what would you do?

zagal · Post by **zagal** » June 16, 2003, 5:33 am

After reading a different poll on this site on somewhat of the same topic, it got me thinking.

Sparty · Post by **Sparty** » June 16, 2003, 10:16 am

If one of your parents was cheating on the other...
I would tell the other
I would not tell the other

First, I wouldn't tell the other that the other was cheating on the other, but I would tell the other that I wouldnt tell the other that the other was cheating. That would just be stupid. I would however tell the other about the other knowing that the other was cheating on the other.

My name is other

Lor · Post by **Lor** » June 16, 2003, 1:28 pm

<--- this is what my head felt like after reading Sparty's post......

Topper · Post by **Topper** » June 16, 2003, 1:35 pm

i dont know how any child could let one parent be unfaithful to the other, and keep that a secret.

Unless they hate their parents.

And sparty ..

Ennia · Post by **Ennia** » June 16, 2003, 1:58 pm

heh it supposedly happened to my folks
and I was the last one in the family to know
wtf

Post by **Sylvus** » June 16, 2003, 2:32 pm

I'd certainly talk to the cheater about their behavior before mentioning it to the other person.

Etasi · Post by **Etasi** » June 16, 2003, 2:47 pm

Topper wrote:i dont know how any child could let one parent be unfaithful to the other, and keep that a secret.

Unless they hate their parents.

The assumption there is that not knowing you're being cheated on is worse than knowing, and I don't think that's always the case. Nor do I think (most) children are in a position to decide for their parents what is right for their relationship. It's one thing to tell someone that you're not going to actively lie for them, but it's quite another to decide that you know what's right for them.

Obviously it depends very much on the situation. In general, though, I disagree with the sentiment that children can "let" their parents do anything, one way or the other. If you truly love someone, you won't try and make their decisions for them, you'll just try and support them as best you can in the decisions they do make.

Of course, I've never been in this situation so maybe I'd feel differently if I had less distance from it.

Topper · Post by **Topper** » June 16, 2003, 2:54 pm

i wasnt trying so much as to say the child 'lets' the parent do anything.

"Nor do I think (most) children are in a position to decide for their parents what is right for their relationship"

The only decisions to be made by a child, if they find out that the parent is cheating on the other are - tell or not tell. But, seeing as i have never had to face that, im not quite sure if i would be so willing to tell. I think i would though.

Also, since when is cheating on a spouse the right thing to do?

Topper

rhyae · Post by **rhyae** » June 16, 2003, 3:00 pm

You dont have to tell on them, I would think the old "If you don't tell them I will" would work. Let them face it.
That hopefully leaves you out of the nasty bit.

Midnyte_Ragebringer · Post by **Midnyte_Ragebringer** » June 16, 2003, 3:04 pm

I wouldn't tell. I would ask the parent to not do it again or else I will tell. I like my parents the way they are and wouldn't want that ruined over an indescretion. If it was a habitual / long term thing and they were no longer in love with the other, then I would encourage the parent to tell on their own and begin the seperation process.

Etasi · Post by **Etasi** » June 16, 2003, 3:09 pm

Topper wrote:Also, since when is cheating on a spouse the right thing to do?

I never said it was the right thing to do, far from it. It is simply my belief that there are very few absolute right and wrong answers as far as what will make two people happy.

Sometimes people just don't want to know, maybe because they wouldn't want to leave the relationship either way, and would not like the added pressure/emotional stress that came from knowing.

As I said, the answer depends very much on the specific situation and how well you truly know your parents and their relationship. But since this poll requires a general statement, then in general I don't think most people know their parents and their parents' relationship well enough to decide what is right for them and what will make them happiest. I don't think that there are many people in anyone's life that know them well enough to make their decisions for them.

Acies · Post by **Acies** » June 16, 2003, 4:00 pm

One way or another the other party would find out.
I agree with rhyae, better if you are not involved, but if you have too...

Frankly, not telling... no, there is no excuse for that type of betrayal. The other parent would know, one way or another.