*** K-moll (c02c8867@3AAC6405.3ECA7136.6CEF6422.IP) has joined channel #vv
<sylvus> look what the cat puked up
<sylvus> i mean
<sylvus> hey kilmoll
<K-moll> bah
<K-moll> I know you missed me
<stragi_wrk> missed you like i missed that 2 foot long shit i took about an hour ago
<K-moll> then I have no doubt that you missed me...I know how much you like shitting
<stragi_wrk> curled up all nice and neat in the bowl
<stragi_wrk> it was truely a sight to behold
<K-moll> coilers are always a great mystery as to how and why they form
<stragi_wrk> after i dumped i felt like i could fly
<K-moll> I had a truly unique shit a couple weeks ago that I have never heard of before...I dubbed it the seahorse shit
<Sylvos> ladies and gentlemen, stragi - the ladies man....
<Sylvos> i dont want to know
<stragi_wrk> the seahorse shit?
<K-moll> it turned vertical and bobbed up and down like a fishing floater
<stragi_wrk> whoa
<K-moll> I should have gotten apic of it
<stragi_wrk> sometimes i get what i like to call the seaworm
<stragi_wrk> where it goes in the hole
<stragi_wrk> and sticks out
<stragi_wrk> then it like
<stragi_wrk> waves at you
<K-moll> those are very common among the homosexuals
<stragi_wrk> and you wave back as you flush it
<Laliana> wth
<stragi_wrk> i had a new one the other day too
<stragi_wrk> i called it the brussel sprout shit
<stragi_wrk> because it was green and came out in lumps the size of brussle sprouts
<K-moll> why was it green?
<K-moll> what the hell did you eat?
<Sylvos> seriously
<Sylvos> stfu
<stragi_wrk> I don't remember tbh
<Sylvos> too early for this shit
<Sylvos> no pun intended
<stragi_wrk> I can't recall why your shit can be green sometimes
<Sylvos> its all the green giant jism you swallow
* Sylvos rofls
<K-moll> did you drop that one at work?
<K-moll> Sylvos won't shit at work because he is afraid of crabs
<Sylvos> oh i shit at work
<stragi_wrk> Nah I dropped the bs at home
<Sylvos> i just go downstairs to the never used ones that are always super clean
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<K-moll> do you still hover like a girl at a bar?
<Sylvos> i only hover in places that it looks nasty
<masteen> hover?
<Sylvos> otherwise i just drop trow and let out a torrent of intestional sculpture
<masteen> Ive heard sylvos referred to as teh hoover
<K-moll> hover....chicks hold themselves in mid-air about 6 inches above the seat
<masteen> ahhh
<K-moll> then piss all over the thing
<Sylvos> haha
<masteen> hehe
<stragi_wrk> thats such a sexy description
<K-moll> and say we have bad aim
<masteen> rubbin one out srtagi?
<Sylvos> the other day at work
<Sylvos> i had a really bad stomach ache
<Sylvos> i had to go and go immediately
<Sylvos> so i scurrried to the bathroom, made sure stall was "ok"
<Sylvos> then BAM
<Sylvos> almost lifted myself off the seat
<masteen> like shitbreak in am pie
<K-moll> I prefer that type to the ones where it feels like you are giving birth and is splits your ass open
<stragi_wrk> the ones so big you can feel the blood trickle down your sphincter afterwards
<K-moll> yeah.....hate those
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<K-moll> I dont see how people would think having a log splitting you open would feel good
<arundel> you talking about my weenus again?
<arundel> there's plenty to go around
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<Laliana> do you have a shit penis?
<Laliana> cause that is what they are talking about
<Bren> ?
<arundel> o_o;
<arundel> see....that's what coming in at the end of a conversation gets you
<arundel> i see "log splitting you open" and "feel good" and i instantly assume "my weenus"
<arundel> but no
<arundel> they're talking about fat steamers
<Bren> Joseph: Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina!
<Bren> Detective John Kimble: Thanks for the tip.
<Bren>
<arundel> in that case, i will contend that there are times when taking a massive shit is better than sex
<arundel> they are rare....but, like bigfoot, they exist
<sylvus> when i was in college living in the dorm, someone took the most amazing shit of all time
<sylvus> it was probably 14 inches long and 5 or 6 inches in diameter
<arundel> wow
<sylvus> but the most impressive part of it
<arundel> was in one piece?
<sylvus> was that it was unbroken and shaped like a horseshoe
<Bren> i was hanging out with some girly girls last night and they were trying to tell Brad and his roomates that "girls dont poop"
<arundel> that is an impressive shit
<sylvus> i think they got up without wiping or flushing and left it there
<Bren> and they were all ....."thats not true"
<sylvus> so we all let it sit there for days
<sylvus> and we'd bring guests and chicks in to look at it
<Bren> and the girls were shocked that they would be wronged
<masteen> Sylvus, that's the symbol of Doom
<sylvus> (in the communal bathroom, mind you, we didn't have our own)
<Bren> and then Brad's roomate was al "you obviously havent been here after Bren has had ice cream have you...?"
<masteen> TWO SNAKES RISING OVER A BLACK SUN, FACING EACH OTHER
<arundel> you know the guinness record for longest shit is something like 4 or 5 feet?
<arundel> unbroken
<sylvus> wow
<sylvus> you'd have to inch your way forward
<masteen> or have shit handlers
<arundel> no - even better - the guy apparently had a special cart made
<masteen> hahahaha
<arundel> and he squatted on this wheeled cart
<arundel> while people slowly pulled him
<Bren> so he "knew" he was going to take that big of a shit to begin with?
<arundel> he *set out* to claim the world record for longest shit
<Bren> it was a premptive poop?
<Bren> ohhhh
<arundel> and even scarier, is that he was competing for it... apparently he had a magic length that he had to beat
<arundel> and altered his diet for like a month beforehand, etc
<arundel> all so he could have a super grogan
<Bren> to each their own i guess.
<arundel> hey - gotta live the dream
<arundel> reach for that brass ring
<Bren> i wonder if his nick name is "super pooper"
<arundel> i bet he gets all the chicks
<arundel> what a pickup line
<arundel> "i've crapped bigger than you"
<arundel> he brings truth to Jack Palance-isms!
<stragi_wrk> I would have brutally beaten those girls
<stragi_wrk> what the hell do you mean you dont fucking crap
<Bren> yeah they were stupid
<Bren> i've K.O'd Brad's b-room a few times.....
<Bren> they were saying "in the offchance a girlpoops it smells like cotton candy"
<arundel> man... in college i shared a house with two other guys
<Bren> and Brad was all "i beg to differ":
<arundel> and i would leave for work at like 7 in the morning
<Threnody> And had gay sexual intercourse every night?
<arundel> well, only sometimes thren
<arundel> but i digress
<arundel> one of the roomies would *always* plug the toilet with his massive shits
<arundel> like every day
<arundel> no lie
<Bren> lame
<arundel> every single fucking day
<arundel> but he would always do it while i was at work
<arundel> and he wouldn't claim them
<arundel> and *other* roomie would be at work too, but got home before me
<arundel> so every day i would get home from work to see roomie #2 plunging the toilet and swearing like a sailor
<arundel> and roomie #1 was always like "wasn't me"
<stragi_wrk> god girls are stupid
<arundel> but we knew damn well it was
<stragi_wrk> NO WE DONT POOP BUT IF IT HAPPENS ITS SMELLS LIKE SUNSHINE AND HAPPINESS
<arundel> so one time we decided to leave it and see how long it took him to plunge it
<stragi_wrk> i'd be like YEAL WELL WHEN I DONT POOP FOR A WEEK IT COMES OUT IN A 2 FOOT LONG COIL AND IT SMELLS LIKE 3 WEEK OLD BEEF AND CORPSES
<arundel> we had to squat-shit in the ditch across the street for 3 days before this lamer plunged is massive turd
<Bren> beef.....hahaha
<arundel> i think the worst was when a sewer line collapsed at one of my old jobs, and popped a release valve... sending a 3-4 ft pressurized fountain of feces into the air and trailing down the parking lot into the street
<Bren> OMG that happened at this campground my family was staying at one summer
<Bren> fucking nasty
<arundel> turds lodging under car tires, and baking in the texas august sun
<arundel> you know...when they've been in the dark and the water for so long... they lose the brown color. I did not know that. They turn sorta the color of nectarines
<arundel> but after half an hour in the sun, they're all brown again
<Bren> oxygen does that
<arundel> yeah, i mean... it makes total sense when you think about it
<arundel> it's just one of those things i *never* would have thought about
<Bren> kinda how your blood in your body is clear...but once it hits the oxygen when your dermis is broken....it turns red
<Bren> i didnt know that untill my 4th year od anatomy....
<Bren> f*
<Sylvos> ...
<Bren> im serious.
<arundel> actually.. that's true in theory, but your blood carries enough oxygen with it through the body to usually have some pigment to it... just not the familiar bright red we're used to
<arundel> what struck me as amazing, color-wise at least, about the human body was when i was in the OB operating room watching c-sections....just how amazingly fucking blue a uterus is
<arundel> i mean like sky blue
<Bren> lots of veins
<arundel> yeah
<arundel> again.. makes sense... just one of those things you never really imagined
<Bren> LOTS of bloodcells....which makes it that dark color
<arundel> but they would flop the whole thing out onto the woman's chest when doing cleanup....
<Bren> the human body is the most amazing thing to me
<Bren> facinating.
<arundel> and it was like jewel blue
<Sylvos> guys
<arundel> not as dark as you'd expect
<Sylvos> seriously
<stragi_wrk> oh man i crack myself up
<arundel> yeah sylv?
<Sylvos> stop
<Bren> lol
<arundel> you don't wanna hear about a D&C? where they suction the woman out after a spontaneous abortion?
<Sylvos> no, i do not.
<Bren> oh
<Bren> lol
<arundel> ok - your loss
<Sylvos> i don't want to hear about an abortion at all.
<stragi_wrk> god i just scrolled up and i feel like puking
<arundel> well, the key word there is "spontaneous" ..... i.e. natural
<Sylvos> I DONT CARE
<Bren> i can crank out more napoleon quotes for you
<Bren>
<stragi_wrk> suction?
<Sylvos> i can take a shit on your desk too
<Bren> ye
<stragi_wrk> oh man please tell me they shop vac it
<Bren> suction
<stragi_wrk> that'd be awesome
<stragi_wrk> or go in there with some bbq tongs
<stragi_wrk> haha
<stragi_wrk> YES
<stragi_wrk> BRING ON THE MENTAL PICTURES
<Bren> i lol
<Bren> d
<stragi_wrk> strap on a lawn mower bag
<arundel> actually strag.....
<stragi_wrk> and just squeeze her stomach
<K-moll> that made me hungry...had to get a BBQ sandwhich
<arundel> it *is* a *lot* like a shop-vac
<stragi_wrk> lololol
<stragi_wrk> fucking awesome!
<arundel> they have to scoop it all out within a certain time-frame or it can make her sick
<arundel> and they just give her a local, lay her back, and.....*vvRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR*
<stragi_wrk> UH OH IPS REP CALLING ADOBE
<stragi_wrk> INCOMING JOHNATHAN
<stragi_wrk> i'd just spoon it out with like a ladle
<stragi_wrk> and serve it up in the cafeteria
<stragi_wrk> mmm fetus soup
<masteen> hahaha
<Bren> john is dozing
<masteen> When i was in middle school, and we did our first dissection of chicken wings, the next day, the school had wings for lunch
<arundel> well yeah, that's sorta the other part... the vac tube and the container are clear
<masteen> Nobody in 7th grade ate that lunch
<arundel> i had to carry spontaneous abortions to the lab all the fkn time
<stragi_wrk> this entire convorsation starting with me and kilmoll's poop exploits needs to be posted on vv
<masteen> hahaha
<Bren> I'd like to take a sidenote and state that Incubus - Make Yourselfto me...is the PERFECT album..... /end note
<arundel> most uncomfortable part was when this woman died on the table in the ER... from heart failure... we had to get her body to a room....but the lobby was all packed with people. So we cleaned her off, propped her up on a bed like she was sleeping...taped an IV tube to her arm, and wheeled her past about 30 people like she was just a patient
<masteen> hahahaha
<Bren> oh man
<K-moll> I amjust hoping that someday I can recreate the seahorse shit
<masteen> I bet you were like Buck from killbill
<arundel> never saw that movie
<masteen> OMFG
<arundel> but i couldn't stop thinkig of "weekend at bernies"
((
I am so embarassed.
