Most Embarrassing Personal Story: 25,000 VVs up for grabs.

Vaemas · Post by **Vaemas** » September 14, 2003, 2:41 pm

15,000 VVs for the winner.
10,000 VVs to the runner-up.

Post should be about YOUR most embarrassing personal moment. Entry deadline is Wednesday, midnight Pacific. One entry per person. Awards to be distributed no later than Friday. Fronting a lot of VVs so make this worthwhile!

Ebumar · Post by **Ebumar** » September 14, 2003, 3:05 pm

Hmm... I do a pretty good job of embarassing myself any time I get drunk, but I don't think I am going to use one of those stories. This one is pretty short, but it is funny.

So I am walking out of the locker room after changing in second period P.E., in high school. On the weekends I usually liked to sleep in 'till about 9 or 10 am. So anyways, I walk out of the locker room, when my friend comes up behind me, grabs my shorts, and proceeds to try to pants me. No no no, he didnt pants me, he tore my gym shorts, and my underwear right off. It is about 9:15AM at this point. Everyone starts laughing as usual. Then all of a sudden I feel a warmth in my penis. It begins to grow. I think, 'oh shit, morning wood.' Sure enough, it starts to rise. Ofcourse, they started holding me keeping me from going inside. The more I fought, the more embarassed I got.

I got crowned faggot number one that day. Now that I look back, it was a funny, and by chance, sequence of events. Good times...

Akaran_D · Post by **Akaran_D** » September 14, 2003, 3:14 pm

Akaran of the Nair, revisited.

Ceffin · Post by **Ceffin** » September 14, 2003, 4:05 pm

it was 3rd grade end of the year pool party. we were swimming for awhile/talking/eating..you know, what third graders do. Then they gave us eggs to throw at each other..and in 3rd grade, i had one hell of a arm. I launched it right at this fat girl as hard as i could and it hit her straight in the face. I thought it was part of the little game we were playing so i didnt feel bad at all. She then rallied up all her girlfriends ( atleast 15-20) and they all proceeded to push me down this sloped backyard towards a lake. Now when i was little i was scared of lakes because alligators lived in this lake soo i wasnt a happy camper at this point. they kept pushing me, one girl even kicked me in the balls. before i knew it i was in knee deep mud and i had no way of getting out. so i cried, and somehow they let me go. i havent cried ever since, and im 17 now ( so about 8 years ago)

Taly · Post by **Taly** » September 14, 2003, 5:57 pm

I was in 5th grade maybe 6th and i went to a friends house who had a small farm and some horses and lived just outside the main town (small town named gilbert). We decided to go horseback riding into town. After a bit we decided to head to my house and jump in our pool to cool off since Az is known for hot summers.

I called my mother to let her know what we were doing, she said it was fine just don't take the horses in the backyard. My parents had just finished redoing the whole pool at this point, keep that in mind.

Well my friend and i got to my house and tied the bridles to a tree while we took a quick jump in the pool. While we were getting ready we thought the horses would wonder around out fronst and get hit by a car. So we decided to figure out a way to get them in back.

We got them in ok since there was a small path between the house and the pool. So we let them have the side of the pool with what we call grass in Az. Then we worried if they would fall in the pool so we tried to get them out. Just as we did her horse bumped mine, my horse freaked and fell in the pool with bridle, saddle and all the other things that they wear.

I paniced and knew i was in deep trouble so i ran down the street to a neighbors house who was a friend of the family and a Gilbert cop at the time. He ran to my house jumped in the pool and tried to get the horse out while i was on the phone to my mother praying for her not to kill me.

She left work and made it home in 5 mins and she was working quite a few miles away. Yep i was in trouble. Well our friend got the horse out, pool was destroyed, horse was never able to be ridden again from trauma and concussion and water in the lungs.

Made front page of the Gilbert paper and i have yet to spend one christmas or thanksgiving without someone in the family bringing it up LOL.

Enjoy!

Dregor Thule · Post by **Dregor Thule** » September 14, 2003, 6:09 pm

That video of Aranuil riding me is the most embarassing story I have!

noel · Post by **noel** » September 14, 2003, 6:40 pm

That video where Dregor got me drunk and forced me to dance with him is my most embarassing story on film.

Dexail · Post by **Dexail** » September 14, 2003, 6:55 pm

I was in a bar with some friends one night in Savannah and had been drinking pretty heavily. I had one of those well drinks, kind of like a red icee with 151 rum in. Standing beside the wall, I notice this hot girl looking over at me and smiling, so I look to my friend and say "check this out, this girl is checking me out dude". He says, "yeah, it's cause you're pouring your drink down the front of your shirt...."

And i was just standing there, cup tipped, drink running down my shirt....

kyoukan · Post by **kyoukan** » September 14, 2003, 6:59 pm

Terarle · Post by **Terarle** » September 14, 2003, 8:08 pm

I was of the young age of 14. I was affraid to Take a shit in public bathroom.

My mother and I were leaving to go to Target, And i had to go to the bathroom. We walked around the store for 30 minutes. We finallyed reached the check out counter, and i told my mother, I gotta go to the bathroom i'll be right back! I ran into the bathroom. And i didn't want to touch the toliet seat, So i stood up at a half way squat.

Little did i know i had some MAD shit. It went spewing out ALL over, the toilet, my ass and anything in the general area. Once the ordeal had floped, I looked for toilet paper, BUT alas There was NONE...

..So i had to rough the shit out till i got home. Got back in the car in my own shit. Got home started to tell my dad of what happened. HE laughed, i found this shit quite tramatizing at the moment. Then he told me this.. "Son if that ever happens again, Pull your underwear WAY the fuck up, Then just rip them off. If they aren't gonna leave yo utoilet paper, Leave them shitty undies"

Needless to say.... I take shits before i go to Target

Drustwyn · Post by **Drustwyn** » September 14, 2003, 8:14 pm

Bwahahaha

Legenae · Post by **Legenae** » September 14, 2003, 8:33 pm

One of my friends (also a former co-worker) likes to tell people this story. I'm sure she will tell my family this on my wedding day. /sigh

In October 2000, I was working at a geoscience lab here in town. The lab had won some award, so we had a day trip to Toronto. Most of us went (hey why pass up a free trip, we still got paid for the day).

Well after lunch, 8 of us (4 females, 4 males - one of the males being a boss) decided to go to The Brass Rail. For those that don't know, it's a strip club in Toronto. Now I've never set foot in a strip club before, and a couple of my co-workers thought it was funny to pay for a lap dance for me.

So, there I am with my co-workers and a stripper comes up and drags me into the VIP lounge. As I am entering the VIP lounge my boss is exiting. He looks at me with that "OMG what are YOU doing back here" look, and I just shake my head and say "don't ask."

Now once the stripper got me in the back room, she announces to the other strippers how she's got "the girl" as if I was some sort of prize. So, I sit down, and the stripper sits on my lap and while we wait for the song to start, the co-worker that paid for "my" stripper shows up in the back with one of his own. Our boss paid for his stripper. I felt somewhat relieved that I knew someone back there.

Anyways, the song starts, and the stripper starts grinding away on my lap, telling me I smell good and that I'm hot, sticking her breasts in my face, etc. Then, she GRABS my breasts. I guess I gave her a stunned look because she replied with how they are allowed to touch men's chests. Here I am, thinking, "do I LOOK like a guy!?!" What I wanted to say was "yes, those are what real ones feel like" heh.

Well, the song ends, I tell the stripper thanks, and I head out of the VIP lounge to the laughter of my co-workers. I became the talk of the lab until we got laid off. Even now, when I run into former co-workers, people like to bring up my trip to the Brass Rail.

Bubba Grizz · Post by **Bubba Grizz** » September 14, 2003, 9:31 pm

So I had this sheep see, and it was.....nevermind.

Drinsic Darkwood · Post by **Drinsic Darkwood** » September 14, 2003, 9:59 pm

I think Atokal deserves the win for this. Whole thread is pretty embarassing~

Shanter · Post by **Shanter** » September 14, 2003, 11:44 pm

Last Friday I started drinking whiskey at around 2 pm and didn't end till 2 am. I get back to my dorm room, get into the top bunk (my roommate was already asleep), and fall asleep. I was so intoxicated that I had no control over my bowels and ended up peeing the bed. Needless to say gravity took over from there and woke my roommate up. I had some explaining to do when he woke me up.

Zamtuk · Post by **Zamtuk** » September 15, 2003, 12:33 am

HAHAHAHAHA

Anuin · Post by **Anuin** » September 15, 2003, 12:41 am

Shanter wrote:Last Friday I started drinking whiskey at around 2 pm and didn't end till 2 am. I get back to my dorm room, get into the top bunk (my roommate was already asleep), and fall asleep. I was so intoxicated that I had no control over my bowels and ended up peeing the bed. Needless to say gravity took over from there and woke my roommate up. I had some explaining to do when he woke me up.

Fucking hell, game over, Shanter wins.

*~*stragi*~* · Post by ***~*stragi*~*** » September 15, 2003, 1:44 am

In the first grade my teacher wouldn't let me goto the bathroom because she was stupid and fat. I pissed my pants and called her fat and walked to the nurses office infront of a hall full of 6th graders. Once I got new pants I went back to class and called the teacher fat again and got sent to the principals office.
It was more totally awesome than embarassing.

Jarori Bloodletter · September 15, 2003, 1:49 am

I was 15 and swimming in our Local indoor public Pool, I had a speedo on diving from the 8ft. well as i do after i do a killer 1 1.5 flip perfect dive <hell i cant do that now> i swam over to the ladder an proceeded to "climb up".. Well there was this girl there and just as my waist rose outta tthe water she grabbed for the rail..

Well she missed the rail adn grabbed my speedo and pulled them down as i rose up outta the water.. <she grabbed a handfull of dong also>

Well, i stood up and looked at the Lifeguard and she was pointing and gasping ..I was liek wtf? I looked down and yes.. my speedo was allmost to my thighs and "stanley" and the "boys" were out and waving hello..

I turned a bright red and dove back in asap..as I rose to the surface the WHOLE Fking place was pointing at me..sigh..

See, the girl who reached for the rail also touched me dong and it was ..um standing at attention..heh

*~*stragi*~* · Post by ***~*stragi*~*** » September 15, 2003, 2:03 am

Thats a great story Dobroskok, too bad it's ALL A LIE.

Pilsburry · Post by **Pilsburry** » September 15, 2003, 2:42 am

I'm not gonna win any awards with this one, but in 5th grade I was in a play (had to for class) anyway it was one of the greek tradgedys so I had to wear a white toga. THey also put make-up on me...well we did pretty good so they actually put us on tour to the other elementry schools. And At one of the other schools "off stage" was actually "in the hallway behind the gym" so anyway this little girl runs up tugs on my toga and says "Carrie were going to be late to class" Now, I'm a guy so instantly I'm thinking, "OMFG I'm in make-up and a fucking dress about to go on stage in front of a few hundred people and this girl actually thinks I'm her friend Carrie" Well this was like seriously 10 secsonds before I had to go on stage.

I forgot all my fucking lines.....

Valkeria · Post by **Valkeria** » September 15, 2003, 3:57 am

My most embarassing moment was when I was 16 in high school and a cheerleader. Well we are on the football field and doing our routine and one of the guys flung me in the air well when he caught me under one leg and arm (we threw in dance moves too) the hand under my leg caught my panties and tore them. Well I was so busy I never felt them let go and did a high kick not only did I manage to kick them up into the stands right into my male science teacher's lap (he was an old fuddy duddy i think the poor guy had a heartattack right there) but I managed to flash my entire school and the opposing team school. Then some nut had to just shout out the carpet does match the drapes and I ran off the field crying.

Skogen · Post by **Skogen** » September 15, 2003, 11:43 am

Well, mine was when I was in high school. Junior year, and I was just pulling into the parking lot, just about to make a sharp right to enter it. Just as I began the turn, I spotted a few of the school's hottest girlswalking from the parking lot to the school. I turned my head & kept my eye on them instead of where I was going, and crashed my car right into a fucking pole RIGHT in front of them, and everyone else who was walking to class. People were talking about me for years.

Ennia · Post by **Ennia** » September 15, 2003, 11:52 am

you people did some funny shit lol

Zamtuk · Post by **Zamtuk** » September 15, 2003, 12:11 pm

Valkeria wrote:Then some nut had to just shout out the carpet does match the drapes and I ran off the field crying.

I just spit cherry coke on the monitor from that line.

Lynxe · Post by **Lynxe** » September 15, 2003, 2:19 pm

Aften tipping a few "Warp Core Breaches" in Quarks Bar at Fan Faire, I heard Karae exclaim "Lynxe! Come sit over here!". So I jumped up, walked along the bench-seat that followed the wall but did not realize it ended when I got to the corner.

I did an acrobatic face-plant

into a glass wall in front of me while folks on both sides of the glass wall erupted in laughter. I didn't feel it at the time but I had a HUGE black eye the next day!

Thess kissed it better later!

PS: Valkeria, you just brought oh so many guys dreams to life

Drolgin Steingrinder · September 15, 2003, 2:59 pm

Lynxe should have to pay damages to that poor wall, it was a headbutt a drunken scotsman would have been proud of.

Pilsburry · Post by **Pilsburry** » September 15, 2003, 3:17 pm

I'm wondering if this is stuff that happened to us, what are the funny things people here have seen? I mean we should have like 10x worse stories about other people being embarassed.

Maybe we should start a second thread heh...I bet there are some real good stories out there.

Zamtuk · Post by **Zamtuk** » September 15, 2003, 3:41 pm

My embarassing moments don't even match up to these stories so I won't post them. I never had a naked in public incident. (non-intoxicated)

Spankes · Post by **Spankes** » September 15, 2003, 4:06 pm

Pilsburry wrote:I'm wondering if this is stuff that happened to us, what are the funny things people here have seen? I mean we should have like 10x worse stories about other people being embarassed.

Maybe we should start a second thread heh...I bet there are some real good stories out there.

Like the guy I know that can get so drunk on shots that he will pass out in bed and piss on his wife without waking up.

Deneve · Post by **Deneve** » September 15, 2003, 4:39 pm

Valkeria wrote: Then some nut had to just shout out the carpet does match the drapes and I ran off the field crying.

sorry valk, i hope it doesn't bug you anymore, but that was fucking hilarious....i mean, i just called my friend to go read the thread

Sirensa · Post by **Sirensa** » September 15, 2003, 4:42 pm

Ok here goes...

I was probably about 18 or so - the height of my beer drinking days. And we're downtown Seaside (beach town in Oregon) and I have to pee something fierce. So I spy this secluded corner of a parking lot and figure I'll just ninja in and pee there. I had my friend stand guard at the entrance. So I squat to pee, and as soon as I start I see this guy walking towards me. He chuckles and says, "haha looks like we had the same idea!" and starts to pee about 5 feet from me. Meanwhile, I look up and see my friend laughing hysterically. I curse her and try to hurry up wishing that beer-pee's didn't take so god-awful long.

All I have to say to that is thank god I'd been drinking.

Kylere · Post by **Kylere** » September 15, 2003, 4:43 pm

I met someone, knew they were entirely wrong for me from nearly day 1, convinced myself I could make it work , married them 28 days later, and then spent 10 years in a living hell with someone entirely wrong for me, and have spent a year trying to end it now and it has forced me to at times sleep in my car, shower in the rain, and give up all my hobbies, and interests as I grow deeper and deeper in debt.

Dregor Thule · Post by **Dregor Thule** » September 15, 2003, 4:55 pm

Now that's some fucking comedy right there.

Twit.

Zamtuk · Post by **Zamtuk** » September 15, 2003, 5:09 pm

I knew that it was only a matter of time before a post like that came out of the woodwork.

Lynxe · Post by **Lynxe** » September 15, 2003, 5:37 pm

One of my friends has the best stories ever.

One night he walked about 45mins to get home from downtown, opened the door, went into the closet instead of the bathroom and had a piss there anyway. Then he passed out on the couch.

When he woke up the next morning he had two police officers standing over him with pistols drawn and a couple standing just behind them. Turns out he missed his own house and went into someone elses. When they woke up and found a stranger on the couch they called the police

Pilsburry · Post by **Pilsburry** » September 15, 2003, 6:18 pm

Speaking of pee stories....

This summer I was at a party where a dude passed out ont he couch...got up an hour later in the middle of the livingroom full of people still partying. Pulled it out and pissed on a chair right there while everyone was just like "omfg". Then laid back down on the couch and went back to sleep. While we were still in shock.

In college freshman year the guy across the hall got up in the middle of the night while his roommate watched, pulled it out, turned around, pissed in his own bed, then crawled back in the puddle of piss and went to sleep.

My best personal piss story was this spring when me and my friend stopped filled up with $25 in gas and asked to use the restroom, they told us "no". I'd been drinking that night but not drunk and was 20 mins from my hotel....I pulled a "big daddy" if you know what that means. I walked just out of the dudes sight and pissed all over his wall...that wasn't embarrassing though...that was to teach them why gas stations let thier customers use the bathroom. When I rounded the corner on my way back to the car I saw 2 more people pissing on the gas station....congrats to them.

Skogen · Post by **Skogen** » September 15, 2003, 6:23 pm

I'm still waiting for a "This one time when I was in the middle of jerking off, and........." story to be posted. Come on...you know you're out there.

emmer · Post by **emmer** » September 15, 2003, 6:59 pm

A few weeks ago I was playing 8-ball doubles with a few buddies of mine at a bar. I was playing kind of shitty because I couldn't keep my eyes off this amazing girl at the table next to us, and I see her looking at me a little too. Anyway, my next turn I try to be a hotshot and power in one of my balls and I end up knocking the cue right off of the table and into her leg, causing her to say "ow!" in a pissed (but still very sexy!) voice. I'm embarassed as fuck, trying to apologize while my friends are laughing at me. She picks up my ball, turns around and gives me the most horrible "thanks, you fucking klutz" look and tosses me the cue back. It was kind of a low throw below the waist and I still had my stick in my hand, so I end up looking down to try and catch the ball one handed and poked myself in the forehead... at that point I of course dropped the ball. I tried to play it off by finishing my turn, while people were STILL looking at me and laughing. It wasn't until after the game when I went in to the bathroom to break the seal that I noticed the 4 inch line of blue chalk streaked across my forehead.

All things aside though... she wanted me.

Skogen · Post by **Skogen** » September 15, 2003, 7:05 pm

emmer wrote:A few weeks ago I was playing 8-ball doubles with a few buddies of mine at a bar. I was playing kind of shitty because I couldn't keep my eyes off this amazing girl at the table next to us, and I see her looking at me a little too. Anyway, my next turn I try to be a hotshot and power in one of my balls and I end up knocking the cue right off of the table and into her leg, causing her to say "ow!" in a pissed (but still very sexy!) voice. I'm embarassed as fuck, trying to apologize while my friends are laughing at me. She picks up my ball, turns around and gives me the most horrible "thanks, you fucking klutz" look and tosses me the cue back. It was kind of a low throw below the waist and I still had my stick in my hand, so I end up looking down to try and catch the ball one handed and poked myself in the forehead... at that point I of course dropped the ball. I tried to play it off by finishing my turn, while people were STILL looking at me and laughing. It wasn't until after the game when I went in to the bathroom to break the seal that I noticed the 4 inch line of blue chalk streaked across my forehead.

All things aside though... she wanted me.

You had the most embarrasing moment of your life just a few weeks ago?

Tegellan · Post by **Tegellan** » September 15, 2003, 7:10 pm

This one time, while I was jerking off...well ok, a bit more background.

I was sitting by myself with some quality pr0n on, at the time i lived with a buddy who had a rather new girlfriend. But anyways, i was sitting there, cock in hand watching my pr0n, when I hear the key in the lock.

I frantically pull up my pants, make a mad dash for the remote and get the tv turned off, then my friend walks in with his gf, my pants are still unbuttoned and I try to hide that against the table next to the couch sort of, it doesn't work very well though and my friend can just see on my face that something is wrong.

He looks closer at me and can apparently see the huge boner in my pants and he is like: bwahahaha, you were jerking off! My face turns scarlet there and him and his gf continue laughing and poking at me for the rest of the bloody day. Luckily they never told anyone else though.

there was the jerking off story.

Skogen · Post by **Skogen** » September 15, 2003, 7:14 pm

Tegellan wrote:This one time, while I was jerking off...well ok, a bit more background.

I was sitting by myself with some quality pr0n on, at the time i lived with a buddy who had a rather new girlfriend. But anyways, i was sitting there, cock in hand watching my pr0n, when I hear the key in the lock.

I frantically pull up my pants, make a mad dash for the remote and get the tv turned off, then my friend walks in with his gf, my pants are still unbuttoned and I try to hide that against the table next to the couch sort of, it doesn't work very well though and my friend can just see on my face that something is wrong.

He looks closer at me and can apparently see the huge boner in my pants and he is like: bwahahaha, you were jerking off! My face turns scarlet there and him and his gf continue laughing and poking at me for the rest of the bloody day. Luckily they never told anyone else though.

there was the jerking off story.

Man, thats a gem of a story!!

emmer · Post by **emmer** » September 15, 2003, 7:14 pm

Skogen wrote:
emmer wrote:A few weeks ago I was playing 8-ball doubles with a few buddies of mine at a bar. I was playing kind of shitty because I couldn't keep my eyes off this amazing girl at the table next to us, and I see her looking at me a little too. Anyway, my next turn I try to be a hotshot and power in one of my balls and I end up knocking the cue right off of the table and into her leg, causing her to say "ow!" in a pissed (but still very sexy!) voice. I'm embarassed as fuck, trying to apologize while my friends are laughing at me. She picks up my ball, turns around and gives me the most horrible "thanks, you fucking klutz" look and tosses me the cue back. It was kind of a low throw below the waist and I still had my stick in my hand, so I end up looking down to try and catch the ball one handed and poked myself in the forehead... at that point I of course dropped the ball. I tried to play it off by finishing my turn, while people were STILL looking at me and laughing. It wasn't until after the game when I went in to the bathroom to break the seal that I noticed the 4 inch line of blue chalk streaked across my forehead.

All things aside though... she wanted me.
You had the most embarrasing moment of your life just a few weeks ago?

I view every day as a roller coaster of limitless embarrassment opportunities. So yes. In a few more weeks I will probably have another one to share if this thread is still active!

Seebs · Post by **Seebs** » September 15, 2003, 7:19 pm

Poopie story.

Both parents worked and Gramma and Grandpa babysat. Typical Upstate NY upbringing. Strict Catholic rules including no eating without permission before dinner. You know, parenting and such.

I'm Five years old, yes Five. I come home from Kindergarten and Grandpa is asleep in the Living Room and Gramma is cleaning. I steal half a log of Pepperoni from the crisper and eat the entire thing. I loved Pepperoni Pizza and loved Pepperoni.

Dinner arrives and I'm not too hungry and feel a bit ill. I head to the bathroom to take my unsupervised shit. I'm a big boy now.

Folks, I shit razorblades. That pepperoni tore my young ass up. It stung, I can still feel it. My ass was too raw to wipe .. and it was a soft shit .. this I remember. It was everywhere. I was crying, but I was Five .. a big boy .. so I had to remedy my self.

With undies around ankles, I climbed on the sink and grabbed the Vaseline to help with the pain. I grabbed about three fingers worth and applied to my still throbbing rectum. Relief was just a smear away.

One problem! IT WAS VICKS VAP-O-RUB.

I scream and fall to the floor ... my entire family comes into the bathroom to find me in the fetal position in the bathroom, shit on my hands and shit on the floor and I'm spinning like Curly from the three stooges. My mother, the nurse, deduced what had happened and tossed me in the shower. My dad was crying from laughter. My Gramma thought I was having a seizure. To her dying day she never understood why I was putting salve on my ass.

My two older brothers had no issue sharing with schoolmates and beatings had to take place periodically. I have no good memories after this episode.

Hope this explains a lot.

Ducru · Post by **Ducru** » September 15, 2003, 10:05 pm

Skogen wrote:I'm still waiting for a "This one time when I was in the middle of jerking off, and........." story to be posted. Come on...you know you're out there.

Happy to oblige

At the tender age of 15 years, and only a few days after having sex for the first time I was, needless to say, a bit uncomfortable with how I had performed. I figured 18 seconds of wonderful love, may not net me much more from my seasoned professional (16 year old) of a girlfriend.

The dilemna I was left with was finding the perfect practice strategy to get the act down like a scene from a 10 year running Broadway play. Shower-jackin didn't cut it, it only left me with glue on the hands once water hit it. Magazines didn't take it very far because of all the fumbling around when you get tired of a certain picture (thank God for point and click prOn these days). Finally I decided that I needed to recreate the ordeal as perfectly as possible. Not sitting in a chair, not standing in the shower, but lying down and making love like a veteran.

My solution? I fell in Love... With my couch. She was a nice floral number. Dark brown with slightly raised paisley background. Velure was the material of choice in the 80's and fit the plan too well.

For weeks I'd save myself while in the shower, dry off, dust on the baby powder and meet my 92inch mistress behind closed doors, while my mother and stepfather watched the Cosby Show and other favorite shows of the time. I figured there's NO way they are going to leave the TV when Theo is about to get into another hilarious mess.

Cutting to the chase...

So there I am full on into a marathon couch-humping session, with ass flying around as I gave that beautiful couch the fuck of it's life. I couldn't WAIT to show off my truly l33t skeelz to my girlfriend that weekend while her parents were gone.

As I'm reaching the apex of my olympic-style one-man couch-hump-a-athon, I hear my stepfather clear his throut, and there he is standing in the doorway with his back to me.

"<AHEM> Dinner's ready, we're eating early. Your mom doesn't feel good."

Dinner that night was a little different. 2 weeks later I had new furniture in the game room.

Somewhere someone is likely to still be sitting on my first true love, only a little less fortunate than me for not knowing her true potential.

Ducru

Sionistic · Post by **Sionistic** » September 15, 2003, 10:17 pm

not only did you get caught with an object, you were so absorbed that you didnt notice the voyouer!
Ducru wins

Xzion · Post by **Xzion** » September 15, 2003, 11:04 pm

Ducru wrote:
Skogen wrote:I'm still waiting for a "This one time when I was in the middle of jerking off, and........." story to be posted. Come on...you know you're out there.
Happy to oblige

At the tender age of 15 years, and only a few days after having sex for the first time I was, needless to say, a bit uncomfortable with how I had performed. I figured 18 seconds of wonderful love, may not net me much more from my seasoned professional (16 year old) of a girlfriend.

The dilemna I was left with was finding the perfect practice strategy to get the act down like a scene from a 10 year running Broadway play. Shower-jackin didn't cut it, it only left me with glue on the hands once water hit it. Magazines didn't take it very far because of all the fumbling around when you get tired of a certain picture (thank God for point and click prOn these days). Finally I decided that I needed to recreate the ordeal as perfectly as possible. Not sitting in a chair, not standing in the shower, but lying down and making love like a veteran.

My solution? I fell in Love... With my couch. She was a nice floral number. Dark brown with slightly raised paisley background. Velure was the material of choice in the 80's and fit the plan too well.

For weeks I'd save myself while in the shower, dry off, dust on the baby powder and meet my 92inch mistress behind closed doors, while my mother and stepfather watched the Cosby Show and other favorite shows of the time. I figured there's NO way they are going to leave the TV when Theo is about to get into another hilarious mess.

Cutting to the chase...

So there I am full on into a marathon couch-humping session, with ass flying around as I gave that beautiful couch the fuck of it's life. I couldn't WAIT to show off my truly l33t skeelz to my girlfriend that weekend while her parents were gone.

As I'm reaching the apex of my olympic-style one-man couch-hump-a-athon, I hear my stepfather clear his throut, and there he is standing in the doorway with his back to me.

"<AHEM> Dinner's ready, we're eating early. Your mom doesn't feel good."

Dinner that night was a little different. 2 weeks later I had new furniture in the game room.

Somewhere someone is likely to still be sitting on my first true love, only a little less fortunate than me for not knowing her true potential.

Ducru

thats fucking hilarious, nothing i can say will surpase that

btw to all those who wanna wait for the special moment, this story gives an accurate represintation to what happens to a male on his 1st time, 18 seconds wasnt even that bad lol

Phugg_Innay · Post by **Phugg_Innay** » September 16, 2003, 9:17 am

I wouldnt say as emberrassing but more of a proud thing. Age roughly 21 , loc somewhere in the desert of So Cal (Little Rock dam 4x4 area). My roomate had set up a date with one of his g/f's freinds and I . well after knowing each other about an hour we decide to take a trip in the Jeep to a "private trail" We commence the nasty ,, (byw Jeeps are GREAT for sex , so many handles and such for holding on) She is sitting on the back seat legs wide open , I am perched in front of her facing the back of the jeep , both front seats telescoped all the way forward. My bare ass if pumping like a jackrabbit , and we both hear cheers of "Yeah Hit that shit" "Whooo Hooo" etc etc . I move my head towards the front of the vehicle and another Jeep with 4 people in it cheering like crazy. Needless to say that ended that session , but there were many more to follow after that. The moral to my litt;le drovel , if you are gonna go wheeling , sometimes you DONT want the spotters there ........

Dexail · Post by **Dexail** » September 16, 2003, 9:42 am

Ducru, that's too damn funny

Tegellan · Post by **Tegellan** » September 16, 2003, 9:47 am

That is one funny ass story Ducru, best masturbation sotry evah! Even if you weren't quite jerking off lol

VeeshanVault

Most Embarrassing Personal Story: 25,000 VVs up for grabs.

Most Embarrassing Personal Story: 25,000 VVs up for grabs.

hmm

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