Growing Older - Teeth

Posts that are either really good or really memorable get stuck here, for nostalgia purposes.

Moderator: TheMachine

Post Reply
User avatar
Seebs
Way too much time!
Way too much time!
Posts: 1158
Joined: June 5, 2003, 3:00 pm
Gender: Male

Growing Older - Teeth

Post by Seebs »

In 1994 I had my first root canal. It was not as bad as most people make them out to be, kinda like New Jersey, it really wasn’t that bad in Jersey. I mean Newark and Camden are shitholes, but the rest is nice.

I received the procedure without insurance and paid cash. I then received a position with the Associated Press in NJ and moved up there. After a few months, my tooth started to hurt again, but this time in the cheek above the tooth. What the Fuck? The nerves are dead right? What is there to hurt?

I see an Entadontists in Princeton and he explains that my canals are shaped like teardrops and that some of the nerve was still alive and still sending signals.
Okay, doc. Recourse?
An Apico procedure. This is where they cut into the side of your gums, go to the top of the root and snip the top of the root off. They fucking snip it off. Its like stripping wire or taking the tops off of asparagus.. no biggie.

I go in for the out patient procedure and they cannot give me more drugs. I’m at the limit and they’ve done fucking nothing, so I feel most of what they are doing. What has occurred is that my sinus became a harbor for the puss that was collecting on this tooth. The infection was eating away my cheek bone as well and that is what was kinda painful. It was a constant kind of pressure and I liken it to having a fat girl sit on your face and occasionally pass a bowie knife out her ass. Its like a breech booger.

So they are rooting around in my face and tears are streaming down my cheeks. The Doctor explains how I shouldn’t be able to feel this. Yeah, and toddlers don't feel ass sex either. Don’t fucking tell me what I shouldn’t feel, fucking finish or shoot me up with heroin for fuck’s sake. Telling others what they feel is like a dog telling us what its like to lick your own balls. It has no basis in reality.

The dentist finally cums and I get up and get out. Tooth number 15 is now and forever will not be an issue any longer.

Lets fast forward to two thousand and fucking five. I get a call from an old friend which is this molar. The same molar that has been killed and castrated.
"Hello? Seeber? Hey listen, I wanted to say hi and fuck you. I'm not dead, In fact, I've collected about a cubic yard of bloody taffy-like puss in your sinus."
"For a bonus Seebs, I'm going to allow this to drain down your throat and make you cough up strings of flem the length of work boot shoelaces. "
“so hop on the pain wagon fucko, we are in for a bumpy ride”

Great. The tooth is alive again. But how? How the fuck is this tooth that has had its nerves severed and the enamel tips removed still calling out for white blood cells to attack my face? Am I regenerating teeth? Am I a fucking Shark?

I go see the doctor and its as simple as this. THEY FORGOT TO DO THE FOURTH ROOT. What? How do you overlook that? Is it not on the handbook? Big teeth = four roots? How do two doctors miss it? Where has this nerve been? HOW DO YOU FUCKING MISS A ROOT!?

Well, lets go to the procedure. Dr. Penny is about to pop the crown and warns me. Seebs, this tooth has bacteria on it, it is gonna stink. And when I say stink I mean funk. That fucker has no clue what the word stink means. He jacks the crown off and I almost fucking puke.

The smell emanating from this tooth was so foul that I wept. I could see my breath from the stench. It was like someone made lemonade with water from a chicken coop strained through your grannies panties.
It smelled like a refrigerator crisper filled with the soupy, rotted remnants of a cabbage salad. A cabbage salad that was douched into the twat of a recently found body sautéing in the sun after the Sri Lankan Tsunami. I mean, it smelled worse that Michael Jackson's sheets after a Webloe meeting.

The doc then drilled into the funk and I watched the reflection in the micro finder that he had in front of my face. The drill spun and pulled out puss like an electric mixer pulled up too quickly from a bowl of butterscotch pudding. Puss was spewing everywhere. It was like watching a Labrador shake off water from a swim. And it all smelled like Clinton’s dick after a debutant ball. .. no wait, that would smell good.

We finish, it only took 15 minutes, but that smell stayed in my nostrils. It lingered, kinda like when you gut a fish or finger a big girl. It may take days to have it wear off. I’ve put Vicks Vap-o-rub up my nose to ease the stench. I now know what the Reverend went through in Deadwood, he smelled his own flesh rotting.

I get up, pay my bill and go about my day. I'm sore and I can tell some changes are occurring. I had a crispy in my left nostril this morning and I was going to harvest it. I fished it and had it pinched and realized that it was a crispy-drip … Hard close to the nose hole, but all liquid on the other end. You know, the ones made for flinging. However, this one was different.
I started to pull it out slowly and it felt like it was tanking my Uvula inside out. I had the Sturgeon of Mucus on the line, had to play it deftly.

I started the slow slide out of my nose, not to break the tension between the crispy and the wet .. and it slid .. its coming, oh God, its got something different . oh God, this is different. I suddenly had the feeling that I was Arnold in Total Recall pulling that orb out of his nose. I slowly maneuvered this glorious clot of yellowish pink glee the size of a pinky nail out my nostril. It had the smell .. it had the fucking smell.

I could hear the voice of God for a moment as my head was never so clear. And the smell was gone. .

Anyway, This has been my week thus far. I'm still drainy and sore, but manageable. Thank you for your time.
Seeber
looking for a WOW server
User avatar
Dregor Thule
Super Poster!
Super Poster!
Posts: 5994
Joined: July 3, 2002, 8:59 pm
Gender: Male
XBL Gamertag: Xathlak
PSN ID: dregor77
Location: Oakville, Ontario

Post by Dregor Thule »

Oh my god.. oh my god. That was so many different kinds of right and wrong at the same time. By the end I was laughing so hard while trying not to puke. You write for the AP? Man, I need to read your stories!
Image
User avatar
masteen
Super Poster!
Super Poster!
Posts: 8197
Joined: July 3, 2002, 12:40 pm
Gender: Mangina
Location: Florida
Contact:

Post by masteen »

I thank Jebus that I grew up in a town with floridated water.
"There is at least as much need to curb the cruel greed and arrogance of part of the world of capital, to curb the cruel greed and violence of part of the world of labor, as to check a cruel and unhealthy militarism in international relationships." -Theodore Roosevelt
User avatar
Seebs
Way too much time!
Way too much time!
Posts: 1158
Joined: June 5, 2003, 3:00 pm
Gender: Male

Post by Seebs »

One tooth in 40 years? come on Masteen, that's not bad.
Seeber
looking for a WOW server
User avatar
Winnow
Super Poster!
Super Poster!
Posts: 27434
Joined: July 5, 2002, 1:56 pm
Location: A Special Place in Hell

Post by Winnow »

Archive this immediately! Stupendous! I felt like I was there.
User avatar
cid
Way too much time!
Way too much time!
Posts: 1098
Joined: August 28, 2002, 10:17 pm
Location: Lost in my avatar
Contact:

Post by cid »

Bravo!!
Canoe
Way too much time!
Way too much time!
Posts: 1361
Joined: August 28, 2002, 2:23 am
Location: Upstate New York

Post by Canoe »

Seebs,

You never cease to amaze me.

More stories of disgust and pain please.
User avatar
Tegellan
Way too much time!
Way too much time!
Posts: 1278
Joined: July 5, 2002, 8:41 am
Gender: Male
Location: DK
Contact:

Post by Tegellan »

Seebs, you are my hero, you shoudl seriously start a blog or something.
Fortune favors the brave!
User avatar
Desolet
Gets Around
Gets Around
Posts: 53
Joined: April 21, 2004, 11:14 am
Location: Charlotte, NC

Post by Desolet »

Jesus fucking christ...........


And with that, I am making an appointment with my dentist right now.
User avatar
noel
Super Poster!
Super Poster!
Posts: 10003
Joined: August 22, 2002, 1:34 am
Gender: Male
Location: Calabasas, CA

Post by noel »

I'm so glad you're back with some consistency.

I'll second Winnow. Archive this immediately, and go through and archive every other thread where Seebs has painted us such a vivid image.
Oh, my God; I care so little, I almost passed out.
User avatar
TheDarkreigns
Gets Around
Gets Around
Posts: 200
Joined: March 12, 2003, 7:32 pm
Location: Oshawa, On

Post by TheDarkreigns »

I haven't been that enthralled since episode III
Huzzajin - Troll mage - Whisperwind
<Ixtlan>

Formerly:
Darkreigns S`Upreme
57 Wizard of Solusek Ro
Veeshan Server
<Ixtlan>
User avatar
Pherr the Dorf
Way too much time!
Way too much time!
Posts: 2913
Joined: January 31, 2003, 9:30 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Sonoma County Calimifornia

Post by Pherr the Dorf »

This
was why I said, I miss Seebs
The first duty of a patriot is to question the government

Jefferson
User avatar
Waran
Almost 1337
Almost 1337
Posts: 559
Joined: July 18, 2002, 1:13 am
Gender: Male
XBL Gamertag: Waran
Location: STL
Contact:

Post by Waran »

Best post ever!

Can't breathe I'm laughing so hard :)
User avatar
Dexail
Star Farmer
Star Farmer
Posts: 380
Joined: July 4, 2002, 6:17 am
Gender: Male
Location: Georgia

Post by Dexail »

money, pure fuckin' money :lol:
Dex
User avatar
Winnow
Super Poster!
Super Poster!
Posts: 27434
Joined: July 5, 2002, 1:56 pm
Location: A Special Place in Hell

Post by Winnow »

Oops, I hope archiving this gem too soon didn't cause peeps to miss it. Premature archivation request on my part!

Archived thread should maybe have a one month waiting period before they're eligible sort of like hall of fame bound sports players have to wait?

Perhaps our Archives forum should be called: VV Hall of Flames
User avatar
icknay
Gets Around
Gets Around
Posts: 187
Joined: September 25, 2002, 11:41 am

Post by icknay »

omg that was awesome, tell us another one!
Wiever
Star Farmer
Star Farmer
Posts: 417
Joined: October 15, 2002, 11:56 pm
Location: Mission Beach, California

Post by Wiever »

Man, how did I miss this one!? This forum underused and far too low on the index list.
Nasshi
No Stars!
Posts: 7
Joined: August 27, 2007, 7:52 am
Gender: Female

Re: Growing Older - Teeth

Post by Nasshi »

ROFL!! Maaaaaan, that makes my mouth, my nose... even my uterus hurt! LOL Seeber for president!
Post Reply