Growing Older ... not wiser

[Seebs]

My favorite gift over Christmas was a gallon of Bubble Gum Ice Cream from Baskin Robbins given to me from my Father-in-law. Yes, I have the palette of a seven year old.

Yesterday I scooped out a bowl and forgot I needed to complete some yard work outside so I placed the bowl and spoon n the freezer while I finished up.

Came back inside 30 minutes later and chiseled off a bite and placed it on my anxious maw ...

Well, like Schwartz in a Christmas Story, the spoon froze to my bottom lip as soon as the frozen metal met my warm, wet, Pavlovian mouth. The shock was great and the pain was only trumped by the immediate embarrassment of my predicament.

It was only an instant, but I immediately jerked the spoon away. A stinking and warm pain ensued. To my horror, my thermodynamic guffaw revealed an open crater on my lip spewing out blood like ash from Mount St. Helens. I looked on the bottom of my spoon to see this lip colored fleshy stalactite hanging from the utensil. I could still take my pulse from it. The pulsating was reminiscent of a bee's stinger in your arm with the detached venom sac still pumping venom into your skin. Seven Seeber’s could have been cloned from this sample.

I used one of Maxwell's bibs to try and stem the bleeding and to see in the mirror how closely the flesh fit into this now throbbing pothole on my lip.

Oh Jesus, Bryan Adams would be embarrassed of the size of this flowing blemish. The flesh on the bottom of the spoon fit into this abyss of a wound like the East Coast of South America fits into Western Africa. I am horrible disfigured and now empathize with John Merrick and his travails.

My loving wife could only laugh and point out I’m not getting any action until that this heals.. Maxwell, while only 11-months old directed me to throw out that bib in his own Stewiesque way.

The irony is that I got the bleeding to stop 20 minutes later by ironically placing ice on the wound. My Bubble Gum Ice cream had melted with a hint of a bloody swirl hovering on the top like a cardio vascular oil slick.

That is how my new year started, Screw you father time.

I'm driving with seat belts and using blinkers from here on out as I expect a bumpy ride in 2006. Hope all is well with you all.

[Ashur]

ouch.

[Sionistic]

Thats what you get for eatting bubble gum ice cream

[Clatis]

ew damn, that sucks, the descirption alone makes me feel naucious

[miir]

ew damn, that sucks, the descirption alone makes me feel naucious

Your spelling makes me nauseous.

[Moonwynd]

ew damn, that sucks, the descirption alone makes me feel naucious

And that made me feel like posting this link:

http://www.dictionary.com

[Sirensa]

I love bubble gum ice cream!!

[Dregor Thule]

So, in doubt that Seebs could possibly come up with these equally gruesome yet glorious stories, I google'd the phrase "warm, wet, Pavlovian mouth". The first result was some piece of gay judo erotica. Needless to say this means Seebs loves the judo cock.

[Marbus]

LOL! Great as always Seebs Sorry to hear about your lip though.

Marb

[Winnow]

I thought if you swallowed bubblegum it stayed in your stomach for seven years!

Lets hope more ailments befall you for our reading pleasure!

[Leonaerd]

Lol. What an enjoyably gruesome story. More!

[Moonwynd]

________________

Well I bought my dad a present, Doom 3. He said he wanted a single player, level based, non-internet/multiplayer game(which Doom 3 has the option). So anyways, I was wondering if the gameplay could be incorparated with a few sites. I dont visit the sites so i dont have info for that. So what I am asking is, tactics and screenplay, and maps for single player Doom 3. Or any sites with the previously mentiond.┌┘

I fixed your name effects for you:

Leonaerd
Spellin' like a felon

[Leonaerd]

Come on, Moonwynd! That's from Sweetkastings. I pride myself on having cognizable grammar and spelling!

[Kylere]

/em stands on a chair and yells, "BRAVO!"

Great Post, it made me LOL.

[Waran]

I Seebs stories! Bravo sir