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DRINK-DRIVER SHOPPED BY SPURNED GIRLFRIEND
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10:30 - 25 September 2004
A woman scorned is a dangerous thing as contract cleaner John Andrew Kerry learned to his cost.

Kerry agreed to see his ex-girlfriend at a pub to talk things over. But the meeting failed to sway his resolve to end the relationship and he left in his van after drinking two pints of beer. Unfortunately for Kerry, his ex-girlfriend rang the police and he was breathalysed.

When he appeared before South Gloucestershire Magistrates 42-year-old Kerry was banned for three years after he admitted drink driving along Merrywalks in Stroud on August 11.

Prosecuting, Malcolm Hayes said Kerry , 42, failed a roadside breath test and later gave an intoxiliser reading of 54mg of alcohol in 100ml of breath. The legal limit is 35.

The court heard that Kerry had be the subject of a previous ban for drink driving in 1996.

Defending, Leo Goatley described Kerry's story as "a rather frustrating tale of woe".

"He's usually very conscious not to drive after a drink," said Mr Goatley. "Recently he split up with his girlfriend. On August 11 she phoned him to meet for a drink and talk things over.

"She bought him two pints of beer. They didn't argue but Mr Kerry indicated he didn't wish to get back together with her.

"He was later stopped by the police. Subsequently he learned from his ex girlfriend that she had phoned the police. He felt he had been snared by his ex-partner."

Kerry, who gave his address as The Martins, Stroud, was a self employed contract cleaner, the court heard.

Mr Goatley said Kerry hoped his employee would be able to drive between jobs, although he was unsure how long he would be able to continue his business.

Kerry was given a mandatory 36-month ban due to his previous conviction for being over the limit twice within 10 years, although he was offered the opportunity to reduce this by nine months by taking part in a drink drivers' rehabilitation course. He was fined £300 and ordered to pay £55 costs.

Winnow wrote:Is anyone else annoyed by the word drink instead of drunk being used in this article?

archeiron wrote:

Winnow wrote:Is anyone else annoyed by the word drink instead of drunk being used in this article?

bampot n. Scottish. This is a wonderful word. Much as the sound suggests, a bampot is a person who is clumsily idiotic. As with a lot of our less-than-complimentary words, it isn't really offensive - it's used more in goading fun than anything else.

barmy adj. Idiotic, really. You might describe your father's plan to pioneer the first civillian moon landing using nothing but stuff he'd collected from a junkyard as "barmy". Well, of course, unless the junkyard he had in mind was out the back of Cape Kennedy and he had funding from China. I believe it derives from the fact that there was a psychiatric hospital in a place caled Barming, near Maidstone in Kent.

berk n. Another friendly UK "idiot" word and one which implies a degree of clumsiness. I always think (no doubt mistakenly) that these are best explained by example - "Look, you berk, I said to bend it, not bust it". In one of the most enlightening emails I've had since starting the dictionary, I am told that the word originally derives from the rhyming slang "Berkely Hunt" - let's just say that, in the words of my contributor, "it doesn't mean punt".

bint n. Woman, in the loosest sense of the word. One step short of a prostitute, a bint is a bird with less class, less selectivity, more makeup and even more skin. Blokes don't talk to bints unless they've had at least eight pints of beer, which is why bints turn up in free-for-students nightclubs at 2:45am with their faked student ID and dance around their Moschino rucksacks. I am told by a few contributors that the word derives from the Arabic for "daughter of".

blighter adj. Rather outdated now, blighter is a more refined, more upper-class version of bugger.

bloody expl. Damn, another tricky word to define. Bloody is another great British multi-purpose swear word. Most well known as part of the phrase "Bloody hell!" which could best be described as an exclamation of surprise, shock or anger. Bloody can also be used in the middle of sentences for emphasis in a similar way to the ubiquitious f--- word ("And then he had the cheek to call me a bloody liar!") or even with particular audacity in the middle of words ("Who does she think she is, Cinde-bloody-rella?"). I am reliably informed by a contributor that bloody is in fact nothing to do with blood and actually a contraction of the phrase "by Our Lady". Sometimes I wonder whether it's worth putting in all these useful linguistic derivations when in actual fact you only got here because you were wondering what a poof was.

blooming adj. An extremely innocuous expletive, blooming could be seen as a reduced-strength version of bloody. Rather antiquated nowadays.

bollocks n. How do I put this delicately... bollocks are testicles. The word is in pretty common use in the UK (not in my house, of course!) and works well as a general "surprise" expletive in a similar way to bugger. The phrase "the dog's bollocks" is used to describe something particularly good (yes, good) - something like "see that car - it's the dog's bollocks, so it is". This in turn gives way to homonym phrases like "the pooch's privates" or "the mutt's nuts" which all generally mean the same thing. Oh, and this beer from Wychwood Brewery. The word has also slipped through the the State of Florida's censors in the wonderful form of this registration plate. We also describe a big telling-off as a bollocking, and additionally use the word to mean "rubbish" (as in "well, that's a load of bollocks").

bugger n. adj. v. Another superb multi-purpose Brit word. Buggery is sodomy but the word has far more uses than this. Calling someone a bugger is an inoffensive insult (in a similar way to git) and telling someone to bugger off is a friendlier alternative to the f-word. It can also be used as a stand-alone expletive in a similar way to bollocks - "Oh, bugger!"

cheeky adj. To be cheeky is just short of being rude (in the sense of offensive, not dodgy). You're being cheeky if you make a joke that you can only just get away with without getting into trouble.

cobblers n. Something (usually a statement) described as cobblers is rubbish; nonsense. It's quite an informal term; you'd be more likely to use it in response to your mate's claims he can down fifteen pints in a sitting than while giving evidence in a murder trial. I am told it is rhyming slang - "cobbler's awls -> balls". This may be true. Who knows.

cock-up n. v. To cock-up is to make a complete mess of something. You'd use it along the lines of "I went to a job interview today and cocked it up completely". It may look like another innocent little Brit phrase that's terribly rude for Americans but I suspect there's a little more to it than that because we also use the phrase "balls-up" meaning the same thing. Although, ironically enough, "balls-up" is seen as a lot less rude.

divvy n. As well as sharing the American meaning (i.e. to divide up), we also use this as yet another of our words for accusing people of being idiots. Likely derived from "divot", meaning "clod". Nice and tame, calling someone a divvy is much on a par with telling them they are a pillock.

dodgy adj. If something or someone is described as dodgy, this means that they are either shady ("I bought it off some dodgy punter in the pub") or sexually suggestive ("The old bloke in the office keeps saying dodgy things to me at the coffee machine").

dolt n. A good proportion of this dictionary can be summed up in a simple phrase. If, as a foreigner travelling around the UK, you come across a word whose meaning you are unaware of, make the assumption that it means "idiot". Dolt is a prime example.

dowdy adj. Dowdy is simply drab and dull - most often used to describe the way someone dresses and used in a similar context to the Australian "daggy". Of course, if you've never heard the context in which Australians use "daggy", this only serves to complicate matters.

dozy adj. Perhaps most kindly represented by the word slow. Someone described as dozy might be a little sluggish at picking things up.

eejit n. It's not out of the question that I've spelled this wrong. No, wait. It's almost inevitable that I've spelled this wrong. Means simply "idiot", and I can only guess that it is derived from something like a phonetic representation of an Irish person saying exactly that.

frumpy adj. Calling someone frumpy or a frump is not very nice. Always directed at women, it conjures up an image of someone to whom time and gravity have been less than kind. It implies a middle-aged, dejected, post-menopausal, dowdy housewife. In case this isn't already apparent, it is not a compliment. Got that?

git n. Tricky one to define. What it doesn't mean is what The Waltons meant when they said it (as in "git outta here, John-Boy"). Git is technically an insult but has a twinge of jealousy to it. You'd call someone a git if they'd won the Readers' Digest Prize Draw, outsmarted you in a battle of wits or been named in Bill Gates' Last Will and Testament because of a spelling mistake. Like sod, it has a friendly tone to it. I'm told it derives from Arabic, where it describes a pregnant camel, of all things. I'm also told that it is a contraction of the word "illegitimate" - you be the judge.

Gordon Bennett expl. "Gordon Bennett" is an expletive, used very much in the one-liner context of things like "Bollocks!" or "Jesus Christ!". Its source lies in the mid-19th century at the feet of James Gordon Bennett, son of the founder of the New York Herald and Associated Press (also called Gordon Bennett, in case you thought this was going to be simple). Born with cash to spare, Gordon Jr. became legendary for high-roller stunts and fits of notariety including urinating in his in-laws' fireplace, and burning money in public. His name entered the lexicon as a term of exclamation for anything a bit over the top.

grotty adj. Something described as grotty is something undesirable in a sort of bit-disgusting way. Your mother might use it to describe your room, or your girlfriend might use it to describe your whole flat. Or maybe you're cleaner than me.

homely adj. To describe something as homely in the UK means that it's pleasant and comfortable, like home is supposed to be. Apparently, calling something homely in the US is tantamount to labelling it, in the words of my contributor, "butt-ugly".

manky adj. Describing something as manky is similar (but perhaps not quite as forceful) to describing it as gross or disgusting. I've had most of my wardrobe described as manky at some point in time. I'm told the word is derived from the French "manqué", the past participal of "manquer" (to fail).

minger adj. Someone (usually a young lady, I'm afraid) who's described as "minging" or "a minger" is quite breathtakingly unattractive. On fire and put out with a shovel, that sort of thing.

munter n. Describing a woman as a munter is one of the least complimentary things you could probably say about her appearance - it's pretty much equivalent to "dog" or "pig". Where the word comes from I have not the first idea; any informed ideas appreciated.

muppet n. Describing someone as a muppet is generally equivalent to calling them a dimwit. As you may have guessed, given that the characters in the puppet series of the same name don't generally come across as erudite intellectuals.

naff adj. To describe something as "naff" is fairly insulting. It implies that the subject is rather tacky, ineffectual and generally crap. This could be a part of the reason why the French clothing firm Naf Naf recently pulled out of the UK.

nincompoop n. An extremely old-fashioned term for someone who's made a fool of themselves. Still recognised these days but barely used.

nosey parker n. Someone who takes a little bit too much interest in other people's goings on. While I imagine "nosey" is to do with putting one's nose in others' business, I have not the faintest idea of the derivation of the "Parker" part - perhaps someone would like to enlighten me.

numpty n. Scottish. Calling someone a numpty is a friendly way of calling them an idiot, in a similar sort of a way to "bampot".

nutter n. Someone with a screw loose. This applies to both the "insane" or "reckless" definitions, so a gentleman who scaled the Eiger naked and a chap who ate both of his parents could both validly be nutters, albeit in slightly different ways.

pillock n. Idiot. You could almost decide having read this dictionary that any unknown British word is most likely to mean "idiot". And you could almost be right. We have so many because different ones sound better in different sentences. On the subject of the word in hand, I am told by a contributor that it's a contraction of the 16th century word "pillicock" (describing the male member) and by another (who admits to not being completely sure) that this may be a male animal with one lone testicle and derived from "bullock". It's funny, even if it's not true...

pish n., v. Scottish. In reality just a Scottish variant on the word "piss", with the difference that it can be used not only to refer to urine/urination, but also as a mild sort fo swear word, much similar to "crap".

piss-artist n. No, this is not someone who specialises in drawing yellow pictures in the snow. A piss-artist is someone who spends most of their time drinking booze.

plonker adj. Yet another word for calling someone an idiot. I'm tempted to write a Dictionary of British Insults. This is also (rarely) used to refer to one's penis (or someone else's, if you don't have one). I'm tempted to also write a Dictionary of British Words For Penis. A future bestseller; keep an eye out. Not that eye.

po-faced adj. To describe someone as po-faced means that they're somewhat glum - in many ways similar to long-faced. I have been informed that this is because po is an abbreviation for chamber pot (an old-fashioned bed-pan).

poxy adj. Anything described as poxy is generally crappy and third-rate. Presumably derived in some way from when horrible things were described as being ridden with a pox.

shite n. Exactly the same in meaning as shit. The only plausible reason I can think of for this word's existence at all is that it has more rhyming potential for football songs. And it's nice and short, too, so they can all remember it.

skanky adj. Disgusting. Describing something or someone as skanky would imply that they haven't been cleaned in quite some time. We in the UK do not use the word "skank" which in American describes a, erm, shall I say a none-too-high-class professional woman.

taking the piss n. This is the most common term we have in British English to describe making fun of someone, e.g. "Andy fell down the stairs on the way into the pub last night, and everyone spent the entire night taking the piss out of him". Contrary to what one might assume, it doesn't involve a complex system of tubes or a bicycle pump.

[/b]wally[/b] n. A wally is somewhere between an idiot and a dunce. It's used in a friendly sort of a way, though. You'd never leap out of your car after someone's smashed into the back of it and shout "you complete wally!".

wanker n. To wank is to masturbate and to call someone a wanker is not, as you might expect, altogether complimentary. It's really pretty rude in the UK which made me rather surprised when Adam Clayton of U2 said it at the end of a Simpsons episode. If you don't believe me, listen up.

Winnow wrote:

archeiron wrote:

Winnow wrote:Is anyone else annoyed by the word drink instead of drunk being used in this article?

I use this guide as a reference before I flame Arch the nincompoop!:

archeiron wrote:

Winnow wrote:

archeiron wrote:

Winnow wrote:Is anyone else annoyed by the word drink instead of drunk being used in this article?

I use this guide as a reference before I flame Arch the nincompoop!:

Ok, flame away. I will be quietly trembling in fear of your vicious flaming skills.

Winnow wrote:

archeiron wrote:

Winnow wrote:

archeiron wrote:

Winnow wrote:Is anyone else annoyed by the word drink instead of drunk being used in this article?

I use this guide as a reference before I flame Arch the nincompoop!:

Ok, flame away. I will be quietly trembling in fear of your vicious flaming skills.

Don't tempt me you po-faced skanky plonker!

Marbus, I can't remember but I think I googled for "british insults" and found it.

vn_Tanc wrote:You can drink without being drunk and still be driving illegally.
Hence drink-driver. I know it's tough that we're still markedly more deft in the use of our language than you colonials but do try to get over it

miir wrote:Bollocks = bad
The Dog's Bollocks = good



*boggle*

masteen wrote:You Brits are all bent as a bottle of chips. Bunch of todger lovers, the lot fo you.

WTF is Cockney rhyming slang?

archeiron wrote:

vn_Tanc wrote:You can drink without being drunk and still be driving illegally.
Hence drink-driver. I know it's tough that we're still markedly more deft in the use of our language than you colonials but do try to get over it

To be fair, it is the American education system at fault, and the UK is getting just as bad (prior to university).

Niffoni wrote:No more annoyed than I am by the word "Shopped" instead of "Stopped" in the title.