Growing Older ... not wiser
Posted: January 3, 2006, 2:18 pm
My favorite gift over Christmas was a gallon of Bubble Gum Ice Cream from Baskin Robbins given to me from my Father-in-law. Yes, I have the palette of a seven year old.
Yesterday I scooped out a bowl and forgot I needed to complete some yard work outside so I placed the bowl and spoon n the freezer while I finished up.
Came back inside 30 minutes later and chiseled off a bite and placed it on my anxious maw ...
Well, like Schwartz in a Christmas Story, the spoon froze to my bottom lip as soon as the frozen metal met my warm, wet, Pavlovian mouth. The shock was great and the pain was only trumped by the immediate embarrassment of my predicament.
It was only an instant, but I immediately jerked the spoon away. A stinking and warm pain ensued. To my horror, my thermodynamic guffaw revealed an open crater on my lip spewing out blood like ash from Mount St. Helens. I looked on the bottom of my spoon to see this lip colored fleshy stalactite hanging from the utensil. I could still take my pulse from it. The pulsating was reminiscent of a bee's stinger in your arm with the detached venom sac still pumping venom into your skin. Seven Seeber’s could have been cloned from this sample.
I used one of Maxwell's bibs to try and stem the bleeding and to see in the mirror how closely the flesh fit into this now throbbing pothole on my lip.
Oh Jesus, Bryan Adams would be embarrassed of the size of this flowing blemish. The flesh on the bottom of the spoon fit into this abyss of a wound like the East Coast of South America fits into Western Africa. I am horrible disfigured and now empathize with John Merrick and his travails.
My loving wife could only laugh and point out I’m not getting any action until that this heals.. Maxwell, while only 11-months old directed me to throw out that bib in his own Stewiesque way.
The irony is that I got the bleeding to stop 20 minutes later by ironically placing ice on the wound. My Bubble Gum Ice cream had melted with a hint of a bloody swirl hovering on the top like a cardio vascular oil slick.
That is how my new year started, Screw you father time.
I'm driving with seat belts and using blinkers from here on out as I expect a bumpy ride in 2006. Hope all is well with you all.
Yesterday I scooped out a bowl and forgot I needed to complete some yard work outside so I placed the bowl and spoon n the freezer while I finished up.
Came back inside 30 minutes later and chiseled off a bite and placed it on my anxious maw ...
Well, like Schwartz in a Christmas Story, the spoon froze to my bottom lip as soon as the frozen metal met my warm, wet, Pavlovian mouth. The shock was great and the pain was only trumped by the immediate embarrassment of my predicament.
It was only an instant, but I immediately jerked the spoon away. A stinking and warm pain ensued. To my horror, my thermodynamic guffaw revealed an open crater on my lip spewing out blood like ash from Mount St. Helens. I looked on the bottom of my spoon to see this lip colored fleshy stalactite hanging from the utensil. I could still take my pulse from it. The pulsating was reminiscent of a bee's stinger in your arm with the detached venom sac still pumping venom into your skin. Seven Seeber’s could have been cloned from this sample.
I used one of Maxwell's bibs to try and stem the bleeding and to see in the mirror how closely the flesh fit into this now throbbing pothole on my lip.
Oh Jesus, Bryan Adams would be embarrassed of the size of this flowing blemish. The flesh on the bottom of the spoon fit into this abyss of a wound like the East Coast of South America fits into Western Africa. I am horrible disfigured and now empathize with John Merrick and his travails.
My loving wife could only laugh and point out I’m not getting any action until that this heals.. Maxwell, while only 11-months old directed me to throw out that bib in his own Stewiesque way.
The irony is that I got the bleeding to stop 20 minutes later by ironically placing ice on the wound. My Bubble Gum Ice cream had melted with a hint of a bloody swirl hovering on the top like a cardio vascular oil slick.
That is how my new year started, Screw you father time.
I'm driving with seat belts and using blinkers from here on out as I expect a bumpy ride in 2006. Hope all is well with you all.
Sorry to hear about your lip though.
Seebs stories! Bravo sir