EQ State of the Union Address (LONG READ)

Dal-KoE · Post by **Dal-KoE** » December 9, 2003, 5:00 pm

Good evening my fellow Norathians and Citizens,

I address you this evening with a heavy heart. As most of you know things are not going well in the world. In the last few years, there have been wars and rumors of wars. Inflation has hit all time highs. There are even people dueling in the streets. Heads of State (i.e. Emperors, Kings) and even the Gods themselves are being randomly killed. People have given up on settling down to raise a family and continue wandering the world, moon and planes looking to kill, loot and pillage.

Our number one concern is the economy, inflation and the rising cost of doing business. Up until this point we have relied on generating revenue through the Vendors Guilds and unknown to you, a Value Added Tax that was included in everything the vendors sold. Lately we have discovered that the cost of keeping the Torches burning in the Plane of Knowledge, the continual redirection and pumping of sewage into the Plane of Disease not to mention the myriad of costs to employ Librarians, Guards and Bank Tellers has increased beyond our current budget. This year, for the first time in centuries we are operating under a budget deficit. The amount of currency currently in the world is astronomical, the Administration feels it is time to do something about this and it is our plan to implement the following measures as a soon as possible.

The cost for reagents (i.e. Peridots, Emeralds, Pearls, etc) will be increased by a factor of roughly 8 times its current price. This means, that a stack (20) of Peridots will now cost approximately 2088 platinum vs. the previous 240 platinum. However, our buy back rates will not change. Due to the numerous Equal Rights lobbies, we are also doing away with the Charisma factor in all purchases and sales. All genders, races, and classes will pay the same price. We feel that it is time that everyone is treated fairly regardless of how ugly, vile, mean or attractive you are.

Secondly, up until this point, the use of the Plane of Knowledge Portals has been free, and this has caused undue harm to the Druids and Wizards lively hood. We are also seeing this abused more and more often by the “lesser” mortals that do not like their starting city and want to go kill things in West Freeport. Effective immediately, all persons using a Knowledge Portal or Nexxus Portal will be charged 200 platinum for each use. This will entitle the user to a “free” return use back to the originating plane, city or zone. An automatic debit from your inventory or bank will take place each time you use one of these services.

Thirdly, all persons using the Bazaar to sell items must purchase a new Trader’s Satchel. These satchels will now hold up to 100 items and cost 10,000 platinum pieces. All previous Traders Satchels are now invalid and the contents have been confiscated and “redistributed” to NPC Vendors throughout the Bazaar.

We will also be implementing a “Buff Tax” to capture revenue from the Enchanters, Clerics and other classes that continuously stand around Plane of Knowledge, Nexxus, and other areas asking for “Donations” for enhancement spells. All persons will now be charged a loitering fee of at least 200 platinum, and not to exceed 500 platinum each time they use the /shout or /ooc to advertise that they are casting Manna Regen Buffs, Hit Point Buffs, etc. in any of these zones. Once again, an automatic debit from your inventory or bank will take place each time you "Advertise" in one of these zones. On the reverse, anyone using the /shout or /ooc to locate one of these services will also be subject to the “fees”. A system has already been setup and is in place to monitor for this as well as search for private channels containing the words Extended, EXT, KEI, BUFFS, etc.

We take these measures in the hopes of seeing the inflationary rates decline and balance the current fiscal budget. People, please do not discourage, with the increase in tax revenue we are hoping to run a surplus next year and break ground on construction of the LMTS (Luclin Mass Transit System). This will be a series of monorail trains and subways that will allow you to move about the Moon without having to worry about, Invisibility, Levitation or Enduring Breath. Think about it, you will be able to travel from ScarletDesert to the Umbral Plains in a matter of minutes.

Our second point of concern that we feel must be addressed during our current session is the constant fighting and dueling in the streets. To discourage this, you will now be able to purchase Slave Shackles (similar to bridals and limited to 5) at a cost in line with your level. You can then use this on any defeated opponent (must use at the time of death) to summon them in game (or not) to do your bidding, these shackles will “rust” and fall off after a period of seven days. We hope this will also help to quiet those non-pet classes. You will not, however be able to use these “slaves” to duel other players.

In the hope of increasing the population, encourage family life and marriage. All female characters that are grouped for longer than 4 hours with more than two males, species capable of impregnating them (i.e. human + Guktan does not work) will now run the risk of randomly getting pregnant. This administration will be monitoring these pregnancies and checking that they are carried to term.

Finally, we feel that something must be done about the constant “uprisings” and killings of our Deities and Heads of State. We are not sure how to go about this and we have several ideas under consideration. These we will make known to all citizens after the general elections in April.

Citizens, please understand that we are on the brink of some very important changes in our world. With your support and tax money, we feel that we can enter into a new era of prosperity and growth unparalleled before in any realm. May the Gods Bless and Keep You Safe… Good Night. -

Nilaman · Post by **Nilaman** » December 9, 2003, 5:26 pm

Jackass.

Anyone read this yet?

Akaran_D · Post by **Akaran_D** » December 9, 2003, 5:45 pm

Kinda funny, but kinda not.

Pahreyia · Post by **Pahreyia** » December 9, 2003, 8:30 pm

Amusing. Quoting someone on it Dal?

If not, bravo.

Winnow · Post by **Winnow** » December 9, 2003, 8:37 pm

Summarize please!

Zaelath · Post by **Zaelath** » December 9, 2003, 8:41 pm

Winnow wrote:Summarize please!

Akaran already did =)

Kithyen · Post by **Kithyen** » December 10, 2003, 2:59 am

It gained a muffled snicker

XunilTlatoani · Post by **XunilTlatoani** » December 10, 2003, 8:09 pm

Damn Dal, you coulda exp'ed 2-3 AA's in the time it took you to write that

Dal-KoE · Post by **Dal-KoE** » December 11, 2003, 11:55 am

Pahreyia wrote:Amusing. Quoting someone on it Dal?

If not, bravo.

Nope ..It's a Dal original.

Ducru · Post by **Ducru** » December 11, 2003, 6:53 pm

Thanks... I was going to masturbate in a few minutes, but decided to stop in here first...

Now teh penix is sad, and I've wasted all the time I had alotted before wife got home

I will forgive you after she goes to work in the morning.

Ducru

*I did chuckle though=)*