Friday Joke Thread

[Dexail]

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him for ten million bucks. This bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an occupational benefit, and why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed
that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything he'd ever have
to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper about his missing
$10 million bucks, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.

The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks you
embezzled from me?"

The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10
million dollar is hidden.

The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."

The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're
talking about."

That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to
the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it, and says: "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure
if you don't tell him!"

The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown
briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"

The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"

The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull
the trigger.

[Tegellan]

Not a joke, but a pretty funny little movie, it's work safe but you need sound

http://www.kicken.com/funnyfiles2/www.k ... sleeps.wmv

[Zygar_ Cthulhukin]

Does everyone know abour the 4 types of orgasms?


(1) The positive orgasm: "Oh yes.....Oh YES!"

(2) The negative orgasm: "Oh no, oh no, oh no"

(3) The religious orgasm: "oh god......OH GOD!"













and lastly

(4) The fake orgasm: Oh [you]....OH [you]!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Atokal]

Female Prayer:

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

Amen.

Male Prayer:

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac
with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a bass boat.

Amen.

[Spang]

A blind man walks into a bar and sits down next to a blonde girl.

He leans over and says, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

She looks around the bar, and then replies, "Well, I'm a blonde. The bartender? She does body building on the side, and she's a blonde. The girl on the other side of you? The fitness trainer? Blonde. The chick behind me is a cop, ditto. And the girl wearing leather and a dog collar standing by the mirror? I'll give you one guess what the color of her hair is. Are you sure you want to tell the joke?"

Without hesitation, he replies, "Uh...not if I'm going to have to explain it five times, no."