VeeshanVault

NEW YORK—In a stunning reversal of their long-stated reluctance to take it, members of heavy-metal band Twisted Sister announced Monday that, after 24 years of fervent refusal, they are now willing to take it.

"I acknowledge that we promised not to take it anymore, but things change. The world is a different place today, and with that in mind, we would like to go on record as saying that, starting right now, we are going to take it," read a statement released by the band's lead singer, Dee Snider. "To clarify, we would still prefer not to take it, but as of now, taking it is an option that we would be open to. That is all."

Bassist Mark "the Animal" Mendoza also stated that, in regards to what he wants to do with his life, he no longer solely wants to rock, but would instead prefer doing other things, such as raising a family and working as a claims adjuster in Rye, NY.

I was just about to post that. I fucking love the Onion sometimes. http://www.theonion.com/content/news_br ... ted_sister.

I thought it was HILARIOUS.

Yeah, The Onion is really good sometimes.

and in other news,

Bono finally found what he was looking for. "It turned out to be right in front of me this whole time. Isn't that just typical?".
Not wanting to be left behind, a chorus of pop- and rock musicians have since made admissions. Among these was Pete Townsend who admitted to being willing to be "fooled again - but just this once, okay?", Roger Waters admitting that things might have gone a lot better had he just received some schooling, and Meat Loaf being quoted as saying that not only would he do, but that he had in fact on several occasions already done, that.

cont'd:

In a brief statement, Bob Geldof vehemently denied allegations of discrimination. "I embrace all days of the week equally", the singer is quoted as saying.

Apparently, contentment is to be found with age. Mick Jagger recently stated to our reporter that "by now, I've gotten all that I want, so apparently we were wrong the whole time".

I like this game.

On saturday, Joey Tempest was seen leaving a club in Stockholm. Standersby heard him shouting to the crowd that they would "need to count from ten to one at least nine more times before he was satisfied".

Too funny.

Well I thought it was. Fuck all of y'all. In the face.