The majority of Torrent sites are pretty much complete shit these days

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Office worker accidentally shoots himself in both legs
FORT WORTH, Texas — A 47-year-old man was shot in both legs when he accidentally discharged a handgun while sitting in his cubicle at an insurance office, police said.
The man, who hasn't been publicly identified, had put his .45-caliber gun into his jacket pocket and then draped the jacket over the back of his chair, said Brett McGuire, Lake Worth police chief.
The gun discharged Tuesday morning as the man settled into his chair. He said the man must have done something to make the weapon fire.
The bullet passed through both of the man's legs and a bookcase before lodging in the wall of a cubicle.
McGuire said there was no indication the man had brought the gun to target anyone.
"He wasn't having problems with his bosses or co-workers that we know of," McGuire said.
McGuire said his department has no record of the man being licensed to carry a concealed weapon. He said detectives would wait until the man, who was taken to a hospital, had recovered before deciding whether to pursue charges.
Oahu Ocean Fishermen's Catch Of The Day: Pork
KAAAWA, Hawaii -- It is a fish tale that is easy to scoff as a more of a tall tale. Three friends landed some fish off Kahana Bay on Thursday and a 40-pound feral pig that was swimming near their boat.
As the small fishing boat headed for shore at Kahana Bay, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. However, on closer inspection, the catch of the day was not seafood. It was pork.
"We just hooked up with a fish. As soon as we got it off, I looked over and Aaron was, I thought he was yelling 'fish, fish!' When I looked to my right, it was 'pig, pig!' There was a pig just swimming straight out to sea," fisherman Tyson Pualoa said.
"It looked like it was tired, like it was swimming all night or something. It was pretty much fatigued, ready to go down. We just threw a lasso over his head and yanked him on the boat," fisherman Lenny Mercurio said.
The fishermen said the 40-pound feral pig seemed relieved to be rescued, but the crew tied her up for the ride home to keep her from nipping at them.
No one knows for sure how long the pig was swimming or how she got nearly a mile off shore.
"With all the rains we've been having out here, the pig probably got washed out or something. It was swimming straight out to sea. That was the funny thing about it," fisherman Aaron Phillips said.
Once back on dry land, the fishermen practiced the "catch and release" method. They untied the pig and it took off running back into the forest.
99 Classic 'Yo Momma' Jokes: Insult Humor from the 'Hood
HUMOR
Yo momma so fat her bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before she does.
That’s a prime example of a 'Yo Momma' joke, a genre so popular it became the basis for a series of no-holds-barred competitions on MTV. Produced and hosted by actor Wilmer Valderrama, matches were held on successive seasons in Los Angeles, New York and Atlanta.
From Monday to Thursday, the show pitted the toughest trash talkers against one another. Each team of contestants battled it out in front of a rowdy live audience of their peers. The four winners then came back on Friday for a Best of the Week. Here are 98 more prime examples of Yo Momma humor:
Yo momma so fat,
1. she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
2. when she tripped over on Fourth Avenue, she landed on Twelfth.
3. she's got her own area code.
4. when she talks to herself, it's a long distance call.
5. she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
6. whenever she goes to the beach, the tide comes in.
7. she was born on the fourth, fifth, and sixth of March.
8. she was floating in the ocean, and Spain claimed her for the New World.
9. she wears aluminum siding.
10. she could fall down and wouldn't even know it.
***
11. she got hit by a VW and had to go to the hospital to have it removed.
12. the sign inside one restaurant says, "Maximum occupancy, 512, or Yo momma."
13. she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
14. the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
15. her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
16. she has to iron her pants on the driveway.
17. when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
18. when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
19. she was zoned for commercial development.
20. when she sings, it's over for everybody.
***
21. she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagen.
22. when she was walking down the street and I swerved to miss her, I ran out of gas.
23. when she dances, she makes the band skip.
24. when she got her shoes shined, she had to take the guy's word for it.
25. she gets group insurance.
26. she's on both sides of the family.
27. she can't reach her back pocket.
28. she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
29. when she fell over, she rocked herself to sleep trying to get up again.
30. when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.
***
31. when she was diagnosed with a flesh-eating disease, the doctor gave her ten years to live.
32. we're in her right now.
33. when she sits around the house, she really sits around the house.
34. her bellybutton’s got an echo.
35. when she turns around people throw her a welcome back party.
36. her belly button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters.
37. the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale.
38. a picture of her would fall off the wall.
39. when she gets on the scale, it says "To be continued."
40. she sat on a dollar, and when she got up there were four quarters.
***
41. she fell in love and broke it.
42. when she takes a shower, her feet don't get wet.
43. you have to grease the door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
44. when she goes to an all-you-can-eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
45. when she wears a yellow raincoat people holler, "Taxi."
46. when she gets in an elevator, it has to go down.
47. she could sell shade.
48. people jog around her for exercise.
49. she gets runs in her jeans.
50. when she wears a Malcolm X T-shirt, helicopters try to land on her back.
***
51. she eats Wheat Thicks.
52. she can't even jump to a conclusion.
53. when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
54. her graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
55. her job title is spoon and fork operator.
56. she left the house in high heels, and when she came back she had on flip-flops.
57. you have to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side.
58. she has to wake up in sections.
59. she sat on a quarter and a booger popped out of George Washington's nose.
60. she walked into the Gap and filled it.
***
61. she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.
62. she comes at you from all directions.
63. when she was growing up she didn't play with dolls, she played with midgets.
64. she uses two buses for roller-blades.
65. when she goes to a buffet, she gets the group rate.
66. she doesn't eat with a fork, she eats with a forklift.
67. Weight Watchers won't look at her.
68. the last time the landlord saw her, he doubled the rent.
69. she put on some BVDs and by the time she got them on, they spelled "boulevard."
70. I ran around her twice and got lost.
***
71. the shadow of her butt weighs 100 pounds.
72. the National Weather Service names each one of her farts.
73. when she's standing on the corner police drive by and yell, "Hey, break it up."
74. she's been declared a natural habitat for condors.
75. she sets off car alarms when she runs.
76. when she goes to the zoo the elephants throw her peanuts.
77. her blood type is Ragu.
78. they had to let out the shower curtain.
79. when she runs the fifty-yard dash she needs an overnight bag.
80. she can't even fit in the chat room.
***
81. she gets her toenails painted at Lucky’s Auto Body.
82. she doesn't have a tailor, she has a contractor.
83. she measures 36-24-36, and the other arm is just as big.
84. she was in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade...wearing ropes.
85. she went on a light diet. As soon as it's light she starts eating.
86. she's half Italian, half Irish, and half American.
87. when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up.
88. when she goes to the movies, she sits next to everyone.
89. when she goes in a restaurant she looks at the menu and says, "Okay.”
90. she puts her lipstick on with a paint roller.
***
91. she has to pull down her pants to get in her pocket.
92. her waist size is the Equator.
93. she’s got her own zip code.
94. she has to buy two plane tickets.
95. she stands in two time zones.
96. she fell and created the Grand Canyon.
97. she can’t even jump to a conclusion.
98. she fell out of both sides of her bed.
Yeah I was going to change that in Outlook, but then there are some emails from VP's the CEO, etc that I HAVE to send the read request for so I am just kinda screwed. And I don't want to make anymore rules in outlook because my rules end up screwing everything up every couple of months as it is.Boogahz wrote:I am pretty sure you can set most programs up to either ignore those requests, or process them automatically. I request them because there are some things I handle which are time sensitive. I don't manually tag each email to require it.
Aslanna wrote:My boss used to have Read Receipt requested by default for everything. I would use the preview to read them then delete them and they would be notified I deleted it without reading. Fun times! Even more fun is saving them up for 3-4 months and deleting them all at once so they get about 250 receipts back. Or more depending on how email crazy someone happens to be.
It that a Lotus Notes thing?Aslanna wrote:My boss used to have Read Receipt requested by default for everything. I would use the preview to read them then delete them and they would be notified I deleted it without reading. Fun times! Even more fun is saving them up for 3-4 months and deleting them all at once so they get about 250 receipts back. Or more depending on how email crazy someone happens to be.
Winnow wrote:See if you can pick out the faces that were computer generated on this page:
http://www.your3dsource.com/real-or-com ... -face.html
The correct answers are at the bottom of same page.
Which part? We used Outlook there. Wish I was using it now. Hate Notes omg!Zaelath wrote:It that a Lotus Notes thing?Aslanna wrote:My boss used to have Read Receipt requested by default for everything. I would use the preview to read them then delete them and they would be notified I deleted it without reading. Fun times! Even more fun is saving them up for 3-4 months and deleting them all at once so they get about 250 receipts back. Or more depending on how email crazy someone happens to be.
The "notified I deleted it without reading" part. I get a yes/no pop-up about read receipts (in preview mode), and click no. I would assume clicking yes sends back "they clicked yes" message. I wasn't aware that any combination of my actions would result in "they clicked yes, but deleted it before they read it" message.Aslanna wrote:Which part? We used Outlook there. Wish I was using it now. Hate Notes omg!Zaelath wrote:It that a Lotus Notes thing?Aslanna wrote:My boss used to have Read Receipt requested by default for everything. I would use the preview to read them then delete them and they would be notified I deleted it without reading. Fun times! Even more fun is saving them up for 3-4 months and deleting them all at once so they get about 250 receipts back. Or more depending on how email crazy someone happens to be.
Now the answer box claims they were digitally manipulated, which leaves it wide open on just how much of it was actually done in 3d. Regardless, larger pictures would be needed!Winnow wrote:See if you can pick out the faces that were computer generated on this page:
http://www.your3dsource.com/real-or-com ... -face.html
The correct answers are at the bottom of same page.
It is not so much that you fear that moment when somebody comes in and says, ‘That’s it. You’re dead. You smoked too much,’” Jack tells the Los Angeles Times. “Well, that’s not the real fear. The real fear is going through now the process and thinking, ‘I’m dying of stupidity.
There's something not quite right about this girls' eyes. No, it's not the emo makeup or stupid hair coloring, although those are pretty bad. It's… oh my god, it is. She has Hello Kitty contact lenses.
STILETTOS can be good for a woman's sex life, says a study which claims wearing them ``directly works the pleasure muscles linked to orgasm''.