Who would win in a fight?

noel · Post by **noel** » April 27, 2005, 7:58 pm

If you're not familiar with both characters, vote that way.

noel · Post by **noel** » April 27, 2005, 8:03 pm

I cannot believe there are 3 votes for Jack Bauer for people who know both characters. That's a total load of shit.

Ebumar · Post by **Ebumar** » April 27, 2005, 8:07 pm

Completely. Come on people - a trained killer vs. some random newbie jackass in some lame agency.

Kaldaur · Post by **Kaldaur** » April 27, 2005, 8:09 pm

The novel that Clancy wrote specifically about John Clark where he went after the drug dealers, that was a remarkable story. And he kicked serious ass.

nobody · Post by **nobody** » April 27, 2005, 8:15 pm

Without Remorse

noel · Post by **noel** » April 27, 2005, 8:16 pm

Kelly, John Terrence "Snake"

b. 1942, Indianapolis, IN / "d." September, 1970. US Navy Seal, 3rd Special Operations Group (SOG), 3 tours of Vietnam. Awarded Navy Cross, Silver Star, Bronze Star w/Combat "V" and 2 clusters, Purple Heart w/2 clusters. Discharged at age 24, after 6 years in Navy (E-8, Chief Bosun's Mate). Began as UDT sailor and "graduated" to SEAL. Turned down OCS 3 times. Met Pam Madden in May 1970. Shot by Billy & Rick on 6/18/70. Patched up at Johns Hopkins. Mother: died of liver cancer. Father: Fireman, died in line of duty while Kelly was in sick bay after rescuing "Little Dutch" Maxwell. Joined CIA in September 1970 at behest of Rear Admiral Greer and Vice Admiral Maxwell.

And that doesn't even begin to go into his CIA experience.

nobody · Post by **nobody** » April 27, 2005, 8:18 pm

anyone who makes it to E-8 at 24yrs old HAS to kick ass

nobody · Post by **nobody** » April 27, 2005, 8:30 pm

<Vannoth> Stragi = gay

<stragi> ar eyou talking about some dumb nig from tom clancy books

<noel> I at least expected an intelligent argument about why John Clark would lose

<JohnClark> damnit lali!

*** Vannoth is now known as JackBauer

<stragi> because if you are, you are the faggots

<Laliana> hahahahaha

<noel> he's not black

* JackBauer pops a fucking cap in John Clark

<stragi> yeah

<stragi> i win

<stragi> default

<noel> lame

<stragi> do you think jack bauer wasnt a navy seal?

<noel> ...

<stragi> your right because he was so fucking secret and secret ops that the navy seals didnt know

<Laliana> noel doesn't know all that about bauer

<JohnClark> LMAO

<noel> oh bullshit

* JackBauer puts 2 more in JackClark's Chest

<JohnClark> i love your logic stragi

<stragi> bullshit my bullshit that im about to shit shit

<Laliana> heh

<noel> weak!

* JackBauer flips out and does ninja shit

<noel> there are the SEALs, and there is Delta Force

<Ebumar_Wrk> its too bad JB is OLD

* JackBauer cuts Ebumar in half with a Jedi-Spoon

<noel> and it don't get no better than that

<Ebumar_Wrk> and wouldnt be ABLE too

<noel> that said

<stragi> you can't love my logic till you acknowledge that your religion is full of a bucnhof crackpot racists who think they will turn into stars upon death

<noel> being a CIA field agent

<stragi> but anyway

* JohnClark pulls bullets out of his skull with his bare hands

<noel> during the cold war

<noel> is hella dangerous

<stragi> jack bauer was the most secret of secret ops dude

<noel> ...

<stragi> the cia and fucking nsa and dod agents are all pussies

<stragi> compared to jack bauer

* JackBauer puts the gun up Clark's ass and pulls the trigger till it goes *Click*

<noel> whatever Stragi

<noel> you're wrong

<noel> and again

<JackBauer> bonus points for anyone who gets the reference

<stragi> jack bauer has single handedly saved the universe from skeletor

<JackBauer> repeatedly

* JohnClark sticks jack bauer into a depressurazation tank and give him the fucking bends

<noel> I'm disappointed that you don't know who John Clark is

<Ebumar_Wrk> 40 mins!

<stragi> because john clark is not worth knowing and is probably a traitor to this nation

<noel> Jesus

<noel> Big Lebowski

* JohnClark is bulletproof

<JackBauer> DO NOT FUCK WITH DE JESUS

<noel> right about that and right about Clark vs. Bauer

* JohnClark already kicked ass after taking a shotgun pointblank

<JohnClark> that is fact

<JohnClark> look it up in Without Remorse

<stragi> john clark would be taking naked pictures of some 3 year old russian baby he stole and jack bauer would totally just knife him in the base of the skull

<Ebumar_Wrk> honsetly the man did get shot by a freaking shotgun

<Ebumar_Wrk> then proceeded to BEAT THE CRAP out of like 4 other people

<JackBauer> What is he teddy roosevelt?

<noel> dude

<noel> Clark had Abu Nidal in his sights

<stragi> JACK BAUER CAUGHT HABIB MARWAN

<noel> but the fucking REMFs wouldn't let him take the shot

<Ebumar_Wrk> >_<

<noel> Getting in position to take the shot

<noel> is just as dangerous as taking it

<JohnClark> cmon how hard is it to catch someone named Habib?

<JohnClark> this thread needs to be archived for posterity

<CrazyMoe> ok wtf are you guys talking about now

<Ebumar_Wrk> nobody really knows anymore moe

<JohnClark> heh nice pun

<JackBauer> I would be like fuck you and take it anyways

<JackBauer> and then say "oops it slipped"

<JohnClark> jonh clark had two women he loved plus his little girl killed

<JackBauer> a 3rd soon hopefully

<JohnClark> he is fighting with pure hate and rage

<JackBauer> His little DoD bitch will get popped

<JohnClark> bauer wears red white and blue panties

<JackBauer> or wind up a terrorist

<JackBauer> I just want chloe to get shot in the fucking face, pls

<JohnClark> i want to see eminem and jarule fight in celebratty boxing

<CrazyMoe> ok.. you're talking TV now.. i get it

<stragi> jack bauer shot his boss in the head and watched his wife die in the name of his country

<stragi> and developed a heroin addiction to maintain cover like a pro

<stragi> then kicked it in a day

<JohnClark> wtf wow that is props

<stragi> theres a reason they call rainbow six rainbow

<stragi> because they are A FUCKING GAY JOKE

<JohnClark> john clark scuba dived 1000ft deep in the gulf and planted explosives and swam away to safety

<JohnClark> and nobody knew

<JackBauer> cuz its FICTION

<JackBauer> JUST LIKE ME

<JackBauer> I'd be in prison by now

<JohnClark> i'm not fiction

<JackBauer> and getting buttfucked by terrorists

Neziroth · Post by **Neziroth** » April 27, 2005, 9:40 pm

John Clark would kill Jack Bauer because he'd just ninja-steal any weapon Bauer had out of his hands without ever being detected, then he'd disassemble it in .0000078 seconds and then throw all the pieces at Mr. Bauer, severing a vital artery with each piece.

Or something.

Clancy wins.

Pherr the Dorf · Post by **Pherr the Dorf** » April 27, 2005, 10:46 pm

John Constantine

Mr Bacon · Post by **Mr Bacon** » April 28, 2005, 3:33 am

Anything having to do with 24 completely sucks. End of discussion.

Laliana · Post by **Laliana** » April 28, 2005, 4:36 am

Rellix wrote:Anything having to do with 24 completely sucks. End of discussion.

You are so wrong it's not even funny!

Kwonryu DragonFist · Post by **Kwonryu DragonFist** » April 28, 2005, 6:04 am

I do believe this fellow wins the fight

This fellow

Rivera Bladestrike · Post by **Rivera Bladestrike** » April 28, 2005, 6:33 am

Horrible.

Canoe · Post by **Canoe** » April 28, 2005, 9:36 am

Mini Ditka

nobody · Post by **nobody** » April 28, 2005, 9:37 am

very disturbing

Deward · Post by **Deward** » April 28, 2005, 10:33 am

Bauer would win because he is able to dodge bullets and pull his co-workers in out of nowhere to take bullets. Clark would get disgusted and give up after a while.

Lynks · Post by **Lynks** » April 28, 2005, 11:23 am

I'm voting for write-in candidate Detective John McClane (Die Hard) for the win.

Voronwë · Post by **Voronwë** » April 28, 2005, 11:32 am

the real winner in the fight would be the fans of homoerotica watching

*~*stragi*~* · Post by ***~*stragi*~*** » April 28, 2005, 11:44 am

while john mclane is extremely badass, he has nothing on jack bauer.
john clark couldn't ninja steal shit from him, because jack bauer is the fucking hattori hanzo of special agents
john clark would only think he ninja stole something only to realize he did it in the underworld because he just got fucking killed by the slickest most badass mofo agent ever in the history of anything

noel · Post by **noel** » April 28, 2005, 11:46 am

Stragi wrote:...by the slickest most badass mofo agent ever in the history of anything...

http://geocities.yahoo.com.br/wagner_ci ... ustin3.jpg

Neziroth · Post by **Neziroth** » April 28, 2005, 7:19 pm

john clark couldn't ninja steal shit from him, because jack bauer is the fucking hattori hanzo of special agents
john clark would only think he ninja stole something only to realize he did it in the underworld because he just got fucking killed by the slickest most badass mofo agent ever in the history of anything

It would seem that the majority of VV is saying you're wrong behind your back and that John Clark indeed could and probably already HAS ninja stolen shit from your hero who's name I have temporarily forgotten because he's so uncool.

Conclusion: VV says you're wrong.

bibliography page 1:

http://www.veeshanvault.org
this thread's poll

no other references were necessary.

Kwonryu DragonFist · Post by **Kwonryu DragonFist** » April 28, 2005, 8:06 pm

Arnold Coleman

LIGHT WEIGHTS BUDDAY! HASTA LA VISTA!

Janx · Post by **Janx** » April 28, 2005, 9:18 pm

Bourne (or his son) from the books would beat the shit out of both.

Anuin · Post by **Anuin** » April 29, 2005, 12:01 am

Why not a comparison between Jack Bauer and Domingo "Ding Chavez that makes more than an occasional appearance in Tom Clancy's novels?

Jack Bauer's ninja skills mean shit when he takes a round through the forehead from a mile away.

noel · Post by **noel** » April 29, 2005, 12:10 am

John Clark makes more than an occasional appearance in the early Clancy novels, and he recruited Ding to the CIA, and then to Rainbow, and he trained Ding and honed his skills.

Post by **Xouqoa** » April 29, 2005, 1:51 am

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Bauer#Biography wrote: Jack Bauer is a fictional character played by Kiefer Sutherland as part of the television series, 24.

Biography

Bauer graduated with a Bachelor's degree in English literature from UCLA, and completed the Special Forces Operations Training Course at UC Berkeley. He is also way cooler than John Clark.

He is a former Los Angeles Police Department SWAT team member, and also a former member of the US Army's elite Delta Force. Apparently, Bauer also did fieldwork for the Central Intelligence Agency before being seconded to its domestic branch, the Counter Terrorist Unit.

He previously worked as the Director of Field Operations for the fictional Counter Terrorist Unit in Los Angeles. His latest completed mission was stopping a nationwide biological attack on the United States masterminded by former MI6 agent Steven Saunders.

Before that, Bauer held the position of CTU Los Angeles Director during the attempted assassination of President (then Senator) David Palmer. During that day Bauer's wife Teri, and daughter Kim, were kidnapped by Victor Drazen, a man Bauer thought he had killed in a covert mission called Operation Nightfall in Kosovo years earlier. Bauer's colleague/former love interest Nina Myers (who turned out to be a traitor) killed Teri Bauer before being arrested. Jack was so distraught over Teri's death that he resigned as CTU Los Angeles Director and became an inactive CTU agent.

Eighteen months later, Bauer was called back to duty by the National Security Agency (NSA) to help CTU stop a terrorist group known as Second Wave from detonating a nuclear bomb in Los Angeles. Bauer initially refused, but eventually agreed to take part in the operation to stop the bomb.

After the incidents depicted in Season 2, Jack had been appointed Director of Field Operations by new CTU Los Angeles Director Tony Almeida.

However, after Tony's removal from CTU three years later, Jack was forced to leave the institution and became employed by the Department of Defense. Bauer became involved with the daughter of the Secretary of Defense and his boss, Audrey Raines, and it was apparently a serious relationship.

Laliana · Post by **Laliana** » April 29, 2005, 2:23 am

See bold text above!!!!

MOUTHWASH!

Tindalarae · Post by **Tindalarae** » April 29, 2005, 2:33 am

Bauer, duh.

Anybody that says otherwise is a retard, kthxbye.

nobody · Post by **nobody** » April 29, 2005, 2:35 am

Xouqoa wrote: and completed the Special Forces Operations Training Course at UC Berkeley.

WTF!? Ummm the Special Forces Course is in North Carolina. i'm calling bullshit.

*~*stragi*~* · Post by ***~*stragi*~*** » April 29, 2005, 12:00 pm

Neziroth wrote:
john clark couldn't ninja steal shit from him, because jack bauer is the fucking hattori hanzo of special agents
john clark would only think he ninja stole something only to realize he did it in the underworld because he just got fucking killed by the slickest most badass mofo agent ever in the history of anything
It would seem that the majority of VV is saying you're wrong behind your back and that John Clark indeed could and probably already HAS ninja stolen shit from your hero who's name I have temporarily forgotten because he's so uncool.

Conclusion: VV says you're wrong.

bibliography page 1:

http://www.veeshanvault.org
this thread's poll

no other references were necessary.

yeah well i just looked it up in the dictionary and it was 700 pages of john clark is a giant pussy fag and jack bauer is way better, and i think the dictionary knows a bit more than YOU

*~*stragi*~* · Post by ***~*stragi*~*** » April 29, 2005, 12:02 pm

Anuin wrote:Why not a comparison between Jack Bauer and Domingo "Ding Chavez that makes more than an occasional appearance in Tom Clancy's novels?

Jack Bauer's ninja skills mean shit when he takes a round through the forehead from a mile away.

haha fool jack bauer wouldn't be dumb enough to get sniped by some pussy with a gay name like ding chavez. jack bauer has like 50 robot clones at all times purely to prevent this and also divine intervention because god loves jack bauer and americans

*~*stragi*~* · Post by ***~*stragi*~*** » April 29, 2005, 12:03 pm

nobody wrote:
Xouqoa wrote: and completed the Special Forces Operations Training Course at UC Berkeley.
WTF!? Ummm the Special Forces Course is in North Carolina. i'm calling bullshit.

ONLY THE SHITTY NON TOP SECRET ONES THAT THEY TELL LOSERS ABOUT

noel · Post by **noel** » April 29, 2005, 1:24 pm

LOL Jack Bauer was a member of Delta Force? John Clark runs an organization that you *MIGHT* get into if you were in Delta Force, the SAS, the Spetznaz, GSG-9, GIGN, or the Israeli special forces team who's name escapes me.

Tenuvil · Post by **Tenuvil** » April 29, 2005, 2:24 pm

noel wrote:LOL Jack Bauer was a member of Delta Force? John Clark runs an organization that you *MIGHT* get into if you were in Delta Force, the SAS, the Spetznaz, GSG-9, GIGN, or the Israeli special forces team who's name escapes me.

Rainbow Six 4tw

Seriously, anyone that voted for Jack Bauer should just go ahead and a) read the Rainbow Six novels and b) change their vote to "not familiar with both characters" because John Clark is one serious badass.

*~*stragi*~* · Post by ***~*stragi*~*** » April 29, 2005, 2:27 pm

LIKE I SAID BEFORE
THEY ARE CALLED RAINBOW SIX BECAUSE THEY ARE SIX GAY INDIVIDUALS WHO ARE STUPID FOR JOINING A TEAM THAT IS OBVIOUSLY ONLY THERE TO MOCK THEM FOR BEING SIX GAY INDIVIDUALS ONE OF WHOM IS NAMED DING.

noel · Post by **noel** » April 29, 2005, 2:53 pm

Stragi wrote:LIKE I SAID BEFORE
THEY ARE CALLED RAINBOW SIX BECAUSE THEY ARE SIX GAY INDIVIDUALS WHO ARE STUPID FOR JOINING A TEAM THAT IS OBVIOUSLY ONLY THERE TO MOCK THEM FOR BEING SIX GAY INDIVIDUALS ONE OF WHOM IS NAMED DING.

Keep going Captain Caps-Lock. Your posts just continue to show your utter lack of knowledge on the subject.

Adelrune Argenti · Post by **Adelrune Argenti** » April 29, 2005, 3:03 pm

How can there be this many ignorant people in regards to the L33tness of John Clark? My mind explodes with the stupidity.

noel · Post by **noel** » April 29, 2005, 3:08 pm

Adelrune Argenti wrote:How can there be this many ignorant people in regards to the L33tness of John Clark? My mind explodes with the stupidity.

I can understand not having read the Clancy novels, and not being able to cast a vote. I cannot understand being aware of both characters and still thinking Jack Bauer would beat John Clark in a fight.

Stragi's last vote clearly proves that he lied about his vote, and isn't a real Jack Bauer fan.

*~*stragi*~* · Post by ***~*stragi*~*** » April 29, 2005, 4:15 pm

noel wrote:
Stragi wrote:LIKE I SAID BEFORE
THEY ARE CALLED RAINBOW SIX BECAUSE THEY ARE SIX GAY INDIVIDUALS WHO ARE STUPID FOR JOINING A TEAM THAT IS OBVIOUSLY ONLY THERE TO MOCK THEM FOR BEING SIX GAY INDIVIDUALS ONE OF WHOM IS NAMED DING.
Keep going Captain Caps-Lock. Your posts just continue to show your utter lack of knowledge on the subject.

your posts just continue to show you're wrong because your name is noel
as long as your name is noel you will be wrong.

Tenuvil · Post by **Tenuvil** » April 29, 2005, 4:17 pm

Stragi wrote:LIKE I SAID BEFORE
THEY ARE CALLED RAINBOW SIX BECAUSE THEY ARE SIX GAY INDIVIDUALS WHO ARE STUPID FOR JOINING A TEAM THAT IS OBVIOUSLY ONLY THERE TO MOCK THEM FOR BEING SIX GAY INDIVIDUALS ONE OF WHOM IS NAMED DING.

Ding would cut your throat and bleed you while you wondered where [fade]the light was going...[/fade]

*~*stragi*~* · Post by ***~*stragi*~*** » April 29, 2005, 5:36 pm

ding would be forced to build low quality houses at slave labor payrates and wind up deported.

Neziroth · Post by **Neziroth** » April 29, 2005, 6:21 pm

Actually John Clark couldn't beat Jack Bauer in a fight because pansy ass Bauer would be too afraid to fight him in the first place and probably just concede.

What a pansy