Watchmen

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Re: Watchmen

Post by Drasta »

yea i saw the movie and i thought it was amazing, i was kinda shocked about the boobies and penis and stuff .. cuz i havent seen that in a movie in a long time (im not saying anything is wrong with it) i was just suprized .... lol, and i saw lots of hands going over kiddies eyes in the movie theater i went to .. hah! teach people not to bring their screaming brats to a movie theater =-P
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Dregor Thule »

Well, it was rated R!
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Re: Watchmen

Post by miir »

...and still made 56m.
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Aslanna »

Dregor Thule wrote:Well, it was rated R!
Yeah that's what I don't get. The rating is appropriate and still people complain or are shocked at certain things. It's really a parenting issue. Assuming the theatre actually pays attention to who they are selling tickets to. The only thing I'll agree on with that dumb woman on is that if you take your kids (<16 years old) to see this you're a moron.
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Dregor Thule »

Yep. People getting bent out of shape over some floppy computer peen in an R rated movie need to give themselves a slap in the face.
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Bubba Grizz »

The only thing I had a problem with this movie is the lady who brought her three kids all around the age of 6. I found myself thinking more about those kids when the R rated stuff started happening than I did watching those parts myself. This was not a movie to bring children to. I can understand if the kids are their teens but not under the age of 10.

I really loved the movie. Definitely one for the collection.

I also really loved the previews for Star Trek and Terminator. May 8th and 21st. Mark them on your calendar for sick days so you can see them at the matinee.
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Ashur »

When I went to see Iron Man (opening day) there was this dude with two kids that were 7 or under. They started crying during the scene where Stark is taken captive in Iraq. WTF man, I would never bring my kid to any movie not rated G (or PG/PG13 if I'd seen it before and knew what to expect like Star Wars).
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Gzette »

99 Luftballoons ftw!

It beat my expectations, which seems to be the consensus here. I thought it was faithful to the source material, and made adequate direct homages to many of the missing parts. Parts that were cut seemed appropriate though I missed some (I had convinced myself the pirate comic allegory would not make it despite it being one of my most favorite parts of the graphic novel, but I wish they had included the story of the mechanic that offs himself). The new ending I enjoyed as well. I can't say I liked it better, but I can't say I thought it was a worse ending either ... so great job there!

The graphic violence and nudity did surprise me, though I wasn't bothered. Saw it at Alamo Drafthouse, which is mainly an all-adult audience because you can order beers and entrees, which cut out any screaming kid factor. Oh I bet a lot of parents are regretting taking their kids to that show. haha idiots deserve it. Like when my dad and mom took me to see Rising Sun when I was like 14 ... awkward!

Only downdside? Nixon. Worst impression ever and the makeup was terrible. I could do a better impression, and my impression sucks. Some folks said the music was out of place, but I got a kick out of it.
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Sueven »

Now, having read the comic:

Rorschach gets an A. He was cooler in the comic, but was as good as could have been in the film.
Dr. Manhattan gets an A. I thought that he was very well portrayed, which is a challenge.
Comedian and Night Owl probably both earn something in the B+ / A- range.
Laurie was sort of mediocre, I'd give her a C.
Adrian was pretty much crap, he gets a D.

Overall though, if you're going to adapt 6 main characters from a book like this one, hitting strongly on 4 of them is pretty good.
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Re: Watchmen

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Gzette wrote:I thought it was faithful to the source material, and made adequate direct homages to many of the missing parts. Parts that were cut seemed appropriate though I missed some (I had convinced myself the pirate comic allegory would not make it despite it being one of my most favorite parts of the graphic novel, but I wish they had included the story of the mechanic that offs himself).
Hollis Mason? He didn't off himself. But yeah they should have just cut him out of the movie altogether. Just having him in for one scene (and referenced in another) seemed a bit pointless since they didn't do any further building off it. If you meant something else I'm not remembering it from the orignal work. Been a few years since I read it.
Gzette wrote:Some folks said the music was out of place, but I got a kick out of it.
In one review I read they said the same thing. And gave an example of All Along the Watchtower. Uhm... Hello? That's how that chapter of the graphic novel begins (or ends rather as it's the last panel). When Nite Owl and Rorschach are going to confront Adrian. "Two riders were approaching and the wind began to howl". Seems quite in place if you ask me.
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Dregor Thule »

Aslanna wrote: Hollis Mason? He didn't off himself. But yeah they should have just cut him out of the movie altogether. Just having him in for one scene (and referenced in another) seemed a bit pointless since they didn't do any further building off it. If you meant something else I'm not remembering it from the orignal work. Been a few years since I read it.
I'd probably disagree with this. It gave some insight into Night Owl II's (I can't remember his real name :( ) character, and also helped reinforce the mythos of the comics universe, with the aging old guard.
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Re: Watchmen

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Aslanna wrote:
Gzette wrote:I thought it was faithful to the source material, and made adequate direct homages to many of the missing parts. Parts that were cut seemed appropriate though I missed some (I had convinced myself the pirate comic allegory would not make it despite it being one of my most favorite parts of the graphic novel, but I wish they had included the story of the mechanic that offs himself).
Hollis Mason? He didn't off himself. But yeah they should have just cut him out of the movie altogether. Just having him in for one scene (and referenced in another) seemed a bit pointless since they didn't do any further building off it. If you meant something else I'm not remembering it from the orignal work. Been a few years since I read it.
Correct me I'm wrong (I only read the book once), but I think I'm referring a portion of Hollis Mason's book, talking about his experience working at a mechanic shop. Owner of shop finds out his best mechanic absconded with his wife and a lot of money, and he offs himself in the office.
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Aslanna »

Gzette wrote:
Aslanna wrote: Hollis Mason? He didn't off himself. But yeah they should have just cut him out of the movie altogether. Just having him in for one scene (and referenced in another) seemed a bit pointless since they didn't do any further building off it. If you meant something else I'm not remembering it from the orignal work. Been a few years since I read it.
Correct me I'm wrong (I only read the book once), but I think I'm referring a portion of Hollis Mason's book, talking about his experience working at a mechanic shop. Owner of shop finds out his best mechanic absconded with his wife and a lot of money, and he offs himself in the office.
Could be! I thought you were referring to Hollis as that mechanic offing himself and was like.. What? Nay!
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Hesten »

Fairweather Pure wrote:BEST MOVIE REVIEW EVER (*spoilers*): http://www.debbieschlussel.com/archives ... en_li.html
Great review. She kinda remind me of Ann Coulter, blonde woman with very rabiate views and completely unwilling to listen to reason, but just spew made up facts :)
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Gzette »

the comments to that review are amazing. reviewer lady actually responds.

funny thing is her review reminded somewhat of Rorshach's attitude.
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Ashur »

lol, what a nut. Gzette is right, she's (ironically) like Rorshach. But seriously, the one valid point she makes is parents are taking their kids to this movie, which is very inappropriate for kids.
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Sylvus »

But that's not the movie's fault, and she seems to be blaming the movie.

Anyone who takes their kid to an R-rated movie gets what they deserve.
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Aslanna »

While Watchmen has IMAX screens mostly to itself, that changes shortly with the release of Monsters vs. Aliens at the end of the month, while Star Trek debuts early May. And you can't forget Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, which should rule IMAX theaters this summer when it opens in July.
Hmm I might have to go see it again before the end of the month.
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Re: Watchmen

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International Top Five - Watchmen Wins but at What Cost

Watchmen opened in top spot on the international charts, but with a weaker than expected figure. Much weaker in some markets. The film did top the charts in the U.K. with $4.52 million on 419 screens and in Australia with $2.29 million on 226, which is a great start for this time of year, but not a monster opening some were predicting. It placed first in Italy, but with a soft opening of $1.48 million on 344 screens, and the same was true in South Korea ($1.44 million on 397) and in Mexico ($722,000 on 417). The film had to settle for second place in Russia with $2.60 million on 554 screens and in France with $2.49 million on 517. Third was the best the movie could do in Germany ($2.03 million on 367 screens) and in Spain ($1.94 million on 426). Overall it did finish in first place with $26.63 million on 5149 screens in 44 markets, but with only a couple of major markets left to open in, and the likelihood of massive drop-offs, this film will likely not match its domestic total, and might not top $100 million internationally. This is bad news for a movie that some have suggested cost $200 million to make, but that likely includes worldwide P&A, as well as production budget. If it can make $300 million worldwide, then it will show a profit during its initial push on the home market. If it can make $200 million worldwide, then it will show a profit, eventually.


Apparently it's no 300! Which is a bit sad as I didn't think 300 was all that.
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Fairweather Pure »

There wasn't a single co-worker I know that has even heard of Watchmen. I was a little surprised by that because the advertising has been pretty much everywhere. I'm wondering how the Black Freighter anime will sell on DVD at the end of the month.
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Fairweather Pure »

I just happened upon this pretty cool comparison site.

http://www.plasmicstudio.com/watchmen/p ... mparisons/
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Re: Watchmen

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Fairweather Pure wrote:There wasn't a single co-worker I know that has even heard of Watchmen. I was a little surprised by that because the advertising has been pretty much everywhere.
There's a few subway stations in Toronto that have nothing but Watchmen posters/adverts...
In the past few weeks I've overheard a bunch of comments...

'That movie looks stupid'
'What the fuck is Watchmen'
'What the hell is that movie about?'
'Those costumes look gay'


I'm skeptical that beyond the existing Watchmen fanbase there will be much appeal.
I was excited that it had a fantastic opening weekend but it will be embarrasing if it's beaten this week by Race To Witch Mountain.
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Sueven »

I don't think it'll make a huge amount of money. It opened on the lower side of expectations and the day-to-day numbers on the first weekend fell fast. I think it'll have a big drop next weekend. It just doesn't seem that it ever transferred to mainstream pop culture. It'll still make its money back and be a generic success, though.
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Fash »

I've no knowledge of the back story or any real interest in the characters, but I still want to go see the production. I never really put any weight in the Director of a movie or really tie their works together, but part of my interest in seeing this is because he did 300.
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Re: Watchmen

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Fairweather Pure wrote:BEST MOVIE REVIEW EVER (*spoilers*): http://www.debbieschlussel.com/archives ... en_li.html
lol the comments are awesome, especially how she responds to them. What a looney.
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Sueven »

Whoever said she's like Ann Coulter is on point. Debbie Schlussel is a commentator who actually consciously modeled herself after Ann Coulter-- she saw that the ultraconservative blonde lady was a good sell, and she decided to one-up her by being even more blonde and even more ultraconservative. This review is one hundred percent standard for her. She's actually substantially more nuts on lots of other subjects if you take a look around, but there's no point to humoring her.
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Sirensa »

Wow, I hated that movie. Only redeeming quality it had was the computer generated peen!
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Sylvus »

I found this review to be pretty much in line with how I felt about the movie.

SPOILERS AHEAD (perhaps)
FilmDrunk wrote:First things first: I didn’t read the graphic novel, and though I have a vague idea what’s in it, if you’re looking an outline of all the differences between the book and the movie or how faithful the film is to the book, look elsewhere. And anyway, it’s a movie, it’s not your boyfriend. Queer.

Now then: the ending sucks, it’s a little too long, and by the end the story’s loose ends dangle like retarded squid tentacles (rather than being all tied up in a pretty, glitter-covered package like the strippers in my basement). But Watchmen is a SUCCESS. It’s worth watching and re-watching despite its flaws, on the strength of the fictional universe it creates, the chances it’s willing to take, and the random people it’s willing to kill in gruesome and hilarious ways. The film has balls. And though it pains me to say it, Zack Snyder just might be the visionary they’ve made him out to be.

Watchmen takes place in an alternate 1985, a world in which superheroes are real and Nixon is still president (because the superheroes helped him win Vietnam, you see). Meanwhile, these events have exacerbated the Cold War, and the world is on the brink of nuclear apocalypse. It can’t be overstated, the setting is the star of the film. Probably 99% of the time, what you get in movies is a cinematic universe that’s either wholly fictional, or a world that’s more or less the same as the real one. Watchmen treads a middle line, which is different and compelling in and of itself, and for the most part it manages to get the best of worlds. It feels familiar and the history is relevant, but it’s still an escapist fantasy in which anything can happen, and it’s okay that part of you was amused when that pregnant chick got shot (maybe? not even a little?).


The world of Watchmen is rare because it explores so many of the implications of the existence of superheroes - something most superhero movies avoid completely. What would happen if superheroes were neither as moral as Batman and Spider-Man nor as evil as the Joker? And what if they existed in the context of geopolitics rather than just as neighborhood crime fighters? The questions Watchmen asks seem obvious, but at least it’s asking. Some of the answers to those questions, by the way, are truly f-cked up and arrive covered scalding grease and blue cock, but that’s part of the fun.

I hate agreeing with studio hype, but what holds everything together (the part of the movie that works, anyway) is Snyder’s craftsmanship. When you hear that a director’s been faithful to a graphic novel, you usually get a lot of desaturated, two-dimensional crap with the occasional detail painted red. Frank*ly, who gives a shit. By contrast, Snyder’s “vision” in Watchmen is vivid, but also photorealistic. All the shots have amazing depth, the camera moves are beautifully choreographed, and they’re choreographed around the action in the scene, so that it not only looks good, it’s more than just an art director circle jerk. The Kennedy assassination during the opening credits is a perfect example. Snyder frames it like the familiar Zapruder film, then slows down parts of the action (as is his trademark) and does the whole thing in crisp, saturated color. As the car moves through the frame with JFK’s brains scattered matter-of-factly across the back of the limo, he slowly pans to the right where The Comedian lowers his rifle and flees from the grassy knoll with the murder weapon. The scene looks gorgeous, it’s historically relevant, and it’s spiced with an element of the absurd. Moreover, it’s f-ckin cool.

Oh, but what about all that bad stuff? Oh yeah, that. It’s overlong, it’s not nearly as profound as you might expect, and if you’re hoping for an explanation at the end you’re in for a letdown. It eventually answers the central question to the plot - who’s pickin’ off costumed heroes? - but not in an interesting or satisfying way. Malin Akerman’s acting also sucks (as opposed to Jackie Earle Haley, who is an epic badass, and most of the rest of the cast), but I forgive her because she shows her boobs a lot. Overall you get the sense that the explanation for a lot of stuff in the book never quite made it to the screen. The result is things like the scene near the end when some kind of zebra-striped bat-liger shows up with no explanation or reference at all. I can see why people might hate it, but I found it sort of delightfully absurd. “Dude, what the hell’s with that Bat Liger?” “Oh you mean Bill? Pff, he’s old news.”

The main reason the film’s getting mixed reviews is that a lot of people expect all the gratuitous sex and violence (and the characters’ unexplained super ass-kicking powers) to rationalize themselves through a plausible explanation, or by becoming an element of some grand, incisive social commentary. And mehhhhh, they’re really not. It’s best just to enjoy the flesh wounds, the severed limbs, and the dude getting his face melted off by a vat of scalding grease (God that was awesome), this isn’t going to be life affirming. And when the climactic scene very nearly devolves into a banal fistfight a la Matrix Reloaded, you just feel like the story owes you more. But no matter, I’m still recommending this movie because it has balls. Big, brass balls. Covered in blue c-ck.

Screenwriter David Hayter recently wrote an open letter, urging fans of Watchmen to keep seeing the movie, so that studios won’t be able to use disappointing box office receipts as an excuse to water-down, homogenize, and neuter future comic-book movies, and generally try to turn them into toy commercials and play dates for tweens. Hate to say it, but I actually agree with him.

Grade: A-
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Fairweather Pure »

Sylvus giving his review in person:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YL8lhTJp ... annel_page
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Fairweather Pure »

Here's a filthy critic quote custom made for Sirensa!
I heard two girls say as I left the theater say, "Oh my God, that was so boring. It was like three hours. The only good thing was that blue guy's schlong." First, no it wasn't boring. There's a difference between important and boring. Important changes your life. Second, yes, it is not quite three hours long and I agree that, like any movie based on super rad graphic novels, Watchmen should be ten hours. If they can make a nine-hour movie where people do nothing but complain about the Holocaust and some hippie-liberal professor can make me watch it if I want to pass his class, then they can make ten-hour awesome movies about superheroes. Shoah is boring. Watchmen is not. Third, if all those girls cared about is Dr. Manhattan's wiener, they missed the entire point of his character. That is that in the future we will all be made super-ripped and colorful as Easter eggs by the miracles of science. Plus, we'll be able to travel to other planets to look at humongous crystal windchimes, and barf whenever we want. That would come in handy in setting the medieval ambiance at our deep-fried turkey leg booth at the RennFaire.
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Sylvus »

Fairweather Pure wrote:Sylvus giving his review in person:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YL8lhTJp ... annel_page
lol, Sexman is great
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Zamtuk »

I never read the comics so could someone tell me the ending in the novel as so I can compare it to the movie?
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Keverian FireCry »

[Show]
Veidt summons a giant, psychic alien squid to unite mankind against it. It...makes more sense if you do read the actual comic.
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Aslanna »

Last day it's at IMAX around here is Mar 19th. So if you're going to see it go before then! I'll probably go see it again Thursday. While I'm still not sure it should have been made I agree with that David Hayter guy that disappointing box office returns wont bode well for studios bothering with future movies that take chances.
Screenwriter David Hayter recently wrote an open letter, urging fans of Watchmen to keep seeing the movie, so that studios won’t be able to use disappointing box office receipts as an excuse to water-down, homogenize, and neuter future comic-book movies, and generally try to turn them into toy commercials and play dates for tweens.

It looks like it's close now to making it's production budget back (although advertising must have been a lot) and I'm sure it will do well on DVD so at least I don't think it will end up losing money.
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Re: Watchmen

Post by miir »

miir wrote:it will be embarrasing if it's beaten this week by Race To Witch Mountain.
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Sueven »

Yep, pretty poor week 2. Too bad. At least it won't lose money.
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Fairweather Pure »

I think most people saw this coming, but I'm still disappointed. I didn't expect Dark Knight numbers, but I was hoping for Iron Man numbers. It looks more like it's going to get Hulk numbers.
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Re: Watchmen

Post by cadalano »

pretty much everything they changed in the movie i found detrimental. not referring to exclusion of content, because obviously thats going to happen, but actual changes made to the story. i know some of it was still due to time constraints, but definitely not everything.

i dont think snyder was a good choice either, now that i've seen it. this movie didn't benefit much from slow motion sequences or senseless gore.

ending was worse except for one thing- i thought in the book it was odd that he only attacked new york. made much more sense in the movie that world capitals were attacked
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Winnow
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Winnow »

miir wrote:
miir wrote:it will be embarrasing if it's beaten this week by Race To Witch Mountain.
:(

Witch Mountain is an established movie franchise that has been entertaining moviegoers for generations, since 1975.
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Lalanae
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Lalanae »

you know, I can't tell if Winnow is being serious or not, so I'll just leave it at that
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Fairweather Pure »

cadalano wrote:i dont think snyder was a good choice either, now that i've seen it. this movie didn't benefit much from slow motion sequences or senseless gore.
I'm not defending Snyder, just relating some info I read in an interview.

He said he decided to show the gore in order to show the more realistic side of violence in the same way the comic tried to show the realistic side of it's heros. He made a comment how Spiderman and various other super hero movies never show the effects of the violent confrontations. I thik he referenced Mr T beating the fuck out of poeple on the A Team, and they never had a mark on them. Zack wanted to show that when people get into altercations with heros, there are real and painful consequences.

Take it for what you will, but at the very least I understand his perspective.
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Ashur »

"You people don't understand. I'm not locked in here with you, you're locked in here with me!"
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Sylvus »

Ashur wrote:"You people don't understand. I'm not locked in here with you, you're locked in here with me!"
That line made my wiener move.
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Sylvus »

And another opinion, from Patton Oswalt's myspace page.
Patton Oswalt wrote:NO, I HAVEN'T SEEN THE WATCHMEN...
...but I can't wait.

Can't you?

No, you can't. You're all going to go see it, you resentful nerd mafiosi. And you'll walk in rolling your eyes and you'll walk out whistling sadly through your teeth because the fuel of the Nerd Mafia is disappointment and exclusion.

Tell you what -- before you go and see THE WATCHMEN, plunk down and watch CATWOMAN, GHOST RIDER and DAREDEVIL. And use those seven hours (and don't pretend like you don't have seven free hours in your day) to get out all of your disgust and the-world-owes-me-my-daydreams-made-real attitude you strut around with.

Because Zack Snyder STEPPED UP, motherfuckers. THE WATCHMEN was going to get made, one way or another. And instead of bleating on his Facebook status updates or Tweeting about how shitty the upcoming adaptation's going to be, he TOOK THE BULLET and tried to do it right. Yes, THE WATCHMEN should be a limited series on HBO and blah blah blah IT WAS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN THAT WAY. Zack delivered a 2 1/2 hour, honest attempt, and broke his ass cranking out tons of free extras. Hell, he even animated The Tales of The Black Freighter for you chumps. Plus, he gave you a kick-ass DAWN OF THE DEAD remake, plus 300, plus whatever else he's got coming down the pike. He's the best friend the Nerd Mafia's had since Joss Whedon and Brian Michael Bendis, so everyone please crack the tab on a frosty can of Go Fuck Yourself and go see the movie version of THE WATCHMEN.

And no, the movie will not have EVERY LITTLE ELEMENT FROM THE GRAPHIC NOVEL. That's why the graphic novel exists -- you can go read it after you see the movie. Adaptation. Parallel visions. When you adapt a book, you cut things out, combine and conflate, streamline and linger.

L.A. CONFIDENTIAL stands as the best Ellroy adaptation to date, and it throws away massive chunks of the novel's narrative. THE BLACK DAHLIA slavishly sticks to its source material and it's almost un-watchable.

I do not invite debate.

There. Got it off my chest. Sorry.
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Kaldaur
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Kaldaur »

Amen.
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Keverian FireCry
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Keverian FireCry »

Hell, he even animated The Tales of The Black Freighter for you chumps.
I just saw this. It is only 25 minutes long, but it's a great bonus for anyone who read the graphic novel or enjoyed the movie. It was a really important element of the novel, so it's nice that Snyder wrote and produced it for us.

Oh and god bless Patton Oswalt...friggin genius he is.
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Hesten »

Keverian FireCry wrote:
Hell, he even animated The Tales of The Black Freighter for you chumps.
I just saw this. It is only 25 minutes long, but it's a great bonus for anyone who read the graphic novel or enjoyed the movie. It was a really important element of the novel, so it's nice that Snyder wrote and produced it for us.

Oh and god bless Patton Oswalt...friggin genius he is.

How is the "Under the Hood" thing also on the Black Freighter DVD? Something usefull, or just some behind the scenes stuff? Ill get it no matter what, but been wondering.
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Fairweather Pure »

Jesus, the great Watchmen stuff never stops. Here is the best 8-bit gaming movie adaptation of all time.

http://www.toplessrobot.com/2009/03/thi ... hattan.php
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Winnow »

Rorschach’s Journal (On a Boring Night)

http://www.cracked.com/blog/rorschachs- ... ing-night/
[Show]
October 7th,

I see the city fall to its knees, prostrate before the wave of depraved humanity that infests her. I walk her shadowed angles, the redeemer of her myriad sins. Two men laugh. Fat and content. Soft. Weak. They reek of arrogance. A foul, putrid smell. Like hot dog burps. Or is that actual hot dog burps? Must remember to get mask cleaned. Must cut back on hot dogs. A scream echoes in the night. I smile.

Work begins.

***

Nevermind. Scream was just tires squealing. Been like four hours now and no crime. I walk the alleyways, knee-deep in human filth. Praying for action. A woman jaywalks and I flip her off. Some may call that extreme.

Nowhere near extreme enough, I say. She’s lucky it wasn’t the double bird.

rorschachbird

The first bird is only meant to scare. The second? The second one’s for real.

She flips me off back. We stand across the street from one another, still but for the increasingly extravagant sweeping motions I am making with my middle fingers. This battle is lost already, she just doesn’t know it yet. She will know it. I will tell her. And when she cannot take anymore, when she has been flipped the bird so hard that she can feel its spiteful protuberance within that stinking rat’s nest she calls a mind, only then will I stop. Only then will I relent. Two minutes pass. She turns in disgust and leaves. I call it a victory. There is no victory here. Only levels of defeat.

***

A child. Innocence soon to be corrupted. He turns and smiles and I remember what it was like to smile. Always false. Every smile like a promise broken. The truth is a grimace. The truth is a growl. The truth is a howl of rage cut dead in the night. He offers me his ice cream cone. I take a lick. It is vanilla.

rorschachicecream

The Rocky Road of equality is nowhere to be found.

Empty vanilla.

The flavor of hollowness. You spilled something on your mask, he tells me. Tired of that joke. Weary. So weary of jokes.

***

Finally. There is good work ahead.

A woman ducks into the alleyway behind a laundromat, her child in tow. A man follows. There is sex and anger in his walk. There is violence in his stance. Probably the sick lust of a murderer in his wallet. I follow too. The cold stab of justice is my only identification, and swift retribution is my only credit card. Punches are my dollar bills and quarters are my kicks. Pennies are like… pokes to the eyes. Money analogies getting out of control. I abandon them like a teenage whore leaving her baby on the stoop of a stranger. Crying. Alone. It waits in the cold, yearning for its caretaker but this city is no mother. It is a strange aunt, surrounded by cats. It is ill equipped for a child. It feeds the child nothing but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Poor nutrition in that diet. Child analogies also getting out of control. Realize I have been standing here for 15 minutes thinking about pocket change and cats. Woman is long dead. Man is gone. I leave the boy a nickel.

He will know what it means one day.

rorschachnickel

Blood money. Ha ha. Get it, kid? Your mother’s dead.

***

Idle chatter. Teeth shining behind false masks of pleasantries. The dim insanity held barely checked behind their eyes. Their every twitch screaming. Screaming for release. Screaming for a cease to this mundane existence, plagued with the disrespect and wasteful edicts of the new Kings. 327 she calls. It is my number. I take my Whopper and leave. The streets are my table. The sins of man are my condiments. Criminals are my napkin. She forgot pickles.

Justice is dead.

rorschachking

Italian sub. Gone. No longer on menu. Just like virtue.

***

Group meeting last night with so called heroes. So called good guys. Their intentions may be good. Their methods are feeble. Evil will not be turned by pretty costumes and media friendly sound bites. Comedian only one who understands. He burns a map for a dramatic exit. Good move. Wish I’d thought of it. Seems more my thing, really. Kind of stepping on my toes, actually. I will attend another meeting and wipe my ass with a flag. Show him who’s edgy.

Silk Spectre bends over to pick up a scrap. I see her lower butt. A lower butt of sin, no doubt. Rotten with the stink of a thousand men rutting in the dark. Dr. Manhattan brushes by me on the way out. His blue dick touched my hand. Does this make me gay? Am I now lustful, corrupted with a sick desire for the penis of a strange blue nuclear emperor? Realize he is god-like being, far beyond human conventions, but he could at least put a sock on it. Just courtesy. But courtesy is a lost child crying on the stoop, abandoned by its teenage whore of a mother.

manhattansock

Not so hard. Get it? Hard. Like the unrelenting blows of a hammer.

Hurm.

Sounds familiar. In danger of recycling analogies. Must think outside the box. Thinking….”Courtesy. It is a kitten drenched in the rain, no warm hug waiting for it at home.” No. Too cutesy. Losing edge. “Courtesy. It is a dead dog, with no mourners in the world. Its life a meaningless series of tragedies gone unappreciated, unwept.” Good. That was a good one. Will repeat it out loud at later date for better impact.

***

Nite Owl. Good man. Naïve. Soft. Objects to my actions. Says hurling a burning trashcan at shoplifter too excessive. Too brutal. What of his brutality? What of the brutality of theft? Of vice? What of the brutality toward the shopkeeper, who could have been absent two packs of Juicy Fruit if not for my actions? Mercy, he says.

Mercy is a dead dog, with no mourners in the world.

He does not laugh. Why does nobody get my jokes? Dream of standup career quickly dying. Dying like a whorish dog, alone in the rainy night. And pregnant. I chuckle to myself. Will use next open mic night.

rorschachmic

A rabbi, a priest and a leprechaun walk into a bar. I take down the leprechaun first. Now the others know I mean business.
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Re: Watchmen

Post by Bubba Grizz »

I laughed so hard that I was in tears. Remembering his voice and visualizing that entire thing made me nearly pass out from laughter.
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