Suicide threats

a_guide · Post by **a_guide** » April 4, 2004, 8:58 pm

What do you do for friends who are suicidal?

In the last 3 weeks I've had two people who are very close to me attempt suicide (more than once). I have had zero experience or training for this situation and am wondering if there is anything that I can do besides continue to love them, try and point out positives in their lives, make plans and encourage them to hold out for their future and be around a lot.

Arborealus · Post by **Arborealus** » April 4, 2004, 9:57 pm

a_guide wrote:What do you do for friends who are suicidal?

In the last 3 weeks I've had two people who are very close to me attempt suicide (more than once). I have had zero experience or training for this situation and am wondering if there is anything that I can do besides continue to love them, try and point out positives in their lives, make plans and encourage them to hold out for their future and be around a lot.

Encourage them to seek professional help immediately. There is in all probability nothing you can do for them...but professionals may be able to help.

They do need support but it can be very hard to define the line between support and facilitation. I would recommend contacting a local suicide prevention hotline/service or a local mental health professional to discuss specifics as to what resources are available to you and/or your friends locally.

Animale · Post by **Animale** » April 4, 2004, 10:11 pm

I can't resist a bad joke here... understand that I mean this in jest only and that I hope your friends get the help they need (be that professional or otherwise).

Don't Cross the Road... Walk Down It.

Animale

a_guide · Post by **a_guide** » April 4, 2004, 10:13 pm

Your disclaimer aside, I do not think that suicide is ever funny and while I'm not offended I'm absolutely not impressed. If you can't contribute get the fuck out.

Raistin · Post by **Raistin** » April 4, 2004, 10:14 pm

Tell them to try harder and stop being such failures in life.

In all seriousness, they need help. some people just arnt right in the head, or just want attention.

Trias · Post by **Trias** » April 4, 2004, 10:15 pm

"attempt" at suicide is a cry out for attention imo...if you are REALLY going to kill yourself...then you can do it without fail

Bubba Grizz · Post by **Bubba Grizz** » April 4, 2004, 10:33 pm

Kick their asses and let them know the pain that you are feeling. Teach them the difference between a threat and a promise.

Bojangels · Post by **Bojangels** » April 4, 2004, 10:38 pm

If you don't have the training to deal with it, get them to go see someone who does. Or call a professional on their behalf.

Kwonryu DragonFist · Post by **Kwonryu DragonFist** » April 4, 2004, 10:59 pm

They need love and appreciation!

Arborealus · Post by **Arborealus** » April 4, 2004, 11:09 pm

Trias wrote:"attempt" at suicide is a cry out for attention imo...if you are REALLY going to kill yourself...then you can do it without fail

Thats a myth...and a dangerous one...

There are certainly some who do posture and "attempt" suicide for attention...And I wouldn't bet someone's life on my ability to tell the difference...And I used to do psychological assessment for a living...

Drasta · Post by **Drasta** » April 5, 2004, 12:05 am

best thing you can do is know that ... they arn't kidding around ... take it seriously ... and guys have a higher % of killing themselves .. but girls have a higher % of attempting it

Kelshara · Post by **Kelshara** » April 5, 2004, 1:19 am

As someone who knows a tad bit about it..

- Be there for them. If they call in the middle of the night, don't blow them off.
- Try and get them help. Friends can only do so much, there are limitations.
- Realize that as hard as you want to help them, if you can not make them understand that getting help is a good thing it wont work. If they won't accept help they wont be helped.

Depression, anxieties and suicidal tendencies are all problems that increase very quickly in the world today. And no, most of the time it has nothing to do with attention. If it is a cry for anything it is not attention, but a cry for help.

Brotha · Post by **Brotha** » April 5, 2004, 1:41 am

Here is what not to do.

Spang · Post by **Spang** » April 5, 2004, 2:50 am

the most important thing to do is NOT ignore them.

also, be a good listener.

CrazieV · Post by **CrazieV** » April 5, 2004, 3:53 am

For once im gonna be serious.

I was once in the position your friend is in, and all i can say is be there for him/her. Dont ever turn your back on your friend. Theres only so much you can do like call people and tell your friend to get professional help but in reality thats all not gonna help unless your friend wants to be helped. You just need to be there to support him/her.

Lynxe · Post by **Lynxe** » April 5, 2004, 9:04 am

It has been suggested above but I'll re-hash it anyway. Get some help if it is available in your area.
- Everyone is different and your friend might need a kick in the ass or that could be the one thing that tips them over the edge. If you are not comfortable deciding which is the best course of action, ask someone who is trained too.
- Being there for someone who is that ill is taxing on you as well. It can cause depression, anxiety and more. You need to balance that or you might be less help to your friend. Talking to someone could help there too.
- Keep yourself down to earth and real. For example, if you don't agree with your friend, tell them and discuss it instead of agreeing to make them happy. I have a friend that has gone through a hard time and everyone has been cradling her ever since. She learned to expect that from people and now when she doesn't get it, she thinks we are all against her or letting her down.

Nilaman · Post by **Nilaman** » April 5, 2004, 9:04 am

You need to tell someone.

And not your other friend. Go out and find xxx's parents. I do not care how old the person is, go and find someone who will tan their ass and let them know. Most people say this as a cry for help and they are looking for someone to help them. hihi therapist. But they are afraid to go get one. If you worry their parents then chances are they will be sent to a shrink and get things fixed.

The second worst case scenario is that your friend will get help.

The worst (called the Kedawen Scenario) is that your friends parent will delete the email, your friend fails at life and can not even kill himself, and then he goes into the nutty farm for a brief time.

All twistedness aside, people who fail to kill themselves are hopeless. I hate them all.

Fairweather Pure · Post by **Fairweather Pure** » April 5, 2004, 9:59 am

I believe there is only so much a normal person can do to assist a loved one in these deep personal matters. Professional help is available and I suggest taking that route asap.

I see numerous suicide attempts per night in the ER. ( I had 6 in one night last week) I see and hear stuff every night that would blow your mind. The most haunting and memorable do not come from blood/guts type of injuries, but rather from suicide attempts and psych intakes. Every once in awhile, we get people that come in for psych evaluation because they know they're at thier wits end and may be thinking dangerous thoughts. That is when intervention helps. Keep in mind that many of those people are brought in by close friends and/or family members.

I usually take the stand that nothing is sacred when it comes to humor, but goddamn, I've seen so much trauma, death, and destroyed loved ones that I find no humor in the above attempts. I guess I've just been affected too much.

Talelor · Post by **Talelor** » April 5, 2004, 1:16 pm

Personally, I have been put in this scenario dozens of times. Luckily, know have completed their actions. But anywho, though many have suggested that they seek professional help, most are too stubborn to do so.

The only true solution I have used is to defidantally not befriend them and support them through all. And of course, take it very seriously(as you are).

CrazieV · Post by **CrazieV** » April 5, 2004, 1:26 pm

definatly not befriend them....thats definatly NOT the way to go...if you do anything at all the most important thing to do is to stick with them, whatever you do dont turn your back on him/her.

Rasspotari · Post by **Rasspotari** » April 5, 2004, 3:14 pm

Raistin wrote:Tell them to try harder and stop being such failures in life.

In all seriousness, they need help. some people just arnt right in the head, or just want attention.

and some have no emotional meter, let alone any emotional intelligence.

Rasspotari · Post by **Rasspotari** » April 5, 2004, 3:17 pm

Trias wrote:"attempt" at suicide is a cry out for attention imo...if you are REALLY going to kill yourself...then you can do it without fail

trias .. attention yah . but in the form of help. they are giving the world their warning that they can't take "something" any more but are willing to get help, when depressed, and i dont mean "oh i'm so depressed" , but clinically depressed. you think about death in a whole new light and it's beyond fucking scary to be able to think back to how you thought about death, personal experience here. never attempted suicide though.

Rasspotari · Post by **Rasspotari** » April 5, 2004, 3:20 pm

Bubba Grizz wrote:Kick their asses and let them know the pain that you are feeling. Teach them the difference between a threat and a promise.

as much as i can read , though love, from that comment, and as much as you might indeed care. that's not what a depressed person that is suicidal needs. that person needs understanding, an ear willing to listen and stfu and not be judgemental, but since the world is sorta full of ppl like you ( not saying that's a bad thing

), ppl in this situation usually need to seek professional help. not many ppl with the emotional understanding to be able to offer some sort of help. and trust me. help from someone you trust and that can help via this method is almost if not better then having to talk to some professional that you dont trust to start with, and will often have a hard time really opening up to.

Colal · Post by **Colal** » April 5, 2004, 4:28 pm

Call the police the next time they does it/threatens to do it. If they have done it recently call the police now. This should be taken seriously to the extreme. Your friend is commiting a crime and you are civicly obligated to inform the authorities, not to mention your obligation to as their friend.

Mplor · Post by **Mplor** » April 5, 2004, 9:01 pm

Tell them to move away from Utah.

The Daily Utah Chronicle reports:

Utah has been in the top 10 states for instances of suicide for several years. McIntosh reports that in 1999, Utah had a suicide rate of 13.2 cases per 100,000 people, a rate substantially higher than the national average of 10.7.

KSL adds:

Suicide is the leading cause of death for Utah males between the ages of 15 and 44.

What's more, CBS reports that Utahns pop more Prozac than any other state in the union:

Utah leads the nation in prescriptions for anti-depressants, according to a recent study. "The fact that we're twice the national average with something like anti-depressants begs some explanation," said Dr. Curt Canning, head of the Psychiatric Association of Utah.

Seriously, tell your friend to get the hell outta Utah.

a_guide · Post by **a_guide** » April 5, 2004, 9:19 pm

Yeah all of the people I care about in this state are working on getting out... It's even worse for him seeing as how he's freshly out of the closet (his family is Mormon and aren't taking it too well).

At this point he seems to have rocovered some of his senses and after much vomiting he says he feels pretty dumb over it and claims that he realizes now it was a mistake. We're all not leaving him alone for a while though, thanks for the advice everyone. *hugs* a_guide

Minael · Post by **Minael** » April 6, 2004, 12:29 am

imo after treatment is important
do not let them with a stigma that they will always viewed as a risk, do not go walking around him with colored flags stating what color his threat level is....that is really not good, he needs to be back into a social environment without the feel that people are watching what they say, or what they do.

only thing i know... =)

most likely they won't feel like a failure if their treatment after experiences such as friends helping them they will have their companion's help and comfort and consoe and protection to outweigh the image that they feel they wished they succeeded....

but no one person can be the sole reason another person is alive, so don't make promises just on the basis that he or she will stay alive, you cannot handle the responsibilities over one's life in that wy.

sooner or later he or she will have to requestion his reasons and come to his or her own conclusion that it is their choice to live, and accept that and thrive to exist on their own energy.

if they can not reason enough, most likely psychiatrich ward and medication which can only be harder if they find it is a life long illness, do not push medication, but make sure they understand they can not control their own chemical balance.

but you shouldnt worry too much people who commit suide never really stick around long enough to see that the people that fail are the lucky ones that have another chance to heal their soul's wounds.

Jekasurae · Post by **Jekasurae** » April 6, 2004, 1:30 am

Maybe ur the crazy one if both of your friends are coo coo?

Truant · Post by **Truant** » April 6, 2004, 2:39 am

Jekasurae wrote:Maybe ur the crazy one if both of your friends are coo coo?

shut up and go back to lurking.

VeeshanVault

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