Divorce Letter

Post by **Sylvus** » March 29, 2004, 1:59 pm

Perhaps you've been emailed it or it was posted here before. Whatever.

some email wrote:DIVORCE LETTER -

Dear Connie,

I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our
"cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I
swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy
in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact.In
my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess
my pride needed that.

But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of
pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I
don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does.

Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is
what my heart says: "There's no one like you, Connie." I look for you in
the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not
even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her
homewith me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth
of my desperation.

She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth
and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a
perfect body...Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't
quit. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by
this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our
lives. It's all so superficial.

What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in
this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a person?
Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt
it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm
just growing up a little.

Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found
myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her
flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else.
Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete?

And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to
watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus,
Connie, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds
me of you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge
last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said
she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know
what she meant till later, but that's not the real story.

Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're
banging away in our old bedroom. And this pig's a total monster in the
sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when
she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can
hear us.

And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's
old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we
can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. Cause
I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on the floor?
We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never usedit as a sex
toy."

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I
mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her
shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time.
She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general.
She's pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is. So we're
doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times.

Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think
of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes
me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing,
that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying
it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do
you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's
cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you?

It's true, Connie. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we could
start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think
we can.

If you feel the same please, please, please let me know. Otherwise, can you
let me know where the friggin' remote
is!

Love, Chuck

Dregor Thule · Post by **Dregor Thule** » March 29, 2004, 2:08 pm

Hahaha, that was great.

kyoukan · Post by **kyoukan** » March 29, 2004, 4:37 pm

lol cinnamon ring

Canoe · Post by **Canoe** » March 29, 2004, 4:42 pm

hehe - priceless

Gung · Post by **Gung** » March 29, 2004, 4:59 pm

Throat yogurt BAHAHAHA

MooZilla · Post by **MooZilla** » March 29, 2004, 5:36 pm

Pizzpwnd.

Xorian · Post by **Xorian** » March 29, 2004, 5:42 pm

masteen · Post by **masteen** » March 29, 2004, 5:45 pm

Winnow · Post by **Winnow** » March 29, 2004, 5:50 pm

What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at.

She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us.

He hit her with both extremes to rub it in. How thoughtful!

Mukyluk · Post by **Mukyluk** » March 30, 2004, 4:29 am

that is as good if not better tehn the guy who had a lavise wedding and recep. the brides fatehr spend like 32k on the entire thing.. at the recption the groom amde a tost and gave the wedding paty a gift, a pic of his new wife and his best man fucking..then he got it all annuled in the morning........ wodner if that guy is still alive...

Jaxomer · Post by **Jaxomer** » March 30, 2004, 10:54 am

I laughed, but my wife failed to see the humor in it

Psyloche · Post by **Psyloche** » March 30, 2004, 12:32 pm

Mukyluk wrote:that is as good if not better tehn the guy who had a lavise wedding and recep. the brides fatehr spend like 32k on the entire thing.. at the recption the groom amde a tost and gave the wedding paty a gift, a pic of his new wife and his best man fucking..then he got it all annuled in the morning........ wodner if that guy is still alive...

Fairly certain that was fake, but I don't really remember or care to look it up heh.

Dregor Thule · Post by **Dregor Thule** » March 30, 2004, 4:03 pm

Mukyluk wrote:that is as good if not better tehn the guy who had a lavise wedding and recep. the brides fatehr spend like 32k on the entire thing.. at the recption the groom amde a tost and gave the wedding paty a gift, a pic of his new wife and his best man fucking..then he got it all annuled in the morning........ wodner if that guy is still alive...

What the fuck did you just say?

Canelek · Post by **Canelek** » March 30, 2004, 8:28 pm

Hahahahaha!

That is excellent.