Because I'm a Guy

Jassun · Post by **Jassun** » July 9, 2002, 3:00 pm

Because I'm a guy, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.

Because I'm a guy, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in. Oh, and when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer.

Because I'm a guy, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.

Because I'm a guy, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk, or bread, or beer. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu." For all I know these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is involved.

Because I'm a guy, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a guy, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger-how the heck could HE know where we're going?

Because I'm a guy, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex or sports, though I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't.

Because I'm a guy, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for mother's day is OK, I don't need to see it. Did you remember to pick up something for my mom, too?

Because I'm a guy, I am capable of announcing, "one more beer and I really have to go," and mean it every single time I say it, even when it gets to the point that the one bar closes and my buddies and I have to go hunt down another. I will find it increasingly hilarious to have my pals call you to tell you I'll be home soon, and no, I don't understand why you threw all my clothes into the front yard. What's the connection?

Because I'm a guy, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

Because I'm a guy, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I'm a guy and this is, after all, the new Millennium, I will share equally in the housework. You do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, and the dishes. I'll do the rest.

dalur · Post by **dalur** » July 9, 2002, 3:06 pm

WOOT

Guy Power!!!

*snickers*

Akaran_D · Post by **Akaran_D** » July 9, 2002, 3:09 pm

Because your wife is a woman, she reserves all rights to use the dreaded NOSEX until you get over.. being a guy.

Madren · Post by **Madren** » July 9, 2002, 3:13 pm

waiting for Drisanna to chime in with some female retort post =p

Bubba Grizz · Post by **Bubba Grizz** » July 9, 2002, 5:15 pm

Sex as a weapon? hrmmm well hello there *stares at his right hand longingly*

Leelee · Post by **Leelee** » July 9, 2002, 5:23 pm

Sadly Bubba, thats the most some of you will ever have...

Cadienie · Post by **Cadienie** » July 9, 2002, 5:35 pm

LOL!!

Fairweather Pure · Post by **Fairweather Pure** » July 9, 2002, 5:58 pm

Even worse is the fact that the right hand is better than some of you women will ever be...

Sumdaor · Post by **Sumdaor** » July 9, 2002, 5:59 pm

lol...too funny

kyoukan · Post by **kyoukan** » July 9, 2002, 6:14 pm

Fairweather Pure wrote:Even worse is the fact that the right hand is better than some of you women will ever be...

You keep thinking that every night when you cry after masturbating.

Cadienie · Post by **Cadienie** » July 9, 2002, 6:17 pm

LOL too funny!!

Revs · Post by **Revs** » July 9, 2002, 6:28 pm

I ph34r type-R

Karae · Post by **Karae** » July 9, 2002, 6:30 pm

How little Kyoukan understands the male psyche. We never cry after masturbating, no matter how pathetic our sex lives may be.

But Sleezack is clueless as usual.

Post by **TheMachine** » July 9, 2002, 6:33 pm

I thought of so many things to say here, but I'm just going to leave it alone.

kyoukan · Post by **kyoukan** » July 9, 2002, 6:35 pm

edit:

*~*stragi*~* · Post by ***~*stragi*~*** » July 9, 2002, 7:01 pm

Fairweather Pure wrote:Even worse is the fact that the right hand is better than some of you women will ever be...

hahah

Akaran_D · Post by **Akaran_D** » July 9, 2002, 7:02 pm

You cry after doing it if you forgot to wash yer hands after eating anything drenched in hot sauce. yer fine for a couple minutes, but as soon as it gets good and rubbed in..

Voronwë · Post by **Voronwë** » July 9, 2002, 7:07 pm

anybody who thinks beating off is better than sex, with any female, beats off too much.

Leelee · Post by **Leelee** » July 9, 2002, 8:16 pm

Or needs a better blow up doll atleast!

Keverian FireCry · Post by **Keverian FireCry** » July 9, 2002, 8:57 pm

*cant find the link to that site about that fool's dark elf sex doll*...=(

Ebumar · Post by **Ebumar** » July 9, 2002, 10:01 pm

this thread r teh funney!

btw, i dont care who you are, sex is always better than right hand

Fumita · Post by **Fumita** » July 10, 2002, 1:23 am

right hand.....sex....lets weight these options..... sex... if ur right hand is better than any woman..u need to find some sexier women

thats no 1's fault but your own

Ninan · Post by **Ninan** » July 10, 2002, 2:18 am

You boys need to start expanding your horizons some. Get laid and jerk off, double your pleasure.....not necessarily in that order..)

Hammerstalker PE · Post by **Hammerstalker PE** » July 10, 2002, 4:01 am

Ok you got it all wrong! Sex as a weapon haha! Just go out and get another girl! Really very simple.

BTW What is the best way to piss off your wife/girlfriend when you are having sex?????

Phone her Bwawawa!

Drisanna · Post by **Drisanna** » July 10, 2002, 9:52 am

Just found this Madren. You're right, a response will be forthcoming.

Biffin · Post by **Biffin** » July 10, 2002, 12:50 pm

"BTW What is the best way to piss off your wife/girlfriend when you are having sex?????"

Yawning is *very* ill advised.... Biffin shall never forget that EVIL look she gave. So to sum up, never ever go see the ball and chain on 2 hours of sleep as yawning will be a possibilty for you as well!

Ninan · Post by **Ninan** » July 10, 2002, 12:58 pm

No matter how little sleep I have had, after sex I have never yawned, to busy grinning....)

Post by **TheMachine** » July 10, 2002, 3:10 pm

Yawning, shaking, grinning, the only time I find it a damn good ride is when I can't walk for a while when it's over.

You find a woman that can make that happen, I'd suggest you tie her ass to the bed, they're a rare find.

Cadienie · Post by **Cadienie** » July 10, 2002, 5:39 pm

JACKASS @ Biffin... can't believe we almost missed it.

Hammerstalker PE · Post by **Hammerstalker PE** » July 10, 2002, 5:52 pm

Biffin Sup Lass oh and JACKASS!

Aarinu · Post by **Aarinu** » July 10, 2002, 5:57 pm

I'm with the machine on this one.... My wife has always been able to um..... make my legs feel like jello. I hate it cause usually, when we are done, I'm huffing and puffing so much, I have to get water. I usually have to hold stuff to make it to the kitchen without falling

Omniz · Post by **Omniz** » July 10, 2002, 6:27 pm

Aarinu just have her get the water for you.

Biffin · Post by **Biffin** » July 10, 2002, 6:49 pm

Alas! Biffin did not escape the jackass'ing

And Ninan, about the yawn.. yawning after is fine... *during* it is very very ill advised ;p

Cadienie · Post by **Cadienie** » July 10, 2002, 7:01 pm

totally agree.. yawning would cause a huge /glare among other things

KilornCloudwalker · Post by **KilornCloudwalker** » July 10, 2002, 7:10 pm

Other things including a knee to the groin? LOL

As a note..make sure you get her name first and keep it in memory...calling out the wrong name is also on the bad list..hehe

Good thing the hand never cares on that one...

Of course you know the ultimate rejection...your masturbating and your hand falls asleep..

Course that could be a sign to go to 1/2 a viagra too...

Cadienie · Post by **Cadienie** » July 10, 2002, 7:17 pm

LOL ... hand falling asleep... LMAO

gulween · Post by **gulween** » July 10, 2002, 11:22 pm

hahahaha!

From experience u know this?

KilornCloudwalker · Post by **KilornCloudwalker** » July 10, 2002, 11:24 pm

Nope:) Though I am sure some here do LOL Searyx being a prime example I am sure

Oh and Gul..?

JACKASS!

Ok..I feel better now

Aedryn · Post by **Aedryn** » July 11, 2002, 12:55 am

The Biffin cannot escape the JACKASS from me also

mmm the sex thing.....well I am happily married........and I mean Happily I wish not to comment any further.

I also heard that The Biffin and his dog......

Akaran_D · Post by **Akaran_D** » July 11, 2002, 1:43 am

spraining your wrist is also a bitch.

Vaemas · Post by **Vaemas** » July 11, 2002, 2:25 pm

Is it just me or does Biffin and sex in the same sentance not compute?

Hammerstalker PE · Post by **Hammerstalker PE** » July 11, 2002, 2:55 pm

Not just you V I think everyone agrees!

Oh and BIFFIN SUP BRO! LASS!!

Zvenn Eaglefist · Post by **Zvenn Eaglefist** » July 11, 2002, 5:26 pm

BIFFIN!!! long time no see bro

oh yeah cant forget the JACKASS!!