VeeshanVault

Friend of mine sent this to me and I found it humorous.

The following list of rules apply to each person as they enter Texas:
Know them and learn them well.

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight, it's called a 'gravel road,' I drive a
pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. They are pigs, cattle, and oil wells. That's what they smell like to
you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 and
I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.

4. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We
have quarter-million dollar cotton strippers that we drive three weeks
a year.

5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.

6. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old.
Yeah, we saw "Bambi," too. We got over it.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we
will shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to
your ear at the time.

8. Yeah, we eat catfish, and crawdads. You really want sushi and
caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get
you jack-slapped, by our women.

11. We open doors for women. That applies to everyone regardless of age.

12. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order
it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds
of ham and turkey.

13. When we fill out a table there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices~salt, pepper, and Tabasco
sauce.

14. You bring "Coke" into my house it better be brown, wet, served over
ice and plenty of it! You bring "Hooch" into my house it better have 4
legs, a tail, and have a nose for quail, dove, duck, teal, or pheasant.
You bring "Mary Jane" to my house she better be cute, know how to
shoot, drive a truck, and have longhair.

15. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of
sugar, some lemon, and a long spoon.

16. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the
Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

17. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards-it
spooks the fish.

18. Colleges? Try Texas A&M. They come outta there with an education
and a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups
when they come home for the holidays.

19. We have more Navy, Army, Marines, and Air Force than any other
state, so, " Don't Mess With Texas".

20. Our military is only used as a back up. Per capita, each man,
woman, and child owns at least two firearms and has taken an NRA
Certified Course.

21. Also, remember what Governor Sam Houston once said, "Texas can make
it without the United States, but the United States can't make it
without Texas"

GOD BLESS TEXAS

22. Were deluded white trash with an over-inflated sense of self-importance.

I disagree with #18.

remind me to move to the north pole thats sounds just too fricken scary!

/chuckle

There is a contagen of pride for those who live in Texas. You don't even have to be born here. You just show up, and in couple years you start to swagger around like John Wayne, confident, proud, determined.

Optimistic, opinionated, individualist.

That's a Texan.

like a gym for the world to use huh ok where's the speed bag?

Shameless Texocentric propaganda!


**********************************************

By federal law Texas is the only state in the U.S. that can fly its flag at the same height as the U.S. flag. Think about that for a second. You fly the Stars and Stripes at 20 feet in Maryland, or California, or Maine, and your state flag, whatever the hell it is, goes at 17. You fly the Stars and Stripes in front of Pine Tree High in Longview at 20 feet, the Lone Star flies at 20 feet. Do you know why? Because we place being a Texan as high as being an American down here. Our capitol is the only one in the country that is taller than the capitol building in D.C. We signed those in as part of the deal when we came on.

That's the best part right there. When we came on, Texas was its own country. The Republic of Texas.

TEXAS WISDOM
Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.
If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Don't squat with your spurs on.
It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
There are three kinds of people: The ones that learn by reading, the few who learn by observation, and the rest of them who have to touch the fire to see for themselves if it's really hot.


Advice for Newcomers to Texas
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals & bait in the same store.
Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.
If you hear a redneck exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" Stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.
Get used to the phrase "It's not the heat, it's the humidity". And the collateral phrase "You call this hot? Wait'Il August."
There are no delis. Don't ask.
In conversation, never put your hand on a man's shoulder when making a point, especially in a bar.
Chili does NOT have beans in it.
Brisket is not 'cooked' in an oven.
Don't tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares.
If you think it's too hot, don't worry. It'll cool down-in December.
We do TOO have 4 Seasons: December, January, February, and Summer!
A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F-150 is (or for some of you an F-350)
If someone tells you "Don't worry, those peppers aren't hot" you can be certain they are.
If you fail to heed my warning in #18 above, be sure to have a bowl of guacamole handy. Water won't do it.
Rocky Mountain oysters are NOT oysters. Don't ask.
If someone says they're "fixin" to do something, that doesn't mean anything's broken.
Don't even think of ordering a strawberry daiquiri. What you really mean to say is 'margarita.'
If you don't understand our passion for college and high school football just keep your mouth shut.
The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availability of shade.
If you see a slower moving vehicle on a two lane road pull on tothe shoulder that is called "courtesy".
BBQ is a food group. It does NOT mean grilling burgers and hotdogs outdoors.
No matter what you've seen on TV, line dancing is not a popular weekend pastime.
"Tea" = Iced Tea. There is no other kind.
Everything goes better with Ranch dressing.

**************************************************

lol Adex, where did you find that?

For the handful of years that Texas was a separate nation from the US it had an embassy in London. Now it's a themed restaurant which serves food like that described above plus a godless abomination called a "Texan Bloody Mary" which is a standard bloody mary with the vodka replaced by tequila ><
Great food and quite educational for me who had no idea about Texas' secret past

Remember The Alamo

Lived in Texas for 3 years, then got the fuck out of that hellhole.

Love to hunt down there.


Was interesting when we were there in '99. A cold front blew int he last day and sent the April thermometer down to around 50 degrees the last morning.

All us northerners were happy for the opportunity to enjoy morning coffee rather than sling ice cubes at it. Our outfitter came out of his Airstream (claimed his wife made him buy it) that mornign with his fleece jacekte zipped up past his adamas apple and both hands around the coffee mug. We were chuckling and teasing him about being cold-blooded. He told us in that Texan slow drawl that within a week 115 degrees wouldn't be worth conversation.

I plan on heading back to the King ranch next year for some more R and R. Interesting place, lots of history.

I dont have anything against Texas, the people seem to be pretty friendly.

But the whole Texas mentality is a bit wierd when it is removed from its native environment. Thankfully, most of them stay in Texas and we don't have to deal with the consequences

where i'm from, men can't dress up and play pretend cowboy (unless they are gay strippers) really much after age 12. Yes some people in Texas are actually ranch workers, etc. But 99% of the people who dress like it is Halloween on a daily basis are just wierd

unless there are more secret gay bars in Texas than it appears!

What is one of Texans biggest fears?

That Alaska will break in half and they will be the 3rd largest state.

Texas is great. The people are generally more "neighborly" than in most of the places I've visited. Not trying to take anything away from any other states, just saying that in Texas, everyone is your neighbor.

Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Lot of truth to that statement. LOL

Some of the yanks that move to Texas wear shirts that say, "I wasn't born a Texan, but I got here as quickly as I could".

I wholeheartedly agree with #18.

Fightin Texas Aggie Class of '96

15. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of
sugar, some lemon, and a long spoon.

then it isnt fucking sweet tea you fucking idiot.

the rest i can fucking let slide, but you have lumped your lot in with those in the north and elsewhere who don't know how to fuckin make Ice Tea.

the reason that sweetening tea doesnt work correctly once it is in the glass over ice cubes comes down basic chemistry.

for starters, sugar doesnt dissolve very well in ice cold liquid.

secondly, sugar isomerizes (undergoes a shape change in its molecular structure) in hot liquid when it dissolves. This shape change persists when the liquid is cooled, and in addition to the sugar staying in solution, it actually tastes different. In other words, the tea must be sweetened in the brewing process.

It is chemically impossible to replicate sweet tea unless the sugar is dissolved at a high temperature.

Texans are nice from my experience, but you should have learned how to make Ice Tea by now. that is just sad.

1. Wrong thread, Vor.

2. If you would stop trying to contaminate a perfectly good drink with sugar, you wouldn't have all these problems.

Who cares?! As long as they like the way it tastes, the semantics of effects on mixture shouldn't matter.

Iced Tea > Sweet Tea

Who cares if all the sugar dissolves...you get the bonus glob of sugar at the end of your drink. It gets sweeter as you drink it!

Winnow wrote:Iced Tea > Sweet Tea

Who cares if all the sugar dissolves...you get the bonus glob of sugar at the end of your drink. It gets sweeter as you drink it!

all of you!!

up against the wall!!!

Et tu, Winnow? Et tu?!

Must...bring...him...back!

A popular way to make tea down here Voronwe is to dump the ingredents into a large glass jar and let it simmer on the front porch in the heat. (Sun Tea)

This "disolves" your sugar. Sure we heat it up. You just ice it down before you drink it.


BTW Everyone doesn't run around in cowboy hats and spurs.

Wearing a cowboy hat is more a statement that says you embrace the culture here.

I don't own a cowboy hat. It's just too cumbersome.

I do however wear steel toe work boots with my dress suits.

I've dated two guys from Texas so far, and all I can say is, things grow big in Texas

Jesalynn wrote:I've dated two guys from Texas so far, and all I can say is, things grow big in Texas

Yeah, that's why they wear such big boots.

Reasonable minds may differ!

I won't pass up a presweetened glass of iced tea but I have no problems with busting open those sugar packets or even the sugar cubes if it comes unsweetened.



You're treating the non sweet tea people like they were Buffalo Bob!

Trying to teach a southerner to make Iced Tea:

"It puts the sugar in the glass"



Looks like they had to start with a glass of water before moving on to tea : )

silence of the lambs?

That phrase sounds familiar.

Jesalynn wrote:I've dated two guys from Texas so far, and all I can say is, things grow big in Texas

Bah Size does not matter

keep whispering that to yourself through the tears on your pillow!

Bah Size does not matter

Voronwe has it covered.

And I spent quite a few years in texas, and remember them fondly, theys good people.

they are goods peopre, considerings its a different country~

Joe Dirt.

I love him in the bottom of the well, going "yeah yeah, it puts the lotion on its skin"

And then he's all happy when the Auto Trader is tossed down there to him. Hehehe

Mmmm sun tea, it hasn't warmed up enough to make it yet but Adex is right, it's the best kind of tea.

As for the size doesn't matter thing, ask any woman if size doesn't matter and don't be suprised if you don't get a lie for an answer or no answer at all.

Woot Texas!

After traveling around the world multiple times...Thank God to have been born and raised here and damn proud of it! Just love how nice the people are here and the women are fine! Only places been to that the people seem similar is Australia and New Zealand.

Ocelott, "What is one of Texans biggest fears?

That Alaska will break in half and they will be the 3rd largest state"

So True! Panic everytime a big earthquake hits there.

Maddux wrote:Joe Dirt.

I love him in the bottom of the well, going "yeah yeah, it puts the lotion on its skin"

And then he's all happy when the Auto Trader is tossed down there to him. Hehehe

Technically, that was Joe Dirt spoofing Silence of the Lambs, well and all. Watch it if you haven't, good flick!

The thing I love most about Texas is how different the areas are as far as cultural influences and geography are, yet the people are very much the same. I mean Austin is a lot different than Dallas or San Antonio, but you still get the feel of Texas in each place by how the people act. Damn I wish we could import some of that San Diego breeze, then it would be perfect . Oh and no state income tax rocks!

Yeah, no state income tax is very nice.

Onry good thing about Texas is compounds~

texas ownz you all dont forget it ~