VeeshanVault

So there I was, it was just me the woodstove and a kitchen lighter.

I carefully stacked a few logs, some kindling and a few sheets of wadded newspaper in the stove and went at them with the lighter. After a few failed attempts to get a fire going the lighter died SO...

I did what any guy would do. I found a blowtorch. It was in the basement, next to the woodstove so I assumed *that* was what it was there for. (I live with my parents I don't start many fires)

I looked the torch over, found the sparker thing (I don't know the technical name) hanging on the end of it and decided it would be easy.

I turned on the gas (only half a turn) and put the sparker over the end.

*CLICK* nothing. No flame. wtf.
*CLICK* nothing again does this thing even work?

*CLICK* POOOOOOF

The entire torch burst into flames in my hand, it took all of my lower arm hair with it and I think i might have peed myself a little.

I dropped the torch and of COURSE it lands right in a pile of kindling, spitting flames everywhere in a fashon much more intimidating than naggy ever could have accomplished.

I ran to our 10 year old fire extinguisher, couldn't figure out how to get it out of the mount it sat in so I ripped the entire thing off the wall and ran back down stairs.

I prayed it would work, pulled the pin aimed and fired and to my relief it filled the room with that lovely white dust. No more fire, just a torch laying next to the hot water heater, wood stove, dryer - you know all those things that make sparks - still spitting out gas.

I picked it up and omfg it was hot. I turned off the gas threw it into the snow outside and continued to build the fire with matches.

I was almost *that* family that burns down their home a week before Christmas.

Be careful out there.

Fuck blowtorches.

Merry X-mas.

Hi I'm with the award committee, we'll be keeping an eye on you. Happy Holidays!!

What you want to do is take a hot pressurized cylinder that was just superheated by fire and throw it into the freezing snow...

You probably should live with your parents for a few more years. First off though, you will need to take notes from Smokey the Bear. I think I had expended my tolerance for fire safety idiocy about 10 years ago when a friend of mine had decided to place a corked empty wine bottle on a campfire...

I swear the torch was faulty!

Typical VV love, you guys are the best.

Neziroth wrote:I did what any guy would do. I found a blowtorch.

I can't get over this line. Regardless of any negative awards these guys want to give you, I believe you should get the 'cool guy' award.

Rellix wrote:

Neziroth wrote:I did what any guy would do. I found a blowtorch.

I can't get over this line. Regardless of any negative awards these guys want to give you, I believe you should get the 'cool guy' award.

Seconded. That was a great line. lol

Rellix wrote:

Neziroth wrote:I did what any guy would do. I found a blowtorch.

I can't get over this line. Regardless of any negative awards these guys want to give you, I believe you should get the 'cool guy' award.

Yeah, well, I guess if you don't have a tactical nuke a blowtorch will do....

Most guys i know, including myself, would have just used some gas from the mower gas can =-)

I'm not really all that sure, other than bad luck, what makes me deserve a darwin award for this. I don't understand how I'm an idiot when it comes to fire safety, either.

It's not like a blowtorch is some dangerous thing that should only be used by trained personel.

I had some bad luck, the torch had a broken seal or something - I don't know.

Using a torch to start a fire isn't *that* crazy of an idea, in my eyes.

And the thing was obviously *not* "superheated" since I held it long enough to turn off the gas, carry it upstairs and toss it outside. I didn't want to look at the thing anymore.

I have no problem laughing at my bad luck though, especially since I'm thankful it wasn't a whole bunch worse.

I figured I'd share the humor of the situation with you guys but I forgot that some of you are perfect and never have had a bad / laughable experience in your life.

Unless you have and you're too weak to admit it!

Here's a challenge to all of you: Post a story of a dumb thing you did just like I just did. I dare ya.

Side note - Darwin Awards only for those removing themselves from the gene pool through death or otherwise sterility-inducing manuvers (Natural Selection at work AKA Darwinism). This dumbing down of them to just people who do stupid shit and get a little hurt has to end. Maybe if Nez fried his balls off... but he didn't!

Good man. Glad you're OK!

Matches are good.