GEORGE CARLIN STRIKES AGAIN
Posted: November 29, 2004, 2:46 pm
probably none of those are real George Carlin thoughts but still funny and Carlinesque 
1. Ever wonder about those people who spend
$2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water?
Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like
making a peeing section in the swimming pool?
3. OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as
the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are
known as the "Bucs", what does that make the
Tennessee Titans?
4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does
that mean that one enjoys it?
5. There are three religious truths: a. Jews do not
recognize Jesus as the Messiah. b. Protestants
do not recognize the Pope as the leader of The
Christian faith. c. Baptists do not recognize each
other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't
people from Holland called Holes?
8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages?
Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
10. Why is a person who plays the piano called
a pianist but a person who drives a racecar
not called a racist?
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked,
doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted,
musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models
deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners
depressed?
13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call
it Fed UP?
14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses
of bald men?
16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the
Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it
dawned on me . . ....they're cramming for their final
exam.
17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny
little spoons and forks so wondered what do Chinese
mothers use? Toothpicks?
18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they
just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the
mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what
exactly are the others here for?
20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it
didn't zigzag?
22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
1. Ever wonder about those people who spend
$2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water?
Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like
making a peeing section in the swimming pool?
3. OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as
the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are
known as the "Bucs", what does that make the
Tennessee Titans?
4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does
that mean that one enjoys it?
5. There are three religious truths: a. Jews do not
recognize Jesus as the Messiah. b. Protestants
do not recognize the Pope as the leader of The
Christian faith. c. Baptists do not recognize each
other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't
people from Holland called Holes?
8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages?
Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
10. Why is a person who plays the piano called
a pianist but a person who drives a racecar
not called a racist?
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked,
doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted,
musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models
deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners
depressed?
13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call
it Fed UP?
14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses
of bald men?
16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the
Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it
dawned on me . . ....they're cramming for their final
exam.
17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny
little spoons and forks so wondered what do Chinese
mothers use? Toothpicks?
18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they
just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the
mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what
exactly are the others here for?
20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it
didn't zigzag?
22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
