VeeshanVault

Posted: **October 24, 2004, 5:21 am**

http://www.collegehumor.com/news/ashlee_snl.wmv
or if that link dont work --
http://onetrick.net/ashlee_sax.wmv

Soooo sad, I knew she was a talentless hack but that shit is just funny as hell. The best shit is how in the end of the show she tries to blame her band by saying “My band started to play the wrong song!” when it was obvious she was fuckin lip syncing. On the west coast broadcast they actually cut out the part where you can tell she was about to start lip syncing so it actually does just look like it was her bands fault. Sad times...

Her Bullshit Excuse:
http://maggie.tobinhosting.com/~mduell/ashlee2low.wmv

Posted: **October 24, 2004, 7:31 am**

HAHAH bet she felt like a terd.

Posted: **October 24, 2004, 9:17 am**

I like how she is all danicng around and getting ready, then the singing starts and she is nowhere near ready, muahahahaha.

Not that i even know who she is though!

Posted: **October 24, 2004, 9:47 am**

This is hilarous, during the first song, I told my gf it was obvious she was lip syncing because the song was identical the the release and she was hiding her mouth. Then she sings it again.

Posted: **October 24, 2004, 9:55 am**

ouch!
i would feel so fucking stupid

Posted: **October 24, 2004, 11:02 am**

Now we just need to find the mystery girl who's really been singing all these songs for her!

Posted: **October 24, 2004, 1:17 pm**

milli vanili nevar forget

Posted: **October 24, 2004, 3:25 pm**

The girl singing those songs for her is not even that great. Music should be by MUSICIANS not lame ass pop tarts with their music and lyrics being crafted by teams of pro's

Down with them all

Posted: **October 24, 2004, 5:23 pm**

hahah owned! What a ho

Posted: **October 24, 2004, 9:11 pm**

It's sad when pop stars like her have to lip sync a shitty song like that.

And I am the only one thinking this: "dude shes not even hot!"?

Posted: **October 24, 2004, 9:44 pm**

In mild defence, a lot of those programs require the performers to pre-record and lip sync the songs they will perform. I don't know if SNL is one of them but I wouldn't come down on her personally for it unless I knew if she was required to do it.

However, using the end of the show to make a dig blaming her band was beyond low.

Posted: **October 24, 2004, 10:03 pm**

Unless times have changed, I seem to remmeber a few nervous artists sing a few flat notes from time-to-time ..

Posted: **October 24, 2004, 11:40 pm**

Shame she didn't inherit her sisters looks.

Posted: **October 25, 2004, 1:11 pm**

The girl singing those songs for her is not even that great.

Now we just need to find the mystery girl who's really been singing all these songs for her!

It's pretty easy to produce/engineer a shitty singer into sounding 'acceptable' in a studio recording. It's also easy to have that shitty singer only perform vocally non-challenging songs. It's so easy to make a sub-par vocalist sound convincing, that there is no real need to hire a session vocalist to perform the 'real' vocals on a recording.

Madonna and Brittney Spears are perfect examples of singing within their ranges. They are also examples of multi-million selling superstars who are not very good (technical) vocalists. You don't need to be a good singer to sell records.

That being said, when 'shitty' singers do live performances, their vocal track (along with a light percussion track) 'synched' with a real live band. This gives the illusion of a 'live' performance.

Talented singers generally insist on perfoming their vocal tracks live.

Posted: **October 25, 2004, 1:21 pm**

Unfortunately I was forced to watch one of those stupid MTV insider-type television shows featuring her about two months ago with a friend. It analyzed how difficult it was to record her album and perform live more than once a week.

To make a long story short: After she recorded her album over a long period of time due to lack of vocal strength, she struggled to perform at her first live appearance on her tour. After the performance (and it definately sucked) she had to visit doctors to get her vocal cords checked out etc etc. Suprisingly, the next week they found an 'unknown' solution, in which she was able to sing 3-4 nights a week almost perfectly.

Hmm.. wonder what her secret is!

Posted: **October 25, 2004, 1:29 pm**

Her fansite is currently getting pizzowned. Some of the highlights:

10/25/2004 4:58:57 AM - by GEORGE_ZIMMER

HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. YOU BETTER START PRACTICING WITH 2 LITER COKE BOTTLES BEFORE YOU RECEIVE MY EXUBERANT EPIDERMAL CORDAGE. MY AMPLE HEAD TEEMING WITH MAN HOOCH IS SO COLOSSAL THAT GOD TRIPS OVER IT. I GUARANTEE IT.

.
10/25/2004 4:52:59 AM - by GEORGE_ZIMMER

HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. ASHLEE, I'D LIKE TO BEAT YOUR CHEST WITH MY ENORMOUSLY HEAVY, THROBBING PELVIC CROCODILE UNTIL I GEYSER A HUGE WATERFALL OF STICKY BABY DRESSING ON YOUR FACE. I'LL MOP IT UP WITH MY THICK HEAD AND SLAP IT ON YOUR LIPS SO THEY DON'T CHAP. YOU'LL CUM SO HARD YOUR DOWNSTAIRS NEIGHBORS WILL NEED TO CHANGE THEIR SHEETS. I GUARANTEE IT.

.
10/25/2004 4:49:32 AM - by GEORGE_ZIMMER

SHE'S GOT THAT ENORMOUSE JAY LENO JAW WHICH MOST PEOPLE DON'T FIND ATTRACTIVE BUT THAT LARGE JAW ALLOWS ME TO CRAM EVERY FAT INCH OF MY GROIN EGGPLANT DOWN HER THROAT WHILE TEARS STREAM DOWN HER FACE AS SHE TRIES TO LIPSYNCH THE NATIONAL ANTHEM. IF SHE BLACKS OUT, I JUST FLIP ON SPORTSCENTER AND CRACK OPEN A PABST ON HER BUCK TEETH. I GUARANTEE IT.

.
10/25/2004 4:47:20 AM - by GEORGE_ZIMMER

HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. I WOULD LOVE TO TAKE ASHLEE OUT FOR A PICNIC IN A PARK, LIE HER DOWN COMPLETELY FLAT ON THE PICNIC BLANKET, BALANCE A PABST ON HER BACK, AND RIGOROUSLY VIOLATE HER FROM BEHIND - QUIZZING HER ON BASIC GEOMETRY IN SWEDISH WHILE SHE HAS A MOUTFUL OF A PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH AND ANTS CRAWLING INTO HER ARMPITS. SHE WILL CUM SO HARD HER FACE WILL MELT LIKE THAT NAZI ASS IN RAIDERS. I GUARANTEE IT.

CUNT
10/25/2004 4:45:12 AM - by GEORGE_ZIMMER

HI.. I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. AND I WANT TO BEND YOU OVER A PING-PONG TABLE AND FORCE YOU TO READ HARPER'S BIZAAR WHILE I VIOLATE A SERIES OF YOUR ORAFICES. I'LL COUNT EACH PLUNGE OF MY INVADER IN GREEK. YOU'LL COME SO HARD YOUR NOSE RING WILL MAGNETIZE. I GUARANTEE IT.

GEORGE ZIMMER LIVES
10/25/2004 4:43:09 AM - by GEORGE_ZIMMER

HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. ASHLEE, BABY, I WILL BLOW LIKE A SHOTGUN THROUGH YOUR UTERUS. IT'LL SHOOT OUT YOUR EARS BEFORE YOU CAN SAY BEEF JERKY. MY COCK SHOULD BE DOING PILE DRIVERS ON YOUR TONSILS WHILE YOU HUM MOZART'S MAGIC FLUTE. YOU'D GET SO SOGGY WET WE'D NEED A MOP. I GUARANTEE IT.

I'm buying a new suit this weekend.

Posted: **October 25, 2004, 2:45 pm**

Lest we forget the Brady Bunch Episode where Greg is asked to where the Matadore costume and have his voice all synthizied.

I think we can all learn a lot by Greg's actions in that episode.

After he said NO to the record studios, he had a three-way with Florence Henderson and Marsha Marsha Marsha ... in his Attic pad

Posted: **October 25, 2004, 2:50 pm**

I never knew until today that Masteen is actually George Zimmer.

Posted: **October 25, 2004, 3:39 pm**

those zimmer quotes are priceless....

Posted: **October 25, 2004, 3:47 pm**

I'D LIKE TO BEAT YOUR CHEST WITH MY ENORMOUSLY HEAVY, THROBBING PELVIC CROCODILE UNTIL I GEYSER A HUGE WATERFALL OF STICKY BABY DRESSING ON YOUR FACE

lol

Posted: **October 25, 2004, 8:48 pm**

HAHAHAHA that was great!

Posted: **October 25, 2004, 9:17 pm**

I figured like 90% of SNL music performances were synched since most folks sound EXACTLY like their studio recordings... live? Uh, no. Been awhile since I have watched SNL though, so not sure what the status quo is these days.

Far as the young pop-let there, well, none of those folks even write there own pop-garbage, so who cares if they even sing it?

I did like the Zimmer comments though

Posted: **October 25, 2004, 10:20 pm**

I watched her Saturday Night and she sucked bad.. She wasnt matching the "track" and her lame ass way she was so called "dancing" looked fucking retarded.. She kpt thrusting her pelvic forward and her feet were twisted out..

SHe looked hidious..

Lame

Posted: **October 26, 2004, 3:09 pm**

LOL what a stupid bitch. Now she's lying her ass off in interviews, saying she had acid reflux and couldn't sing that night, so it was the first time she has ever used a voice track. I hope her career is completely ruined because she never deserved one in the first place.

Posted: **October 26, 2004, 5:39 pm**

who the hell is Ashley Simpson in the first place?

Posted: **October 26, 2004, 5:42 pm**

Jessica Simpson's sister.

Posted: **October 26, 2004, 5:47 pm**

Keverian FireCry wrote:LOL what a stupid bitch. Now she's lying her ass off in interviews, saying she had acid reflux and couldn't sing that night, so it was the first time she has ever used a voice track. I hope her career is completely ruined because she never deserved one in the first place.

From her 'dancing', it looked more like she was suffering from anal reflux.

Posted: **October 27, 2004, 1:23 am**

Someone made the comment that her dance looked somewhat similar to the old Milli Vanilli dance. If she was, in fact, giving a nod to them then I have gained respect for her!

But I doubt she was.

Posted: **October 27, 2004, 1:53 am**

I can't feel too bad for manufactured teen pop musicians that get caught lip syncing but I would feel some sympathy for an artist like William Hung if something were to go wrong during his performance.

Posted: **October 27, 2004, 2:35 am**

DId you just call William Hung an artist?
For shame, sir.

Posted: **October 27, 2004, 6:02 am**

Screw the lip-synch. WTF is this?

Posted: **October 27, 2004, 6:25 am**

Kaldaur wrote:DId you just call William Hung an artist?
For shame, sir.

Hehe, calling Willam Hung an "artist" migth be overdoing it, but hes at least trying. True, he sing worse than a wouded cat, and the #1 way to shut down a party are to put his CD on, but at least hes doing his own singing

Posted: **October 27, 2004, 11:15 am**

I can only pray that this event will hasten Ashley Simpson's move into porn .. starting with a guest starring role on Street Blowjobs and moving straight to Mike's Apartment then escalating to The Bang Bus.

I envision her young and plyable labia torn and tattered and flowing in the wind like streamers over a Used Car lot, as the likes of TT Boy, Peter North and Count Chocula thurst madly at her uncoordinated and rhythmless joy box.

I will only be happy when I see grainy, Black and white still shots of Ashley sharing a bulemic toilet stall with Mary Kate Olsen as they stick dildos down each other's throiat forcing them to spew their $200 dinners down the drain. Mascara filled tears of joy streaming down their rosey hued cheeks.

I want Ashley to then start dating Robert Downey Jr. and start sharing needles with Homeless people. I want it all to end in a meth lab explosion where Ashley, Robert and Ben Affleck all burn to death and Psycic John Edwards is mortally wounded.

This is what I seek.

Posted: **October 27, 2004, 11:35 am**

Mak wrote:Screw the lip-synch. WTF is this?

Hehhe that dance rocks!

Posted: **October 27, 2004, 11:41 am**

Seebs wrote:This is want I seek.

Someone needs a hug.

Posted: **October 27, 2004, 11:57 am**

Ben Whofleck?

VeeshanVault

Ashley Simpson OWNED!

Ashley Simpson OWNED!