Fathers (FF)

[Siji]

So as you may have guessed from my previous inquiry about baby monitors, I'm soon to be a first time dad. In this odd time that's quickly approaching me, I'm finding that I (normally a very private and inward person) am wanting to talk to other dads and hear their stories and experiences. Oddly, I've found so far that there are dads that don't talk much about being a dad, or those that just can't say enough about it (good or bad). Where as with women, they have more to say than any one person could possibly listen to in a lifetime.

So I'm curious.. all you dads out there.. what's your story? How did you find out about your first child? Was it planned? How were you through the pregnancy? Were you scared shitless? How different was it being a father after the baby was born, compared to how you thought it might be? Was was the best part of becoming a father, and what were the biggest downsides for you?

Please, no flaming. Even the people I dislike on this board, I bet do their best to be wonderful fathers based on their beliefs and/or values.

Include pictures!

[Dregor Thule]

Haha, fuck you loser!!1!

Sorry, had to do it

[Animalor]

The best advice i can give is this: Take care of and be very of your wife as well as your child. If you're lucky, everything will be normal and everyone will be happy, then there are various degrees of post-partum to worry about.

My wife started having anxiety attacks and some post-partum about 2-3 weeks after birth. (Was finally treated by a 6 month regine of something a bit weaker than Paxil, Everything has been good since then.) Help as much as you can around the house and with the baby cause the first month and change are rough for everyone.

As for the baby side of it, nothing much that anyone else can teach you about being a good dad. Be there for the child and love them as much as you can(that part is damned easy let me tell ya).

Just wait when he/she starts walking(or crawling) and you get rushed at the door by a smiling baby for the first time when coming from from work. Makes all the sleepless nights and aggravation worth it.

[Chidoro]

We planned to have a child. I actually quite smoking about a year before we considered trying to clean my system of the shit.

My girl is just over a year now. Every child is different, my girl happens to be the fearless and laugh all the time kind. We know we have it easy. Our neighbor has a girl a touch younger than ours and she suffered from colic, so she was miserable all of the time and it wasn't ever her fault.

You're not going to be doing much much caring for her while she's awake. Those pitch black tar-like poops go away in a couple of weeks. It doesn't hurt around the umb cord even though it starts to turn black before falling off. Our girl has a tough time sleeping whenever she gained a bit more mobility.
Getting them to sleep through the night once they're old enough takes work but it's worth it. We know of people who just give bottles to put their child back to sleep as opposed to letting them slowly work out how to do it themselves. I understand that it's a lot easier to do that with only one child.

Being a father is exactly how I thought it was going to be. I don't know if it would have been different if I had a boy as I just always saw myself being the father of a little girl.

My wife took away a shit-ton of my free time already so having a child adidn't change that too much. I imagine that if you have a wife who's not a type AA++++ personality it can be an adjustment.

Although one of the pics in this album has my fuckhead shitdick father-in-law in it, but the pictures are fun nonetheless.

http://www.kodakgallery.com/Slideshow.j ... efnbs&Ux=0

I can't imagine life w/out a digital camera any longer.

[Bubba Grizz]

Our first child was planned and we found out the gender at the first ultra sound. We did all the things that most first timers do as far as going to the classes offered by the hospital and stuff like that. When it came time for the delivery we were in labor for 33 hours. Lucky for me it was playoffs and the room had a TV. The girl just didn't want to come out. It was an incredible experience watching this happen. I had her foot on my bicep as I was talking her through the pushing so I had the ringside seat. It is amazing how fast that room filled up with people when it was time to go. Nurses everywhere getting things set up. One of the most incredible things ever.

Last year February we lost our son about 1 week from the due date. That was the oposite end of the spectrum for us. The cord got wrapped around his neck 5 times. My wife still had to go through the delivery as if he were still alive. I don't wish this kind of thing on anyone.

Good news is that we are expecting another boy by the end of March this year. We aren't doing the classes this time and we are hoping that he won't take 33 hours. (Especially cause football is over)

The first few months after my daughter was born we had her sleep in one of those pack n play bassinettes in our room until we felt comfortable having her in her crib. We'll do the same for this boy.

Word of advice. Prepare yourself to see things that you never thought you'd see from your wife. I'm not just talking about her sudden mood swings but she will shit on the table during pushing and if needed the doctor will pull out the cutters and do an epiziatome in front of you with out warning. (the snipping of the taint) Just a forewarning.

[Ashur]

How did you find out about your first child? Was it planned?

Baby was definately planned even down to "I don't care if you have a cold, this is the best time to have sex if you want a baby girl!"

How were you through the pregnancy? Were you scared shitless?

*I* was fine. My wife was especially needy, but this was normal and to be expected. She had to deal with gestational diabetes and checking blood sugar was a strange adjustment for her

How different was it being a father after the baby was born, compared to how you thought it might be?

Like Chidoro, it was everything I thought it would be, but I had a step-daughter in my first marriage, so I knew what it would be like. It's the greatest thing in the world.

Was was the best part of becoming a father, and what were the biggest downsides for you?

The best part?


Biggest downside is definately the time commitment, if you want a social life for the first few years I hope you have a local support-net (grandparents, relatives, close friends you trust to babysit) or you will could feel alone socially. I think Joy and I made it out only once by ourselves in the first two years after Alananah was born. I also quit WoW because I found that raiding in MMOs doesn't mesh with daddy duties.

But it was still worth it.

[Siji]

On the plus side, I video taped all three of my sisters births (2 bed, 1 water), so I have a good idea of what to expect in that department and a few things of what to avoid ahead of time. For any woman not wanting an epidural, I would *highly* recommend looking into the water birth option. That was the coolest thing and my sister absolutely loved it. Was the easiest delivery of all 3.

[Kryshade]

First of all.... CONGRATS!!

I'm in the same boat Siji, my wife is due June 3rd with our first baby. I don't know anything about already being a father, but I can tell you that I understand your concerns. Luckily, my wife has had a great pregnancy so far. She got morning sick maybe 5-6 times. She hasn't been moody, she's still active and hasn't done anything thats made me worry or wonder what the heck is going on. We found out we're having a baby girl which I'm thrilled about. Dunno why, most guys want a boy, but I wanted a little girl so I'm thrilled about that.

I'm terrified of my wife actually giving birth. I'm not sure why, but that's the only part that scares me. I'm not worried for the baby or that it will change our lives or anything... I'm just worried about my wife going through that. I don't plan on actually watching the baby being born. I've heard it's a pretty gross thing, especially if there's an episiotomy involved. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, and in this case, I prefer to keep the image I have of my wife and her "parts". I'm still gonna be there to see the baby the second it comes out, so no, I don't think I'm missing anything that way!

I'm also lucky in the fact that my wife works from home. It's a huge relief to know that she'll be there with the baby once I have to go back to work!

I think the hardest part for me will be the lack of sleep at night. I don't mind changing diapers or feeding the baby, it's just the getting 2 hours of sleep and having to go work an 8 hour day the next day that I think will be rough.

You know what's funny, I've heard people say that when their baby was born they didn't feel like they knew who it was and they had to grow to love the baby. I can certainly understand that, but I knew from the second I saw her moving on the Ultrasound that I couldn't wait to meet her, and I'm already head over heels for her just from feeling her kick and seeing how my wife is being pregnant.

Congrats again man, it's gonna be a wild ride, but I can't think of anything more rewarding than what's soon to come!

[vn_Tanc]

So I'm curious.. all you dads out there.. what's your story? How did you find out about your first child? Was it planned? How were you through the pregnancy? Were you scared shitless? How different was it being a father after the baby was born, compared to how you thought it might be? Was was the best part of becoming a father, and what were the biggest downsides for you?

My first baby, my wife's second (I have an 11yr-old stepson) was planned. We married in late November and she fell pregnant the next month. This, I am sure, was purely down to my extreme potency and manliness.

The pregnancy was quite rough on my wife. She's petite and Thomas was pretty large (9lb 8oz birth weight) and she suffered with SPD which made moving around difficult and meant she had to leave work earlier than planned. Women forcing men to attend the birth is the reason for the plummeting birth rate in the western world, I am convinced. I'm glad I was there to offer my support and all that but I'd rather watch people getting beheaded on the internet. We were going to have more kids but the pregnancy + 15 hours of grimness in the delivery room put paid to that idea

The first few weeks after the birth were harsh. Got to the stage were I didn't feel any pain at lost sleep unless I got down to under 3 hours. I think it was about day 3 that I got the full treatment of being shit on, pissed on and puked on all in under 2 minutes. I found it all surprisingly straightfoward as very small babies only cry if theyre hungry or need changing or need burping.

We were lucky as Tom is a happy, friendly child who only really misbehaves when he's over-tired. He's 17 months old now and I swear I have laughed more in that time than the previous 30 years combined. He's also a great sleeper like his mum, for which I'm very thankful.

I'd post a pic but I'm too lazy to find somewhere to host one and anyway you would all immediately hate your own children when faced with the ultimate cuteness of my son

[Chidoro]

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[Jarori Bloodletter]

Welcome to Fatherhood..

We planned on our kid, before we got married she had 2 miscarriages <wasnt fun>, but during the prego period she was not a happy camper till the day we actually went in to have this bundle of joy..

It was planned induced delivery, and man i dont ever want to go thru that again.. the worry the stress all of it.. we went in at 7am and she didnt deliver the kid till 10pm that night..

I swear i heard every damn breath and every wheeze that kid made.. it IS spooky because i dint know what to expect.. there wasnt any "downside" for me, difference was becoming a father is that now i have someone that looks TO me for guidence and Uncoditional love, which i give of course.

Best part is knowing that my sperm is alive!! =)

Now that she is 13 it is better, altho people tell me at this age they become <bitched> yes shes a Girl..

But hell so far so good =)

Oh ya , Ive had her as a single parent since she was 3 =)

[Fairweather Pure]

My first is due March 24th. It's going to be a girl. She was planned about 3 years in advance almost down to the day.

I'm very excited and look forward to everything this will do to my life.

[Midnyte_Ragebringer]

Congrats!

How were you through the pregnancy?

A mess.

Were you scared shitless?

Yes. Not a day went by I wasn't scared about something going wrong.

How different was it being a father after the baby was born, compared to how you thought it might be?

I didn't have any pre-conceived notions going into it. I was 24 years old and had no intentions of ever being a parent. Being a parent comes to you in time. As every day passes, you become better at it and more happy you are one.

Was was the best part of becoming a father, and what were the biggest downsides for you?

The only downside is losing the opportunity to live for yourself, because once you become a parent your life is now the childs. Everything you do has consequences now. Long term consequences. The best part though is when they look at you and say they love you. When you are sitting in a little chair of your daughters kindergarten class and having her teacher tell you you are doing a wonderful job and have a smart well behaved child. When you are staring at yet another straight A report card in the classroom of your 10 year old sons class and having his teacher tell you she is upset we are going on vacatin during the PSATs and that the classroom will miss his math scores and it will hurt their average. The list goes on forever, because every day brings a moment that makes you so grateful to have wonderful children.

[Marbus]

Siji,

First, big congrats man! Your life is about to change... in better way than you could ever imagine

My wife and I started trying to have kids after we had been married about 3 years (1998). We didn't think we would get pregnant quickly since she had been on the pill but we didn't think we would have problems either. After about 18 months we started getting concerned then my father passed away suddenly. That threw a big wrench in our plans not to mention my emotions. Being the "strong one" I had to take care of everyone and everything... in many ways except my wife.

After another year or so of trying, me quitting smoking etc... we went a new OB who did some fertility treatments. A friend of mine, poster here who I won't name's wife had been on chlomid and it worked wonders so we tried it. It didn't seem to help so we did another round. Now if you aren't familier with this stuff it can really screw up your hormones... she had a miscarriage (blighted ovum), then we began to fight and almost called it quits after 6 years of marriage. However the difficulties, and her getting off the chlomid brought some sanity to some issues that had been plaguing us for year from dealing with each of our families... Anyway we decided we would give chlomid one more shot before seeing a real fertility specialist, I went and had an ultrasound on my balls (that's another story - very funny, imagine soft music, and hot ultrasound tech rubbing your balls with a wand and gloves - yup, sounds like a plot for a pron flick ) Anyway before I got the results back and after she had been on it for 2 weeks (usually it's the second or third month before it works) we were pregnant.

The pregnancy went well, because of the miscarriage they monitored her closely so we got a lot of ultrasounds. About 20 weeks the Dr said, "wanna know the sex?" sure?!? Gratz guys you are going to have a little girl. I was very excited, I had kind of wanted a boy first but was happy just to have what seemed to be a healthy child. Her mom came for the next one and again he said it was a little girl, we bought TONS of stuff. Then we had an ultrasound and my mom came (who had never seen one before) as he is going through things mom says "are you sure that's a girl?" and the Dr looks (by this time we had become really close as he and I had a lot of the same friends, I would have been 1 year behind him if I had gone back to med school). Anyway he looks and says, Girl? I told you that you were having a boy, that's definitely a boy. Of course we SEVERLY griefed him but inside I was VERY excited! So we took back all the pink stuff and got some blue stuff, heheh.

My best friend John (Cyrus in EQ, didn't play much but played a monk) brought some pizza over and we were hanging out one night we she started having contractions. There was stuff we HAD to have from Kroger so she sent me to the store and I left her with John for about 45 minutes. I came back to find him white as a sheet, lol. We hung out a few more hours then went to the hospital. 28 hours later my first son was born.

My minister at the time (who was my former Youth Minister in another City) had said to me, "You can't understand how you can love something so much, just because, until you have kids" - he was right. The delivery went well and he seemed perfect. Then goob dumbass "I just got out of residency so I need to prove myself" peditician shows up to check us out the 3rd day and he freaks out because my son has a temp of 100.5. Nevermind he is a little janduice because her milk has come in all the way yet and they have had him wrapped up for 5 hours. He proceeds to tell us that he thinks he has miningitis to which I start berating him with questions... valid medical questions (I'm sure I got a higher MCAT score than him) anyway, he ignores me and walks out. At which point I freakin' loose it. My wifes OB walks in just as he walks out to see my wife in tears and me looking like I'm going to rip someone a new asshole. I tell him as calmy as possible what happen and he goes out and rips this guy a new asshole in front of the whole floor (just one more reason we love the guy). Anyway we called our friend who is the head of the practice who came over, reamed the guy again in front of everyone and answered my questions. His concern was justified but the chances or that really being the case were statistically so low it didn't really matter. However this is my new son we are talking about... better safe then sorry so our friend put him a 3 days of antibiotics just to be safe and we get three more nights at the Hospital (which really was nice as each room is a big private suite). Anyway, he never had another temp and was fine but the extra days were nice to help my wife really get going well on breastfeeding - so it worked out.

Our son became the center of our lives, we weren't really ready for the finicial burdon due to some tax miscalcualtions the year before but we made due with the help of a friend. Each days was something new and considering he looks just like me, it was even better, heh. Some of it now seems like a blur because he is already 4 but there are so many wonderful memories already I look forward to everyday... even when he drives me nuts.

Now since it took so long and we kind of used Chlomid we doubted we would get pregnant again but hoped to one day have another child. We didn't use protection or anything but she dind't get pregnant so we thought we were good... then she quit breastfeeding (kind of mutual, he pretty much weaned himself) at 1 year. The next month we found out she was pregnant again. Wow... wasn't expecting that, maybe a girl this time... boy and a girl, that would be cool. At about 18 weeks Phillip did an ultrasound and said, wanna know the sex? We were like "DUH" and he said, another boy. Really? you sure, cause remember you were wrong last time, nope not wrong this one could be in movies, at which point I glared at my wife, where did THAT come from, lol.

That pregnancy went well too and we had another little boy. My first had been and still is a talker (from the lenght of my posts I'm sure you can tell where he got it from). Ian definitly looks like my father but more like my wife than me. What is amazing is how alike they can be and how different at the same time. Sometimes they do the exact same thing, other times the reactions are complete different. My youngest has exczma though so since about 4 months we have to douse him with lotions every night to keep it under control and while he wasn't cholicaly (sp) he definitly wasn't a quite baby, of course not though, he itched all the time as he has gotten older (2.5 now) it's gotten better but cold dry weather really wreaks havoc (like right now).

So last spring we talked about having another, my wife had quit breastfeeding Ian about 9 months earlier and no new kids. So we though we would not worry about it, if it happen it happend but if we didn't get pregnant by Dec I would get snipped.

So a few months after that I'm over playing poker with the guys, drinkin' having a good time and my wife is at her friends house (I rode with her husband to the game). It's late I'm exhausted, I was excited because my mom was watchin' the kids but it's now 2:00 so I'm guessing we will both pass out once we get home. Then the host makes some Turkish Coffee... which if you haven't had it, it tastes like dirt, but is VERY strong. Me I drink about a pot of Sumatra or House Blend a day so I did think it would effect me, however it did. By time we got home at like I was WIDE awake! We found out 3 weeks later that we were pregnant again... "poker night"

Yup you guess it, another boy My wife is due on March 22nd but we think they are going to induce on the 7th because the baby is already 7 lbs... don't want an 11 pounder.

I'm very excited to be a father again, soon to 3 boys. It can be the most frustraiting thing you have ever experienced at times but other times will make up for that and more. As my wife isn't feeling well I picked up both kids today rather than just my oldest. Whenever I pick my youngest up at daycare he comes running and jumps into my arms for a big hug that always makes me feel better. This week at work has sucked, I have way too much to do not enough time and too many stupid people to deal with, it's just been a bad week and today was especially bad. I needed to work late, was frustraited with all I had to do etc... I ran to get him and got the usually hug, it made me feel better but today was just one of those days... then I'm putting his coat on and he stops me and looks up in my eyes, puts his arms out and says "I love you Daddy." all the bullshit and frustration just melted away.

The one thing you will miss out on is time with your friends... I try to make time for mine but would rather be with my boys that anyone else. My friend John, Uncle John, has stayed close and we have made new friends that go to school with my son but some of those without kids will not understand, and they really can't, why you don't want to hang out with them as much. It's just life, those that are important though will and will also want to be a part of your family with your kids, those are the ones to keep

I'll try to find a picture of the boys, they are, as I think I said, my pride and joy. My oldest who turned 4 in Nov is almost 4 feet tall, that is very tall for a 4 year old. He also can count to 100, write his name, read about 100 words (he stays with my mom after preschool who taught first grade for 30+ years so that helps, heh) and has tanked in Blackburrow with his 16 Kerra Paladin. I kid you not, he even joined the group himself. All the guys in the group though he was from Japan cause he didn't say much, lol

My current youngest at 2.5 is now hoggin' the other system that I finally got EQ2 enabled so that my 4 year old and I could play together. He's surfing Noggin, NickJr and building robots online (they are just shapes but he loves it) and will spend HOURS on the PC. My oldest could work a DVD player at 18 months but really couldn't work a computer well until he was over 3, and then still not great. My second seems to be a natural as he can boot the system, launch his browser, surf to the links I put up tool bar and even print the coloring sheets he wants. Then he puts them all in his dump truck and drives it around the house, colors them, the goes back to the PC to play some more... amazing IMHO.

So I'm very excited to see what the 3rd is going to be like, totally different and totally like the others I'm sure, but that is what is great about kids.

As a former Child Life Specialist, Youth minister and Counselor in a Child Psych unit I had a lot of notions about parenting and children and had spend a lot of time around them... while that part of my life definitely prepared me for some things, it wasn't really what I expected, it was more and better.

Big congratz again, it's truly the greatest thing in life IMHO



Cheers!
Marb

PS - What Ashur said is right, you can't RAID and be a good father IMHO. One is going to suffer, the RAID or your kids and that shouldn't even be a choice. However you can still play games, yea its taken me a year and a half to get to 64 in EQ2 but it's been fun and is a good distraction. You will still need me time so that you can more freely give at the others