What could have been

Canelek · Post by **Canelek** » May 1, 2003, 3:00 am

Perhaps it was due to a bad day, a bad week, whatever... I have been missing something in my life and it took this introspective melencholy whatever to get me thinking about things that might have been.

I had a longtime girlfriend at the time(was college), and I did really love her. So, it was pretty easy for me to develop a fantastic friendship with this gal that I had known for a while. Ya see, I met Micca my Freshmen year. She was a goddess, both in personality as well as looks. Debbie was someone who had inquired about me through a network of friends and well...we hooked up and held on. She was a real sweet girl, a bit neurotic, but sweet regardless...

Micca had it all--she was into all of the things I was at the time--pot, movies, cool ocean water on warm bodies, art, music....blah blah, we had a perfect match, yet I was faithful to my girl. Yet when I looked in her eyes, I could see a future... maybe it was due to my being involved at the time that she felt so comfortable around me, and vise versa.

Anyways, after 4 years of being with a woman that ended up not being right for me, I lost touch with Micca. Now, for some odd reason, I am thinking of Micca, and wishing I had done something different..perhaps seen that I was happier just hanging out with Micca than I was living with my fiance.

Now, I have nothing even close to what I had or what may have been, and it is pretty fucking depressing. All I had to do to change the things to come was to say one thing, open one door, sleep in one extra hour(or wake up earlier)--and things would be different.

This beautiful woman that I had everything in common with had dissappeared from my life. The girl I chose, I chose out of commitment and what I thought was love at the time. Well, both are in my past and I sure as hell wish I could have had the balls to go with my heart at the time.

So that is my sad(and scattered) story. So that is what has been bugging me for the last few weeks. Out of the blue, something that should be so trivial has leapt out of my subconscious to bite me in the ass. And all this time, I thought I was invulnerable to the past.

So...why would anyone want to spout that shit in a public forum? Hell, aside from a few of you, you don't know me from adam, and even if, you don't really get me....but, the story is pretty common.

So let's here it, stories of love lost or love never found..for I am in just that mood.

Sorry for the book...

Canno

EDIT: I totally missed my own point!!! Here it is:

FUCK Yahoo.com People Search!! You never find the people you really want to find!! Bah!

EDIT #2: After reading this, I don't understand it myself, but I am quite drunk at the moment. I will be embarassed tomorrow.

Keverian FireCry · Post by **Keverian FireCry** » May 1, 2003, 3:02 am

check yo self before you wreck yo self. peace

Korell · Post by **Korell** » May 1, 2003, 3:10 am

You need a hug man. Really.

Anyway, if your feeling the blues... Buy my magical pills!!!
Korell's Magical Pills will:
1: Make you invincible to STDs.
2: Put more hair on your balls.
3: Temporarily make you sterile.
4: Give you dellusions of granduare and make you think your a god.

Seriously thou. Yeah it sucks that things didnt turn out the way you wanted with that girl, but thats in the past and their aint shit you can do about what happened then. You wanna find her and confess your love, cool, then find a PI or someone that will track her down. Otherwise, just thinking about what could have been will drive you crazy. Trust me.. I am the guy that created magical pills...

Canelek · Post by **Canelek** » May 1, 2003, 3:18 am

Ain't like that bro, just spouting shit. Everyone gets down now and again. Sometimes it is easier to let it all out, eh? My ass is iron-clad, yet I am not afraid to say what is on my mind at any given moment(embarassing or not)...

Post by **Xouqoa** » May 1, 2003, 3:32 am

Go find Micca then, yo!

Pilsburry · Post by **Pilsburry** » May 1, 2003, 3:46 am

I have lots of those where girls I knew as freinds were lost...but here is the one that sucked the most.

There was this girl who liked me, a very good friend actually, she liked me immediately and I thought she was annoying....then my roommate and her roommate got together (they are married now) so we always hung out, she grew on me fast....

We became best friends, but I still wasn't interested...I had a huge crush on this other girl the entire time...but I was too shy to ask her out.

I graduated, she is a year younger, when I couldn't just say hi to her everyday I realized I kinda missed her more then I missed most of my other friends. So I would go visit her and my other friends still in school...

I kinda changed a little....friendship grew beyond freindship but I didn't let on....because we had 1000 miles between us or so...so anyway she graduated..then a year later she met a guy, I got to hear all about him...and another year or so later...I got to be at thier wedding. Fun fun.

On the bright side I caught her garter belt....that makes me 5 for 5.
They must be defective.

Ravvenn · Post by **Ravvenn** » May 1, 2003, 4:01 am

Pilsburry wrote:They must be defective.

It's you!

Keverian FireCry · Post by **Keverian FireCry** » May 1, 2003, 4:13 am

if Micca is hot go for it. if you can get better , go for that. /hides

Keverian FireCry · Post by **Keverian FireCry** » May 1, 2003, 4:19 am

No. Really though. You sound distraught(sp?). If Micca could be "the one" for you? Go for it, dont be a stalker, but get those sparks going again and do not wait. If you are REALLY passionate about someone you need to make that known before too long of they will do their best to move on.

Raistin · Post by **Raistin** » May 1, 2003, 4:27 am

rofl

Or they could be like you Rav.

Its out of love, what Can I say.

Drolgin Steingrinder · Post by **Drolgin Steingrinder** » May 1, 2003, 7:56 am

Korell's Magical Pills will:
1: Make you invincible to STDs.
2: Put more hair on your balls.

Who the hell wants *more* hair on their balls? It's a pain to get rid of the growth there already...

Cane:

If you truly feel that you might be missing out on "THE ONE!!!", then go. Find her. Get in touch with her again. At the very least, try - so 10 years from know you aren't a grumpy old fart saying "if only I had..."

Kindo · Post by **Kindo** » May 1, 2003, 8:52 am

We tend to romanticize things from our youth when we're feeling melancholy and drunk.

If losing touch with Micca is truly something you regret, then I agree with the consensus that you should look her up. At the very least you regain contact with a close friend, at most you could actually kindle something more.

/hugs Can-o-beer

Kluden · Post by **Kluden** » May 1, 2003, 8:56 am

I read through the suggestions to my boy and all I can think about is the movie "Something about Mary"...

Just don't hire Patrick Healey to track her down bro!

And I think everyone has atleast once in their life questioned if they did the right thing. You made a choice...be it right or wrong...now you got to move on. Just find Micca again. I gaurantee a mutual friend that you still have a phone number or email to will have her digits. Good Luck.

murr · Post by **murr** » May 1, 2003, 9:08 am

Brittney is Micca IRL, really..

Xyphir · Post by **Xyphir** » May 1, 2003, 9:47 am

Don't get lost in something that is unattainable. The past is the past. I've always felt that regret is an awful thing to live with. There are no redeeming qualities to regret. Skip to the final stage of acceptance, take a deep breath, and move on.

While finding this long lost friend/love of yours might sound good on the surface, time has passed and people do change. Sometimes it's best to think of things as they were. Maybe this is one of those cases. Chances are, Micca will never live up to what you have built in your mind as the perfect person you've made her out to be.

Kilmoll the Sexy · Post by **Kilmoll the Sexy** » May 1, 2003, 9:55 am

Chances are, Micca will never live up to what you have built in your mind as the perfect person you've made her out to be

True....but you might be able to bang her until you figure that out.

If it is someone you cared about, there would be nothing wrong with tracking ehr down to say hi or send her a simple letter letting ehr know you are thinking about (or "aboot" if you are Salis hehehe) her. You must know someone that might have kept in touch...a parent or friend that has at least some info.

Animalor · Post by **Animalor** » May 1, 2003, 10:04 am

I think that most guysh ave a story like this. The unattainable, "how would my life be if only I had ....".

It may also be "The grass is always greener" effect.

I had this at one point with a girl I'm still in touch with however I realised how truly happy with the person I am with and really haven't given it a second thought since.

Canelek · Post by **Canelek** » May 1, 2003, 10:21 am

Hehehe. Lookie what I wrote. Interesting perspectives here indeed. Now, to answer a few questions:

Micca sure was a real sweetie, by no means "perfect", but a really great person.

Look her up? Well, actually I tried. No luck there. It was actually strange that I thought of her. It has been a damn long time. I was on this kick of trying to find about 10 old friends and acquaintences(no, not just girlfriends

) I met so many wonderful people in santa Barbara..when I moved away, it felt as if I had left my life behind.

The past is the past. I have great friends now. Although I have yet to meet the woman that steals my heart, I haven't given up. One of the nifty things I have learned as I approach 30 is patience.

Hell, those of us that are single at this age get to see most of their friends get married and start families, etc. Sometimes it is easy to think of all that and feel jealous. However, those feelings for me are few and far between--today is a new day and it is almost Friday, yay!

Also, there will be many lovely ladies at the Troubador on Saturday night for the Death By Stereo CD release show

I suppose writing all this down helped. Regardless, it was interesting to see the posts

Fallanthas · Post by **Fallanthas** » May 1, 2003, 10:49 am

1. Never, ever try to look up old aquaintances, particularly old girlfriends while you are drunk, lest ye fall to the closing-time syndrome and be really pissed at yourself the next day.

2. The past IS the past. Life sucks, not all decisions work out. Get over it, move on, make another decision.

3. Stay in touch with all those folks getting married around you. You've got one hell of an opportunity to learn from others mistakes and make YOUR relationship a huge success when the time comes for you.

Oh yeah, and save some vacation. Looks like our move is on for five weeks from now. Time to go bowfishing bud.

Toshira · Post by **Toshira** » May 1, 2003, 1:17 pm

Kilmoll the Sexy wrote:
Chances are, Micca will never live up to what you have built in your mind as the perfect person you've made her out to be

True....but you might be able to bang her until you figure that out.

You're my hero.

Winnow · Post by **Winnow** » May 1, 2003, 1:48 pm

I had a detective do a little research on Micca for you Canalek:

Canalek: I think I still want to look her up.
Pat Healy: Who, rollerpig? Are you nuts?
Canalek: You said she was a real sparkplug.
Pat Healy: No, I said buttplug. She's heinous.

Canalek: Japan? What's she doing in Japan?
Pat Healy: Well, you've heard of mail-order brides? Well, they go that way too.
Canalek: What, are they desperate? She's a whale!
Pat Healy: You can't forget, it's a sumo culture, Ted. They pay by the pound over there. Sorta like, um, tuna.
----------------

On a more serious note. I can empathise with you. One thing to be aware of though is that life doesn't stand still. Even if you get Micca back, it may not be the same...sort of like not being able to relive high school or having special circumstances provide the opportunity for a certain mood that can't be replicated again.

On the other hand. What do you have to lose?

Kelgar · Post by **Kelgar** » May 1, 2003, 2:52 pm

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

--repeated ad nausea by many professional athletes--

Winnow · Post by **Winnow** » May 1, 2003, 2:57 pm

Kelgar wrote:You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

--repeated ad nausea by many professional athletes--

That must be a quote from Allen Iverson

rhyae · Post by **rhyae** » May 1, 2003, 3:05 pm

Go ahead and try to find her, with a name like Micca she cant be that hard to find no?
And you regret more what you dont do, than what you try... usually.

Korell · Post by **Korell** » May 1, 2003, 3:09 pm

Drolgin Steingrinder wrote:
Korell's Magical Pills will:
1: Make you invincible to STDs.
2: Put more hair on your balls.
Who the hell wants *more* hair on their balls? It's a pain to get rid of the growth there already...

Drol... I was going along with the whole "be a man" thing. He should pull himself back up and move on. If you run in to the girlie again... money. Otherwise just keep plugging away. Your just giving yourself a headache by thinking of what could have been. No one besides myself and Steven Hawkening(sp?) can travel thru time to change things.

(Steve says "By introducing anti-matter to matter you can create a wormhole which, if large enough and stable enough, can break thru the plane of time (no pun intended), transporting you to the point where the wormhole was created. So you can travel to the future, only back to the point where the hole was created.)

Kelgar · Post by **Kelgar** » May 1, 2003, 3:11 pm

That must be a quote from Allen Iverson

The websites I've seen mostly credit Wayne Gretzky with it, though I've heard countless others utter the same.

Lalanae · Post by **Lalanae** » May 1, 2003, 3:15 pm

Girl perspective time.

If some guy form my past tracked me down, I'd be a little creeped out. Not saying that she would, but you have to be careful how you approach it. If you tell her you've been "thinking about" her, it could make you look pathetic.

Everyone knows of someone from their past that they would have dated if they could go back and do it over. But like someone said earlier, we tend to romanticize the past and remember people the way we need to remember them (either better or worse than they actually were).

Its better just to move on IMO. If she REALLY is a goddess of a girl, she isn't single, and you might just creep her out by tracking her down for no real reason.

Cartalas · Post by **Cartalas** » May 1, 2003, 3:22 pm

"If some guy form my past tracked me down, I'd be a little creeped out. Not saying that she would, but you have to be careful how you approach it. If you tell her you've been "thinking about" her, it could make you look pathetic. "

I am sure you have no problem with this, Hell I bet most guys have worn out many a pair of Nikes running there ass out of Dodge to get away from you. I would not be surprised if you were the cause of the alarming increase in sex change operations and the practice of burning your finger prints off with acid. But if by chance some guy is looking for you im sure its a man from the CDC looking for a culture.

Winnow · Post by **Winnow** » May 1, 2003, 3:31 pm

Cartalas wrote:"If some guy form my past tracked me down, I'd be a little creeped out. Not saying that she would, but you have to be careful how you approach it. If you tell her you've been "thinking about" her, it could make you look pathetic. "

I am sure you have no problem with this, Hell I bet most guys have worn out many a pair of Nikes running there ass out of Dodge to get away from you. I would not be surprised if you were the cause of the alarming increase in sex change operations and the practice of burning your finger prints off with acid. But if by chance some guy is looking for you im sure its a man from the CDC looking for a culture.

You obviously weren't at FF Cart : ) Nobody was running from Lalanae. What flamewar did I miss between you two?

Cartalas · Post by **Cartalas** » May 1, 2003, 3:42 pm

Winnow wrote:
Cartalas wrote:"If some guy form my past tracked me down, I'd be a little creeped out. Not saying that she would, but you have to be careful how you approach it. If you tell her you've been "thinking about" her, it could make you look pathetic. "

I am sure you have no problem with this, Hell I bet most guys have worn out many a pair of Nikes running there ass out of Dodge to get away from you. I would not be surprised if you were the cause of the alarming increase in sex change operations and the practice of burning your finger prints off with acid. But if by chance some guy is looking for you im sure its a man from the CDC looking for a culture.
You obviously weren't at FF Cart : ) Nobody was running from Lalanae. What flamewar did I miss between you two?

Looks are not everything My boy!! And yes I saw the pictures of her ( and she is a yeah baby), and yes she might be the sweetest thing in the world, but she attacked me and well hell its Flame Vault right.

Winnow · Post by **Winnow** » May 1, 2003, 3:54 pm

Cartalas wrote: Looks are not everything My boy!! And yes I saw the pictures of her ( and she is a yeah baby), and yes she might be the sweetest thing in the world, but she attacked me and well hell its Flame Vault right.

She could have looked like you with tits and still would have been likable with her cool personality.

noel · Post by **noel** » May 1, 2003, 4:03 pm

Cart, don't awaken the sleeping dragon. Flaming Kyoukan and Lalanae is a poor choice of action.

Canelek... and any of the rest of you guys who haven't already seen it. Go out and rent the movie, 'High Fidelity'. I guarantee it will make you feel better.

Cartalas · Post by **Cartalas** » May 1, 2003, 4:06 pm

Aranuil wrote:Cart, don't awaken the sleeping dragon. Flaming Kyoukan and Lalanae is a poor choice of action.

Canelek... and any of the rest of you guys who haven't already seen it. Go out and rent the movie, 'High Fidelity'. I guarantee it will make you feel better.

Ill make you a deal Aranuil I will cease my attack in a ceasefire format,But it works both ways. Fair enough?

Oh and you say you love me

Pilsburry · Post by **Pilsburry** » May 1, 2003, 4:16 pm

If you were going to Santa Barbara and you happened on a mutal friend with her number I'd meet for drinks and catch-up with her.

But Private eye etc is probably too much....

There are girls *locally* who probably fill your needs better then she does, you said it's been awhile.

When I moved back to this area some of my friends changed OMGIAMRETARDEDCAUSEALOTISTWOWORDS, one went from being a nice guy, to a woman beater...to dead via cancer. Another went from a quiet kid who stuttered to doing acid to blowing his brains out......those are extreme cases.

I had a few who changed moderatly....and some didn't change hardly at all. You know what? I don't even have stuff in common with the people who didn't change.....because I CHANGED.

Spend the time finding Micaa on going out around town locally and talkign to women, it's not somethign I can do personally, I can't talk to strange women......but if you can..I suggest that.

Coatlicue [KoE] · Post by **Coatlicue [KoE]** » May 1, 2003, 10:44 pm

*huggles Canno*

Canelek · Post by **Canelek** » May 1, 2003, 10:55 pm

*hugs* Coatie

Woh now, was just being nostalgic and drunk at the same time, no need for PIs or Insurance Claims investigators, etc

Do I regret the path I have taken through life? Hell no! Although I get sentimental and shit now and again, it sure ain't a reason to dwell on the past

However, I did it again today, I got a travel guide for Greer's Ferry Lake in the Ozark foothills or Arkansas(I grew up in Little rock and my family had a vacation house up there). Then I was looking at the real estate prices! Good fucking lord! 200k for a 5000 sq ft house lakefront baby! Although I can't even come close to affording it at the time, it sure made my re-think where I live!!

Not necessarily Greer's Ferry though. It is the best damn place in the state, but I doubt many DBA jobs are anywhere near there!!

However, a move out of CA is gotta happen in the next few years--I miss being able to hunt and fish without having to elbow my way through the crowd.

I hear Raleigh/Duram, NC is a happenin place these days. Anyone live there and/or have any good things to say about the area?

Los Angeles is like a rash on the ass and moving back to a place where seasons exist is the soothing ointment

Vaemas · Post by **Vaemas** » May 1, 2003, 11:16 pm

It's a strange thing how people touch our lives for a time then we move on. Then maybe run into them again down the road. We regret certain choices we made, but what we've done can't be changed.

I've lost a couple people in the last 2 years who were very close to me. From that, I think the biggest thing I learned (as trite as it may sound) is that if you have something to say, tell that person. Don't put it off because life is short and you may never get the chance again.

Sometimes we get second chances, sometimes we don't.

[edit:spelling > me]

Drolgin Steingrinder · Post by **Drolgin Steingrinder** » May 1, 2003, 11:20 pm

Sometimes we get second changes, sometimes we don't.

Amen, brother.

Amen.

Fallanthas · Post by **Fallanthas** » May 2, 2003, 3:17 am

Drop me an email sometime, Canno.

There are a couple of places around the Midwest that fit what you are looking for.