What Mother Has Taught You

[Knibble]

> What My Mother Taught Me
>
>
> 1. My mother taught me To Appreciate A Job Well Done.
> "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
> cleaning."
>
> 2. My mother taught me Religion.
> "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
>
> 3. My mother taught me about Time Travel.
> "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle
> of
> next week!"
>
> 4. My mother taught me Logic.
> "Because I said so, that's why."
>
> 5. My mother taught me More Logic.
> 'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going
> to
> the store with me."
>
> 6. My mother taught me Foresight.
> "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
>
> 7. My mother taught me Irony.
> "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
>
> 8. My mother taught me about the science of Osmosis.
> "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
>
> 9. My mother taught me about Contortionist.
> "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
>
> 10. My mother taught me about Stamina.
> "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
>
> 11. My mother taught me about Weather.
> "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
>
> 12. My mother taught me about Hypocrisy.
> "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't
> exaggerate!"
>
> 13. My mother taught me the Circle Of Life.
> "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
>
> 14. My mother taught me about Behavior Modification.
> "Stop acting like your father!"
>
> 15. My mother taught me about Envy.
> "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who
> don't have wonderful parents like you do."
>
> 16. My mother taught me about Anticipation.
> "Just wait until we get home."
>
> 17. My mother taught me about Receiving.
> "You are going to get it when you get home!"
>
> 18. My mother taught me Medical Science.
> "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that
> way."
>
> 19. My mother taught me about E S P.
> "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
>
> 20. My mother taught me Humor.
> "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
>
> 21. My mother taught me How To Become An Adult.
> "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
>
> 22. My mother taught me Genetics.
> "You're just like your father."
>
> 23. My mother taught me about my Roots.
> "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
>
> 24. My mother taught me Wisdom.
> "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
>
> 25. And my favorite: my mother taught me about Justice.
> "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
>