Millie wrote:You don't need a joke to insult a country that's 50% French.
which country is 50% french
There aren't many Canadian jokes because canadians are too boring to make fun of. There are a lot of newfoundlander jokes, but they are basically pollack jokes with newfies instead of poles.
Most Canadian jokes are satire or self-deprecating, like:
Q: How do you get the Canadian paparazzi off your front lawn?
A: You say "Please get off my front lawn."
or
The automobile companies put black boxes in cars (like they have in planes) to record people's last words as they crashed into things and died. In the U.S., the last words were mostly, "Oh no!" ...Kind of what you would expect.
But in Canada, most of them said right before they died, "Take my beer. Watch this!"
Here is one that isn't very funny
An Englishman, a Canadian and an American were captured by terrorists.
The terrorist leader said, "Before we shoot you, you will be allowed last words. Please let me know what you wish to talk about."
The Englishman replied, "I wish to speak of loyalty and service to the crown."
The Canadian replied, "Since you are involved in a question of national purpose, national identity, and secession, I wish to talk about the history of constitutional process in Canada, special status, distinct society and uniqueness within diversity."
The American replied, "Just shoot me before the Canadian starts talking."
This one is okay:
A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his
arm. His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case
of beer for?"
"I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob.
"Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade."
This one is old:
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They
were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died
before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the
American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and
nurses present asked him what happened.
"Well, " said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a
beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing
at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were
all too young to die, and that for a donation of $50, we could return to
the earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50,
and the next thing I knew I was back here."
"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the
other two?"
"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the
price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his."
You could always recommend the old standby of threatening to nuke canada and/or making it the 51st state. The hilarity never ends when some comic wünderkind whips that gem out.
