The Dude abides...What if?

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Drolgin Steingrinder
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The Dude abides...What if?

Post by Drolgin Steingrinder »

What if The Big Lebowski was written by Shakespeare? It might look something like this:

http://www.runleiarun.com/lebowski/
Shakespeare wrote:JACK SMOKE
Thy words are hard; I must equivocate.
Put up thy pen, that I may mark it eight.

WALTER
Nay! I do protest, and draw my sword;
It shall teach thee to disobey my word.
Mark none but none into that bowler’s frame,
Else thou shalt enter into a world of pain.
A world of pain, think upon’t; unhappy world!
A lake of fire, rich with damnèd souls,
Gulfs of anguish ‘twixt vales of agonies.
Mark me; we stand at twisted, jealous gates
Of cast-iron, above which, in vulgar tongue, reads
“Here is a world of pain, thou enterest thus.”
My steel before thee, ‘tis the last of keys
That might could lock these doors, and keep thee
From this world of pain, or with one flick
Ope its mashing maw, and summon winds
To cast thee down within; an excellent key!
Farewell to earthly delights, farewell to friends,
To fellowships and follies and amends.
The choice to spare thy passage through these trials
Is thine alone; take heed, I entreat thee,
And turn thy back upon this world of pain!

THE KNAVE
Walter, put up thy sword; tarry a moment.

WALTER
Hath this whole world been mired in madness?
Remain ye men of faculty complete,
Of full arithmetic and prudence fair,
Attending to our noble bond and contract?
Or does here stand the last remaining man
To give a fig for rules and order yet,
No noble savage, but a stave unbroken
Who loves the law and bids it no misdeed.
I’ll not be bent to lawlessness. Mark it nought, if we be men of honour.

THE KNAVE
Walter, too long we have tarried on public fields; the constable is notified. I pray you, sheath thy piece.

WALTER
Mark it nought, else I’ll none.

JACK SMOKE
Good Sir Walter, speak with reason!

WALTER
Dost thou think I tarry idly? Mark it nought!

JACK SMOKE
Yea, I shall yield, and leave it to your pleasure.
Mark as thou wilt, in full and legal measure.
This is brilliant.
IT'S HARD TO PUT YOUR FINGER ON IT; SOMETHING IS WRONG
I'M LIKE THE UNCLE WHO HUGGED YOU A LITTLE TOO LONG
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Canelek
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Re: The Dude abides...What if?

Post by Canelek »

Wow, that is pretty awesome. :D
en kærlighed småkager
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Aardor
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Re: The Dude abides...What if?

Post by Aardor »

QUINCE
Thou speakest rightly, sir. No man misdeals with Joshua Quince, by Jesu.

[Exeunt QUINCE and O’BRIEN]

WALTER
Nay, fear him not, nor his unworthy joys.
Recall the tragic tale of the pageboys.
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Xouqoa
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Re: The Dude abides...What if?

Post by Xouqoa »

I think I'd like to see this performed on stage.
"Our problems are man-made, therefore they may be solved by man. No problem of human destiny is beyond human beings." - John F Kennedy
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Drolgin Steingrinder
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Re: The Dude abides...What if?

Post by Drolgin Steingrinder »

Xouqoa wrote:I think I'd like to see this performed on stage.
http://www.dm-theatrics.com/
IT'S HARD TO PUT YOUR FINGER ON IT; SOMETHING IS WRONG
I'M LIKE THE UNCLE WHO HUGGED YOU A LITTLE TOO LONG
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Xouqoa
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Re: The Dude abides...What if?

Post by Xouqoa »

Oh, man. Want. My wife said she'd take me for my birthday, too!
"Our problems are man-made, therefore they may be solved by man. No problem of human destiny is beyond human beings." - John F Kennedy
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Truant
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Re: The Dude abides...What if?

Post by Truant »

lol. Fuck yeah!
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