Alexander...

miir · Post by **miir** » August 8, 2005, 3:22 pm

This is not a review, it's just a warning.

Alexander is a really fucking bad movie.
Not worth renting, not even for free.

There was nothing else in the new releases at my video store that I had any desire to see so against my better judgement, I rented this piece of shit. Shitty acting, shitty accents, shitty fight scenes, too long, too boring, arg fuck kill.... read a book instead.

Drinsic Darkwood · Post by **Drinsic Darkwood** » August 8, 2005, 3:37 pm

To my dismay, I did the exact same thing last night. Stay very far away from this movie.

Tegellan · Post by **Tegellan** » August 8, 2005, 4:14 pm

I wouldn't say it was that bad myself, I was certainly not impressed with it, but I wouldn't call it a piece of shit. If you are a history nut like myself it is an interesting movie, but it certainly is a disappointment in several categories.

Could have been done much better would be my verdict, average sorta movie really.

noel · Post by **noel** » August 9, 2005, 9:57 am

Just curious here. For those of you that had the displeasure of watching what looked to be a total piece of shit, did any of you watch the director's cut? I'm wondering if that makes it any more watchable...

Thanks in advance.

Canelek · Post by **Canelek** » August 9, 2005, 11:37 am

I watched the director's cut. It was a piece of shit. The movie should have been called 'boys wrasslin and riding into the sunset on ponies'. Oliver Stone is a shitty director, so I should have just rented 'fever pitch' or some other awful looking garbage.

negative one hunderd and ferty six out a ten.

miir · Post by **miir** » August 9, 2005, 2:03 pm

Yeah, I rented the 'director's cut'.

OK, now that my rage has subsided from wasting nearly 3 hours of my life (turned it off before it finished) on this pile of shit, I can offer some more succinct criticisms.

- Casting: Normally it's not a sticking point for me but in a movie about greeks, doesn't it make sense to cast some actual fucking greeks in even minor roles.. or maybe at least as extras. I was floored that they actually cast east indians as east indians... well they might have been african, it was hard to tell. At least they were dark skinned.
What the fuck was up with Angelina Jolie's russian vampire accent?...and do they expect us to believe that she could be the mother of Colinfuckingoverrated'actor'Farrel?
I swear they casted a bunch of drunken irishmen as Alexander's army.. they sounded like a bunch of fucking pirates... yarrrr.

- Soundtrack: Harps, harps, harps and more fucking harps.

The battle scenes could have been the make-or-break factor in this film... instead of portraying Alexander as the great strategist that he was, you got the impression that he was some fucking retard who rode recklessly, hundreds of feet infront of his army, into throngs of enemies.
With the oh-so-popular shaky-cam, excessive blood/gore and lightnoing-fast-closeup edits, you really had no fucking clue what was going on in the battles.

The entire homosexual thing must have been added as a sloppy afterthought when they realised that it was a really shitty movie and they needed some 'controversy' to generate press.

Flashbacks can be effective when they have a purpose. They aren't effective when their only purpose is to fill a shitty movie with long winded monologues.... and more monologues and more fucking monologues! 2/3 of the movie seemed to be filled with god danm monologues.

ug

Drinsic Darkwood · Post by **Drinsic Darkwood** » August 9, 2005, 3:28 pm

Tegellan wrote:I wouldn't say it was that bad myself, I was certainly not impressed with it, but I wouldn't call it a piece of shit. If you are a history nut like myself it is an interesting movie, but it certainly is a disappointment in several categories.

Could have been done much better would be my verdict, average sorta movie really.

I'm not one myself, so I can't really debate it, but friends of mine that fancy themselves to be history experts say it was horribly inaccurate.

Fairweather Pure · Post by **Fairweather Pure** » August 9, 2005, 5:11 pm

instead of portraying Alexander as the great strategist that he was, you got the impression that he was some fucking retard who rode recklessly, hundreds of feet infront of his army, into throngs of enemies.

Well, he was rather reckless. He was the last great general to "lead from the front". It was said he was wounded by virtually every known weapon of the time. He was a rather lucky man to live as long as he did, all things considered...

Here is one story of his, there are many examples out there about his brash behavior during battle.

After the battle at the River Hydaspes, the Macedonian army proceeded down the Indus to battle the Mallians. At their strongest citadel, Alexander did something fearless and profligately careless. To avoid being shot by arrows, he jumped down from the wall into the city—where he was viciously attacked and severely wounded before his men finally reached him. The army was so wild that the city was destroyed and all inhabitants were killed.

Lisandre · Post by **Lisandre** » August 9, 2005, 11:04 pm

miir wrote: The entire homosexual thing must have been added as a sloppy afterthought when they realised that it was a really shitty movie and they needed some 'controversy' to generate press.
ug

I haven't seen the movie. It got a 14% rating on rottentomatoes.com, so I didn't bother. Hehe. But, as far as the homosexual thing, I think it's pretty much accepted that Alexander was sexually active with men. They must not have done a good job of portraying that in the movie if it looked like an afterthought.

Tegellan · Post by **Tegellan** » August 10, 2005, 6:49 am

Angelina Jolie's accent is actually historically accurate as well, she wasn't greek or macedonian but from soem barbarian country which name escapes me right now.

That was actually one of the few historically accurate things in the movie, they could have done so much more with this movie but instead they chose to turn it into this semi shity and fairly inaccurate movie-

Wonko Wenusberg · Post by **Wonko Wenusberg** » August 18, 2005, 8:29 am

Should create a Xena Award for shitty films like these.

Bubba Grizz · Post by **Bubba Grizz** » August 18, 2005, 9:10 am

Wonko Wenusberg wrote:Should create a Xena Award for shitty films like these.

Don't be dissin Xena. She brought hot lesbo action to the small screen. Ok well maybe not overly hot but as close as you can get on tv.

masteen · Post by **masteen** » August 19, 2005, 7:11 pm

The Hellenes LOVED the cock.