Duh Awards

Stupid posts by stupid people get put here for you to laugh at them.
Post Reply
User avatar
Bubba Grizz
Super Poster!
Super Poster!
Posts: 6121
Joined: July 3, 2002, 12:52 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Green Bay, Wisconsin

Duh Awards

Post by Bubba Grizz »

1ST ANNUAL "DUH" AWARDS

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever,
because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever,
but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest. [wanna bet on her hair
color]?


"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the
world,
I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not
with
all those flies and death and stuff,"
-- Mariah Carey [now we know why she's such a sensitive actress]


"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
your life,"
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a
federal antismoking campaign.


"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.


"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates
in
the country,"
-- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC. [it helps to read crime stats
when you're stoned]


"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees,"
-- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks.


"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and
I'm just the one to do it,"
-- A congressional candidate in Texas.


"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them.
There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians
were
selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."
-- John Wayne [just because they've been here 10,000 years, you'd think
they had rights or something]


"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
-- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark Danny was never really
good at the stats part of baseball]


"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities
in
our air and water that are doing it."
-- Al Gore, Vice President


"If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut
right out from under your feet,"
-- Former British foreign minister, Ernest Bevin.


"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
-- Dan Quayle [days like this....I really miss Dan]


"It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or
another"
-- George Bush, US President


"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
-- Lee Iacocca [not all of us can afford mink-lined oxygen masks, Lee]


"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from
the truth. I assisted in furthering that version,"
-- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony. [Lied. Say it
slowly, Ollie....L-I-E-D]


"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein,"
-- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.


"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain
types of people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.


"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
-- Bill Clinton, President


"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
-- Al Gore, VP


"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
-- Keppel Enderbery


"The loss of life will be irreplaceable."
-- Dan Quayle


"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have
is
that I didn't study my Latin harder in school so I could converse with
those
people."
-- Dan Quayle, VP [I mean it, I really do miss him!]


"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago!"
-- Dan Quayle, VP


"Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by
itself. It is different from the other 49 states. Well, all states are
different, but it's got a particularly unique situation."
-- Dan Quayle, VP [they made him swim home after that one]


"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we
received
notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there
is
a change in your circumstances."
-- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina [right
after you call the New York Times]


"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that
Mr.
Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course,
that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce."
-- Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper


"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as
they go
to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the
next
morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
-- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman [and they'll cut off your food stamps]



And below:- how stupid do manufacturers think we are!!!!

Subject: Instructions

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a
Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (and that's the only time
I
have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details
inside." (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that
would
be how??...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: "Defrost." (but,
it's
"just" a suggestion.)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside
down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????..)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate
machinery
after taking this medication." We could do a lot to reduce the rate of
construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking
this
because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as
opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now,
somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news
flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat
nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable
you
to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
User avatar
Jaxomer
Star Farmer
Star Farmer
Posts: 259
Joined: July 11, 2002, 4:07 pm

Post by Jaxomer »

LoL :D
Keepers of the Elements
|Jaxomer|Memsi|
User avatar
Bubba Grizz
Super Poster!
Super Poster!
Posts: 6121
Joined: July 3, 2002, 12:52 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Green Bay, Wisconsin

Post by Bubba Grizz »

Sad part is that they are all true.
User avatar
Hammerstalker PE
Way too much time!
Way too much time!
Posts: 1153
Joined: July 3, 2002, 3:22 pm
Location: Rancho Santa Margarita, Ca. USA

Post by Hammerstalker PE »

ROFLMAO some of those were hilarious especially the Swedish Chainsaw instructions!
Hammerstalker Ironforge
65th High Priest of War

Hammr Bloodforge

58th Battletank
User avatar
Bubba Grizz
Super Poster!
Super Poster!
Posts: 6121
Joined: July 3, 2002, 12:52 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Green Bay, Wisconsin

Post by Bubba Grizz »

Seems I am following Hammer in all the threads here.
Searyx
Almost 1337
Almost 1337
Posts: 940
Joined: July 3, 2002, 1:08 pm

Post by Searyx »

And I'm following YOU :)
Searyx Fairyslayer
Lvl 50 Fury (Lvl 50 Provisioner)
Officer of Vae Victis on the Crushbone Server
User avatar
Hammerstalker PE
Way too much time!
Way too much time!
Posts: 1153
Joined: July 3, 2002, 3:22 pm
Location: Rancho Santa Margarita, Ca. USA

Post by Hammerstalker PE »

and I am leading!
Hammerstalker Ironforge
65th High Priest of War

Hammr Bloodforge

58th Battletank
User avatar
Bubba Grizz
Super Poster!
Super Poster!
Posts: 6121
Joined: July 3, 2002, 12:52 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Green Bay, Wisconsin

Post by Bubba Grizz »

Here we go round and round. La la la la la
User avatar
Hammerstalker PE
Way too much time!
Way too much time!
Posts: 1153
Joined: July 3, 2002, 3:22 pm
Location: Rancho Santa Margarita, Ca. USA

Post by Hammerstalker PE »

Once again I am leading !!
Hammerstalker Ironforge
65th High Priest of War

Hammr Bloodforge

58th Battletank
User avatar
Bubba Grizz
Super Poster!
Super Poster!
Posts: 6121
Joined: July 3, 2002, 12:52 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Green Bay, Wisconsin

Post by Bubba Grizz »

here I am coming up from behind. (get yer mind out of the gutter. Grizzly dont' swing that way)
User avatar
Hammerstalker PE
Way too much time!
Way too much time!
Posts: 1153
Joined: July 3, 2002, 3:22 pm
Location: Rancho Santa Margarita, Ca. USA

Post by Hammerstalker PE »

Neither does Hammer swing that way but I am pretty sure Searyx was hoping you did!
Hammerstalker Ironforge
65th High Priest of War

Hammr Bloodforge

58th Battletank
User avatar
Bubba Grizz
Super Poster!
Super Poster!
Posts: 6121
Joined: July 3, 2002, 12:52 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Green Bay, Wisconsin

Post by Bubba Grizz »

Maybe if I were Roman but nope.
User avatar
Hammerstalker PE
Way too much time!
Way too much time!
Posts: 1153
Joined: July 3, 2002, 3:22 pm
Location: Rancho Santa Margarita, Ca. USA

Post by Hammerstalker PE »

Actually it is the Greeks that swing that way YUK!
Hammerstalker Ironforge
65th High Priest of War

Hammr Bloodforge

58th Battletank
User avatar
Bubba Grizz
Super Poster!
Super Poster!
Posts: 6121
Joined: July 3, 2002, 12:52 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Green Bay, Wisconsin

Post by Bubba Grizz »

I wonder if it would have been fun being Caligula(in the early years that is).
User avatar
Hammerstalker PE
Way too much time!
Way too much time!
Posts: 1153
Joined: July 3, 2002, 3:22 pm
Location: Rancho Santa Margarita, Ca. USA

Post by Hammerstalker PE »

Naw that sick fucker slept with his horse!
Hammerstalker Ironforge
65th High Priest of War

Hammr Bloodforge

58th Battletank
User avatar
Bubba Grizz
Super Poster!
Super Poster!
Posts: 6121
Joined: July 3, 2002, 12:52 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Green Bay, Wisconsin

Post by Bubba Grizz »

yeah but it was a cute horse. I think he also did his sister though...
User avatar
Hammerstalker PE
Way too much time!
Way too much time!
Posts: 1153
Joined: July 3, 2002, 3:22 pm
Location: Rancho Santa Margarita, Ca. USA

Post by Hammerstalker PE »

I think he did my sister damn him!
Hammerstalker Ironforge
65th High Priest of War

Hammr Bloodforge

58th Battletank
User avatar
Bubba Grizz
Super Poster!
Super Poster!
Posts: 6121
Joined: July 3, 2002, 12:52 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Green Bay, Wisconsin

Post by Bubba Grizz »

I wonder if he invented that international game known as Roman Hands and Russian Fingers.
User avatar
Hammerstalker PE
Way too much time!
Way too much time!
Posts: 1153
Joined: July 3, 2002, 3:22 pm
Location: Rancho Santa Margarita, Ca. USA

Post by Hammerstalker PE »

What was the subject of this thread anyway? I am too lazy to click back to find out?
Hammerstalker Ironforge
65th High Priest of War

Hammr Bloodforge

58th Battletank
User avatar
Bubba Grizz
Super Poster!
Super Poster!
Posts: 6121
Joined: July 3, 2002, 12:52 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Green Bay, Wisconsin

Post by Bubba Grizz »

I really couldn't tell you. I think it is retarded that you have to scroll to the bottom to make the newest messages appear at the top.
User avatar
Hammerstalker PE
Way too much time!
Way too much time!
Posts: 1153
Joined: July 3, 2002, 3:22 pm
Location: Rancho Santa Margarita, Ca. USA

Post by Hammerstalker PE »

Ya me too I guess we will never know what this thread was about /shrug....








TAG YER IT!!
Hammerstalker Ironforge
65th High Priest of War

Hammr Bloodforge

58th Battletank
User avatar
Bubba Grizz
Super Poster!
Super Poster!
Posts: 6121
Joined: July 3, 2002, 12:52 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Green Bay, Wisconsin

Post by Bubba Grizz »

Hrmmm





I




think that






if we fuck around like







this then








we might get to







the next












page.
User avatar
Tombe
No Stars!
Posts: 13
Joined: August 17, 2002, 4:31 am
Location: Austin, TX

Post by Tombe »

Something to add... Lajitas, Texas , The 2nd highest road incline in the state, make it all the way to the top and there is the first HILL sign within 10 miles. :shock:
User avatar
Hammerstalker PE
Way too much time!
Way too much time!
Posts: 1153
Joined: July 3, 2002, 3:22 pm
Location: Rancho Santa Margarita, Ca. USA

Post by Hammerstalker PE »

Ha ha I am wondering when the Machine will lock our little Farm...
Hammerstalker Ironforge
65th High Priest of War

Hammr Bloodforge

58th Battletank
User avatar
miir
Super Poster!
Super Poster!
Posts: 11501
Joined: July 3, 2002, 3:06 pm
XBL Gamertag: miir1
Location: Toronto
Contact:

Post by miir »

This was a funny thread
I've got 99 problems and I'm not dealing with any of them - Lay-Z
Post Reply