VeeshanVault

Man severs own penis, throws it at officers

March 17, 2006

BY ERIC HERMAN Staff Reporter

Before cops threw the book at him, Jakub Fik threw something unusual at them -- his penis.

Fik, 33, cut off his own penis during a Northwest Side rampage Wednesday morning. When confronted by police, Fik hurled several knives and his severed organ at the officers, police said. Officers stunned him with a Taser and took him into custody.

"We took him out without any serious injury, with the exception of his own," said Chicago Police Sgt. Edward Dolan of the 16th District.

Doctors at Northwestern Memorial Hospital reattached Fik's penis Wednesday, sources said. He was listed in good condition Thursday, according to hospital spokesman Andrew Buchanan, who declined to comment further.

Smashing car windows

Fik, who lives in the 5400 block of W. Berenice, is charged with two counts of aggravated assault and one count of criminal damage to property, said Officer Laura Kubiak. He told paramedics he was distraught over problems with his girlfriend in Poland, Dolan said.

Police arrived on Fik's block at 8:20 a.m. Wednesday after receiving reports he was smashing car windows, Dolan said. Fik then broke into a house down the block. A group of six or seven officers assembled in front of the house, Dolan said.

The occupants were not home, he added.

Fik was bleeding when the officers arrived and may have already cut off his organ, Dolan said.

"At that point, this guy came running out, naked, with a handful of knives . . . and started throwing knives at the police officers that were 10, 20, 30 feet away," Dolan said.

Fik threw his penis during the confrontation, too, Dolan said. He then went back into the house and re-emerged with "another handful of knives," Dolan said.

Dolan sneaked to the side of the bungalow's front steps and stunned Fik with the Taser. Fik fought back when officers went to restrain him, Dolan said.

"About 10 feet from the front porch, right on the sidewalk, was his penis," Dolan said.

Dr. Greg Bales, associate professor of urology at the University of Chicago, said severed penises are uncommon but surgery usually works.

"As long as the penis is placed on ice and reattached within a few hours, the success is usually pretty good," Bales said.

Toshira wrote:Thanks for this month's most useless post, Noel.

Xouqoa wrote: Searyx?

Aslanna wrote:Oh no Tosh has disturbed the fnord force!

Truant wrote:

Aslanna wrote:Oh no Tosh has disturbed the fnord force!

Could you possibly be anymore of a fucking pussy?
All you do around here is stand behind someone stating something and add, "Yeah!"

And then if anyone says anything opposing at all..."OMG IT"S TEH FUCKING fnord, SAVE MY PANSY ASS PLEASE!"

Shut the fuck up or grow a pair.

Xouqoa wrote:

Toshira wrote:Thanks for this month's most useless post, Noel.

You think a thread which involves a news story where a man cuts off his wanker and throws it at police (along with the knives used to perform said operation) is a useless post? Where the fuck have you been the past four years? Hello? Searyx?

My point, in case you are wondering, is that there are far less interesting and humorous than this one. So get off your fucking "I hate Noel" bandwagon and lighten the fuck up.

Thanks.

Toshira wrote:Sorry to disappoint you, omnipresent one, but I bear no grudge against Noel at all. I generally find his posts either amusing or informative, or both. I know that he has a passion for biking, something that I enjoy as well, and I looked for his comments and references during the last Tour.

Like many others on this board, as we've distanced ourselves from the game, I've found that some people I hated in game are quite interesting or humerous people, while some that I spent a lot of time with are ~ eh ~.

Yes, though. I find this particular post quite void of any decent content, on any level. Apparently amputated organ jokes are your cup of tea, xou. That's cool. I was posting my opinion.

Thanks.

Toshira wrote:Sorry to disappoint you, omnipresent one, but I bear no grudge against Noel at all. I generally find his cock either amusing or informative, or both. I know that he has a passion for the dirty sanchez, something that I enjoy as well, and I looked for his cock and balls during the last visit, but ...

Xoocow wrote: I apologize.

I needed to beat my meat earlier in the day to relieve some pent up angst and frustration I have been building as a result of having no sex life. You were the most convenient choice at the time.

I bear you no ill will and will gladly suck your cock, or anybody else on this board. (Except maybe Cartalas.)

Hot avatar.

Also, it's Omnipotent, not Omnipresent, although it could be either but I'm too stupid to recognize that.

,
Xou

Canelek wrote:At least use the term 'Johnson'...Anyone ever see a porn movie that had mention of 'organ'? Fuck no? Get with the program, people...sheesh...

Bubba Grizz wrote:

Canelek wrote:At least use the term 'Johnson'...Anyone ever see a porn movie that had mention of 'organ'? Fuck no? Get with the program, people...sheesh...

Would you rather Roses on the Piano or Tulips on the Organ?

kyoukan wrote:xou, suck my cock.

Xyun wrote:Also, it's Omnipotent, not Omnipresent, although it could be either but I'm too stupid to recognize that.

Aslanna wrote:

Truant wrote:

Aslanna wrote:Oh no Tosh has disturbed the fnord force!

Could you possibly be anymore of a fucking pussy?
All you do around here is stand behind someone stating something and add, "Yeah!"

And then if anyone says anything opposing at all..."OMG IT"S TEH FUCKING fnord, SAVE MY PANSY ASS PLEASE!"

Shut the fuck up or grow a pair.

Fuck off. Nobody cared about the 'I hate Funkmaster' bandwagon so I just find Xouqoa's post funny. I didn't know there was an 'I hate Noel' bandwagon. If you don't like my posts you know there's an ignore feature. Feel free to use it because I don't see myself shutting the fuck up anytime soon.

Also feel free to point out where I've used 'fnord' (aka 'cli.que') anytime in response in oh I don't know.. the past year or two or three.

Xouqoa wrote:

Xyun wrote:Also, it's Omnipotent, not Omnipresent, although it could be either but I'm too stupid to recognize that.

Actually, they are quite different.

Omnipotent is a having supreme, unlimited power.

Omnipresent is being in all places at all times and being able to see anything and everything that occurs.

Both these qualities are attributed to God. I, however, only have one. (The cooler one imo.)

SO STICK THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SCHMOKE IT MR. SMARTY PANTS.

cadalano wrote:woah woah woah woah woah woah woah

If you have supreme, unlimited power.. wouldnt you also be omnipresent by definition?

I mean how can you have supreme and unlimited power all the time if you cant even be everywhere at once? Hey look, heathens are forsaking your name over in Kzgryszykstan. Better go check Expedia for a good rate so you can get over there and dispense some jetlag-fueled supreme and unlimited power sometime in the next week.

How can you expect to compete with the other gods? No, no. This just doesnt add up at all. Based on your qualifications I would only be able to rate you as "Potent"

cadalano wrote:So your answer is "I could do that but I dont wanna" ?

Phoney

Boogahz wrote:

cadalano wrote:So your answer is "I could do that but I dont wanna" ?

Phoney

Kind of like how he could ban you, but he doesn't really need to?

Xouqoa wrote:

Toshira wrote:Sorry to disappoint you, omnipresent one, but I bear no grudge against Noel at all. I generally find his posts either amusing or informative, or both. I know that he has a passion for biking, something that I enjoy as well, and I looked for his comments and references during the last Tour.

Like many others on this board, as we've distanced ourselves from the game, I've found that some people I hated in game are quite interesting or humerous people, while some that I spent a lot of time with are ~ eh ~.

Yes, though. I find this particular post quite void of any decent content, on any level. Apparently amputated organ jokes are your cup of tea, xou. That's cool. I was posting my opinion.

Thanks.

I apologize.

I needed to flame somebody earlier in the day to relieve some pent up angst and frustration I have been building as a result of real life events. You were the most convenient choice at the time.

I bear you no ill will, nor anybody else on this board. (Except maybe Cartalas.)

Hot avatar.

Also, it's Omnipotent, not Omnipresent.

,
Xou

Wulfran wrote:Zoocow is a fraud poser wannabe or he wouldn't have let the Flames beat down the Ded Things in the playoffs 2 years ago!

And Canelek, if you post any more John fucking Denver on this board I will fly down there and IRLPK you (and maybe frame Sylvos for it...)!