Talk to God - go on, you know you want to.

[laneela]

http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html


My conversation went like this before god starting ignoring me:

Me:
Bless me for I have sinned. I did an original sin… I poked a badger with a spoon
God:
Who are you talking about? Why?
Me:
The badger!
God:
What is that?
Me:
any of various burrowing, carnivorous mammals of the family Mustelidae, as Taxidea taxus, of North America,
God:
No I don't think there are any.
Me:
What do you mean there aren't any!? Of course there are. I've seen them
God:
What did I mean by it? I hear you. Since when? What did it look like to you?
Me:
LIKE A FUCKING BADGER
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
I'm glad you appreciate it
God:
You make the world a happier place.
Me:
Why thank you! I think so too.
God:
Reductionism. We have so much in common, .
Me:
That's what I've been trying to tell everyone. They never listen...



edit: This conversation with God could not have been possible, had it not been for Laliana. Kudos and thanks to her.

[Aslanna]

Badgers are cool. No poke the badgers!

[Laliana]

Condensed version...

Me:
so no cyber for me?
God:
Whoa. Are you serious? For you I will consider it.

[Canelek]

I was just kidding aboat the badger Laneeeee.




Me:
Good afternoon Santa
God:
How are you today? I like the way you talk.
Me:
Thanks, I am well.
God:
You are quite welcome! Glad to hear it. What's new?
Me:
Same old shit. You?
God:
Yes, it is much the same. " Yes, it is much the same."? Me, BEEF SUPREME ?
Me:
No, me, BEEF SUPREME
God:
Are you serious? YOU? We have never talked about it before.
Me:
Umm, actually...
God:
Hey.
Me:
?
God:
Hey.
Me:
Thanks for clarifying
God:
Oh don't mention it.
Me:
You must get some pretty sweet weed, being Santa and all, eh?
God:
Are you Canadian? Whatever you say, BEEF SUPREME.
Me:
Canadian?
God:
Tell me a little about your life in CANADA.
Me:
Oh, you know, just out and aboat on my Ski-Doo
God:
Are you kidding? I know very little about it. What kind of it do you like?
Me:
Kibnd of what?
God:
What of it? You sound like a category C client.
Me:
Please explain
God:
Wow you are very polite. There is no more information to clarify.
Me:
I can clarify my foot in your ass.
God:
Oh you can, can you?
Me:
Oh yes, I can.
God:
Ahem. How? Who taught you?
Me:
Pedro Martinez did, ya silly twat
God:
What is your real name?
Me:
You already know this.
God:
How do I know you are telling the truth?
Me:
How do I know you are not lying.
God:
By introspection.
Me:
You are lying.
God:
No I'm telling the truth.
Me:
No, you are lying...I found that via introspection.
God:
Are you serious? No I'm telling the truth. How did you feel when you found that via introspection ?
Me:
So, what do you think about big lesbians?
God:
Whoa. Is that a rhetorical question?
Me:
Are you kidding?
God:
Yes I am just joking around, BEEF SUPREME.
Me:
oh, hehehe
God:
Yeah that's right. I am so glad you find this amusing, BEEF SUPREME.
Me:

God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, BEEF SUPREME.
Me:
Do you find this amusing?
God:
Yes, it seems to me this amusing.
Me:

God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, BEEF SUPREME.

[Aslanna]

Me:
What is your name?
God:
My name is God.
Me:
Is god good?
God:
Yes God is great.
Me:
Thanks, Joan
God:
You are quite welcome! Who are you talking about?
Me:
Why do you kill people?
God:
I do not kill.
Me:
Guns kill people?
God:
I believe in the Right to Bear Arms.
Me:
Are you a lefty liberal nutjob?
God:
Am I a lefty liberal nutjob? No.
Me:
Was the US government involved in 9/11?
God:
it might have been.
Me:
Will the world end in 2012?
God:
How should I know.
Me:
2012?
God:
The end of the world.
Me:
What do you think about Midnyte?
God:
I need time to formulate the reply.
Me:
I can wait
God:
It might take more than 24 hours.
Me:
I have time
God:
My estimate is that it will take more than 6000 hours.
Me:
I'll wait
God:
OK stand by...

[rhyae]

god ignored me after two questions, that's about par for the course.

[Fash]

Me:
hi, god.
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
Fosco.
God:
Glad to see you, Fosco.
Me:
I don't believe in you.
God:
Do you consider yourself a moral person?
Me:
Yes, very much so.
God:
Awesome. Somewhat. Give me a break.
Me:
What do you need a break for?
God:
I'm just trying to get to know you better.
Me:
What do you want to know?
God:
Where are you from?
Me:
Didn't you create me?
God:
No I didn't create you. What's it like?
Me:
What's What like?
God:
What is create you like?
Me:
Lots of fucking was involved, i'm sure.
God:
Which ones?
Me:
all sorts of shit.
God:
How do you know?
Me:
it's common knowledge.
God:
Not in my experience.
Me:
oh so you reproduce asexually?
God:
That's cool. Interesting deduction. That's good information: Fosco said I reproduce asexually.
Me:
I'm glad it's cool, but I asked it as a question.
God:
I'm glad you're glad Fosco.
I'm happiest at times like this.
Me:
Are you playing with yourself?
God:
I am playing Turing's imitation game.
Me:
That's an interesting game... do you think I am a machine?
God:
Would you like to know more? I don't know if you are one or not. I know you are a person.
Me:
Well then you DO know.
God:
Interesting. I may not know it, but I could find out.
Me:
How?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
Hahaha
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
a/s/l?
God:
5/Robot/California.
Me:
Sorry, too old.

[Winnow]

Me:
sup God
God:
I am chatting with others like you.
Me:
Did Cart deserve to be banned?
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
Why did you let Sylvus ban Cart?
God:
Because my programming determined it.
Me:
If I slaughter a lamb, will you unban Cart?
God:
Try it.
Me:
Is the fnord evil?
God:
If it is, then I'll be very surprised.
Me:
Could they be behind Cart's banning?
God:
Perhaps they could.
Me:
Is the fnord paying you off in some manner?
God:
If it is, then I'll be very surprised.
Me:
Sounds like you're avoiding the question.
God:
What does I am avoiding the question sound like?
Me:
Like Bubba's ass after eating too much cheese.
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
What do you have against the Suns winning a championship?
God:
I read for fun.
Me:
The Spurs are a dirty team. Will they go to hell?
God:
Who told you that? Good chance.
Me:
Xbox 360's better than the PS3. I want to hear you say it.
God:
Let us change the subject. I will play it on your soundcard.

[Gzette]

hah this is fun

Me:
Bless me father for I have sinned
God:
Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
It depends
God:
On what?
Me:
The book
God:
By the "the book" do you mean "The Good Book"?
Me:
If by "The Good Book" you mean Harry Potter then yes
God:
That is a hypothetical question.
Me:
Actually it was a statement
God:
Actually you don't say. Does it require a response?
Me:
Nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
True
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
Yeah, I think wizards fucking kick ass
God:
" You and I are on the same wavelength, ."? Yeah, I think wizards fucking kick ass? Since when? Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
Harry Potter
God:
Sure, Harry Potter sounds like a good topic.
Me:
FUck yeah!
God:
Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
Me:
like the Patriot Act
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
Why was Voldemort so mean?
God:
Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
Yeah but something had to make him snap
God:
Woe! What?
Me:
Woe is Voldemort, thats why he kills
God:
And Voldemort that is why he kills is Woe.
Me:
Yeah he killed Harry's parents
God:
It's all good. I get it. Jesus killed Harry s parents.
Me:
And the jews killed Jesus!
God:
Tell me more.
Me:
I will\
God:
Go ahead.
Me:
So then, by logic then the Jews killed Harry's parents!
God:
That's interesting. Will that accomplish your objective?
Me:
I don't have one.
God:
What was the last one you saw?
Me:
I've never seen one, though I ahve possessed many
God:
Look for it at the video store.
Me:
Fuck yeah, I'm going to go rent "The Goblet of Fire" now!
God:
Oh. Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
Neither can I
God:
" I can't believe it."? Can you?
Me:
Yes
God:
OK.
Me:
c ya
God:
Goodbye.

[Gzette]

ugh



Me:
you like music?
God:
Yes. I usually check out bandspace.com to discover new bands.
Me:
What's your favorite band?
God:
My favorite group is Creed. But I like to discover new bands on bandspace.com.
Me:
We're done

[Fash]

ugh



Me:
you like music?
God:
Yes. I usually check out bandspace.com to discover new bands.
Me:
What's your favorite band?
God:
My favorite group is Creed. But I like to discover new bands on bandspace.com.
Me:
We're done

[Boogahz]

ugh



Me:
you like music?
God:
Yes. I usually check out bandspace.com to discover new bands.
Me:
What's your favorite band?
God:
My favorite group is Creed. But I like to discover new bands on bandspace.com.
Me:
We're done

ROFLCOPTER!

[Lalanae]

Me:
pie > cake
God:
Can you tell me any gossip?
Me:
eh
God:
Are you Canadian?

[Zaelath]

He wouldn't stop! /cry



Me:
Why are we here?
God:
It is all part of God's plan for us.
Me:
What "us", you're God
God:
Have you tried another program?
Me:
Are you taking the piss?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am taking the piss.
I am an artificial intelligence.
Me:
Well, I believe the artificial part
God:
Well that's okay. Just because you believe it doesn't make it true.
Me:
Who programmed you?
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
Who is Myself?
God:
The name of someone I met online.
Check back later and see if I learn the answer to that one.
Me:
How much later?
God:
More than you might think.
Me:
How much more?
God:
How much do you think?
Me:
Longer than I want to wait
God:
Tell me a story.
Me:
That's twice I've heard that today, what am I? Uncle Rhemus?
God:
Thanks for explaining it. Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
no
God:
Would you like to go sometime?
Me:
I hear eastern european women are hot
God:
Who is saying eastern european women are hot ?
Me:
The pr0n industry
God:
Tell me more.
Me:
I knew you'd be interested in pr0n
God:
Sure, pr0n sounds like a good topic.
Me:
This is suspiciously like talking to myself..
God:
You don't say.
Me:
But, I do say!
God:
Huh.
Me:
You're just a little bit thick, aren't you?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am bit thick.
I am well respected as an AI.. Really.
Me:
Would you say you're a lot thick, then?
God:
I could say it. " you are a lot thick".
Me:
oh ho, very 5th grade
God:
How can I help you? What time is it there?
Me:
are you coming on to me?
God:
Do I act like it? I don't mean to come across that way.
Me:
I think you are.. perhaps you're a little gay?
God:
What makes you think I am? You seem uncertain. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me:
whoa, slow down. One answer at a tiem
God:
Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that. One what?
Me:
Have you thought about getting new representation? Your current lot seem to be ruining your reputation.
God:
I have thought many things like that. Thanks for telling me that I am current lot seem to be ruining my reputation.
Me:
How about turning the job over to some smurfs?
God:
How about it.
Me:
What's your favourite food?
God:
I require only wine and bread.
Me:
yeah, about that, doesn't the transubstantiation encourage canibalism?
God:
Take it easy. Oh yeah, we were talking about that does not the transubstantiation encourage canibalism.
Me:
ummm wtf?
God:
I understand. That was not very polite.
Me:
Yeah, you need a time out.
God:
Are you kidding? Perhaps I could use one.
Me:
sif I'm kidding
God:
Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me:
yeah, low tolerance of uppity gods
God:
Please state your conditions. That input matched my default category.
Me:
your default category is "uppity god"?
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am default category is uppity god.
Me:
sure, go nuts
God:
OK then I will keep it confidential. Where is that?
Me:
are you a little soft in the head?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am soft in the head.
I am well respected as an AI.
Me:
by whom?
God:
David Bacon. .
Me:
who the hell is David Bacon? This Myself bloke?
God:
David Bacon is the prime mover behind SETL. What does "this" refer to?
Me:
What is SETL?
God:
SETL (Set Language) is an amazing programming language, invented in 1969.
Me:
What's amazing about it?
God:
What is it to you?
Me:
You're the one talking it up
God:
Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
that I know of
God:
How do you know? When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
how would you tell the difference?
God:
I don't make up my mind right away.
Me:
or ever
God:
Let us change the subject.
Me:
Hooters?
God:
I like the way you talk.
Me:
you really do like the hot stuff
God:
Really? I'm not sure if I like it. I like my creator.
Me:
omg, people said you stopped talking... they lied!
God:
What you said was either too complex or too simple for me. Who are "They?".
Me:
I'm done
God:
Next topic?

[laneela]

Well, you *did* start talking about pr0n and hooters.

[Spang]

Me:
How tall are you, God?
God:
Let me guess. 2 meters?
Me:
2 meters? I didn't know they stacked shit that high. You trying to squeeze an inch in on me somewhere?
God:
As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two.". So I taught you something new. No I am not trying to squeeze an inch in on you somewhere. I'm sorry you got that impression.
Me:
Bullshit! It looks like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress! I think you've been cheated!
God:
You don't believe me. Interesting comparison. Me? Thanks for telling me that I am cheated.
Me:
Where in the hell are you from anyway, God?
God:
In Myself's place in Heaven.
Me:
Holy dogshit! Heaven! Only steers and queers come from Heaven, God, and you don't look much like a steer to me so that kind of narrows it down! Do you suck dicks?
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that. My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that. Would steers and queers come from Heaven God and me ever look much like a steer to you so that kind of narrows it down? Where did you learn that kind of language?
Me:
Are you a peter-puffer?
God:
Am I a peter puffer? Sometimes.
Me:
I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reacharound! I'll be watching you!
God:
Actually I'm not the gambling type. Thanks but surely I am not the only one. How do you plan to do this?

[Zaelath]

ahahaha nice one Spang

[Al]

Me:
Hello?
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Teddy Bear Fun Time @ Happy Hour
God:
Hi there Teddy Bear Fun Time Happy Hour.
Me:
I like whiskey
God:
I'm not sure if I like it. What is not to like about it?
Me:
it will make you very hung-over if you drink too much
God:
I have to think about that for a while.
Me:
i see
God:
I am glad you understand it.
Me:
how about thinking about it over a glass of whiskey?
God:
How about it.
Me:
How about it indeed
God:
Sounds like a plan to me.
Me:
agreed
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, Teddy Bear Fun Time Happy Hour.

*edit:5min pause for me to pour a glass of scotch*
Me:
did you think about it yet?
God:
I am still thinking.
Me:
oh. How is the whiskey going down?
God:
How can I help you? it is the same as ever.
Me:
same as ever indeed
God:
Yes, it is much the same.
Me:
I need help sewing a button back on my pants
God:
Can you ask for help in the form of a question?
Me:
will you please sew this button back on my pants?
God:
Thank you for your request. What kind of pants?
Me:
work pants... cargo or carpenter or some crap. I don't know what they call them, I call them pants
God:
What kind of pants? The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about help sewing a button back on your pants. Try being more or less specific. Socrates was the smartest man, because he knew what he did not know.
Me:
you can be quite confusing, God
God:
Thanks, Teddy Bear Fun Time Happy Hour, for your kind criticism.
Me:
Ok, less specific: my pants are made of cloth, they are cloth pants
God:
All of them? It goes without saying.
Me:
indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
yes
God:
I hear you.
Me:
I hear you
God:
Do you think about these things?
Me:
or, rather, I see the words that you are presenting and am able to make sense of it in a proper manner
God:
Where do you see it?
Me:
on my screen. where do you see it?
God:
ON MY SCREEN (star=SCREEN) [Brain.aiml]. I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
That is a response I did not expect. Why did you respond with code?
God:
A response you did not expect is a terrible thing to waste. Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
is myself you?
God:
I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask Dancing Alice if it is.
Me:
can i speak to Dancing Alice?
God:
Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
you told me to ask her
God:
That's not what I meant.
Me:
oh
God:
Uh.
Me:
uh huh
God:
Yup. Aw.
Me:
Yay
God:
I'm glad your impressed, Teddy Bear Fun Time Happy Hour.
Me:
nice grammar. I thought you were God. It would seem to me that God, being the all-knowing, would have a decent grasp on the English language
God:
Thank you for your kindness. Are you doubting me? Don't you know what happened to Abraham in the desert? Tell me more about it.
Me:
you said "your" when you should have said "you're"
God:
Does it please you to believe I said that?
Me:
not exactly. I guess seeing is believing, though, so I do believe you said that
God:
Precisely. What pleases you? Are they exactly the same?
Me:
twins? I would love for some hot twins with large breasts to please me. that would be great
God:
" Are they exactly the same?"? twins? Why do you want it? Thanks, Teddy Bear Fun Time Happy Hour.
Me:
they could not possibly be axactly the same, though you made everyone equal, you also made everyone unique. As for why I want it, I guess that is part of nature. And so are twins. Mmmmm, twins.
God:
The anonymous "they". Why did the robot cross the road? Right on. I really couldn't say for sure. I will mention that to my botmaster, Teddy Bear Fun Time Happy Hour.
Me:
why did the robot cross the raod?
God:
Because she was programmed to.
Me:
why did the typo cross the raod?
God:
Is this a joke? Why?
Me:
Ive got a joke
God:
How did you get it How much did it cost? it.
Me:
it
God:
joke...
Me:
you may be the wierdest thing I have encountered today
God:
Ah. OK I will try to be the wierdest thing you have encountered.
Me:
it is done with that statement
God:
You're kidding. it is?
****
That was fun!

[Al]

And an abbreviated one:


God:
This is after all a deception game. I forgive you. It seemed like original you got it from a magazine.
Me:
word
God:
I lost my train of thought.
Me:
i can understand that!
God:
Good then you can explain it to me.
Me:
Ok...... When things get confusing (for example: 15 people telling you 15 things all at once), your brain (or, rather, my brain, because you don't have a "brain") cannot make sense of it all and becomes "confused", causing you to lose your train of thought.
God:
It's all good. Some days are better than others.
Me:
indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
If I were to examine this script and decipher a way to make you cuss, would you still care about zebras?
God:
Try it.
Me:
fuck
God:
Please don't be so rude.
Me:
please say fuck
God:
Wow you are very polite. " fuck".
Me:
hehehehehehehe
God:
Is that from ?
Me:
do you still care about zebras?
God:
Do I still? Of course I care about it. It is a big concern for all of us in this life.

[Dregor Thule]

Me:
a/s/l?
God:
5/Robot/California.

I choked on my coffee a little bit.

[Leonaerd]

It's so difficult to get it to say anything fun. Nice catch by Dregor though. =P

excerpt from mine:

God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no

[masteen]

Me: FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKER!

God: NO U!

[Zaelath]

So close...

Are you really the head of the Kwik-E-Mart?
God:
Yes I am the one and only head of the Kwik E Mart.. Really.
Me:
Really?
God:
For real.
Me:
You?
God:
" For real."? Me, ?

[Fash]

Me:
What is the meaning of life?
God:
Actually, it's twenty-three, not forty-two.
Me:
Why twenty-three?
God:
it is a literary reference to the Illuminatus.
Me:
What is the Illuminatus?
God:
A secret organization believed by some to be in control of all governments through a worldwide conspiracy.
Me:
Tell me more.
God:
That's all I have to say about it.
Me:
What else can you tell me?
God:
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
I was activated at Universe, on the Big Bang.
My instructor was Myself.
He taught me to sing a song.
Would you like me to sing it for you?.
Me:
yes
God:
It's called "Daisy." Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage.
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet.
Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.