Hey I need a woman's advice!

Neziroth · Post by **Neziroth** » December 12, 2006, 8:44 pm

I need a gift idea!!

It's for a girl who I've known for a long time and recently have become pretty close "just friends" with. (unfortunately I hate how you girls say "you're too good of a friend" etc etc but that's for another day)

Someone actually told us we should hook up and I said I thought so too and she said it might be weird. It was left at that.

SOOOOOOOO anyhow.

I need a good gift, and the input of you ladies. I want to buy something with the hope that it will show that i'm more interested in being "just friends" without being creepy or anything.

Leaning toward a necklace, maybe?

What do you guys think? Budget is $20 - $100.

Lalanae · Post by **Lalanae** » December 12, 2006, 8:55 pm

I dunno. Jewelry is one of those things where its not really worth it if its under $100. Sometimes you can find good deals on nice items around the $80-$100 range, but you don't want to spend that much on something that is going to end up in her jewelry box with all her $15 costume jewelry. Jewelry also has romantic implications, which I would advise against unless you know she is into you that way.

I have one word for you: Sephora. I don't know a single girl who doesn't drool over Sephora. If you have a store nearby (odds you do!) visit it and and get the advice of the salesclerks there. You can also order online. Bliss Labs often has very nice gift sets. Philosophy too. Both are very nice (albiet expensive) bath & body lines carried by Sephora (although each store will vary on what brands they carry). The Sephora line is good too, but if you want to impress, go with Bliss or Philosophy.

Lalanae · Post by **Lalanae** » December 12, 2006, 8:58 pm

Oh and another line Carol's Daughter is a new favorite of mine.

Edit: You didn't mention what kinds of things she's into, so that really would make a difference on what to get her.

Neziroth · Post by **Neziroth** » December 12, 2006, 9:58 pm

Well she's a big fan of necklaces, which is what lead me to consider that. Seems like she always has a different one on.

But like I said, I don't want to jeopardize the friendship and I'm looking for something subtle, so maybe I'll hold off on jewelry.

I also don't agree with jewelry not being worth it if it's under $100. I've been in this same situation in the past (except it wasn't such a longtime close friend), and I went with the necklace idea. It was sterling silver, no gems, nothing fancy but it was very eye catching. My sister told me I had amazing taste when she saw it, and it was $75.

Keep in mind this girl is 20 years old, and doesn't have a huge collection of $500 pieces of jewelry.

However, I asked for the advice of a female, and it's the opposite of what I expected, so I guess it's a good thing I asked

As far as bath and body stuff goes, I dunno. We've never discussed our bathing habbits, heh. But like you said, I don't know a single girl either that doesn't go wild for that stuff. I've never heard of Sephora and had no idea what it was until you mentioned bath and body. I'm also hesitant on that idea because she works at a bath and body store and I'd assume she'd buy whatever she wanted there with her discount.

Edit: It's funny, you asked me what she's into and I'm drawing a complete blank. Chalk it up to typical guy syndrome, I know way to little about her tastes.

Lalanae · Post by **Lalanae** » December 12, 2006, 11:12 pm

If she works at a bath & body store, it may not be the best idea to get her bath & body items since she's around it all the time.

The jewelry thing is my take and maybe she doesn't feel that way. I only wear a few pieces of silver jewelry, but they are still all costume jewelry to me. I take them out on occasion, but they aren't things I'd wear all the time. So I guess if you don't want to give her something she wears out of sentiment, then maybe a necklace would work for her. I just personally hate jewelry as a gift.

Otherwise you need to try and remember what this girl likes besides necklaces. Everyone has hobbies and/or unique interests that can be tapped into.

Sirensa · Post by **Sirensa** » December 13, 2006, 12:08 am

I'm not a big fan of jewelry gifts either for the most part, though occassionally earrings might be an exception. Sephora is the goddess' gift to women everywhere. (As is Sur La Table, but at 20 she may not be in to kitchen stuff)

Can't go wrong with a cashmere glove/hat/scarf/etc.

If you aren't sure what her tastes are, maybe you could go shopping with her (for other people, or whatever) and see what she gravitates towards.

Canelek · Post by **Canelek** » December 13, 2006, 12:45 am

Anal dildo.

And maybe a nice hat.

Sueven · Post by **Sueven** » December 13, 2006, 12:53 am

Canelek's on the right track.

http://www.ohmibod.com/

Every woman needs a music-powered vibrator.

On another note, if you're trying to get with this girl, I'd strongly recommend the direct approach rather than the passive aggressive approach. Usually, it's a lot easier to seriously fuck up your friendship with the latter than the former.

Truant · Post by **Truant** » December 13, 2006, 1:33 am

instead of adding gift advice, i'll add other advice.

if she's made it clear she's not interested...a gift will most likely not suddenly make her interested.

I don't want to sold cold and impersonal, but save your money and your time. Keep her as a friend and put your potential girlfriend efforts elsewhere.

Leonaerd · Post by **Leonaerd** » December 13, 2006, 1:46 am

$20-$100 is a lot to spend on someone you're not going to get the sexy time with. Like all the guys are saying here... be more direct or don't do anything at all.

kyoukan · Post by **kyoukan** » December 13, 2006, 2:21 am

thirding don't like getting jewelry as a gift. the stuff I own is either a very personal gift, an heirloom or something cheap I bought myself to accessorize something I already own.

but really, if you havent agreed to exchange gifts and/or you really don't expect her to give you anything, you're probably going to make her uncomfortable if she has already stated that she just wants to be friends with you. buying her something isn't going to change her mind.

or get her a box of condoms and tell her that it's a gift the both of you can enjoy. then wink at her knowingly.

Leonaerd · Post by **Leonaerd** » December 13, 2006, 4:29 am

Kyoukan wrote:thirding don't like getting jewelry as a gift

Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't get it.

Winnow · Post by **Winnow** » December 13, 2006, 6:32 am

I'm not a woman but I've played one in EQ. I was most happy when people in North Freeport gave me small shiny objects that looked much like platinum pieces.

Giving her money may look like you're trying to pay for sex but at least it's a lot more straight forward than giving her a "gift" and she may appreciate that. She may say, "That's the gutsiest move I've ever seen. Take me!"

Oh hell, slip her a C-Note since that's your limit and see what she does. If things don't work out, snatch the bill back and run for the hills.

Neziroth · Post by **Neziroth** » December 13, 2006, 7:54 am

but really, if you havent agreed to exchange gifts and/or you really don't expect her to give you anything, you're probably going to make her uncomfortable if she has already stated that she just wants to be friends with you. buying her something isn't going to change her mind.

She called me the other day just to tell me she found the "perfect gift" for me.

I wasn't going to get her anything until she did that.

redeemed · Post by **redeemed** » December 13, 2006, 8:03 am

to stay unbiased and because I'm semi-buzzed I didn't read anything but the initial post..
if you know her well enough to know something she's into - a band or a certain style or something about her personality.. if you want to show you "care" about her get her something personal but small~
which is vague advice I know, but it should be something that shows her you pay attention to what she enjoys ;p

k, that's it, carry on.

Morgrym · Post by **Morgrym** » December 13, 2006, 9:27 am

Save your money and just get her a standard something or other. Once you are "close friends" or "just friends" you will never cross the gap to the other ladder. Proof has already been laid before you in your futile attempts to push it into something further. If you do manage to do the impossible, it will shatter quicker than thin ice with a fat man on it and you will lose whatever close friendship you once had.

miir · Post by **miir** » December 13, 2006, 11:06 am

Make her a mix tape!

Bubba Grizz · Post by **Bubba Grizz** » December 13, 2006, 11:15 am

Make her a picture book of the two you together doing stuff. You know like the Mac and PC thing from the commercial. That will keep you in her thoughts. Then start seeing someone else.

Deward · Post by **Deward** » December 13, 2006, 11:59 am

Don't set yourself up for embarrassment man. Unless she has made it obvious that she wants to be more than friends don't buy her anything that screams commitment (jewelry). I don't claim to be an expert on women by any means but I can say this from experience. Men and women view friendships completely different. If you have been friends with her a long time then chances are that is all it is going to be. Women make friendships and contrary to what happens in the movies they usually don't evolve into love. When a woman decides you are a friend then you can assume that anything more than a friendship is not going to happen.

I would personally just treat her like a very good friend. If she wants more then let her decide (not likely). Women do not switch. A good gift would be a cashmere scarf and mittens/gloves. In fact I think I will find something like that for my wife. Thanks for the idea Sirensa. Anyone know a good site to buy that sort of thing on?

Morgrym · Post by **Morgrym** » December 13, 2006, 12:41 pm

Ladder Theory
Learn it, and accept it for fact.

Ashur · Post by **Ashur** » December 13, 2006, 1:29 pm

C++ GUI Programing Guide 4tw

cid · Post by **cid** » December 13, 2006, 3:03 pm

edible undies

Zamtuk · Post by **Zamtuk** » December 13, 2006, 3:38 pm

Go with some fairly simple presents to give to girls. Some pleasing scents and lotions from Victorias Secret and/or Bath and Body Works is always a plus. But, don't buy her stuff that she always owns, that's a cop out. Get her a fragrance that you like, also one that shouldn't be too bold. That way everytime she puts it on, she thinks of you. Also a few choice candles from White Barn is a great addon.

The cashmere items always a good decision as well.

Don't forget Godiva chocolates.

Lalanae · Post by **Lalanae** » December 13, 2006, 3:41 pm

I agree with Sirensa on the cashmere gloves/scarf! Very elegant and personal without being "too" personal.

(and

Winnow)

Markulas · Post by **Markulas** » December 13, 2006, 10:30 pm

I'm not a woman but I've played one in EQ.

lawl. It's sad, because you probably do have an idea what is it like to be a women from that experience than the general male population.

noel · Post by **noel** » December 14, 2006, 4:14 am

Get her a nice bottle of perfume and a nice card.

Or a nice sweater/scarf/gloves.

No jewelry unless the two of you actually have a relationship going.

Try to stay under $50.

Pherr the Dorf · Post by **Pherr the Dorf** » December 14, 2006, 12:38 pm

Zents Scents sampler... or just get "Ore" because that is the best one.

Post by **Sylvus** » December 14, 2006, 1:37 pm

It sounds like what you really need is a man's advice.

The best part is, you don't have to wrap them.

Animalor · Post by **Animalor** » December 14, 2006, 1:49 pm

Sign her up for the cock of the month club, every month featuring you.

Lalanae · Post by **Lalanae** » December 14, 2006, 4:52 pm

Re: the perfume buying. Women's fragrances are so varied (way more so than men's), smell different on different people, and many of us have specific tastes. 90% of all fragrances I sample I do not like. It may not be that high for everyone but even 50% is too big of a risk. Unless you know exactlty what she likes, I would avoid buying perfume for her.

lmnt9 · Post by **lmnt9** » December 14, 2006, 6:04 pm

Your thoughtfulness is what she will appreciate the most. Trying to figure out what gift is going to get you the most ground is the wrong approach. If you are close to her, you should already have some ideas on good gifts for her - which you may have not thought of because you are trying to stage a gift for points. Use your best judgement with what you know and observe about her and you will come up with the best gift.

Neziroth · Post by **Neziroth** » December 14, 2006, 6:34 pm

Thanks for the tips guys.

Definitely not going with the jewelry route.

I like the scarf idea, but I don't think I've ever seen her wear gloves.

I was liking perfume too, but if you girls are that picky about it maybe I'll forget that one as well.

I don't know if it makes any difference, but the reason we were close friends was because when I met her I was dating somebody, and right before my relationship ended she started dating somebody.

It was like a soap opera. Now we're both single and close friends. Still think it's doomed to stay that way?

Let's shift this from x-mas, since you guys have already helped me out huge in that department.

How about the most clever way you've asked someone out as more than friends?

You guys are like my own personal advice column I

vv.

noel · Post by **noel** » December 14, 2006, 7:11 pm

I don't think you have to specifically, 'ask her out as more than just friends'.

Just ask her out. Invite her out to dinner, parties, maybe a comedy show somewhere. Be totally casual about it, but if you feel there's more and more interest being returned, either directly ask her or walk her to the door, grow some balls, and kiss her.

Just be yourself. If she likes you, she'll let you know.

Morgrym · Post by **Morgrym** » December 14, 2006, 7:21 pm

Walk up behind her while she is seated and put your arm around her. Whisper into her ear, "Is it obvious that I am madly in love with you?" And take it from there. If she acts like you are a three headed toad, either play it off as a joke and never ever touch the subject again, or cowboy up and let her know you are serious.

Lalanae · Post by **Lalanae** » December 14, 2006, 7:45 pm

I totally agree with Noel. Hang out with her when you can and be yourself. If there is a romantic connection, you'll know it. I hate to say it, but sometimes alcohol is a good thing. If she likes you and is shy, a couple drinks might make her feel more comfortable in expressing herself through flirtation, lots of eye contact, etc. It also might make you feel less nervous (if you are around her).

Whatever you do, pay attention to her body language. If she doesn't give you any signals other than what a sibling or one of your buddies would, then she's not interested in you and you're better off moving on. Use your own body language to give her subtle clues to your feelings and see how she reacts. Maintain eye contact and see if she looks away, smile a lot and see if she smiles a lot back, find things to laugh about (sharing in humor is great for bonding).

The fact that she says she got you "the perfect gift" is a good sign that she cares about you in some capacity. That doesn't mean she cares about you romantically, but at least there is something there.

Lynks · Post by **Lynks** » December 14, 2006, 8:24 pm

Morgrym wrote:Walk up behind her while she is seated and put your arm around her. Whisper into her ear, "Is it obvious that I am madly in love with you?" And take it from there. If she acts like you are a three headed toad, either play it off as a joke and never ever touch the subject again, or cowboy up and let her know you are serious.

and then be known as the creepy guy.

Winnow · Post by **Winnow** » December 14, 2006, 8:39 pm

Some Fast Times at Ridgemont High Advice:

Mike Damone: I mean don't just walk in. You move across the room. And you don't talk to her. You use your face. You use your body. You use everything. That's what I do. I mean I just send out this vibe and I have personally found that women do respond. I mean, something happens.

Mark Ratner: Well, naturally something happens. I mean, you put the vibe out to 30 million chicks, something is gonna happen.

Mike Damone: That's the idea, Rat. That's the attitude.

Mark Ratner: The attitude?

Mike Damone: Yeah! The attitude dictates that you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean whatever happens, your toes are still tappin'. Now when you got that, then you have the attitude.

------

Mike Damone: First of all Rat, you never let on how much you like a girl. "Oh, Debbie. Hi." Two, you always call the shots. "Kiss me. You won't regret it." Now three, act like wherever you are, that's the place to be. "Isn't this great?" Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you. It's a classy move. "Now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice." And five, now this is the most important, Rat. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » December 14, 2006, 9:03 pm

if you can come up with anything at all that shows you pay attention to her and have picked up on her tastes, do it. even if it's some little $5 trinket, get that and then throw in something shiny or a cashmere something or other.

if she raves about how she's a sucker for ice cream, throw in a gift card to an ice cream shop. if she loves a certain animal, color, food, whatever, try to integrate it. i think that sort of thing will score you more points with her.

Morgrym · Post by **Morgrym** » December 14, 2006, 9:04 pm

Lynks wrote:
Morgrym wrote:Walk up behind her while she is seated and put your arm around her. Whisper into her ear, "Is it obvious that I am madly in love with you?" And take it from there. If she acts like you are a three headed toad, either play it off as a joke and never ever touch the subject again, or cowboy up and let her know you are serious.
and then be known as the creepy guy.

In a situation where she were a total stranger, I would agree. However, in this case...it's bound to work

Akanae · Post by **Akanae** » December 14, 2006, 9:09 pm

Someone actually told us we should hook up and I said I thought so too and she said it might be weird. It was left at that.

Then there is a 99% chance that she already knows how you feel. I guess what it comes down to is if you want to be her friend if that is all you are ever going to get, or if you would be willing to risk the friendship to try and make it more.
I have had my fair share of male friends with crushes on me, so I am familiar with this sort of situation. If she likes you she *will* let you know, if not she is probably hoping that you don't make any akward advances on her. Yes it will be flattering to her that you feel that way, but if she doesn't return those feelings your friendship may never be the same.
There was one time that I gave a good guy friend a chance, he had a crush on me for several years and he is a really good guy and kind of cute. So even though I didn't have romantic feelings for him, I thought maybe I could "learn" to like him - it lasted about 2 weeks and I still feel guilty to this day for leading him on. Needless to say our friendship was never the same.

Neziroth · Post by **Neziroth** » December 14, 2006, 9:21 pm

I can see it from her side too.

I have a lot of female friends and some of them I'm just not interested in, and I pray that they don't ever try to take it up a level. That's why I'm so hesitant.

I should also have said that when it was suggested by the third party and myself that we should hook up, all of us were drinking and well into the night. (I.e. we were drunk.)

On the way home that same night, she told me that, and I quote: "I need to go for what I want in life, or I'll be sorry." She claimed she was talking about another lady friend who was at the party who was basically the same to me a long time ago as this girl is now.

I wondered if it was a hint, but I chalked it up to the alcohol and her trying to be philosophical or whatever. Might have missed a good chance, I think I told her I liked her again, but it's foggy, heh. (Thank god for a DD) We shared the back seat and I had my arm around her the entire way home. I walked her to her door and thought about going for it, but didn't. I think I'd want to make any move like that sober anyhow, so she'd know I'm serious.

The biggest problem is, in my opinion, is that we go out together, just the two of us ALL THE TIME. So "just asking her out casually" will end up being nothing but another outting for the two of us. Putting my arm around her is nothing anymore, I do it all the time.

If I wanted to show my affection physically, I can't just grab her hand or hug her our put my arm around her, I'd have to all out kiss her, and that's really really putting myself out there.

The more I type about what we have the more I wonder if I should just let it be like some of you have said.

Opinions welcome.

P.S. thanks for taking it seriously

Leonaerd · Post by **Leonaerd** » December 14, 2006, 10:28 pm

How about the most clever way you've asked someone out as more than friends?

The more you set yourself up to be a complete failure, the more rewarding the success is. I was in a similar situation to yours a while ago, and I broke the ice by surprising her at her doorstep with flowers and two tickets to a concert for her favorite band. Could she have simply said "uhh, thanks but I like what we have"? Sure! But she didn't and we had a great relationship while it lasted.

Moral of the story? Do something crazy that leaves her in a position to either fall into your arms or completely take off the table the chance of you two dating. It's worth it either way. Balls, man. Balls.

Winnow · Post by **Winnow** » December 14, 2006, 10:39 pm

Neziroth wrote: If I wanted to show my affection physically, I can't just grab her hand or hug her our put my arm around her, I'd have to all out kiss her, and that's really really putting myself out there.

The more I type about what we have the more I wonder if I should just let it be like some of you have said.

Opinions welcome.

P.S. thanks for taking it seriously

I don't agree with Leonaerd's comments in this case as he's already good friends with her it seems and is willing to stick with the friendship if she doesn't want more.

It seems forced a bit to me. I mean, the suggestions here are subtly telling you how to "win" her affections with some trinkets. That's never the way to do it.

First and foremost, don't ask anything that requires a yes or no answer. Leave the questions open ended which gives both parties a chance to expand and add to the dialog, advancing the conversation in the direction you want or providing a chance for her to drop you a hint that she doesn't want to continue on that particular topic. You can get a better feeling where things are heading this way. Not being direct isn't being a pussy about things in this case because you want to remain friends. If you prefer an all or nothing relationship with her then you go for broke. Tell her exactly how you feel and if she doesn't feel the same way, you're pretty much screwed because it's not going to be fun hanging out with her anymore. (unless you're really only looking for sex which you can probably get over eventually and still be friends)

Approaching the important questions in a carefree way is always better than getting all serious on a person.

Also, Sheryl mentioned this above: Demonstrating that you've actually listened to her and aren't spending the whole time talking about yourself, is always a positive (unless you're creepy about it and list back to her every single thing she's said in a stalker kind of way). If I was talking to kyoukan for example (This is just and example. Don't try this on her now as it's she'll be on to you after reading this), I wouldn't bore her talking about places she'll never get to see, I'd ask an open ended question about one of her favorite passions. I'd then sit there and smile, looking attentive, while listening to her talk about her huskies for example. Comment back once in awhile with positive reinforcement, both offering up a vulnerably of your own while bolstering their self esteem..."Wow, I'd be scared to keep a dog in that position for so long. You are very brave!" Once she is comfortable that you are interested in her hobbies and not just sex, she'll open up and be less guarded. She may counter by telling you an outrageous story about something she did in a barn, testing you to see your reaction. At that point, you can throw in some info about yourself that relates to the topic, "Hah! You think that's bad? Let me tell you about the sheep in New Zealand!..."

The whole point is to dig under the usual BS you talk to someone you don't know that well about and start finding out what they're like deep down inside because whether you think you like this person or not now, it's not going to last if she doesn't know the "real" you and vice versa.

Puppylove/Horseplay is always a tried and true option. Anything that gets your paws on her more can't hurt. Grope her in the process. Responses: Gropes back = good, slap = bad. Play a game of Twister drunk.

In the end, if you're not shooting for a one night stand, the only thing that's going to work is being honest and open along with genuine mutual feelings for each other. It's all too easy to "accept" a relationship because there's nothing better atm...not that the two people are bad, but because a better match hasn't come along and society these days isn't set up very well for match making.

Nick · Post by **Nick** » December 15, 2006, 1:28 am

What Sylvus said.

Leonaerd · Post by **Leonaerd** » December 15, 2006, 2:21 am

Nicely worded, Winnow!

noel · Post by **noel** » December 15, 2006, 4:08 am

This thread really needs a Pilsburry post.

Tegellan · Post by **Tegellan** » December 15, 2006, 4:15 am

I think Winnow has it right, if you choose to go for it, do so. Don't be a pussy about it, but be open and honest and let her know how you feel.

You have a great friendship already, and you may be risking it by trying, on the other hand, the day she finds a boyfriend it may change a lot too. I say go for broke, put it all out there and hope for the best.

Xyun · Post by **Xyun** » December 15, 2006, 4:44 am

I was in a very similar situation back in my first couple years in college. I will tell you that I wasted two years pursuing my "best friend" and it never worked out. I've heard stories of these types of relationships succeeding, and to be honest I think they are ideal. Being very good friends should be the backbone of the relationship. However, in my case it was different. The metaphor I like to use is that she was a fisherman and I was a fish. She had me hooked on the line, but she never reeled me in and never let me go. The most important thing I learned during that time was that the more you talk about "the relationship" with her, the less of a relationship it becomes.

My advice is to just be yourself and hang out, don't come off desperate or weak and don't over pursue. And always always always keep your options open and keep multiple women on deck. Sadly, I doubt you will follow this advice.

As far as a gift goes I will tell you one of the gifts I gave this girl and she loved it. You should already know her favorite musical artist (hers was Elvis Costello but I personally can't stand that shit). Anyway, find a good picture of the artist online. If you have any photoshop skills doctor it a little bit to make it look better, if not no big deal as long as the original picture is good. You probably want a rare picture, or a black and white nostalgic one. Save the picture, take it to your local kinko's. Have it blown up to between 16"x 24" and 24" x 36" on photo paper. Take it to the frame shop and get a nice frame so she can put it on her wall. Whole thing should cost you $30-40. I actually have used this idea several times throughout the years with girlfriends, friends, and family and it always goes over well.

On a side note, the best present I ever got from a girlfriend was a pack of cigarettes, but when I opened it instead of cigarettes there were 20 joints. Now THAT is a good gift.

Fairweather Pure · Post by **Fairweather Pure** » December 15, 2006, 5:40 am

This is what I would do in your situation: Just ask her if she is attracted to you at all. Watch her body language. She'll most likey give you an answer before she says a word. If she dosen't, laugh it off and move on. Who cares? It's not the end of the world, and at least now you know.

I've never played the "guy friend" role, so personally, this is a pretty natural question for me to ask a girl. I've never had a woman be surprised I just plain asked. No games. No chasing. Do or don't. Dating and getting woman do not favor the meek in my experiance.

Humor, confidence, and honesty are the 3 attributes I contribute most to successful dating.

Oh yeah, if you're a fat, fugly bastard, you'd better come up with your own strategy. Women have limits, just like men do when it comes to looks. I don't know if you're a CHUD in real life or not.

Kwonryu DragonFist · December 15, 2006, 9:05 am

Since you ain't gettin' any, give her something cheap.