitt has been remarkably consistent, although he has run behind a tremendous line. The all-time yardage record is nothing to be trifled with. But let's not delude ourselves here:

Emmit Smith has a career rushing average of 4.3 yards per carry. Jim Brown ran for 5.2. Barry Sanders ran for 5.0.

Emmit runs for an average of 1,348 yards per season. Barry Sanders runs for 1,526. Jim Brown ran for 1,368, despite playing only 14 games per season.

You're right that Emmitt Smith is a workhorse, and an excellent back. He plays through pain, is exceptionally tough, and I have great respect for the guy.

But whenever you think of Emmitt, think also of Leon Lett, Ray Allen, Michael Irvin, Erik Williams, Troy Aikman, and the rest of that team. Realize that the offense was on the field very often, thanks to an excellent defense, and that Emmitt was allowed many carries because of the leads his teams often enjoyed. Think of the huge holes his line was opening for him, and realize that the safeties were playing back to guard the pass. Then imagine Barry Sanders or Jim Brown bursting through that hole instead of Emmitt.

If you really think he was the better back, then you're lying to yourself.

Shaerra · Post by **Shaerra** » December 6, 2002, 10:56 pm

Emmitt, think also of Leon Lett, Ray Allen, Michael Irvin, Erik Williams, Troy Aikman

Anyone ever notice how Alvin Harper never gets his dues?

Truant · Post by **Truant** » December 6, 2002, 11:48 pm

Alvin Harper was a fantastic receiver who got overshadowed by Micheal Cokehead Irvin. I think Harper was more talented and the better player personally.

Born and reared in Dallas, live there currently. I will cheer for anyone playing them until Jerry IlooklikeMichaelJackson Jones is gone.

That said i was very happy for Emmitt. I still want the Cowboys to go down in flames every week until that fuckhead sells or moves the team to another city to try and rip them off.

Hammerstalker PE · Post by **Hammerstalker PE** » December 6, 2002, 11:59 pm

Here you go you Philly fans muahaha

XXXVI Feb 03, 2002 New England
XXXV Jan. 28, 2001 Baltimore
XXXIV Jan. 30, 2000 St. Louis
XXXIII Jan. 31, 1999 Denver
XXXII Jan. 25, 1998 Denver
XXXI Jan. 26, 1997 Green Bay
XXX Jan. 28, 1996 Dallas
XXIX Jan. 29, 1995 San Francisco
XXVIII Jan. 30, 1994 Dallas
XXVII Jan. 31, 1993 Dallas
XXVI Jan. 26, 1992 Washington
XXV Jan. 27, 1991 N.Y. Giants
XXIV Jan. 28, 1990 San Francisco
XXIII Jan. 22, 1989 San Francisco
XXII Jan. 31, 1988 Washington
XXI Jan. 25, 1987 N.Y. Giants
XX Jan. 26, 1986 Chicago
XIX Jan. 20, 1985 San Francisco
XVIII Jan. 22, 1984 L.A. Raiders
XVII Jan. 30, 1983 Washington
XVI Jan. 24, 1982 San Francisco
XV Jan. 25, 1981 Oakland
XIV Jan. 20, 1980 Pittsburgh
XIII Jan. 21, 1979 Pittsburgh
XII Jan. 15, 1978 Dallas
XI Jan. 9, 1977 Oakland
X Jan. 18, 1976 Pittsburgh
IX Jan. 12, 1975 Pittsburgh
VIII Jan. 13, 1974 Miami
VII Jan. 14, 1973 Miami
VI Jan. 16, 1972 Dallas
V Jan. 17, 1971 Baltimore
IV Jan. 11, 1970 Kansas City
III Jan. 12, 1969 N.Y. Jets
II Jan. 14, 1968 Green Bay
I Jan. 15, 1967 Green Bay

Hrmm Sna Fran and Dallas tied with 5 Superbowls each...
Then Pittsburg with 4...

Then who cares really since the best 3 franchises ever are at the top!

Post by **Xouqoa** » December 7, 2002, 1:57 am

I wasn't trying to assert that Smith is better than any of the great backs in the history of the NFL, just that he certainly isn't 'limping' into the record books as described by Deward.

Ramseis · Post by **Ramseis** » December 7, 2002, 2:02 am

If Barry Sanders had half the O line that Dallas did he would've easily rushed for 2,500 yards a season. Barry Sanders had more yards for loss than any RB I can think of. Here is a typical 3 plays for Detroit. Hand ball to Barry he loses 6 yards cuze of the holes bigger than the Grand Canyon. Second down same thing. Third down hand off to Barry 60 yard run.

If he had an O line he would still be playing now and eating up chunks of yardage

Aaeamdar · Post by **Aaeamdar** » December 7, 2002, 8:07 am

/shrug

If

if

if

....

Fuck the ifs. Here's an if - If barry Sanders ran for more yards than Emmiit, he would hold the record. He didn't, so he doesn't.

Midnyte_Ragebringer · December 7, 2002, 10:15 am

I like how Emmitt said in an interview before he broke the record, that if Barry Sanders didn't retire he would be easily over 20,000 yards by now.

Zamtuk · Post by **Zamtuk** » December 7, 2002, 10:46 am

Barry Sanders is the best back of all time, period. He had the worst o-line and still but up jesus like numbers. His college record is enough to make a sports enthusiast cry. (2683) Believe me when i say that his record will NEVER be broken.

1. Barry Sanders
2. Jim Brown
3. Walter Payton
4. Emmitt Smith
5. Bo Jackson/Terrell Davis (yup)

Sueven · Post by **Sueven** » December 7, 2002, 5:21 pm

If barry Sanders ran for more yards than Emmiit, he would hold the record. He didn't, so he doesn't.

Here's another if for you: IF Emmitt Smith ran for 5.3 yards per carry, he would hold the record. He didn't, so Jim Brown does.

What the hell makes you think that total yards is the be-all end-all record?

Revs · Post by **Revs** » December 7, 2002, 11:04 pm

Fact: Jerry Jones needs to hire a GM

Why am I smiling? Cause it's the truth.

Xyun · Post by **Xyun** » December 8, 2002, 12:43 am

I hate Dallas simply b/c I hate Jerry Jones.

Barry > Emmitt

Kelshara · Post by **Kelshara** » December 8, 2002, 12:53 am

There is no god so Cowboys suck.

Oh wait.. that's old news!

Drolgin Steingrinder · December 8, 2002, 12:56 am

i liek pingpong

Vannoth · Post by **Vannoth** » December 8, 2002, 10:08 pm

I have the Kahonis to admit here that I'm a Detroit Lions Fan.

Emmitt couldn't carry Barry's jockstrap 10 yards. He couldn't rush his way out of a paper bag, compared to Barry. Emmitt CLEARLY had a better O-Line and a decent Quarterback behind him each year (except maybe the last couple...) All things that Barry never had.

The wasted potential of Barry Sanders makes me very sad.

I'm a true fan...I admit publicly that I'm a fan of the team after a 3-13 last season and a 3-9 current season. In 20-30 years when the team no longer sucks I'll still be a fan.

Hammerstalker PE · Post by **Hammerstalker PE** » December 8, 2002, 10:15 pm

Ok you fucking Emmit Smith bashers are you out of your minds? Barry Sanders at the end of the day was a great RB but what a fucking whinner!

Emmit Smith had a GREAT O line for about 5 yrs of his career. The rest of the time they SUCKED. To say he couldn't carry Barry's jock strap is just about the lamest thing I have heard (and we have Searyx on this board). Emmit and Barry are both awesome. To compare them and try to say who was better is ridiculous.

Midnyte_Ragebringer · December 8, 2002, 10:31 pm

It's not ridiculous at all. In fact it's easy. Barry is way better than Emmitt dreams he could be.

Hammerstalker PE · Post by **Hammerstalker PE** » December 8, 2002, 10:39 pm

Um oh whatever you say! The fact of the matter is Emmit has more yards from scrimmage than Barry, more TD's than Barry and more championships than Barry so all you that think Barry is better, the facts say differently and facts are facts.

Canelek · Post by **Canelek** » December 8, 2002, 10:56 pm

Let us not forget the Juice

He had to be one of the fastest RBs in NFL history, not to mention his 2003 yards in 14 games

...at least I think it was 2003 yards.

Momopi · Post by **Momopi** » December 9, 2002, 11:45 am

To say that Barry was that much better than Emmitt is rubbish. Although Barry had better moves, he didnt bring a heart of a champion to the table. To be considered the best ever you have to have a winning spirit and make your teammates better players. Barry didnt have that, sorry to say.

Cartalas · Post by **Cartalas** » December 9, 2002, 11:48 am

Momopi wrote:To say that Barry was that much better than Emmitt is rubbish. Although Barry had better moves, he didnt bring a heart of a champion to the table. To be considered the best ever you have to have a winning spirit and make your teammates better players. Barry didnt have that, sorry to say.

Barry Sandars was a gret running back but there was a reason he never got the goal line carries. He sucked on the short yardage.

sarlen · Post by **sarlen** » December 9, 2002, 11:48 am

Damn thats a funny joke..

Momopi · Post by **Momopi** » December 9, 2002, 11:51 am

I am also curious as to the passing yards Barry and Emmitt had....I am willing to bet it isnt remotly close.

Shaerra · Post by **Shaerra** » December 9, 2002, 12:11 pm

I doubt if either of them had any passing yards.

Really, though, I would be interested in seeing stats on recieving yards as well. Anyone have these stats?

-Shae

Voronwë · Post by **Voronwë** » December 9, 2002, 12:36 pm

if barry sanders played on the Dallas Cowboys in the early 90s and Emmitt played on the Lions, you wouldnt even compare the two in their ability.

Barry Sanders is so much better than Emmitt Smith it is stupid.

Momopi · Post by **Momopi** » December 9, 2002, 12:59 pm

Then you can say if Bo Jackson was on the cowboys he would have been better than both Barry and Emmitt by a longshot. Barry just wasnt as big of a weapon as Emmitt was.

Hammerstalker PE · Post by **Hammerstalker PE** » December 9, 2002, 1:42 pm

That is a GREAT point. Emmit has the HEART of a winner and Barry the heart of a WHINNER!

VeeshanVault

A little joke for Dallas Cowboy haters

A little joke for Dallas Cowboy haters

The Eagles...

Hey!!!!

Dallas' killer offense...

Recieving yards...