Is it necessary to degrade a woman before sex?

noel · Post by **noel** » April 28, 2003, 2:19 am

devereaux wrote:
Aranuil wrote:
Lalanae wrote:dude you run your mouth too much on top of everything else
LOL. Priceless.
Priceless. LOL.

Pahreyia · Post by **Pahreyia** » April 28, 2003, 11:45 am

I don't think this thread is worth 5 pages.

Coatlicue [KoE] · Post by **Coatlicue [KoE]** » April 28, 2003, 5:52 pm

it's only 4 pages on mine

Taly · Post by **Taly** » April 28, 2003, 6:23 pm

i just cant believe this is even a question

How would u like it if a female treated u like shit and used you instead of vice versa?

its never ok. those who choose to have it are sadly brought up that way for the most part which is sad. little or no love in there life they think thats all there is.

Be better then that and above it and show them differently.

cid · Post by **cid** » April 28, 2003, 6:39 pm

Degrading a women/man that you want to be with, well to me this is just stupid.

It all boils down to respect.

Respect yourself
Respect the person you are with
The rest will fall into place

The hard part is finding someone. But honestly would you want to stay with someone if you meet them for the first time and said hey bitch you would look OMGIAMRETARDEDCAUSEALOTISTWOWORDS better with my nuts on your chin.

Just be yourself, everything happens for a reason.

Fallanthas · Post by **Fallanthas** » April 28, 2003, 6:45 pm

Try being a woman for awhile and you will see why so many have self-esteem issues pertaining to their looks. Just last week I was standing in line at an ATM machine and the guy behind said to me, "Nice ass but your tits could be bigger," right out of the fucking blue like that. Then he stood there with a smug look on his face as if he was waiting for a response. I mean christ, the stupid jackass wasn't even remotely in my league to begin with and I wouldn't have given him a second look in any situation, and here he was standing there judging me.

Christ.

Pilsburry · Post by **Pilsburry** » April 28, 2003, 6:56 pm

It would be 2 pages or less if certain posters stuck to the subject rather then pick fights with other posters. Or shit if they just had some reading comprehension skills....pair that with the ability to look at things from other peoples point of view and we could have had an intelligent debate.

Although actually if you filter out the standard flames......I think the majority of the topic was covered fairly well.

There are only a few good posts here...

One was by Kyoukan on like page 1. Stating basically "no".

Another was by Shaerra saying why women do sometimes go for people who degrade them.

And then Kyoukan and myself explaining why we thought her logic was flawed.

There were also some nice "be yourself" posts and such which is good advice and what I always have done and intend to keep doing. It really didn't do much to aid the discussion I was hoping for, but I can see why they said it.....they thought I was asking one question but hoping for re-assurance.

However, the bulk of this thread is just people flaming me or shaerra....as usual. People saying "degrading people is bad....by the way your a loser blah blah blah" You know "intelligent" debates by the same old people.

It would be cool if this could have been an intelligent discussion, I was seriously interested. The sick thing is I know OMGIAMRETARDEDCAUSEALOTISTWOWORDS of the posters are intelligent IRL, because sometimes they say intelligent stuff, so either they are just immature or they have short attention spans...I'm not sure.

P.S. If you post a short attack on me (not the topic, but me specifically), I reply in detail to clear things up....then you act as if you have a hard time reading english and I have to stop and re-state everything again in a way you might possibly comprehend, and then you say my post is too long then you have 3 idiot croonies pop up and go "ha ha". OMG I am so p0wned. If you don't want have an intelligent debate, fine, but please start your own thread, I don't find your childish antics amusing....they don't bother me the way you would expect....you think I'm personally hurt by your comments or something...actually your posts bother me because it reminds me of how many people are incapable of having an intelligent debate. That's it.

----------------
And Taly, I agree..I can't believe it's a question either, even though I posted it. You would think that it's pretty much a given people don't like to be degraded....but if you watch people in real life, you will find that some people do. And actually I seem to see it more and more lately.....so I felt I should ask why.

I would prefer not to end up with a woman who needs to be degraded I feel those women fall under 2 categories.

1. A woman who uses the degradation to validate her own low self-image. Perhaps she was abused as a child? I don't know why you would do this, but for some reason they think they are peices of shit and in order for thier world to remain constant they need you to validate it for them, this makes thier world seem more stable...or something...

2. The woman likes you to do it because it givers her confidence in you as an alpha-male. The head of the pack has to be dominant, and to be dominate they need be superior to someone right? Well that's easy enough to supply...

I like my women to be a little more self-assured....not dependant on me to complete thier little world, I want them to have thier own world and just let me in to visit.

Taly · Post by **Taly** » April 28, 2003, 7:03 pm

You would be suprised that if a person was brought up in an abusive home that that is all they would know and thats all they would expect. So when someone comes along to show them differently its a new thing and not sure how to take it they will always keep the thought in their head for the degrading part of it. These expect to be abused to make them feel "needed" or "wanted" its very sad indeed.

did that make sense?

In no way am i attacking ya either hon

just my opinions on what i have seen and experinced myself in this life.

Pilsburry · Post by **Pilsburry** » April 28, 2003, 7:29 pm

I didn't read your message as an attack Taly. Only a few people have attacked me...they just do it frequently.

I know and I don't blame a kid from a messed up home for having "issues", I'd just prefer the woman I eventually end up with is free of that kind of emotional baggage.

My main question lately is......are there really this many people who were abused? I mean....wow. I'm not saying my parents were perfect, as a matter of fact, they were far from perfect, but I always knew they loved me....even when we argued.

I mean my parents divorced when I was 2, my mom's already done with her second husband, my dad was an alcoholic, and he had his home taken away for growing pot in the basement.....like I said far from perfect.

My friends have good parents for the most part with the exception maybe of one (I'm not sure, I think they are ok, and the kid likes atleast the father, but I know there is some issue with the mom).....

But the weird thing is I see a lot of female friends still look to be abused and I see my male friends complying.....and it's just weird to me, I mean it sounds like my friends are trailer trash peices of shit....they aren't. Most of them are nice people, a few do seem a little self-centered...but not mean.

So I figured I would ask what's up? Are there really that many #2's?

Or is there a #3?

I don't watch Drama-TV you know like Felicity, 90210, Soap Opera stuff....do they degrade women on that type of show? I know the drama has most likely had an impact on my younger friends, because they seem to love drama......or maybe I just moved around too much as a kid to notice it in High School.

But when I was thier age (in college) I had lots of friends and no drama...I didn't go to a community college though. Community College is like an extension of High School kinda. I don't mean to say the education is worse....just that you tend to live at home and maintain your high school relationships so it might differ from my experience.

(P.S. Edited for clarity)

Taly · Post by **Taly** » April 28, 2003, 7:41 pm

Pilsburry wrote:I know and I don't blame a kid from a messed up home for having "issues", I'd just prefer the woman I eventually end up with is free of that kind of emotional baggage.

i don't know anyone who doesnt have some kind of baggage male or female =( some are just more extreme then others and you take the good with the bad cause that makes the relationship OMGIAMRETARDEDCAUSEALOTISTWOWORDS stronger if you can stick by each other thru it

Lalanae · Post by **Lalanae** » April 28, 2003, 7:43 pm

all I have to say is

LOL

CalandraWindrose · Post by **CalandraWindrose** » April 28, 2003, 8:30 pm

bah guess its time for my 2 cents

for one - what people might want in the bedroom and what they want across the dinner table can be QUITE different - don't confuse the two

two - if you want to broaden your circle of friends - you have to go out and do it - that means maybe joining an adult sports league, doing volunteer work, becoming involved in an organization you care about - you can't be fake about this - find something you like and would do regardless - you'll have a leg up on meeting people with at least one common interest right off the bat

I've done this repeatedly as I keep having friends move away, get married etc - at worst I make OMGIAMRETARDEDCAUSEALOTISTWOWORDS of new friends to hang out with - and they have friends too!

Maddux · Post by **Maddux** » April 29, 2003, 2:00 am

Lalanae wrote:all I have to say is

LOL

Well Said. I am hurting from laughing so hard.

Pahreyia · Post by **Pahreyia** » April 29, 2003, 10:40 am

Chidoro wrote:Treat someone your interested in like a date instead of a friend and you'll probably get a date out of it.

This is about the end-all statement right here. While the "worshipping" routine may work for some, it's by no means recommended for every date you're on. If you treat your date like they are someone you are interested in getting to know, and not someone you're interested into conning into bed that night, you'll find yourself getting much further in the scheme of things.

The last guy I dated I knew from school. He and his friend, who I was quasi-seeing were at a Dennys when I was there with a few of my friends. They saw us there and joined us for an hour or so. We said "hi" and then the conversation shifted to him, his friend and my brother jabbering on about something. The whole time I was just watching him be himself, not even paying attention to me, and I was totally attracted to his style/attitude/whatever. I had to make the move when the time came, because I doubt he would have given it a second thought. However, I didn't mind at all, because in that first hour, I got to see him for himself, and not as some slimy asshole who wanted to get laid. The rest I found out later on.

Jugata · Post by **Jugata** » April 29, 2003, 1:37 pm

No it isn't necessary, but it will get you a sandwich after and thats all that counts really.

Neroon · Post by **Neroon** » April 30, 2003, 1:54 pm

Nice guys finish last, but they get the best prize!

I have to agree your friends may be an issue. A nice girl isn't going to judge you by your friends. However, there's really no way it can't reflect on you. Also, she may worry about having to spend time with them by being with you.

As for being a pussy or pushover. Well, being a nice guy really has nothing to do with that. That's more of a confidence issue, which has been touched on already.

Pilsburry · Post by **Pilsburry** » April 30, 2003, 4:02 pm

Taly, I know we all have baggage...I have some of my own but I pack light.

Pahreyia, I agree worshipping is not a good idea....I'm all for really really likeing someone, but if you worship them they usually don't take you seriously.

Calandra, That's why I joined the gym and tanning bed...to try and meet people besides bars. I'm not so good at sports, I moved around too much to get involved in sports as a kid...the only sports I played were solo sports like skiing and such...but sick thing is I'm too shy to talk to people at the gym anyway, I totally had an opportunity last night and blew it because when it became obvious I had a chance and she made eye contact and smiled and went and sat somewhere where I could approach her without being intimidated....I couldn't even bring myself to make eye contact again because I'm a loser.

Neroon, I agree I think if your a nice guy and wait long enough you end up with a better result.

Sirensa · Post by **Sirensa** » April 30, 2003, 4:23 pm

Pilsburry wrote:That's why I joined the gym and tanning bed...to try and meet people besides bars.

You meet people in tanning beds?!? Well, that's new.

kyoukan · Post by **kyoukan** » April 30, 2003, 4:27 pm

There's probably a whole sub-culture of tanning bed junkies that really go for that orange leathery look and feel on other people's skin.

Oh baby; your skin feels like my suitcase. That is so hot.

Xyphir · Post by **Xyphir** » April 30, 2003, 4:33 pm

I read an interesting idea just yesterday and thought it might help with this situation. It seems as though you're sufferening from some self-esteem issues which manifests itself by creating anxiety. It might be presumptious to jump to this conclusion, so take my diagnosis with a grain of salt.

One solution might be the idea of sincere motivation as an antitode to anxiety. Realize that your motivation to talk to someone is to find out more about them and essentially to connect with someone. If you understand deep down that your motives for approaching someone are sincere then your level of anxiety will decrease, making it easier to approach someone and strike up a conversation and ultimately ask them out.

Pilsburry · Post by **Pilsburry** » April 30, 2003, 4:43 pm

No, I don't meet them *in* the tanning bed...but I meet the women working the counter and the people waiting for beds with me.

But actually last month I switched...I tan at my gym now...(Gold's Gym).

I mean a met a few girls that were really nice in Atlanta at the tanning bed, and in Conneticut, but here the girls just seemed too young. Or maybe I'm too old. I met some here, we talk etc....but they are like 18. That's too young for me. Plus it cost like $70/mo there and to add it to my gym membership it was $20/mo and saved me the extra commutes.

I mean tanning beds aren't the best place to meet people...I agree...but if your a regular customer someplace 3-4x a week....2 years straight....then the other customers and the employees feel they know you and you start chatting somewhere down the line.

Unless your an asshole, which contrary to popular belief, I'm not.

The girls who worked at the tanning bed in Atlanta were e-mailing me for months after I moved to Ohio...I take that as proof it's possible to meet peope at tanning beds, even if we never did date, we had a friendship of some sort....they asked me for my e-mail address, and then they wrote me asking how stuff was and when I was coming back in town etc...the owners were friends of mine in the end also...I ended up knowing the owners husband, sister, son, niece...ya, you meet people at tanning beds.

*~*stragi*~* · Post by ***~*stragi*~*** » April 30, 2003, 4:48 pm

you're some kinda freaky(

Pilsburry · Post by **Pilsburry** » April 30, 2003, 4:50 pm

Xyphir wrote:I read an interesting idea just yesterday and thought it might help with this situation. It seems as though you're sufferening from some self-esteem issues which manifests itself by creating anxiety. It might be presumptious to jump to this conclusion, so take my diagnosis with a grain of salt.

One solution might be the idea of sincere motivation as an antitode to anxiety. Realize that your motivation to talk to someone is to find out more about them and essentially to connect with someone. If you understand deep down that your motives for approaching someone are sincere then your level of anxiety will decrease, making it easier to approach someone and strike up a conversation and ultimately ask them out.

I don't think your far off, but I know my reasons for talking to a woman are sincere. My issue is mainly with the fact I am always wondering if I'm going to say something stupid or maybe they are thinking "god I wish this loser would get the fuck away from me" but they can't say it because they are trying to be nice.

I seriously get real nervous and so wrapped up trying to read people...that it turns into a self-fulfilling prophesy..I start saying stupid shit because I'm nervous and then they think I'm a loser.

I've been working on it for years....I've gotten business relationships down pretty good, and male relationships, and friendships with females after I get used to them being around.....but women I don't know still scare the fuck out of me.

Anyway I have to go pick-up my grandparents now, were going out to dinner...cya.

Brotha · Post by **Brotha** » March 2, 2005, 4:14 pm

BUMP! Nice thread, lots of good advice!

Ebumar · Post by **Ebumar** » March 2, 2005, 4:22 pm

Why the fuck did you bump this old ass thread.

Kaldaur · Post by **Kaldaur** » March 2, 2005, 5:24 pm

This thread should have stayed dead, much like its author.

miir · Post by **miir** » March 2, 2005, 5:29 pm

Kaldaur wrote:This thread should have stayed dead, much like its author.

Laughing at the the trainwreck that is Pilsburry never gets old.

Chidoro · Post by **Chidoro** » March 2, 2005, 6:06 pm

While reading this thread it made me wish there were about 20 additional people playing survivor to vote the fuck off

bunch of fucking wingnuts

It also made me remember who funny Kyo's posts were. Ak, close shop already

Canelek · Post by **Canelek** » March 2, 2005, 6:13 pm

I miss Kyo

*~*stragi*~* · Post by ***~*stragi*~*** » March 2, 2005, 6:19 pm

wait, the author should have stayed dead?

pilsburry is a ZOMBIE?

Truant · Post by **Truant** » March 3, 2005, 8:58 am

Stragi wrote:wait, the author should have stayed dead?

pilsburry is a ZOMBIE?

nah, even zombies have more brains than that.

Knibble · Post by **Knibble** » March 3, 2005, 3:03 pm

Fash wrote:A few months ago I came to almost the same conclusion... It seemed to me that a guy had to be at least somewhat decieving or misleading, to get anywhere with a girl.

I'll be 24 in 2 weeks, I'm a well paid intelligent guy who has never been disrespectful or hurtful to a woman, and I've never gotten to first base. I've always been content without having a gf, working on my career and myself, and though I do desire the physical interaction with a woman, I'm far too passive to get anywhere.

Your in Pa dear theres no way your well paid!

Sheesh come to Altoona and meet the college girls.

VeeshanVault

Is it necessary to degrade a woman before sex?

Is it?