And so, it's that time again...

[Nick]

I'm sure this will fill certain people on the forum with glee. I don't mind. It's not really my priority at the moment.

So today, I broke up with my girlfriend of a year and a half.

She seemed like a decent person, we had a great time really with very few issues between us up until the last 2 months or so. She was quite pretty, paid attention to her health/fitness and didn't seem like the sort of person who'd fuck you over given half a chance.

Turns out, she cheated on me one drunken evening and slept with someone else. She got caught though, in a way that might have never happened had it not been for a lot of really random friendships that link from here to Glasgow and back. As usual in these cases, it was a case of the one who's been fucked over being the last to know.

Since ultimately that's pretty much the sort of behaviour that can never be forgiven, I ended it. What else is there to do really? Nothing imo.

I know I could sit and spend hours and weeks wondering what I did wrong, or why I deserved it (some of you probably have some suggestions ) but tbh, I really think I did everything pretty much right this time around.

No drugs, no excessive drinking, never lied to her, never cheated. Picked her up when she was down, was affectionate (but not to the point of being overbearing), brought her on holiday a few times where we had a grand time, treated her decently right down the line. Worked hard at school, brought her to interesting shows, out for dinner, listened to her and never once hit her or made her feel insignificant or physically scared. (no, i've never hit a girl) I guess she just didn't value it as much as I did. I guess it's just another lesson learned and I guess there's really not much else I could have done.

I didn't discuss politics with her (I know what you're thinking, and yes, you have a point, a valid one). It also may surprise you to hear that we never argued, or rowed, violently. We discussed our issues really pretty rationally. As rationally as any couple could be expected to. It was one of our strongest points. But it wasn't boring. It was, for me anyway, kept exciting and new and as fresh as possible.

She was never able to handle drink too well, and she only really started drinking heavily about 2 and a half months ago or so. Ironic that the "drunk irishman" is bringing up a drink story thats happened to him I know. Well, it turned out that she did the dirty one of those heavily drunken nights.

And of all people to tell me, it was my sister. Who had given her an ultimatum "you tell him or I do". She couldn't even do that. And left to my sister. What a shitty thing to do.

Rough stuff. But hey, such is life.

I don't really know what the point of this was, I'm just sitting here trying not to go too insane and thought this may provide some comedy for those who despise me and something interesting to talk about for those who aren't twats. Also, valllidate me! (Not really, but hey, fuck it). I definitely thought we had a good thing going. And it seems that this was just a drunken mistake on her part. But its not an excuse. There is no excuse. There just isn't. There's 3 billion women in the world right? Plenty more fish in the sea etc etc. I should be fine. I'm 24, not tied to anything or anyone except my degree, so why settle for less?

So yeah, pretty shitty day. I know this feels like a blog entry, but I don't actually have a blog and I thought I may as well let the vultures get their fill, and also be a bit emo because, well, I just fucking feel like it right now. What a load of big hairy bollocks bullshit.

So, anyone else got some equally ridiculous cheating/dumped/dumping stories they wish to share?

Tonight, for the first time in 2 weeks, I actually will be the "drunk irishman".

Fin.

P.s - Hope it was worth it bitch!

[Canelek]

Chin up Nick. Having been through a similar situation, I can certainly relate to how you feel. I am quite sure many others can agree. That really sucks man, and is never easy. Only time and meeting new women will make you forget, or at least turn the dial to "Who? Oh yeah, I dated her a ways back." (You can add rotten slut to the end of that.)

In the meantime, do something creative with your situation. Often, even a bit of angry prose or a painting can help make you feel better. As humans, most of our best art forms come from deep and personal emotions.

You are a genuinely nice person, and I am sorry that this has happened to you. While your political banter may reach borderline insanity at times, it is certainly not indicative of who you are. Anyway, if you ever need someone to talk to you, I am here.

That said, go out with some of the boys and drink plenty of refreshing and empowering Guinness. It works for me, it will work for you. And as my friend in London would say, "Never, ever, say 'bollocks' to the cops."


-Rich

[Winnow]

You break down all the stuff you didn't do to her which is nice and all but what is it that you did do? It could be a boredom kind of thing. You mention you didn't talk politics with her. Not a big deal as unless she's a terrorist she wouldn't have enjoyed it, but a pretty face and being fun to party with doesn't cut it in the long run. You've got to be able to hold conversations about a wide range of things and have them be interesting to both members of the relationship.

That she was boozing it up doesn't help much either. Especially if she's boozing it up without her boyfriend around. Heavy drinking is a recipe for disaster.

How was the sex? Did you do any of the weird stuff? Unless she did something that can't be replicated except by a team of circus midgets in the bedroom, I'd move on.

[Nick]

No, no weird stuff sexually. A healthy sex life. I wasn't boring I don't think. We did a lot of cool things together. Not just partying. We spent a lot of time together, maybe that was it? I don't know.

Ultimately I don't think I'll get too insane over what "more I could have done" because to be honest, I really dont think I have anything to apologise for, or lacked. We travelled, we explored this country too, we went to gigs, we had good conversation. Just looks like a drunk mistake made by a drunk who's an asshole when drunk.

Not an excuse. But that just seems to be what it was.

[Spang]

It's not considered cheating if the person was too drunk to remember.

[Kwonryu DragonFist]

Nothing you could have done Nick (to prevent it).

She was just not the "one" for you.

It's a learning experience, life, just keep fishing!

[Sueven]

There's not always a reason.

Good for your sister.

[Fairweather Pure]

IMO, it doesn't sound like you two were in love at all. Love is so absolutely concrete, it will hit you in the face when you find it. It changes your life. It makes you realize how much all the previous relationships in your life were nothing more than practice. By reading your post, it seems like you were good friends with this woman, had a lot in common, and had sex. Don't fret the end of a relationship like that. Many people go through the majority of their waking life with a spouse and children before they make that realization. I have been accused of coming to that conclusion too early in prior relationships, but it is what it is and I never felt bad for acknowledging that I was not getting what I wanted out of a relationship.

I have had the pleasure of living a varied and immensely satisfying life when it comes to dating and relationships before I ended up where I am today. I took something away from every single woman I ever dated or had a relationship that was more than just friends. Those experiances honed me like a knife and shaped me into the pround and happy husband I am today. It seems like you are going through the first of many steps in figuring out what you want and need in a real, loving relationship. It can be a pretty fun journey if you know how to play the game. Better luck on your next romance!

[laneela]

That sucks, Nick. A break-up, however necessary is never easy. Not only are you walking away from a person, but you're saying goodbye to a way of life you'd adapted to and to a perceived future. You seem to be handling it quite healthily though.

I think you're right in not trying to analyze it. It didn't work, and that's that. From what you've said, she seems like a decent enough person and for all you know, she may turn out to be a lifelong friend. But I think you're right in deciding to move on. The act of cheating isn't the inexcusable part in my opinion - we're all human and make mistakes. It's the dishonesty, that while forgivable, would be a tremendous hurdle to get over and in my opinion, only worth it if you have enough at stake that would necessitate at very least an attempt (a family, for example). What it boils down to is that she chose to to avoid a few moments of discomfort, pain and embarrassment instead of doing right by you - someone who by your accounts always respected her. That doesn't and shouldn't make her a horrible person. It just makes her someone who should be below your standards of expectations for a possible mate.

I've recently had to deal with something similar; so if you ever need a sympathetic ear, you know where to find me.

[Kaldaur]

Nick, I know you said you were back at university. In my experience, college is a very strange time for a lot of people. They have conflicting views on how to behave; on one hand, we've been ingrained with the idea to 'find a partner and stay true', the usual bullshit handed down to us from our parents and their parents, etc. On the other hand, you have students who are exposed to alcohol for the first time, and also want to explore their surroundings and experience other people as much as possible.
My college girlfriend did the exact same thing as your's. For quite a while, I beat myself up over it, until I realized that we were both just trying to find our way around a new chapter in our lives, and eventually our chapters split apart. College is not the best time for relationships, and, with some exceptions, the pressures that students are under creates a lot of these bad situations.
Luckily, I know some Irish girls, and they are all incredibly fun people. I'd say not to get too down, and once you get out of your funk (it takes time to move on, even if she already has), there will be plenty of other wonderful people to interact with and to make connections with.

[Ashur]

O contraire, mon leprechaun! College is the best time for relationships.

LOTS of very, very short ones.

Cheer up Nick, better it happened now than when you get married (I know, because I'm on Marriage #2 and the first one when down the shitter because my wife liked to have sex... with everyone!).

P.S. This is also the best time to get revenge by posting her naked pics on the Internet (Decided to get this in before Kilmoll did.)

[cadalano]

i broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years in July (she played Filene in warcraft if anyone knew her). had been living with her for nearly 3. it has been essentially a divorce but its mostly over with now. no dramatic event occurred as a catalyst, as in your case- i just came to realize that I wanted different things than she did and finally manned up and gave it to her straight. my only regret is I ignored my doubts for so long and basically wasted so many crucial years. that said, i think the perspective i can give you aside from what has already been said is just be glad it ended relatively quickly when obviously she is not right for you!

so yeah, don't beat yourself up over anything. i don't care what the circumstances are- no girl is worth that. Instead, celebrate the fact that you are no longer dating a cheating sloot and you didn't waste a lot of time on her.

[Soreali]

Kinda funny this came up because I'm going through(almost) the same thing right now.

My girlfriend of a year and a half an I hit a rough spat and decided to "take a break" (insert jerkoff motion here) for a bit. And Nick unlike you man, it beat the shit out of me...and still is. The other difference between you and I is it sounds like you did everything right. I on the other hand, didn't treat her how she should have been treated. And there are two reasons for it (which dont justify it). The first one is, when I first met her, she came off and still to this day comes off as "one of the guys." The thing that made me so crazy about her is the fact that shes pretty much an exact replica of me in almost every way, and happens to be female, and happens to be beautiful, so in my mind, I struck gold. The downfall to that was, instead of treating her like a lady and doing romantic shit with her, a lot of the time I didn't.

The other underlying factor to this is the relationship I was before that I did everything you did and I was the romantic guy and I did the sweet things. In fact right before we broke up I took her to Ocean City for a week(and paid for everything) and we had an awesome time. We got back that Sunday and the following Friday she broke up with me. Took me completely fucking off-guard. And I guess it pretty much traumatized me emotionally. I never mentioned it to my current girlfriend until our little discussion two weeks ago(which probably should had been done).

The other thing that backfired big time which you mentioned was we were around each other all the time. We worked together for almost a year before I found a new job and I was pretty much living at her place with her from week one. We got two used to each other and never really got the chance to do the dating thing and the long phone calls blah blah blah. So we just got into the routine of going to work, going home, laying down watching a movie and going to bed.

So now, we're trying to do things the right way. We dont see each other every day. I crash at her place maybe once a week. We're going out, doing dinner, movies, etc. The last difference between you and I Nick is she did nothing wrong, I was the one that screwed this one up. And I don't want to lose her, so I'm going to try everything in my power to make this one work.

As for you, I may think you're a bit of a prick(at least when I read just about everything you write in current events) but I'd never wish you to feel how I've felt the last two weeks. I know its rough, but trust me, it's not worth beating yourself up over. You're young (I'm 22, so I'm in the same boat as you), she obviously wasn't the one for you, you'll find better. Keep your chin up..you'll pull through.

And one thing we do have in common, just like you, I'll be one drunken Irishman tonight as well!



(Sorry for the friggen blog...kinda hit close to home)

[Tyek]

Sorry this happened to you Nick, go out have a few drinks and get lucky.


As others have said, Better to find out now then if you guys had 3 kids, a house and all that crap.

Have a good weekend and I hope things get better for you.

[Kryshade]

I may pick on you for being so negative and angry sounding, but I'm sorry this happened to you. I would never wish something like this to happen to anyone, so I'm sorry for your pain right now.

The only thing I can say is this:

You take something away from every person you meet in life. The people you date, and the people you have relationships with all teach us things, whether we realize that lesson at the time or not. This time you had with her, and the experiences you shared will help to shape who you are and your future self as well. You may not know how or why right now, but this happened for a reason. I know it hurts, and you'll keep asking yourself "why", but you'll never know why she did it, and trying to figure it out will only drive you crazy.

The cold, plain hard truth is she obviously didn't love you enough to say no... or she needed to learn a lesson from this as well. I applaud the fact that you have enough self respect to end it immediately. It says a lot about your character that you respect yourself enough to not let her give you some BS excuse as to why it happened and take her back. She made the choice, and now she needs to live with the consequences... sadly, in this case, she made a choice for you as well.

There will be a time years in the future when your going to look back and thank the stars that you didn't wind up with this woman.

Sorry you have to go through this... enjoy the freedom, your friends, and the next relationship you have that wouldn't have happened if not for this event in your life.

[Canoe]

You take something away from every person you meet in life. The people you date, and the people you have relationships with all teach us things, whether we realize that lesson at the time or not. This time you had with her, and the experiences you shared will help to shape who you are and your future self as well. You may not know how or why right now, but this happened for a reason. I know it hurts, and you'll keep asking yourself "why", but you'll never know why she did it, and trying to figure it out will only drive you crazy.

Kryshade couldn't have said it better.

I went through a very similar thing at your age, and about a year later, met the woman of my dreams. None of it would have happened / worked out if it wasn't for the experiences I had in the past with failed relationships (I had several that were a LOT of fun etc, just didn't work out in the end).

Keep your chin up, enjoy being single and don't "look" for the next "one", it will fall in your lap when you find it!

[Carnon-Veeshan]

if you cheat on someone it does not mean you don't love them... l fucking love Johnny Walker black... but sometimes i want to drink Capt. Morgan's spiced rum... It does not mean i don't love JW.... so don't think that she does not love you, its just that she was not right for you...

[Kaldaur]

Lol. That's stupid, sir. Girls are not drinks.
There certainly isn't a respect for Nick or his feelings, or the relationship they've built. Without that respect, a relationship is pointless.

[laneela]

I don't know that I completely disagree with Carnon though I don't agree with how he worded it (it sounded to me like someone who's cheated in the past trying to convince himself he didn't make a mistake). I think to err is human and hurting someone should not be indicative as to whether or not we love them. Everyone is capable of different things and has their own way of loving. It's up to us as individuals to decide whether or not we respect ourselves enough to realize what we do and do not deserve from the people who love us and act accordingly. We have all knowingly done things that have hurt people we love - and we'll continue doing it. There's as much use of judging other people because they've also done it as there is of judging ourselves for it. Live, learn and move on.

[masteen]

All these people are pussy morons. You need to kill her and keep her head in your freezer for a year. How else will she learn her lesson?

[Spang]

I'm glad I wasn't sipping a beverage just now.

[Winnow]

Carnon's 6th post on this board has a point depending on the relationship. I'd be worried about STDs more than anything if a partner was sleeping with people I didn't know about. The best relationship ever would is where you can trust your partner to sleep with other people. (and also not hide it from your partner) Sex is the third most important part in a relationship.

Sex is just that...sex. The reasons behind it are what's important.

[Canelek]

You can't get STDs from Second Life.





oh snap!

[Carnon-Veeshan]

I don't know that I completely disagree with Carnon though I don't agree with how he worded it (it sounded to me like someone who's cheated in the past trying to convince himself he didn't make a mistake). I think to err is human and hurting someone should not be indicative as to whether or not we love them. Everyone is capable of different things and has their own way of loving. It's up to us as individuals to decide whether or not we respect ourselves enough to realize what we do and do not deserve from the people who love us and act accordingly. We have all knowingly done things that have hurt people we love - and we'll continue doing it. There's as much use of judging other people because they've also done it as there is of judging ourselves for it. Live, learn and move on.

actually not not cheated on any girlfriends nor have i been cheated on (as far as i know /shrug).. just wanted to remind him that just because of what she did, it does not mean that she did not care about him ,,

[Winnow]

You can't get STDs from Second Life.

Thank bejesus!

[Keverian FireCry]

I am in a similar situation as Nick and Sori. My girlfriend of about 18 months, who was living in America for 2 years broke up with me a month back. We had just finished an amazingly exciting and romantic month-long road trip. Towards the end of the trip she invited me to move in with her back in Barcelona.

This was easily the most amazing relationship I've ever had(sex was...omg) and we had even talked about marriage at some point down the road.

I had everything saved up and got my Visa all in order so I could be over there by late October of this year. Also had my foot in the door of a great school over there that totally immerses you in Spanish language and culture- with the goal of teaching English abroad.

So it was all set up and every day she would call me and talk about how excited she was and how much she loved me, how I changed her life etc. Couple weeks later she calls me crying and had to tell me that she had cheated on me with four different people while she was in the USA during the part of our relationship that was long distance.

She had lived near me in Seattle for her first year in the USA, and had to switch to live with another family in DC (I visited her for 2 weeks every other month). During a few of times we were apart she had cheated on me, twice after drinking too much, twice completely sober. She had even started up a relationship with someone a month before our big, month-long road trip- which I spent about 4k on.

At first, the thought of going along with my Spain plan just made me angry and sad, and the amazing memories I had shared on our road trip were soured. Then I just think about how amazing the last 18 months of my life were, so I'm trying to look on the bright side of things and not have regrets about any of it.

Now it's been about a month since she broke up with me and we still talk fairly regularly. She's trying to get me to come to Spain as a friend w/ benefits and is willing to pay for the ticket. Hmmm.

P.S. Don't bitch about grammar, the post was rushed since I'm about to be late for work.

[cadalano]

Olé!

[Siji]

A) 'Taking a break' never works. If you must take a break, just break up completely. There's no such thing as taking a break. This has been proven in my life time and again.

B) Jealousy sucks. Monogomy sucks. If you get rid of monogomy right off the bat, you'll be much better off.

[Canelek]

You can't get STDs from Second Life.

Thank bejesus!

=D

[Nick]

Thanks for the advice chaps and chapettes. Just been moving house in the last week so back now. (12 days to deliver a router? What? Seriously what?)

Lot of valid things said here. Relationships certainly can be shitty sometimes.

[Aslanna]

Just been moving house in the last week so back now. (12 days to deliver a router? What? Seriously what?)

That's what happens when you live out in the sticks in a third-world country. Takes awhile for deliveries to get there. Now if you were living in the good ole US of A you could have had same-day delivery!

[Noysyrump]

Seriosly there ole nicky boy, if yer gonna get all uppity cause yer girlfriend accidentally fell on top of some guy yer likely to be one lonely bloke. Something I'm sure has been bothering her wich might have led to the extra drinking and the one-nighter, in wich case, chances are it was done for anyways. However if she did in fact, no matter how unlikely, genuinly love our preciouse little leprechaun and it was just stupid drunkedness, and you dump her without even a discussion, then, my ole pal, it is in fact, your loss. I love commas.

My advice would be a lengthy discussion as to why it happened, and if she's honest, you could wager the trangression into a threesom with her best friend, or sister. Lack of communication is what kills 100% of all relationships.

[Fairweather Pure]

Seriosly there ole nicky boy, if yer gonna get all uppity cause yer girlfriend accidentally fell on top of some guy yer likely to be one lonely bloke. Something I'm sure has been bothering her wich might have led to the extra drinking and the one-nighter, in wich case, chances are it was done for anyways. However if she did in fact, no matter how unlikely, genuinly love our preciouse little leprechaun and it was just stupid drunkedness, and you dump her without even a discussion, then, my ole pal, it is in fact, your loss. I love commas.

My advice would be a lengthy discussion as to why it happened, and if she's honest, you could wager the trangression into a threesom with her best friend, or sister. Lack of communication is what kills 100% of all relationships.

Call me old fashioned, but fucking somone else is a deal breaker for me.

[Truant]

If you can't trust someone, you can't have a relationship with them.

It's that simple.



I wish I could say that these relationship stories in this thread weren't familiar for me, but they are.
As people age and mature, they figure out what they want in life and relationships...until then it's just a guessing game, but afterwards you can build some real, solid relationships.

My advice is to learn what you can from your relationships in the meantime, once you figure out what you want...try to find someone whom you confidentally feel is in the same place.

And I wish you the best of luck good sir.