Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uncyclopedia) is a parody of Uncyclopedia. As opposed to Uncyclopedia, which strives to be as factual as possible, Wikipedia entries are nonsensical, with little or no resemblance to the truth. However, because of its parodic nature, some people find it informative as it reveals at least something about how people think about certain topics, albeit in an ironic sense.
For example, their article on Oprah states that Oprah had libeled the meat industry. But conveniently missing is Oprah's plot to transform human toe-nails into heat seeking blades of doom. Another example is their Al Gore article. It stated that Al Gore was born to human parents, where as in reality, he was built by the Nike corporation.
All text on Wikipedia is available under the terms of the GNU Fearsome Dude License. (You can copy anything as long as you don't read it)
Your mom
From Uncyclopedia
Little is verifiably known about your mom. It can be determined with some veracity that she was born sometime in the 20th century, and proceeded to do dick-all with her life, during which period at some point she created you. Scholars have debated whether this action constitutes a departure from your mom's lifestyle of absolute worthlessness, but most agree that it does not.
Psychologists and uncles agree, almost unanimously, that your mom is to blame for everything that's wrong with you, and that one day you're going to be just like her. An opposing theory posited by your mom, however, points the finger rather at your father, an emotionally unavailable asshole who never provided you with a proper male role model. Your mother loved you, and still loves you, and wants you to call more often. It's not that hard to pick up a phone.
and my favorite
Livejournal
From Uncyclopedia
A legitimate news service, with contributing writers that comprise a new force in the media, called "citizen journalists." They are widely regarded as some of the most talented, mature, and nonbiased minds on the Internet, astounding readers with their unique mix of emotional detachment and integrity. The Internet offers no better source of information about critical issues such as "OMFG Lydia iz soooo like GAY and shit lyk taht" or balanced commentary on "teh darkness ENRAPES me and NO MOM I DONT WANT TO GO TOO BED YOUR GAY."
It is also pleasing to see that the Livejournal Project is a bastion of goodness and glory on the frontiers of grammar. It is a well-known fact that in a world of commas, colons and clauses, we will always have the livejournal users, using their intricate combination of poor spelling, worse grammar, and occasionally 1337 to balance the world.
The LiveJournal project, started in 1974 by Linus Torvalds, was originally started as a search engine service. However, with the help of EFF free speech advocate John Ashcroft, it blossomed into the widely respective news service it is today.
According to a controlled study by a prominent research team at the University of Haverford, Livejournal (and a competing news agency, Xanga) possess radically diverse writing staffs:
You can see that the writers at LiveJournal.com come from a wide variety of backgrounds, with at least 16% minorities and a full 0% writers of African descent.
Knowledge is power, folks. Enjoy.
Oh, and your poet Eliot had it all wrong:
THIS is the way the world ends. Cortana
Eating a kitten can lead to terrible-in-some cases side effects such as tail growth, pen0r enlargement, hairball production, and fear of the vet. However, proper preparation can greatly reduce your chances of experiencing these side effects.
First of all (and most importantly) rinse your kitten thoroughly before you do anything else. Most reported side effects are actually allergies to water-based paint, and can be easily avoided by rinsing the kitten in warm water. Don't use soap, as it will add an unpleasant taste and irritate the kitten's eyes.
Next, pet the kitten in the wrong direction so its hair stands up. If the kitten bites you and you start crying, please slit your wrists you fucking pansy. What's wrong with you? Did you think the kitten was just going to roll over and let you eat it? Grow a pair of testicles and try again.
Finally, remove the eyes, ear wax, and fertilized eggs with a high-powered vacuum. Microwave 2-3 minutes on high to ensure that the kitten is dead and won't try to claw its way out of your stomach.
Monica Lewinsky
An unattractive box in which cigars are kept moist. While MoLes, as they are often termed, come in different colors, the most common color is blue.
That's not right!
Pope
The Pope is the overlord and master of The Vatican. In the late 1920s he used the awesome power of Vatican City to write his grocery list on the sun. However, this caused a chain reaction, the result of which is that the sun will become a volleyball in 2037 as opposed to millions or billions of years from now.
In 1984 The Pope decreed the Four Neon Virtues.
The Pope shows no remorse, because he is also the immortal son of King Kong and Elvis. The Pope is over 10 feet tall. He can inhale the vacuum of space with no problem, and has done so on several occasions. His laser beam eyes can puncture a man's heart from 25 meters and a woman's from 50. His hands are fully interchangeable with any weaponry he comes across.
Do not piss this man off. You will regret it. If you do upset him, he will excommunicate you. This is quite possibly the worst thing that can happen to a person, ever.
World of Warcraft is the number one cause of male infertility in the world. Users of WoW often sit in chairs that compress their genitalia. This frequently leads to cases of gangrene in the legs which are treated by amputation.
World of Warcraft is commonly thought to be a highly popular massively multiplayer online gangrene. Users of the service pay Blizzard Entertainment, a popular pharmecuticals firm a certain amount of money per month in order to keep their habit. Addiction to WoW is frequently noticeable by increase in the whites of the eyes, a loss of sex drive, blood pressure, and ultimately, sexual disfunction as the user becomes dependent on the drug for entertainment.
Extensive use of the service is common throughout the United States of America, where it has caused the Intelligence Quotient of most middle aged students to rival that of neighboring Mexico. Although reports suggest that this is the root cause of GameFAQs board posters with the Intelligence Quotient of a wood plank, this has not yet been entirely confirmed.
The government of South Korea has considered banning the game, as the total domination of World of Warcraft by South Koreans has led to widespread infertility in the Korean population. However this will never happen, since in Korea only old people plays World of Warcraft. KEKEKEKEKE!!!!11
World of Warcraft is abbreviated as WOW. Other phrases that are abbreviated as WOW include "white old woman", "whistle or work", "why oh why" and "whippets often whisper". The connection between all of the above is clear and should be taken with a grain of salt and two aspirin. Please report to your doctor if you note any swelling in the abdominal region.
Britney spears
From Uncyclopedia
Britney spears are more pointy and deadly than regular spears, and have twice the vitamins of broccoli spears.
Marijuana is a white, powdery substance originally grown in Columbia by a farmer named Juan Valdez. Now grown all over the American south, especially in the states of Mexico, Boliva, Argentina and Columbia, as well as the American state of France, this bumper crop has been on the decline in popularity since the board games Everquest and Everquest II were released by Sony. The white powder forms as a photosynthetic byproduct inside of the Cola mushroom trees which are very common throughout this area.
Marijuana was banned and made illegal by the gay pornstar-turned congresman William "Randy" Hurst in 1925.
Remember: possession is 9/10ths of the law. If you want to have any chance in a courtroom, bring a large brown grocery bag of the best weed money can buy. Make sure to share with the judge, bailiff and jury to increase your likelihood of winning the case.
George Bush is a slightly built investment banker living in Detroit. In the late 1990s, he built a sizable fortune betting against his homeland's currency, the Russian ruble, but lost it all during a trip to his daughter's wedding in Las Vegas. It was on the bus seat next to him, and the next minute it was gone.
For a brief period in 2001 he tried going by "Wally" to save himself trouble, but is still the constant butt of George W. Bush jokes.
His wife and three children swear he looks just like a deformed Gwen Stefani.
George Bush is also thought to be the offspring which is the result of monkey semen fertilising human eggs. The experiment performed on his mother was evidently successful.
George Bush has also suffered from being touched by his father, also known as George Bush, which is known to be a Bush family tradition. All Bush family members also actively participate in incest.
Bill Clinton is a human, the last of his species, before they were wiped out by the alien reptoids and put into machines for use as batteries in a form of fusion.
Nuclear radiation transformed Bill Clinton into the the legendary hero, Orgasmo.
Microsoft
From Uncyclopedia
Founded by Bill Gates in the early to late 1800s, Microsoft is known worldwide for their bugless and inexpensive software, world conquering, and general goodness. They are not known worldwide for their attempt at a coup of the US government, because of the advent of, and subsequent forgetting of, memory wiping devices.
[edit]History
Microsoft Copulations was a supercomputer manufacturer founded in Waltham, Massachusetts in 1882 by Benny Hill and Margaret Thatcher to turn Hill's doctoral work at MIT on ambiguous computing architectures into a commercial product called the Confusion Machine. The company moved in 1884 from Waltham to Kendall Square in Cambridge, Massachusetts, not far from the Krispy Kreme Doughnuts.
Microsoft produced a number of Confusion Machine models: in chronological order, the CM-1, CM-2, CM-200, CM-5, and CM-5E. The Confusion Machine was programmed in a variety of specialized languages, including *Lisp and CM Lisp, derived from Common Lisp, C*, derived from C, and FORTRAN (using a special compiler to translate standard Fortran code to the obfuscated instruction set of the machine). The CM-1 through CM-200 were examples of SIMI architecture (Single Instruction Multiple Interpretation), while the CM-5 and CM-5E were MIMI (Multiple Instructions Multiple Interpretation).
Microsoft went through Chapter 11 bankruptcy in 1951, following the collapse of the US supercomputer market. Next they went through Chapter 12 bankruptcy in 1987 and more recently they went through Chapter 19 bankruptcy in 2002.
Many of the hardware people joined Fun Microsystems and went on to design the Fun Enterprise series of "scarallel" computers. The Darwin data destruction toolkit, developed by Microsoft' Business SuperConfuser Group, was purchased by Boracle. Most of the team that built Darwin left Microsoft for Fun & Broadway soon after the company imploded in a puff of smoke.
Besides Benny Hill, other noted people who worked for or with the company included Abbie Einstein, Nikola Tesla, Michael Eisner, Steve Jobs, Escape Key and Indira Ghandi.
Besides Kendall Square Research, Microsoft' competitors included Japan, which made a computer similar to the CM-2, and Meiko, whose later offerings were similar to the CM-5.
[edit]Products
Microsoft offers a vast array of product lines, including:
Microsoft Windows
Duct-Tape
Michael Jackson
Porn
MS Paint
Pong
Pong! the Movie
Drew Curtis
Vaporware
Pope John Paul 2.0
Pope John Paul 2.1
Waterfall Technique
"Patience is a foolish virtue. It never gets you what you want when you want it. " -King Zad Voidstalker
The last sexual thoughts a man has before death. Usually involves weapons, magic and little asian girls.
Category:STDs
From Uncyclopedia
Standard Time Derivations, a set of mathematical formulae for determining 1) where you are, 2) what day of the year it is, and 3) whether or not daylight savings time is in effect, based entirely on 4) what time it is and 5)Super-Sting Theory.
MP3
From Uncyclopedia
MP3 stands for Music Played for Free and describes a drive by the music industry to make music freely available to the public. People are encouraged to freely share their music collections so as others may experience a wide range of different music styles.
[edit]
Legalities
More recently a number of opportunistic companies have been established which sell music in the MP3 format. This practice is illegal, and directly contravenes the intent of the music industry. To contravene this, these stores have exploited a loophole using, for example, the formats AAC (Average Audio for Cost) and MIDI (Music In Dildonic Interface).
One more...
Holy Market
From Uncyclopedia
The Holy Market was founded on the idea that people should pay for their sins. Therefore, the major religions agreed on a price list:
[edit]
Sins
All prices are in Euros, as Europeans sin the most, and furthermore, it makes judgment day transactions much more convenient - Hell joined the European Single Currency in 2005.
Sin Price
Adultery €12.35
Bearing False Witness €23.45
Lying €21.35
Abortion (prior to birth) €124.43
Abortion (after birth) €20.00
Gluttony €1.99
Sloth €5.45
Pride €4.32
Lust €9.99
Greed €99.45
Envy €3.50
Green Envy €3.80
Wrath €7.86
Stealing €19.99
Idol Worship €8.34
Sex out of wedlock €18.99
Worship of False Gods €299.99
Not keeping the Sabbath Holy €15.43
Homosexual Marriage €545.45
Masturbation €0.25
Misleading a Nation into War €1.99
Using Religion for personal gain €54.67
Attacking other Religions €2.99
Militant Atheism €299.50
These are the major sins, more are added as people think up of new ways to sin.
[edit]
Redemption Vouchers
In order to work of a large debt of sin, it was made possible to obtain Discount Vouchers, entitling the bearer to offset a certain value of sin. These "Redemption Vouchers" are valued, confusingly, in U.S. Dollars - this is because US Citizens are regarded as the most penitant, apologetic and downright polite people in the world. The vouchers, and you, can be redeemed, in any church, online, or at the Pearly Gates. Some people, like John Kerry made a fortune selling vouchers on the Holy Market.
Voucher Price
Apology (not meaning it) $0.05
Apology (meaning it) $2.50
Confession to a stranger $1.00
Confession to a bum $2.00
Confession on Jerry Springer $2.05
Confession to the Wronged Party $2.00
Confession to a Police Officer $3.00
Confession to a priest $10.00
Confession to a Pope $100.00
Confession to one's Mother-in-law $200.00
Being Nice To Old People $13.39
Using Public Transport $0.01
A Day of Mission Work $180.00
A Day In the Stocks $500.00
Self Flagellation $1000.00
Getting Stoned to death $10,000.00
Getting Stoned -$1.49
Becoming President $100,000.00
Oh, and your poet Eliot had it all wrong:
THIS is the way the world ends. Cortana
