Mr. Happy not so happy

Xyun · Post by **Xyun** » March 31, 2004, 9:36 pm

Ok so last nite I go to a club with a girlie and we go back to her place all drunk. Turns out she's on the rag and so we end up just dry humping for i don't know how long. I think like 3 or 4 hours. I didn't care, I was drunk. Today I wake up and Mr. Happy is like raw as fuck and very sensitive. I had to change from boxers to briefs because it actually hurt walking around in boxers. Last couple of hours it has been better but I'm wondering should I get some cream or something for it? I wanna be able to at least masturbate by tomorrow.

MooZilla · Post by **MooZilla** » March 31, 2004, 9:38 pm

Pfft, a real man would STILL HIT IT. Even though he would lose his lunch and dinner in the process.

How the fuck can you dryhump anything for 3 or 4 hours without dying of boredom? You should be ashamed of yourself.

Edit: Took out the NWS.

BeatSoggybiscuit · Post by **BeatSoggybiscuit** » March 31, 2004, 9:42 pm

bah, would only be NWS if there were pictures to go with the story =p

Dry humping? Thats BS, i would have taken off ASAP.

Anyway, you will probably get scabs and it will hurt for a while. Moral of the story: never dry hump, just dont do it!

Dregor Thule · Post by **Dregor Thule** » March 31, 2004, 9:42 pm

This doesn't belong in fucking NWS.

Dunno how you should handle (:p) the raw peen man, sorry.

Winnow · Post by **Winnow** » March 31, 2004, 9:47 pm

boil it in water to disinfect.

Cartalas · Post by **Cartalas** » March 31, 2004, 9:49 pm

"Sprink le" some Coke on it

MooZilla · Post by **MooZilla** » March 31, 2004, 9:52 pm

Rubbing alcohol.

Ransure · Post by **Ransure** » March 31, 2004, 10:15 pm

I hear brake fluid helps....

Xyun · Post by **Xyun** » March 31, 2004, 10:28 pm

MooZilla wrote:Pfft, a real man would STILL HIT IT. Even though he would lose his lunch and dinner in the process.

How the fuck can you dryhump anything for 3 or 4 hours without dying of boredom? You should be ashamed of yourself.

By the way: Belongs in NWS.

You know, I've been on the verge of flaming your moronic ass for a long time. You're one of those few rare people who've mastered the art of saying something about every fucking thing and adding nothing. Unfortunately, you just ran into the wrong motherfucker.

I'm not sure why you would even pretend to know anything about the subject since you've seen pussy about as many times as I've seen pluto. I'm gonna take a moment to edumacate your ignorant ass. Unlike you, i don't mind sex on the rag, but when you're with a girl, you have to respect their wishes. One day, when the crippled one-eyed midgit you're trying to court lets you into her bedroom you'll understand what the fuck I'm talking about. In the meantime, try to fucking realize that even dry humping a hot chick is a thousand times more entertaining than doing exactly what you're doing right now. But I guess part of the reason spending time with women is boring to you is because pounding your F5 key at a message board is exciting to you. The shame belongs to you, milksop.

MooZilla · Post by **MooZilla** » March 31, 2004, 10:51 pm

Xyun wrote:
MooZilla wrote:Pfft, a real man would STILL HIT IT. Even though he would lose his lunch and dinner in the process.

How the fuck can you dryhump anything for 3 or 4 hours without dying of boredom? You should be ashamed of yourself.

By the way: Belongs in NWS.
You know, I've been on the verge of flaming your moronic ass for a long time. You're one of those few rare people who've mastered the art of saying something about every fucking thing and adding nothing. Unfortunately, you just ran into the wrong motherfucker.

I'm not sure why you would even pretend to know anything about the subject since you've seen pussy about as many times as I've seen pluto. I'm gonna take a moment to edumacate your ignorant ass. Unlike you, i don't mind sex on the rag, but when you're with a girl, you have to respect their wishes. One day, when the crippled one-eyed midgit you're trying to court lets you into her bedroom you'll understand what the fuck I'm talking about. In the meantime, try to fucking realize that even dry humping a hot chick is a thousand times more entertaining than doing exactly what you're doing right now. But I guess part of the reason spending time with women is boring to you is because pounding your F5 key at a message board is exciting to you. The shame belongs to you, milksop.

How would you ever know that i've "seen pussy about as many times as you've seen pluto"? Yes, I have much of my life in front of me yet, but i've also had my share of sex. The ratio of the amount of time spent with my girlfriend to the amount of time spent on the internet is OMGIAMRETARDEDCAUSEALOTISTWOWORDS to a little. You can make blind assumptions like that, but it's far from the truth.

You worded your post in such a way that i beleived you were saying 'we dry humped BECAUSE she was on the rag.' Even so, i didnt see you could overlook the sarcasm.

In my opinion, dry humping is quite...eventless. I was stating my opinion in an acerbic manner. If it pissed you off, sorry then.

Brotha · Post by **Brotha** » March 31, 2004, 11:59 pm

So she didn't tell you she was on the rag before you wasted your time and came over, and then wouldn't even atleast suck you off (maybe I'm assuming too much on that)? Doesn't sound like a keeper to me...

Etasi · Post by **Etasi** » April 1, 2004, 12:09 am

What a great thread.

Sionistic · Post by **Sionistic** » April 1, 2004, 12:46 am

You know, I've been on the verge of flaming your moronic ass for a long time.

You're not the only one xyun

Xyun · Post by **Xyun** » April 1, 2004, 12:52 am

Brotha wrote:So she didn't tell you she was on the rag before you wasted your time and came over, and then wouldn't even atleast suck you off (maybe I'm assuming too much on that)? Doesn't sound like a keeper to me...

No sucking

She's one of those girls that "doesn't do that". Though we've been dating for a few weeks and we've had sex before. The "no sucky" thing really irks me, but she's smokin hot so that makes up for it. I told her she's gonna have to learn to suck some dick if she wants to get anywhere in life.

Who knows, maybe I can convince her. For now, I know she's not a keeper, but then again neither am I. I'm still gonna ride this wave all the way to shore.

Anyway, mr. happy is doing a bit better now. I think I'll be fine by tomorrow or the day after.

Xzion · Post by **Xzion** » April 1, 2004, 12:56 am

you wanna know real pain? try the same situation on a beach without a beach towel and coarse-ass brown sand sneakin up on you(see embarrasing story), GODAMN that hurt for like almost a week, stuff like that tends to go away rather quickly though

Akaran_D · Post by **Akaran_D** » April 1, 2004, 1:46 am

As a man who only gets to do dry humping and blowjobs, I recommend a couple of things:

1: Wear as loose as pants / underware as possible for the next couple days. Go nude when you can.

2: Talcum powder helps.

3: Do not - not - wear flannel until it heals. That shit will bloody KILL YOU.

4: Do not engage in any strenous activity, such as running. Standard day to day movement can turn into a nightmare depending on how bad you did yourself in.

5: Keep it clean. Nothing is worse than a dick with rugburn have bits of fabric stuck to it, take the time to gently wash it at least twice a day.

6: If you've succeded in rubbing off a full layer or two of skin you have two options - leave it be for a few days, or learn to love pain.

7: If you've burned it around the head of your wanker, for the sake of all, BE CAREFUL HOW YOU PISS and dry THOUROUGHLY. Don't just jingle it a couple times, grab some TP and hope for the best. If the TP sticks, warm water helps to pry it off painlessly.

8: Easy way to fix this type of situation is to not enter it to begin with. Even if she's on the rag, the least she could do for you is wear silk panties if she expects to take it that far. If you're going full skin dry humping and still getting burned, introduce her to this device known as a razor. (If the pussy hair hurts, it's gone on WAY to long without a trip to the barber shop)

9: If you were straight doing it on denim, or you both had full clothes on.. damn, just damn, and forget about using your wanker for a bit. In the future, if it's a full clothes on clothes, wear silk. And if you can, DONT wear pants that have a zipper.. it's a bad thing to be getting into it then have your member meet Mr. Metal Zipper on the inside. (Who the heck came up with metal zippers around the thing that most men treasure most? Sheesh)

10: Watch what kind of shampoo and bodywash you use in the shower until it heals. Have extra strong shampoo? Make sure it doesn't hit your dick. Use any tear free formula you can find until things get all patched up down there.

11: Lastly, I would like to note that under no circumstances should Nair be applied.

I speak from each of these things from experience.
Sadly, I have rubbed my wanker raw so many times, I've experienced all of that.. at least once.

Moonwynd · Post by **Moonwynd** » April 1, 2004, 2:40 am

I heard kosher salt sprinkled liberally on said organ will help draw out the little blue cottony balls that worked their way into the raw meat from your BVD's....at least that's what I do when it happens to me...

emmer · Post by **emmer** » April 1, 2004, 2:50 am

I was in a similar situation recently with a girl who was on the rag. I don't have any easy answers, but I can tell you what not to do. If you decide on anal to pass the time until her cycle ends, for the love of pete do NOT use that ky self-heating stuff while you are raw. Just trust me on this one.

Drasta · Post by **Drasta** » April 1, 2004, 3:09 am

did it burn like hell?

Kilmoll the Sexy · Post by **Kilmoll the Sexy** » April 1, 2004, 9:53 am

I have had cock maladies of this ilk several times because of chicks that were too stupid to ever handle one. One actually cut the shaft somehow with a fingernail or something while giving me a blowjob. I honestly don't know how, but I was pretty drunk and so was she. All I know is I woke up with pain and a half inch long slice in the skin.

The area that is damaged is going to hurt like hell for a week or so. What I seriously suggest is find a way to whack it several times a day. The blood flow through the little guy will bring endorphins and shit through the body and will speed the healing. You may only be able to use a couple fingers and have to be gentle, but I swear it will help.

Drolgin Steingrinder · Post by **Drolgin Steingrinder** » April 1, 2004, 10:02 am

this thread scares me.

kyoukan · Post by **kyoukan** » April 1, 2004, 3:55 pm

I don't know, watching guys pretend to be cool on the internet kind of cracks me up.

Xyun · Post by **Xyun** » April 1, 2004, 4:08 pm

you're not cool if you don't have a raw dick

Post by **Sylvus** » April 1, 2004, 4:09 pm

if having a raw dick is cool, consider me Miles Davis

kyoukan · Post by **kyoukan** » April 1, 2004, 4:23 pm

does having a strapon who's color is starting to fade count?

Xyun · Post by **Xyun** » April 1, 2004, 4:34 pm

depends on the color.

masteen · Post by **masteen** » April 1, 2004, 4:39 pm

Kyoukan so butch!

Krimson Klaw · Post by **Krimson Klaw** » April 1, 2004, 4:45 pm

Xyun my wife was not into the sucking thing when we were married either. The goal is to marry a woman that loves to do it hehe. It took 13 years, but she's a pro now. It did not happen over night though, it took years of baby steps. Kiss it, just for a few seconds, just for a few minutes, etc etc until I get the full monte now. I have never not dry humped so I am feelin ya on that one. We tried using a condom once just for fun and it was difficult for me to keep an erection. My peen has become tough like Conan the Barbarian. I don't know if that's good or bad but dry humping is where its at.

Skogen · Post by **Skogen** » April 1, 2004, 5:26 pm

Christ, how do you keep up dry-humping for 3-4 hours? Some of that time should have been spent trying to get her to blow you, or giving her a pearl necklace.

Krimson Klaw · Post by **Krimson Klaw** » April 1, 2004, 5:39 pm

If you are switching it up and keeping the chick guessing, she'll love going 3-4 hours. If you try to dry hump the same position for longer than 10-15 minutes, then yea she'll get bored. Make it fun for the chick and it's a go.

Xyun · Post by **Xyun** » April 1, 2004, 5:44 pm

I think they like to call it foreplay or something. I totally agree that it could've been better, but it could've been worse too. I'm not complaining.