Okay, I'm horribly bored right now, so 100 VVs to the first 20 people that post something that I find funny. Link me, tell me a joke, whatever. I'll be the final judge, enter as many times as you like but you'll only get paid once and only if it makes me laugh. The contest will end when I have paid out 2000 VVs or at around this time tomorrow.
Have at it.
Make Me Laugh!
Moderator: TheMachine
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Sylvus
- Super Poster!
- Posts: 7033
- Joined: July 10, 2002, 11:10 am
- Gender: Male
- XBL Gamertag: mp72
- Location: A², MI
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Make Me Laugh!
"It's like these guys take pride in being ignorant." - Barack Obama
Go Blue!
Go Blue!
alrighty, ill have a go at it. Hope we dont have any jewish people take offense to this..
haha thanks zamtuk, you motivated me to change it. here, ill try this pic.
http://www.humournet.co.uk/Images/funny_pic05.jpg
Topper
haha thanks zamtuk, you motivated me to change it. here, ill try this pic.
http://www.humournet.co.uk/Images/funny_pic05.jpg
Topper
Last edited by Topper on June 19, 2003, 1:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
She Dreams in Digital
\"Led Zeppelin taught an entire generation of young men how to make love, if they just listen\"- Michael Reed(2005)
\"Led Zeppelin taught an entire generation of young men how to make love, if they just listen\"- Michael Reed(2005)
Subject: terrorist alert
At Heathrow Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a
public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in
possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator.
Authorities believe she is a member of the notorious al-Gebra movement.
She is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.
*rimshot*
At Heathrow Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a
public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in
possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator.
Authorities believe she is a member of the notorious al-Gebra movement.
She is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.
*rimshot*
~ 70 Troll Scourge Knight ~
"You're talking a whole lotta Jibba-Jabba."
"You're talking a whole lotta Jibba-Jabba."
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Sylvus
- Super Poster!
- Posts: 7033
- Joined: July 10, 2002, 11:10 am
- Gender: Male
- XBL Gamertag: mp72
- Location: A², MI
- Contact:
I'll allow it.Zamtuk wrote:This better?Sylvus wrote:So does Sylvus, try again!
So far I've paid everyone in this thread that I found funny, if you didn't get any, keep trying or just wait and if I feel bad about it I may pay you anyway.
"It's like these guys take pride in being ignorant." - Barack Obama
Go Blue!
Go Blue!
Cajun Fisherman
Leaving a bayou in Southern Louisiana well known for its fishing, a Cajun was stopped by a game warden. The game warden pulled along side the Cajun's boat and noticed two ice chests full of fish."Do you have a license to catch those fish?" the game warden asked.
"Naw, ma' fren, I ain't got none of dem no. Dese here are ma' pet fish," the Cajun proudly replied.
"Pet fish?!" the warden said.
"You betcha pet fish,"said the Cajun. The Cajun explained, "Avery night I take ma' pet fish down to de bayou and let dem swim 'round fo a while, and when I think dey had enough swimmin' for da evenin' den I whistle and dey jump rat back into dese here ice chests and I take dem home."
"That's a bunch of bull, fish can't do that!" the warden demanded.
The Cajun looked at the game warden and said, "It's de truth, ma'n. Here, I'll show you." So the Cajun carefully picked up each of the two ice chests, gently poured the fish into the bayou, then sat back in his boat chair, crossed his arms, and quietly waited.
After several minutes, the game warden turned to the Cajun and said, "Well?
"Well, what?"
"Well, how long are you going to let them swim around?" the warden asked.
"Let who swim around?"
"The fish," the warden said.
"What fish?"
Leaving a bayou in Southern Louisiana well known for its fishing, a Cajun was stopped by a game warden. The game warden pulled along side the Cajun's boat and noticed two ice chests full of fish."Do you have a license to catch those fish?" the game warden asked.
"Naw, ma' fren, I ain't got none of dem no. Dese here are ma' pet fish," the Cajun proudly replied.
"Pet fish?!" the warden said.
"You betcha pet fish,"said the Cajun. The Cajun explained, "Avery night I take ma' pet fish down to de bayou and let dem swim 'round fo a while, and when I think dey had enough swimmin' for da evenin' den I whistle and dey jump rat back into dese here ice chests and I take dem home."
"That's a bunch of bull, fish can't do that!" the warden demanded.
The Cajun looked at the game warden and said, "It's de truth, ma'n. Here, I'll show you." So the Cajun carefully picked up each of the two ice chests, gently poured the fish into the bayou, then sat back in his boat chair, crossed his arms, and quietly waited.
After several minutes, the game warden turned to the Cajun and said, "Well?
"Well, what?"
"Well, how long are you going to let them swim around?" the warden asked.
"Let who swim around?"
"The fish," the warden said.
"What fish?"
The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.
The statement above is false.
Pyrella - Illusionist - Leader of Ixtlan on Antonia Bayle
if you were walking around and you came upon a tulip with tits, would you let it be for the rest of the world to enjoy.. or would you pick it and carry it off to a secluded area to motorboat them?
-Cadalano
if you were walking around and you came upon a tulip with tits, would you let it be for the rest of the world to enjoy.. or would you pick it and carry it off to a secluded area to motorboat them?
-Cadalano
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Sionistic
- Way too much time!
- Posts: 3092
- Joined: September 20, 2002, 10:17 pm
- Gender: Male
- Location: Piscataway, NJ
2 blondes are hunting in the woods, suddenly one falls down and dies, shocked, the other blonde grabs her cell phone and calls 911
Operator: 911 whats your emergancy
Blonde: Help! me and my friend were hunting in the woods and she just fell down, i think shes dead!
Operator: Calm down mam, first i need you to make sure shes dead
"a few moments silence"
BANG
Blonde: Ok now what?
Operator: 911 whats your emergancy
Blonde: Help! me and my friend were hunting in the woods and she just fell down, i think shes dead!
Operator: Calm down mam, first i need you to make sure shes dead
"a few moments silence"
BANG
Blonde: Ok now what?
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Aabidano
- Way too much time!
- Posts: 4861
- Joined: July 19, 2002, 2:23 pm
- Gender: Male
- Location: Florida
A guy from Texas goes to the doctor for a vasectomy.
Unlike the usual patients, he shows up in a limousine, and he's sitting in the doctor's office in a tuxedo with black tie.
The doctor says, "I've done a lot of these, but I've never seen a limo and tux before. What's the story?" To which the fellow responds,
"If I'm gonna BE im-potent, I'm gonna LOOK im-potent!"
Unlike the usual patients, he shows up in a limousine, and he's sitting in the doctor's office in a tuxedo with black tie.
The doctor says, "I've done a lot of these, but I've never seen a limo and tux before. What's the story?" To which the fellow responds,
"If I'm gonna BE im-potent, I'm gonna LOOK im-potent!"
"Life is what happens while you're making plans for later."
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noel
- Super Poster!
- Posts: 10003
- Joined: August 22, 2002, 1:34 am
- Gender: Male
- Location: Calabasas, CA
I check this site pretty much daily. It's a condensed version of the monologues for all of the late night shoes; Leno, Letterman, O'Brien and Kilborn.
http://www.newsmax.com/liners.shtml
Hmmm you wanted immediate laughter though...
My favorite game for my X-box is Dead or Alive: Extreme Beach Volleyball... and I play it for the volleyball!
http://www.newsmax.com/liners.shtml
Hmmm you wanted immediate laughter though...
My favorite game for my X-box is Dead or Alive: Extreme Beach Volleyball... and I play it for the volleyball!
Oh, my God; I care so little, I almost passed out.
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Drolgin Steingrinder
- Way too much time!
- Posts: 3510
- Joined: July 3, 2002, 5:28 pm
- Gender: Male
- PSN ID: Drolgin
- Location: Århus, Denmark
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Sionistic
- Way too much time!
- Posts: 3092
- Joined: September 20, 2002, 10:17 pm
- Gender: Male
- Location: Piscataway, NJ
Best blonde joke EVER
http://pub147.ezboard.com/fmonklybusine ... 3105.topic
what happens to idiots near fire
http://www.elliottinthemorning.com/videos/1short.mpeg
and the results
http://www.elliottinthemorning.com/imag ... ylegsm.jpg
http://pub147.ezboard.com/fmonklybusine ... 3105.topic
what happens to idiots near fire
http://www.elliottinthemorning.com/videos/1short.mpeg
and the results
http://www.elliottinthemorning.com/imag ... ylegsm.jpg
found this to be an entertaining read, might enjoy 
Monks vs Pets
(Question)
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Ok so i am lfg oneday and get a tell "hey come to BoT" i htink to myself woot group lets grind .So i cast up some throwing wepeons click my Jboots and get set up to pull . Once i get to the group i am told the Ranger is pulling cause he can harmony. I think Doh ! I let it slide though cause rangers have had a rough go of this game for long time . So a day or two passes nd boom a raid is called . I think Woot time to goto work . Summon some throwing weps and put on my bestest pulling gear. Once i get to the raid i am told nope Bard is pulling . To wich i think ot myself DOH! ok so i let this slide cause hey raid leaders know their stuff and i am but a soldier .
Ok now this morning i am readin the Patch message and i see that this "child of Bertoxxsomthingorother" can feign as well . I am tellin you guys if someone says to me no Quy the pet is pullin i am gonna lose it ! and you guys havnt seen nothin till you seen a pissed of crossdressin monk lose his mind !!
Now this is far from a real bish post i am just board stupid on patch day before i goto work
(Answer)
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Sometimes convincing your group to let you pull is an art. It used to be easy, just surreptitiously break mezz during a few big warrior pulls, and people would be begging for the monk to pull singles.
Now its not so easy. Not only has VI made mezz-breakers obvious, they have also given other classes pulling abilities.
This is where the art of trash talking comes in. I have found that if you heckle the puller, not only are they more prone to mess up, but their mistakes are made more obvious.
Eventually they will say "if you think you can do a better job, then you do it!" That is your cue to step in and save the day. If you mess up, make sure to blame the least popular member of the group. Especially if it is a bard.
Ghit's thoughts on non-monk classes pulling...
Chanters want to pull, and it becomes immediately clear who are the good chanters and which ones just think they are. Expect a lot of down time if you get one of the later.
Necros want to pull, see chanters. But if you dont have pethold, then you are not yet ready grasshoppa...
Mages want to pull, see necros.
Rangers want to pull, but it is probably just a reflexive impulse back from the days when they died every 10 minutes. They will give up after the rest of the group starts griping about the downtime. Be careful though, an experienced ranger can pose a major problem in the path between you and pulling.
SKs want to pull, and are probably as well-equipped as we are to do so. Since there aren't many of them it is easy to keep them down...just hit their pulls with a BioOrb once in a while and tell them that their class is bugged. If you see an SK pulling for another group, do a fellow monk a favor and BioOrb their pulls too.
Warriors want to pull, and in good xp group it makes sense. The key to keeping them in check is to massage their enormous ego OMGIAMRETARDEDCAUSEALOTISTWOWORDS...words like "wow! you have how many hp?!?!" and "gee, that FU warrior I played with couldn't hold agro like you!" will keep them taunting away happily for hours.
Paladins want to pull, see Warriors.
Rogues sometimes want to pull, but they get over it quickly. Mix in a few compliments about how the group really misses their DPS when they are gone, and they are will likely give up on the pulling thing. After all, most rogues are basically cowards, and they hate dying anyway.
Wizards sometimes like to pull, see Rogues. The only difference is that Wizards aren't cowards, they are crazy. Expect them to train the group several times within the first few minutes, and give up under peer pressure.
Druids, Clerics and Shamen never seem to want to pull. These are either just really good people, or perhaps it's too much of a bother to pull with your second Box.
Bards want to pull, and they are really the biggest threat to our livelyhood. They can pacify, snare, mezz, and even Feign Death. They key to keeping them in check is that their FD is mana-based. Get them killed once, and they are done.
The sekrit to getting them killed is to talk to them constantly. This will really jack them up, since they continually have to keep clicking keys to keep their songs up. If they drop their songs to talk to you, a "How come my guild bard can mix 4 songs, and you only mix 2?" is usually good enough to fire up their bardish pride and get them twisting like crazy.
That's your cue to have all of your friends start sending him tells as well. Have them start with, "are you interested in buying some Drums of the Rathe? Eventually they will implode or succumb to Carpal Tunnel.
Ok, Quy. That's all the monkly lore I can pass on to you this week. Feel free to disseminate it amongst our brethren, and keep up the good work!
Dear Management, I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
1- I do physical labor
2- I work at great depths
3- I plunge head first into everything I do
4- I do not get weekends or public holidays off
5- I work in a damp environment
6- I don't get paid overtime
7- I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
8- I work in high temperatures
9- My work exposes me to contagious diseases
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
1- You can not work 8 hours straight
2- You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
3- You do not always follow the orders of the management team
4- You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations
5- You do not take initiative -- you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
6- You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
7- You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective gear
8- You will retire well before you are 65
9- You are unable to work double shifts
10- You sometimes leave your designated work before you have completed the assigned task
11- And if that were not enough, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management
1- I do physical labor
2- I work at great depths
3- I plunge head first into everything I do
4- I do not get weekends or public holidays off
5- I work in a damp environment
6- I don't get paid overtime
7- I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
8- I work in high temperatures
9- My work exposes me to contagious diseases
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
1- You can not work 8 hours straight
2- You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
3- You do not always follow the orders of the management team
4- You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations
5- You do not take initiative -- you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
6- You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
7- You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective gear
8- You will retire well before you are 65
9- You are unable to work double shifts
10- You sometimes leave your designated work before you have completed the assigned task
11- And if that were not enough, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management
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Sylvus
- Super Poster!
- Posts: 7033
- Joined: July 10, 2002, 11:10 am
- Gender: Male
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- Contact:
Okay, thanks for the replies, everyone should be paid up to this point.
Xou, yours was funny but you are disqualified from competition because you have 389237657 VVs. Py is dq'ed because he is an admin.
There's still 5 more VV awards available, though it's friday now and you'll have to really work for them.
Xou, yours was funny but you are disqualified from competition because you have 389237657 VVs. Py is dq'ed because he is an admin.
There's still 5 more VV awards available, though it's friday now and you'll have to really work for them.
"It's like these guys take pride in being ignorant." - Barack Obama
Go Blue!
Go Blue!
http://maddox.xmission.com/matrix2.html
Infact, this guys entire website is hilarious, to some people...
Infact, this guys entire website is hilarious, to some people...
Want to see some cute little cartoon characters die horrible deaths?
http://www.happytreefriends.com/watch_e ... index.html
http://www.happytreefriends.com/watch_e ... index.html
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Krimson Klaw
- Way too much time!
- Posts: 1976
- Joined: July 22, 2002, 1:00 pm
http://www.ifilm.com/filmdetail?ifilmid=2458063
Watch the short clip. Wait through the 40 sec commerical first.
Watch the short clip. Wait through the 40 sec commerical first.
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Dregor Thule
- Super Poster!
- Posts: 5994
- Joined: July 3, 2002, 8:59 pm
- Gender: Male
- XBL Gamertag: Xathlak
- PSN ID: dregor77
- Location: Oakville, Ontario
