VeeshanVault

Everything you didn't want to know about Japan.

http://www3.tky.3web.ne.jp/~edjacob/saq.html

I can add this useful tidbit:

Pokemon™ brand sausage is teh nasty. I had always heard that Japanese snack sausages were awesome...and I used to frequent a Japanese grocery near where I used to work. One day, I saw these Pokemon™ sausages in the refrigerated aisle, and decided, "what the fuck?" I could not resist the hyper-cute box image of Pikachu nibbling on what looked like a beef stick.

I opened the box, and there were 6 sausages inside...all pale off-white. About the color of a vienna sausage, but paler. That should have been my first sign that things were amiss. They were wrapped in plastic with little metal hoops tying the ends...like that ghetto processed cheese.

I tore one end off of a sausage, and was slapped upside the head by the overwhelming stench of ocean. Not good ocean, either...this smelled like Galveston. Dead fish, ahoy. Not unlike Searyx's mother is rumoured to smell. That was my second clue that something was amiss.

Given pause, I flipped the box over and read the ingredients. The top two were fish paste and krill. KRILL... my heart stopped. Fish paste was bad enough...but krill are fucking SEA MONKEYS! My stomach did a quick heave.

Anyway...I was determined. Into that abyss... I held my breath and took a bite. The feel was ungodly. Imagine a too smooth, too firm cross between baloney and Jello. You couldn't chew it so much as it just sorta broke apart into smaller gelatinous pieces when it came into contact with teeth. And to make matters worse, it tasted like it smelled.

So in short, don't eat anything Pikachu pushes at you. That goes for Pokemon™ brand curry mix, too, which looked and smelled like baby poo.

Little Lisa Brand Fish Slurry?

good read )

Ashur [FoH] wrote:Little Lisa Brand Fish Slurry?

That is precisely what was running through my head at the time.

Aha an explanation of the testicles...Thanks to the Japanese SAQ link...

. I believe this question to be stupid, obscure, and quite possibly difficult, and therefore possibly well fit for your column. I have heard many answers to this question over the years, all of which seem quite reasonable to me. So, why do the porcelain Tanuki in front of stores, and people’s front doors have such outrageously large testicles?--Question submitted by Jonathan Gregory
A. Tanuki are very common in Japanese folklore, and are regarded as tricksters which can change their shape and have supernatural powers. They often change their shape to play tricks on travellers. Tanuki are said to love sake, and often change into human form, paying for their drink with money that turns out to be tree leaves.
Their large testicles are a representation of fertility and good fortune, and are said to be the source of their magical powers. The tanuki's large testicles are associated with wealth because the Japanese colloquial word for testicle is kindama, which means golden ball. In Japanese mythology, the Tanuki's scrotum can be enlarged to as much as eight tatami mats (one tatami is about 6'x3') and they play them like a drum.
By the way, tanuki are not racoons, and are actually a member of the dog family. They are properly known as racoon dogs (Nyctereutes Procyonoides).

Arborealus wrote:Aha an explanation of the testicles...Thanks to the Japanese SAQ link...

. I believe this question to be stupid, obscure, and quite possibly difficult, and therefore possibly well fit for your column. I have heard many answers to this question over the years, all of which seem quite reasonable to me. So, why do the porcelain Tanuki in front of stores, and people’s front doors have such outrageously large testicles?--Question submitted by Jonathan Gregory
A. Tanuki are very common in Japanese folklore, and are regarded as tricksters which can change their shape and have supernatural powers. They often change their shape to play tricks on travellers. Tanuki are said to love sake, and often change into human form, paying for their drink with money that turns out to be tree leaves.
Their large testicles are a representation of fertility and good fortune, and are said to be the source of their magical powers. The tanuki's large testicles are associated with wealth because the Japanese colloquial word for testicle is kindama, which means golden ball. In Japanese mythology, the Tanuki's scrotum can be enlarged to as much as eight tatami mats (one tatami is about 6'x3') and they play them like a drum.
By the way, tanuki are not racoons, and are actually a member of the dog family. They are properly known as racoon dogs (Nyctereutes Procyonoides).

This information comes from the Soba Jiten (Dictionary of Soba), written by Niijima Shigeru, founder of the Laboratory for Historical Research Into the Eating of Soba.

And you thought your job was trivial...