I need the opinion of many people....

Adex_Xeda · Post by **Adex_Xeda** » August 27, 2004, 11:10 am

I'm taking this class about marriage.

During the course of conversation the whole class came into disagreement on what exactly romance was.

I mean we hear the word every day and there are classic actions associated with the word like giving flowers or being throughtful of another.

Sadly, the word is kinda hard to pin down.

What is your opinion is romantic? What is your definition of romance? Hugging a person is normally not considered romantic, yet it could be given the right circumstances. What circumstances? What framework is necessary for an act to be considered romantic rather than just being nurturing or supportive?

I'd love to hear opinions on this.

Siji · Post by **Siji** » August 27, 2004, 11:20 am

It's a feeling, not an action. Almost any action can be romantic if the feeling is there.

Akaran_D · Post by **Akaran_D** » August 27, 2004, 11:22 am

Romantic is bringing home flowers to a loved one for no particular reason...

Romantic is giving your loved one a soft, gentle massage when he / she comes home because you know they've had a bad day...

Romantic is cooking your loved one their favorite dinner before they come home to surprise them under the soft glow of candlelight..

Romantic is feeding chocolates to your loved one while they lay back and try to forget about their day..

I wish someone would do those things for me.

Kilmoll the Sexy · Post by **Kilmoll the Sexy** » August 27, 2004, 11:23 am

If you are not intending to get into their panties that night, it is romance. If you do intend to, then it should be considered foreplay.

Adex_Xeda · Post by **Adex_Xeda** » August 27, 2004, 11:36 am

Akaran, you mention romantic acts.

How do we know an act is romantic? What test do we apply to the act to judge it as romantic or not?

Kindo · Post by **Kindo** » August 27, 2004, 11:50 am

Romance does not have to equate to being monetary in nature (giving flowers, trips, fancy dinners, ect). I guess I would say romance is doing thoughtful things for the one you love that you know will make them happy for no other reason than making them happy. Things that you have to put some effort into doing but that don't neccessarily cost anything.

Romance does not equal sex either. Sure, romantic sexual interludes are important to long term relationships (in my opinion!) but get the notion that if you do something romantic you're gonna get some that night out of your heads!

Being romantic takes continuous effort and I would say it's something you have to be at ease doing, you shouldn't consider it a chore. I also think it probably gets easier over time, the more you communicate with your mate the better you know them and understand the little things that make them happiest. Perhaps that's what romance boils down to, communication. Through romance you communicate how much your mate means to you on a physical and emotional level.

masteen · Post by **masteen** » August 27, 2004, 12:43 pm

I think that getting a BJ in the morning is the pinnacle of romance.

Nick · Post by **Nick** » August 27, 2004, 1:00 pm

A indefinable spark of a feeling that both people know is there, this can manifest in actions that provide further proof of said feeling (i.e flowers/chocolates/a hug/a kiss).

masteen · Post by **masteen** » August 27, 2004, 1:07 pm

Adex_Xeda wrote:Akaran, you mention romantic acts.

How do we know an act is romantic? What test do we apply to the act to judge it as romantic or not?

Adex, you're trying to apply logic and consistencty to a female invention. Madness lies down that path.

Nick · Post by **Nick** » August 27, 2004, 1:10 pm

Har har Masteenface~

Winnow · Post by **Winnow** » August 27, 2004, 1:12 pm

For Teeny, romance is frolicking in the field. For someone else, romance might be snuggling together playing Madden 2005 on the X-Box.

Romance usually ends up being cheating on your boring partner with someone you perceive to be exciting because you don't have to deal with the day to day boring stuff with them.

It's all perception so you can't really define it well.

Adex_Xeda · Post by **Adex_Xeda** » August 27, 2004, 1:19 pm

Ever notice that romance is used towards things that aren't necessarily human?

exa.
The old days of big band music were a "romantic" time for many who remember them.

Akaran_D · Post by **Akaran_D** » August 27, 2004, 1:22 pm

Akaran, you mention romantic acts.

How do we know an act is romantic? What test do we apply to the act to judge it as romantic or not?

If it comes from the heart, it's romantic.. if you do something because you care about the person, or go out of your way to do something special, that's romantic.

I'm actually going to side with Kilmoll:

If you are not intending to get into their panties that night, it is romance. If you do intend to, then it should be considered foreplay.

Or in other words..
If it comes from the heart it = romance.
If it comes from the penis = not romance.

edited to add:
If it stirs up feelings of love within your own emotional boundries, then it is "romantic". What is romantic to one person is not necessarily romantic to another. I find the song from FFX2 "1,000 Words" romantic and touching; wheras I cannot stand to listen to so called romantic songs of the 70's and 80's because they make my teeth grate and bring up feelings of revulsion.

Adex_Xeda · Post by **Adex_Xeda** » August 27, 2004, 1:25 pm

Romance seems to rely on an element of wildness, and facination.

An act is seldom romantic if it doesn't draw the partner into facination towards the other or the other's efforts.

I'm still trying to define what sets romance as different from affection or nurturing.

Acts towards your mother for instance might be affectionate or nurturing but non would define them as romantic.

Romantic seems to be exclusive to dating or marriage relationships. How it is linked to "romantic times in history" I'm still uncertain.

Siji · Post by **Siji** » August 27, 2004, 1:25 pm

masteen wrote:I think that getting a BJ in the morning is the pinnacle of romance.

I would have to agree.

As I said above, it's a feeling. It's not any specific action. You can't test it or apply boundaries to it. You can't define it in any set rules.

masteen · Post by **masteen** » August 27, 2004, 1:55 pm

Akaran_D wrote:Or in other words..
If it comes from the heart it = romance.
If it comes from the penis = not romance.

By that definition, I've never done a single romantic thing in my life. So it's prolly true

Sylvos · Post by **Sylvos** » August 27, 2004, 2:31 pm

not making her sleep in the wet spot is True Romance.

masteen · Post by **masteen** » August 27, 2004, 3:53 pm

No, True Romance is falling in love with a hooker, killing her pimp, stealing his coke and selling the shit in California while the mafia wacks your dad.

Canelek · Post by **Canelek** » August 27, 2004, 4:37 pm

masteen wrote:No, True Romance is falling in love with a hooker, killing her pimp, stealing his coke and selling the shit in California while the mafia wacks your dad.

The Walken / Hopper scene was fabulous!

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » August 27, 2004, 6:20 pm

i'd say that romance is any action that overwhelms your partner with feelings of love.

Kylere · Post by **Kylere** » August 27, 2004, 6:25 pm

Romace is being nice to someone you are interested in just for the sake of being nice without needing anything in return.

Sylvos · Post by **Sylvos** » August 27, 2004, 6:30 pm

no thats altruism kylere
your poor wife =(

Adelrune Argenti · Post by **Adelrune Argenti** » August 27, 2004, 6:50 pm

I think Kindo hit on a big part of it. It is about doing something you know will make your partner happy for the sake of making them happy. Normally these are actions that show you are thinking about that person and want them to know you are.

It isn't something that always comes naturally to each of us either. However that is what makes it special. All of us know the effort required to be tuned into someone to know what they desire at a given moment.

Some of the most romantic moments could be just taking the time to watch a sunset or write a little note to slip into someone's lunch so they know you are thinking about them.

Each person is different in what they consider romantic. Masteen hit upon what to many men is romantic. Men equate sex with romance. It is a physical act. Women, not all, tend to equate actions, which most men would consider non-sexual, as romantic as they underscore the effort someone would go to to please someone.

Diae Soulmender · Post by **Diae Soulmender** » August 27, 2004, 7:02 pm

Romance is defined as being able to take a big phat crap while shes putting on her makeup and not feeling unconfortable.

Thats amore'

Dregor Thule · Post by **Dregor Thule** » August 27, 2004, 7:02 pm

Romantic is whatever pleases the one you love in a sexual way. Re-read that. I don't mean the act of fucking.

Rasspotari · Post by **Rasspotari** » August 27, 2004, 8:49 pm

evoking a feeling of beeing loved and appriciated, in someone you do love and appriciate, through indirect action or speech. all though the words "i love you" do fit the describtion i spose

can be as simple as a smile and an eye contact over breakfast.

can be as "bothersome

" as ordering flowers delivered to the workplace along with a note that tells her when a limo is picking her up to go shopping in the afternoon because you arranged the day off with her boss without telling her about it, then meeting her after her shopping for a new dress and a general cooshie day is over, at her favorite restaurant.

Lynxe · Post by **Lynxe** » August 27, 2004, 9:19 pm

My definition:

Romance is a label for the subjective reaction to:
- a personal effort by one person and/or;
- a circumstance between two (or more) people
that results in a positive emotional response regarding the courting/maintenance of a relationship with someone they are physically attracted to.

Subjective:
What one person finds romantic another may react negatively too (ex: Giving a kitten may seem romantic to some, but if the person is allergic to cats they may not appreciate it as such!)

Personal effort OR Circumstance
An act/effort such as a gift can be romantic but it isn't always something intended. People can find themselves in romantic situations by chance.

Two or more
Some people prefer multi-party relationships, to each his/her own

Physically Attracted
Physical attraction is the key difference between a romantic relationship and a friendship. It is the element that changes "affectionate or nurturing" to "romantic".

Kylere · Post by **Kylere** » August 27, 2004, 9:24 pm

Sylvos wrote:no thats altruism kylere
your poor wife =(

Good romance is altruistic, anything else is "playin'"

Coatlicue [KoE] · Post by **Coatlicue [KoE]** » August 28, 2004, 9:56 am

I think of romance in several different ways..

the act of giving to make someone happy with no expectations of return...

wanting to make someone feel overwhelmed with love and happiness because you feel that way too...

doing little things for your partner because you love them or are beginning to really love them...

There's so many different things you can do or say to define it as "romantic". Most people on this earth will define romance soley as an act of giving (i.e. giving flowers, candy, perfume, etc). IMHO here are some things and actions I feel are romantic (some are experienced and some are fantasized!). Substitue the actual items and or actions to suit your needs.

1. Coming home to a home cooked meal... you've had a long and hard day and they just wanted you to relax. Glasses of wine filled, candles lit, the kitchen already cleaned of the mess they made while cooking.

2. Looks can say a thousand words. When you look into their eyes, and you can just feel the electricity burning between you. the way they caress your cheek and you close your eyes to savor that one moment. The way you both lean in for that kiss that sends your emotions sky high and you don't come down until the next day, month, year...

3. A perfect kiss with the one you've been dreaming about for ages.

4. Cuddling up with your sweety on the couch to watch a movie or play video games. Laughing it up because you don't know the controls to the football game you've been playing and then settling back into the grove and enjoying the rest of the night.

5. Coming home to find out that your sweety got you the dog, cat, fish, bird, etc that you've been wanting and needing.

6. Dancing with your partner in the dark, music softly playing in the background. Smelling their cologne or perfume, seeing their smile, feeling their body against yours, and feeling an overwhelming sense of ... we belong together.

7. Walking together, hand in hand, wind blowing in your hair. When you get cold, your partner wraps their arms around you to keep you warm.

Some of these things might be stupid to some... but everyone has their own definition of romance. I could go on and on for hours, but I'll spare you the pain

Adex_Xeda · Post by **Adex_Xeda** » August 28, 2004, 2:38 pm

Hmm,

So perhaps romance is just a label for a feeling that people experience.

Maybe the definition of romance is not determined by a focus on romantic actions but rather focusing on words that describe the "feeling" of romance.

Act A is romantic when it invokes feelings of _____ and _____ and ____ etc.

Truant · Post by **Truant** » August 29, 2004, 7:22 am

the plain and simple answer is, Romance is abstract, and therefore cannot be defined, simply.

Kylere · Post by **Kylere** » August 29, 2004, 10:34 am

If people are not clear when you explain that romance is something hard to put into words, ask them to define sweet or time. Without using measurements of time or comparison foods.

Mezzdat · Post by **Mezzdat** » August 30, 2004, 11:19 am

What in the SHIT is wrong with you people?

Winnow · Post by **Winnow** » August 30, 2004, 2:02 pm

*sings*

I was tired of my lady, we'd been together too long.
Like a worn-out recording, of a favorite song.
So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed.
And in the personals column, there was this letter I read:

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
I'm the lady you've looked for, write to me, and escape."

I didn't think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean.
But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine.
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad.
And though I'm nobody's poet, I thought it wasn't half-bad.

"Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne.
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape.
At a bar called O'Malley's, where we'll plan our escape."

So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place.
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face.
It was my own lovely lady, and she said, "Oh, it's you."
And we laughed for a moment, and I said, "I never knew"..

"That you liked Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
You're the love that I've looked for, come with me, and escape."

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
You're the love that I've looked for, come with me, and escape."