Funny Jokes that may be offensive!
Posted: November 22, 2003, 12:04 pm
SOMETHING TO OFFEND DAMN-NEAR EVERYBODY
1. What's the Cuban national anthem?
Row, row, row your boat.
2. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
3. Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong."
4. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
5. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
6. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
Because they're not going to work in the future either.
7. What do you call an Arkansas farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp.
8. Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
9. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.
10. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
11. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."
12. My, my, how time have changed.
Years ago...When 100 white men chased 1 black man, we called it the Ku Klux Klan; Today they call it the PGA TOUR.
13 Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.
-
For Christians
QUESTION:
Why do women like Jesus so much?
ANSWER:
Because he's HUNG LIKE THIS!
(For full effect, spread your arms like you're on a cross as you say this...)
-
For Religious people
What's the difference between a priest and acne?
Acne is willing to wait until the boy turns 13 to come on his face.
-
How do you make an Albanian omelet?
*You steal a couple of eggs and you cook them.
Here is one for our italian neighboors
*Why do italian men wear moustache ?
They take after their mothers
Why do jewish women have sex only with circumsized men?
They want 10% off on everything.
Why do mexicans love the low riders ?
You can drive and pick fruit at the same time.
How do you stop a black kid from jumping up and down the bed?
You put valcro in the ceiling.
Why do redneck girls have such muscular legs?
YOu would too if you has to outrun your brother every day
Where was the toothbrush invented?
In Alabama, otherwise it would be called a teethbrush
What does a blond say when she finds out she is pregnant?
Are you sure it's mine
-
Work Related
You find yourself in an elevator with a child molester, a terrorist and a laywer. You only have two bullets. Who do you shoot first
The laywer twice
-
Q: How come Mexico never wins any Gold medals at the Olympics?
A: Because everyone who can run, jump and swim already left.
Q: Why do Jews have big noses?
A: Because air is free.
Q: What do you call a Jewish dilemma?
A: A free pork sandwich.
Q: What do you say to a black man in a three piece suit?
A: Will the defendant please rise.
Q: What is the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
A: Christopher Walken.
Q: What is the most common pick up line at a gay bar?
A: Excuse me, may I push your stool in?
Q: What do you call 2 Mexicans playing basketball?
A: Juan on Juan.
Q: What does Michael Jackson and K-mart have in common?
A: Boys pants, half off.
Q: What's the difference between a Jew and bread?
A: Bread does not scream when it's in the oven.
Q: What's long, black and has no end?
A: The umemployment line.
Q: What does a baby from Arkansas call his moms brother?
A: Daddy.
Q: What did the Mexican guy say when his house came tumbling down on him in an earthquake?
A: Get off me homes.
Q: Why do most afrodesiacs come from the Orient?
A: If you had a 2 inch pecker, you too would look for alternatives.
1. What's the Cuban national anthem?
Row, row, row your boat.
2. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
3. Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong."
4. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
5. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
6. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
Because they're not going to work in the future either.
7. What do you call an Arkansas farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp.
8. Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
9. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.
10. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
11. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."
12. My, my, how time have changed.
Years ago...When 100 white men chased 1 black man, we called it the Ku Klux Klan; Today they call it the PGA TOUR.
13 Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.
-
For Christians
QUESTION:
Why do women like Jesus so much?
ANSWER:
Because he's HUNG LIKE THIS!
(For full effect, spread your arms like you're on a cross as you say this...)
-
For Religious people
What's the difference between a priest and acne?
Acne is willing to wait until the boy turns 13 to come on his face.
-
How do you make an Albanian omelet?
*You steal a couple of eggs and you cook them.
Here is one for our italian neighboors
*Why do italian men wear moustache ?
They take after their mothers
Why do jewish women have sex only with circumsized men?
They want 10% off on everything.
Why do mexicans love the low riders ?
You can drive and pick fruit at the same time.
How do you stop a black kid from jumping up and down the bed?
You put valcro in the ceiling.
Why do redneck girls have such muscular legs?
YOu would too if you has to outrun your brother every day
Where was the toothbrush invented?
In Alabama, otherwise it would be called a teethbrush
What does a blond say when she finds out she is pregnant?
Are you sure it's mine
-
Work Related
You find yourself in an elevator with a child molester, a terrorist and a laywer. You only have two bullets. Who do you shoot first
The laywer twice
-
Q: How come Mexico never wins any Gold medals at the Olympics?
A: Because everyone who can run, jump and swim already left.
Q: Why do Jews have big noses?
A: Because air is free.
Q: What do you call a Jewish dilemma?
A: A free pork sandwich.
Q: What do you say to a black man in a three piece suit?
A: Will the defendant please rise.
Q: What is the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
A: Christopher Walken.
Q: What is the most common pick up line at a gay bar?
A: Excuse me, may I push your stool in?
Q: What do you call 2 Mexicans playing basketball?
A: Juan on Juan.
Q: What does Michael Jackson and K-mart have in common?
A: Boys pants, half off.
Q: What's the difference between a Jew and bread?
A: Bread does not scream when it's in the oven.
Q: What's long, black and has no end?
A: The umemployment line.
Q: What does a baby from Arkansas call his moms brother?
A: Daddy.
Q: What did the Mexican guy say when his house came tumbling down on him in an earthquake?
A: Get off me homes.
Q: Why do most afrodesiacs come from the Orient?
A: If you had a 2 inch pecker, you too would look for alternatives.
