VeeshanVault

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the
difference between potentially and realistically?" The father
thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she
would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then ask
your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars, and ask your brother if he'd sleep with Tom Cruise for a
million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with
Robert Redford for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of
course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house
and send you kids to a great college!"

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with
Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I
LOVE Brad Pitt! I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you
nuts?!?!?"

The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with
Tom Cruise for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother
replied. "Do you know how much a million could buy?"

The boy pondered that for a few days, then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between
potentially and realistically?"

The boy replied, "Yes, sir. Potentially, we're sitting on three
million dollars, but realistically, we're living with two sluts
and a queer."

ROFL

thats a knee slapper

Haha!

ROFLMAO...best joke I've heard all summer...isn't that sad?

roflmao, that is ingenius!

Nice joke, made me laugh, have some more where that came from Sylvus?

Have to keep my friday busy

I'll see what else I can dig up, forgive me if I or someone else has posted any of them here before.

Man walks past a house with an advert saying: "Talking Dog for Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard..

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Sure do." the dog replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The dog looks up and says, "Well, I discovered
my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so
I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from
country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eaves-dropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running.

The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any
younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals.

Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, "Ten bucks."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Cause he's a liar.. He's never done any of that stuff."