Canada jokes wanted.

Bubba Grizz · Post by **Bubba Grizz** » November 6, 2002, 6:24 pm

A coworker of mine deals with a company in Canada. Well she just got an email stating something to the effect that Canada is bigger and above the US and if it were prison the US would be Canada's bitch.

Well, my coworker would like to retaliate in kind and needs some ammo. This is all in fun and not meant to be a hateful, spiteful thing. So if you have some anti-Canada, or hell even pro-Canada, stuff please post it so I can pass it on.

Thanks.

Post by **Sylvus** » November 6, 2002, 6:39 pm

Generally you can just take a joke that has 3 different types of people on the sinking titanic, about to shot by firing squad, walking into a bar, playing golf, etc. and replace the ethnicity or whatever that is the biggest butt of the joke with Canada. You may also find that altering the humorously exaggerated feature of said person will have more of an impact if it more closely resembles that of a Canadian. For example, you posted that hilarious anti-Mexican thing a while back, switch it up with Canadians instead and I'm sure it'll be an instant hit just like the original!

Fairweather Pure · Post by **Fairweather Pure** » November 6, 2002, 6:41 pm

Q: What do you throw a drowning Canadian?

A: His wife and kids!

Yeah, I guess it is still funny...

Millie · Post by **Millie** » November 6, 2002, 9:49 pm

You don't need a joke to insult a country that's 50% French.

Revs · Post by **Revs** » November 6, 2002, 10:11 pm

I don't know any Canadian jokes but I know how to piss off Faerin

When in doubt, spread the word!

kyoukan · Post by **kyoukan** » November 7, 2002, 2:38 am

Millie wrote:You don't need a joke to insult a country that's 50% French.

which country is 50% french

There aren't many Canadian jokes because canadians are too boring to make fun of. There are a lot of newfoundlander jokes, but they are basically pollack jokes with newfies instead of poles.

Most Canadian jokes are satire or self-deprecating, like:

Q: How do you get the Canadian paparazzi off your front lawn?

A: You say "Please get off my front lawn."

or

The automobile companies put black boxes in cars (like they have in planes) to record people's last words as they crashed into things and died. In the U.S., the last words were mostly, "Oh no!" ...Kind of what you would expect.

But in Canada, most of them said right before they died, "Take my beer. Watch this!"

Here is one that isn't very funny

An Englishman, a Canadian and an American were captured by terrorists.

The terrorist leader said, "Before we shoot you, you will be allowed last words. Please let me know what you wish to talk about."

The Englishman replied, "I wish to speak of loyalty and service to the crown."

The Canadian replied, "Since you are involved in a question of national purpose, national identity, and secession, I wish to talk about the history of constitutional process in Canada, special status, distinct society and uniqueness within diversity."

The American replied, "Just shoot me before the Canadian starts talking."

This one is okay:

A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his

arm. His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case

of beer for?"

"I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob.

"Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade."

This one is old:

An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They
were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died
before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the
American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and
nurses present asked him what happened.

"Well, " said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a
beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing
at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were
all too young to die, and that for a donation of $50, we could return to
the earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50,
and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the
other two?"

"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the
price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his."

You could always recommend the old standby of threatening to nuke canada and/or making it the 51st state. The hilarity never ends when some comic wünderkind whips that gem out.

Ahmik · Post by **Ahmik** » November 7, 2002, 3:39 am

Student at school (a LEGAL one) from Mexico City told me this one a few days ago...

Why is it so windy on the Great Plains?
It's because Mexico blows and Canada sucks, and we're caught in the middle.

Edit: my spelling sucks

Animalor · Post by **Animalor** » November 7, 2002, 9:25 am

Here's a Canadian joke.

Aabidano · Post by **Aabidano** » November 7, 2002, 9:48 am

AniRask wrote:Here's a Canadian joke.

I was hoping for a map of Quebec

Kylere · Post by **Kylere** » November 7, 2002, 10:57 am

Kyoukan

Burke · Post by **Burke** » November 7, 2002, 1:53 pm

Why do Canadians prefer doggie style?

So they can both watch the hockey game.

Voronwë · Post by **Voronwë** » November 7, 2002, 2:01 pm

5 hole

Wulfran · Post by **Wulfran** » November 7, 2002, 5:50 pm

Best Canadian joke is our federal government

Dreadnaught · Post by **Dreadnaught** » November 8, 2002, 12:10 pm

You don't need a joke to insult a country that's 50% French.

last time i checked, canada isnt 50% french.